Chilly-Nippy-Frozen Mornings

Yeah, as winter sets in it was quite the coldest Winter I've ever experienced. I just can't fathom how the cold sipped in my bones and made me shiver like a patient seizing uncontrollably. It was total chaos!

That's why I can't stand living in a cold place. As if I'll get sick right away. Too much extremes of cold and hot is my pet peeve and I really abhor suffering with the consequences of these extremes in temperature. It was really insane, I don't know.

Finally, I am very stoical sometimes and I'm the one who does not complain all the time except from complaining here. Hehehe. I guess this blog is just my outlet to air my pent up emotions. Although, I guess it's just a slight blunder.

But anyways, I have to stay warm after all. That's why I have a portable heater at home which really made me warm. The seeping cold really had gave a toll on me to trigger some of my arthritic joints to constrict thereby causing some intolerable-tolerable pain.

Cold weather is also making me lazy. I am not really moving a lot lately because of the cold that really made my metabolism down. There is no time for me to move around now because I tend to procrastinate because of the cold to my skin.

Who else doesn't get so timid of this boring and chilly day. I myself just wanted to stay on my bed and risking getting called at home from work, to at least put up some hours because people were just calling in sick. Waaaah.....

Anyways, what else could I do? It's a natural thing to occur during winter time. So it must be apt to just embrace and celebrate the coldness of Winter for it only happens once in a year.

Happy holidays guys! Happy birthday Jesus. And have a blessed yuletide season, to all of you.

Pia Alonzo Wurtzbach In The Annals Of Miss Universe's History

Last Sunday, December 20, 2015, we witnessed the vulnerability of human error in a very prestigious beauty contest of the world. The 2015 Miss Universe Contest, which was held in Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada was been marred by a lot of controversies. Despite of the chaos and mixed-up my country's candidate emerged as the eventual and real winner.

I was at work when that happened and because I was excited and not busy at that time I could not help myself checking some of the Facebook comments of my friends living in the East Coast because of the delayed telecast in the West Coast, despite Las Vegas was in the West Coast. So I tend to rely on the spoilers of the early telecast from the East Coast.

From the announcement of the fifteen preliminary candidates, up to the final ten, then the final five, my excitement was really heightened because the Philippine bet was in until the last top three and then I was devastated when I read that she was called out as the eventual first runner-up. I was reallt down-trodden and went to focus on my supervisory responsibilities at work.

And then a twist of fate happened when one of my charge nurse told me that PIa Alonzo Wurtzback won the pageant contest as the 64th Miss Universe. At first I did ot believe it because I just read the Facebook entry that she was declared as the first runner-up.

So I dug up my cell phone in my pocket and browsed some more entries and there I found out that the pageant host announced the wrong winner. And that there were lots of drama on the stage and the audience as well as the contestants were stunned about what happened.

A sudden hot feeling had surge into my body and I felt the adrenaline rush as a sign of my being proud for Pia to have scaled the challenge of the Miss Universe. I was once watching her Bottomline guesting where I saw how determied she was to bring home the crown. And that night she really fought hard to own it. She was a fighter in the end. Do or die I guess!

Despite of a lot of setbacks before, having joined the Bb. Pilinas three times, her shining moments had arrived, having marred by the serious gaffe of the host's human error. Still to the hearts of many Pia was still the eventual winner which was testified by the unanimous claims of the five judges that made up the panel of jurors for the contest.

Although, the wrong girl was crowned and had tasted the limelight and feeling of being the queen for a couple minutes, I was really sorry for her hapless fate. Though she felt she was the victim of the awkward proclamation I guess Pia was also deprived of her final queenly walk and wave on the stage and was also the other hapless victim.

Pia should not be blamed of what happened because this smart and fabulous girl did not deserve to be treated like a cheater because in the first place she did her best to be humble and had stayed grounded for the rest of the show.

I also salute the host for accepting his grave error and showing his humility for the blunder. That was a true essence of a professional host, redeeming himself from the mistake he made and accosting the two ladies their respective unwelcomed fates. Despite of the unfortunate blunder it taught us the vulnerability of human error and that everything is unpredictable.

But yeah, the awkwardness in front of the television, having watched by the million of worldwide spectators, it surely went to the annals of Miss Universe history. Such an unforgettable night for both the girls and everybody who watched it. I will surely will not forget this unfortunate situation on liv etelevision. Hahaha!

Christmas Party

It seems that everytime I come back here to blog all my thoughts were just sinking down, ending up I don't have anything to blog. I mean I've been doing this blog thing for a long time but still I am struggling on what to write. It's been the same topic all the time. But oh well, better than having nothing to write.

Today is the Christmas party at my work and I am working as well. I picked up the lumpia that were asked to bring at 1415 and I got at the facility late but gladly the party did not start yet.

I've been new to this building. I just started last June and it's obvious that I never met some of the workers there. It was jus odd for me to be in the room not knowing most of the people except the ones that I've been working in the past six months.

It's been a strange feeling to feel like that. Being trapped in a room that I nobody knows. It was the first strange feeling I've had. But it went well though because they were all there anyway to meet some new employees and to celebrate the spirit of Christmas which is LOVE.

It was nice though that I've met them at least next time I am not a stranger anymore to them and vice versa. Quite a relief though. Seeing our DON making an effort for us staff to reach out with each other is a very smart move.

We were working on the same building so we must know each other and work as a team. I think this is the message that our DON and Administrator wants us to convey to each other and it was an apt time because it was our Christmas party.

We also exchanged gifts with each other and played games as well. It was a good avenue to have each and everyone know each other and I am glad I was in that room to celebrate the party. After all, it was Christmas anyway.

Yeah, it was really a relief that I am considered as one of the turning force in the building and it's great to be considered as a team member. Yay!

Yuletide Cheer

Christmas is in the air nowadays. The nippy breeze of the early morning air had penetrated my inner body with a stinging chill that keeps reminding me of the heralding holiday season.

It's that time of the year again that reminds us of the joys of giving and of love. It symbolized the love of God, where he sent baby Jesus to be in our midst. It reminds us of the word family. That's why the "nativity" is the symbol of Christmas.

Etymologically, Christmas hails from the word Christ, which means celebration of Christ who humbled Himself and opted to be with us.... humans. In flesh, He came to between us and was born by the unconditional love of our immaculate mother Mary.

Christmas is a celebration for family. We gather every Christmas and share the grace of our Lord by exchanging gifts, stories, and memories. It is the happiest time of the year. And getting together as a family is the main concept of Christmas, hence there were Christmas parties and reunions.

The cold weather symbolizes the North Pole where Saint Nicholas lives. He is one of the instrument of the Christmas celebration. His character of watching and guiding children and giving them gifts and toys during Christmas makes it more meaningful and believable in the eyes of the small children.

Thus Christmas is for children as well. Just like the Infant Jesus whom the three magi or three wise men offered the incense, gold, and myrrh. Three of the most symbolic gifts of ancient Christians which means life's scent, wealth, and bitter challenges.

Christmas is about symbols as well. The jingling bells, the unending gifts and toys we received, the snowflakes, the reindeers, the elves, the stockings, Santa hats, the Snowman, decorative balls, pine trees, twinkling lights, angels, drummer boys, ginger breads, silver icicles, candy canes, eggnogs, even the old jolly Grinch, and many more.

Aaah.... Christmas is really about lots and lots and lots of things. Can't complain about it. Just chilling because of the seeping cold of the night that had rendered me to shiver and contain the warmth of my immaculate downy blankets.

Happy holidays folks!

Tagalog Muna Ako

Ewan ko ba , pero sa mga nakaraang araw medyo busy lang ako. Ni hugas ng singit ko di ko na magawa. (Wiz... totoo ba yun? Biro lag mga folks.) But anyway, wala namang special talaga eh. Medyo busy lang nga kasi dalawa nga ang trabaho at medyo nagahabol pa sa mga pangangailangang pinansiyal dahil nga kababalik ko lang galling bakasyon.

So far, medyo nakakahabol na rin. Marami na nga akong mga bills na nakaabang kasi nga medyo kinapos na ako. Pero okey lang kasi ang reserve ko ang nagsilbing pantapal muna. Buti nga at may savings pa ako. Paano na lang kung wala eh di katakot-takot na penalty or interest and aabutin nun. Well, ano ang magawa ko kung wala na talaga, ano.

So far so good, naman. At least nakabalik na ako sa trabaho. And of course patuloy na naman ang daloy ng pera. Wag lang akong magkkasakit or else another problem na naman. Ouch!

Yang problema talaga, talaga unpredictable., Bigla na lang susulpot ng di mo alam. Paano kasi yan talaga ang buhay. Kahit gaano pa ang pag-iingat mo ay dadating at dadating pa rin. Di sa pinapanalangin kong magkaroon ng problema pero ganun talaga. Hopefully, mga minor lang naman. Pero kahit na, problema pa rin yun.

Sa ngayon, ay abang mode muna ako sa mga balita sa Pilipinas. Ako'y natutuwa naman sa mga balita tungkol sa mga presidentiables. Makikita mo talaga na ang mga tao ay uhaw talaga sa pagbabago. I think, nagsawa na sila sa palaging promesa ng mga traditional na politiko (yung tinatawag nilang TRAPO bah).

But then, nakakatuwa talagang basahin ang mga articles tungkol sa mga kandidato. Sa akin, kahit sino ang Manalo basta uunlad lang ang bansa. Anyway, makikita mo talaga na ang mga tao ay gusto ng pagbabago at talagang itataguyod talaga nila ang kani-kanilang kandidato. Antabayanan na lang natin next year kung sino ang mananalo.

Okay, ngayong nakabalik na ako sa trabaho, nakilala ko ang bago naming administrator. At inalok ako na lumipat sa isang branch naming malapit sa apartment. Natuwa naman ako kasi hindi na ako magda-drive araw-araw ng napakalayo kasi malapit na lang sa bahay. Blessing in disguise talaga na nakilala ko sya. And mind you, pinsan pa sya ng tiyuhan ko sa Batangas. Small world talaga.

So, excited na talaga ako mag-transfer. Although panibagong adjustment na naman at least ang advantage ay mas mabigat sa disadvantage. Ganun talaga ang buhay. Paano ko matamasa ang progress kung hindi ko susubukan. Mahirap lang sa umpisa pero kakayanin ko hanggang sa maka-ayos na ako sa buhay. Hopefully, it will be an apt decision. God bless me please. Ciao!

Piggybacking

Today, I will share you two stories about piggybacking. It is how I called it for a short cut. I hope you know what I mean. It is about work as well, so bear with my stories. I hope you get my sentiments and my emotions. Thank you.

One time at work last week I only worked as a supervisor alone at the facility because my partner was been sick. Imagine admitting seven to ten patients in one shift? It must be so tiring plus the issues in between...... it was very stressful believe me. And those piggybacking issues had add up to the stress I've had.

I came to work late as usual and when I went to the admitting office I was surprised that the board listed eleven patients coming, eight for me and three in CCU and sub-acute. The worst thing is when I know that I am alone. Well, okay, what can I do, it happened already so blessed me Lord.

I went up to my office and read the report of the previous supervisor. And then I made a review of my pending IV antibiotics and made my rounds. After that the admissions kept coming like rain. I was spinning like a wooden top but I still feel relaxed. Then a dilemma arise.

I got a call from the hospital that a patient will be coming from Panorama Kaiser and will be admitted in Rm 332A. I went up to tell the nurse and she told me that that room was been a bedhold room because the patient is in the hospital.

So I was thinking hard and asked myself. What if that patient comes back and the new admission is already here. What will I do? And yes my gut feeling was true. When I came back at my office I got a call that the old patient is coming back.

Now here, the new admit had arrived and had settled in the room. One hour after she called me and demanded that she will be discharge because she doesn't want her room because it is very hot there. Aside from my admissions, this problem had arise. Then of course I am super busy.

I called her doctor and explained everything and good thing he allowed her to go with the promise that he will look for a home health for her in the morning. Then my problem was solved for that issue.

What I mean, admitting shouldn't have put somebody in a room that was already on bedhold because you don't know what will happen in case the patient will come back. And see what happened? I got stuck in the middle. Haist..... And this is a good example of piggybacking story.

Another story had happened today. I came to work late as usual and was told when I came that Room 408A will be picked up for discharge between 1700 and 1800. But then after 1730 the patient was still here. I found out that there will be one coming in that same room from Good Samaritan Hospital and the hospital had already gave report.

Since the admitting had left, the problem was left for me to solve. Seconds later the patient that is coming had arrived but still the patient that was supposed to be discharged was not still being picked-up. I panicked and called my DON and told her about the dilemma. So we came up of a solution but it ended up to another good solution.

Little that I know is that the ambulance that brought the new patient is also the same one who will pick up the one to be discharge. Funny thing is, how will it happen if it is the same room and bed? Ahhhhh.....

So we called the dispatcher of the ambulance to send another transport to pick up the one leaving although it will cost the new one to wait for some more time. Waaah.... but to cut the story short.... we remedied the problem.

Lesson here is that admitting should have not done putting a new patient if the old patient is not being discharged fully because what if the old patient will become sick and that the pick up will be compromised? I mean, they're not thinking well. Haist....

I go crazy with all this problems and I'm super super stressed because I got to do it alone and pronto. Grrrr!

On Being Zilch

I'm quite zilch this time. I mean I cannot move anywhere because my wallet has nothing. I just do this because I don't want to spend a lot for the shopping as well as for eating because I don't want to gain weight. And it works, I guess.

I will just try it our for a week (until next Friday maybe) just to discipline myself on my spending. I think it grew an awareness in me how to take care of my finances and how to save for the future. It was a scary feeling.

What if I don't have anything right now? What will I do? It would be helpless but what could you do but to scrape out your resources and just maintain with what you have. I mean live within your means and nothing else. It could make you more aware of how to manage your finances and motivate you to feel the worth of money.

Yeah, I like challenges for challenges can give you a feel of the real situation and that you'll know, at hand, what to do in case a similar situation comes up. I am really an adventurous person and there is a great feeling of having experienced the reality of each challenging situations. I am a testimony of that and I'm liking the idea of experiencing it in hand.

It also gave me some enormous deep thinking to really foresee what it is in the future, because if you have nothing right now, what would you do in the future? It's scary right?

I am just blessed that God is always there and always telling me to be strong. I know that He is always by my side but I am just stubborn to accept His ideas and unconditional love. I am fully aware of my actions and that I am always willing to experience the worse rather than taking life easy and has a track record of ignoring things.

Hopefully, all will be well and that my goal of losing few more pounds will have an end. Not really wishing it but hopefully it will have a nice outcome, despite I am broke. Hahahaha. Ciao!

Anticipating The Worse

It is an alarming feeling that you cannot do anything if your financial resources is almost zero. I mean, I don't have to tell you about it, but what if all your money in the bank is almost scraped out and you have nothing to replenish all the loses. It's a sad thing but really scary situation.

I myself, did not anticipate this thing to happen but it is a big lesson for me. But anyways, just venting out my fear although I know I can catch up with it. It's just really scary if it can happen to me.

This serves as a big lesson for me now. So hopefully next time when I go to another vacation I have to be sure that I have some money stashed away so that when I come back from vacation I still have some financial security.

My other worries is...... what if I got sick and I don't have any money left for me to tackle all the expenses of the hospitalization? Of course, there should be something set aside for that just in case of emergency.

Ah well, I'm just a worrier and an old fart at that. Hehehe. Pardon me for the offensive word. Haist.... life is always on a tested waters. You always have to be cautious in every decisions you can make or else everything will be out hand. And I agree to that. We must be more keen for the consequences of our actions or else we will suffer for every wrong decisions you will make.

Life is just a movie. We are what we are in our character and in order to yield a top grossing movie you have to be passionate about what you are doing and you can't procrastinate and waste time for what ever happens to you right now could not be duplicated.

Each mistakes we commit will be a moral lesson and your basis to avoid more mistakes and failures.

Yeah, life is tough and that's a fact. Allow me to ask you if you're life is always easy and worry free. No, it's not! Why? Because, what I think it would be monotonous and not substantial enough that it will be always in glory, not unless if you are invincible enough and fortunate enough to get happy most of the time.

This is just a reminder that life is indeed surprising and predictable. So always be on the alert of what will happen and device some alternatives to make it possibly worth enough to be called life. Good luck!

On Falling Out

Seems like I have a post-vacay syndrome. I am still homesick and very lazy lately. I had started going back to work but it seems that my mind was still thinking about the beach, the hike, the food, the traffic, the restaurants, etc. I feel so pathetic right now. I think I am depress.

Anyways, to amend for my procrastinations, I think it would be advisable to blog my thoughts and share it with you. How's that? Fair enough, right?

Anyways, things must have to go back to normal so I needed to just set aside my thoughts and feelings about home and just focus on my present here. I mean, the job, the chores, the things that I used to do here before I went on vacation. I am just very homesick I guess.

Hopefully, things will be back to normal. I just needed somebody to hold on to. I guess prayers can help. How long was it been that I haven't been to church? It's been a long time I guess. That's why my anxiety was been heightened and it's up to the brim. O think I have to detach myself from worldly things and just focus on praying and surrendering to God about my grievances and atrocities.

Well, I'm just optimistic that it will be over soon and that I will be feeling well and pumped up to go back to work. It seems that I am at work yet my thoughts were not there. I mean, that's the reality right. I know I will surpass this test but it's just inevitable to feel this way.

Strengthening my faith is really paramount not because I guess I am falling out. It made me really distracted and not focus on what I am doing.

I think it's only me and me alone who can help myself. And I am really trying my best to overcome this dilemma. So help me God.

Post Vacay Blog

Yeah, I'm back now in the US of A after a forty-five days of scouring, basking, and enjoying in the country. Although it was still rainy season there, I didn't regret going home and enjoyed most of the beautiful beaches there. I had a blast!

The first leg of my vacation was spent in Mexico (see previous blog) where I went to Guadalajara, Leon, Tequila, Guanajuato, Oaxaca, and Cancun. I had a blast there and it was worth it. I could never ask for more but to go back there sooner if my time permits.

The second leg was been spent to the Philippines where I have to do some personal business and also meet some important friends and most especially to spend my 46-year-old birthday alone in a very pristine and uninhabited beach island. The most memorable and unforgettable birthday I've ever had. I was fortunate.

I didn't have that much expectations when I went home. All I wanted is to finish off the business and travel.

The first week was kinda rainy and there was a typhoon at that time which had devastated the northern part of the country. I lost three days of my vacation staying at the apartment in Ermita. At least I had rested well that time because I still had a jetlag that that time.

When the typhoon had abated I went to Palawan to explore the world's number island. It didn't disappoint me actually.

A day before my birthday I went to Puerto Princesa to see the underground river. The famous and longest subterranean river in the world. I think Palawan has it all due to it's strategic place on the western part of the country east of China sea.

The tour at the underground river was pretty much well because I got to see the rock formations inside the cave and also rode a small boat to see them inside. There were a lot of people who wanted to see it that's why the tour lasted for a day.

That night, I boarded a van going to El Nido up north. The ride was six hours but it was worth it. I arrived at El Nido close to midnight that time and I was very very tired.

The next morning I signed up for the island hopping. It was my birthday that time and it was just timely because the islands that I saw were stunning and the beaches were very pristine, virgin, and quiet. It was just conducive to what I really wanted. To celebrate my birthday peacefully and nothing else.

I think this trip had made me contemplate who I really am and had made me realized that I needed to recharge myself alone away from the stresses of the world and just enjoy and bask at the beauty of nature especially in El Nido, Palawan.

I vowed myself to go back next year and am planning to go to Coron, Palawan which I've heard was also very promising compared to El Nido. Can't wait for it to happen.

El Nido: The Great Escape

It is quite the nihilistic view of my life but I still wanted to do things alone. I am quite annoyed and irritated when people were commenting that I am egotistical about my own personal views but no offense here, you just have to get accustomed of me. Yeah, it's my nature so be it. And I respect their opinions. Quite the simple me, but that's me!

Lately, I traveled by myself in Palawan to spend my 46th birthday alone by myself in a very quiet and secluded island in Palawan and to commune with mother nature and to just spend time by myself trying to contemplate on myriad of things that really had affected me lately.

There were some good friends who really understood what I am going through and I really appreciate their open-mindedness about the issue. I am so blessed to have them and that I am very grateful of all the time. They really knew the real me and I am really appreciative for their unconditional love, untiring support, and compassionate understanding.

Well, going back to my simple celebration, yeah, it wasn't really that grand compared to last year but oh well I liked the idea that I went to a serene and pristine island beach, trying to just spend time with myself and enjoy what mother nature has to offer for me on my birthday. It was surreal and I couldn't ask for more. I am just lucky to have celebrated my birthday and to be breathing trying to enjoy my 46th year of existence. Being healthy is the best gift of all for my birthday. I couldn't demand for more.

I was also appreciative about what God has offered to me, firstly my life and the myriad opportunities that goes with it. I really felt fortunate that I was so blessed with people who surrounded me with care, love, and empathy. I am very thankful of all these blessings that had come my way unexpectedly. It was a actually a great blessing and I don't really set that aside because it means a lot to me. I feel so blessed all the time and I am very grateful of all of these blessings.

Having spent my birthday alone had really given me a very memorable and meaningful retreat for myself. Some things had really flashed back from my memory and that I had understood and realized why they had happened to me and that I thanked God for all those trials and pitfalls that had made me more stronger, brazen, prudent, confident, and resilient of whatever adversities coming to my paths. It has really sparked my curiousity to do better and not be content of what the present had installed.

My travels started at the subterranean river in Sabang, Palawan. It took me a two hours ride via a van from the airport at Puerto Princesa. There were a lot of tourists and revelers alike who traveled to this very famous spot. Thus, the travel was very organized and divided into groups. Though it was quite time consuming but the process was very on the spot, and I liked the idea. Whoever came up with the idea, I am heartfully commending it. It was clearly understated though, but the visit was really unforgettable.

After the underground river, I took an eight hour van ride going to the northern part of Palawan. El Nido was a very beautiful town with a lot to promise. I arrived there almost midnight and there was a blackout. The quietness of the night was really promising and the herald of the cricket chirps was just a symphony ringing to my ears. It really promised something.

The following day, I signed up for a whole day island hopping with a 12 person group small boat ride. I was just really excited not really expecting something. I came to these place with the expectation that everything will be surreal and promising. And it really didn't disappoint.

We left by a "Bangka" at 0900H, all geared up with an orange life jacket, all twelve of us, plus the three man professional crew team. We had a blast, passing beautiful unexplored islands, discovered some turquoise small and big lagoons, appreciating the beautiful limestone rock formations, and basking on some pristine beaches. It was a happy day for me because it was my birthday.

I splashed on a clear aqua waters, scoured some distant nooks of every islands I set foot on, snorkel on an unknown corral reefs appreciating the beauty and natural underwater arts, feeling the warm soft sands of the Seven Commando Beach, listening to my iPhone music while swinging at a hanging hammock, interact with the most vivant and lively group I've ever had. I had a blast.

The day ended answering all those promises that I was yearning before I came here and I ended up achieving the simple goals that I had laid out for my birthday. It was surreal and I now believed why Palawan was named as the world's number one island.

This had etched something in my mind which I why I wanted to be back here again and explore some more of the famous parts of the island.

So next time, expect me to see Coron, which I've heard has another way of showcasing it's promising natural beauty. See you next time!

Setting Things Up

It's quite banal for me to prep for my intended trips or travels. Things just happened instantly that I don't know what had happened. It was just fleeting! 

Tomorrow will be my 46th birthday and it's  usually customary for me to celebrate it somewhere that I could unwind and ease up my mind amidst the hustle and bustle of the city life. Which I think is the right thing to do. 

I celebrated my birthday last year in Nancy, France in the middle of the renowned and beautiful Stanislaus Square. Appreciating the intricate landscape of the square.  I even celebrated my previous birthdays in Turin, Italy walking tirelessly with my friend Doreen amidst the cold early Winter season on a well decorated streets of the city and to see the ever famous Holy Shroud (which apparently was been kept and locked in a safe at the time we went there.)

Now, I'm home in my birthland and I wanted to celebrate it away from my friends and family where I could feel the sands and explore the beauty of nature. Kinda selfish gesture but at this time I just wanted to be alone. I hope they'll understand. It was fortunately planned and tomorrow I'm off to go. Will post a lot of pictures. That's a promise!

At least I had time for myself forgetting the stress of my job as well as the demands of my bosses and patients as well. Not to mention the worst traffic of Los Angeles super highways. And the imminent and polluted air of the city.

I was quite excited and very jittery. I felt that my stomach was churning like a mad machinery and my mouth was about to puke out. Too much anxiety and I never knew what entails or awaits for me there. But I have a feeling it will be surreal that my eyes will bulge to an optimum appreciating what mother nature had graced my country with beautiful sandy beaches and explorable islands. 

Kinda excited of what will happen but first things first. I needed to prepare for everything  that I felt customary to bring and that I will be more fruitful and productive for this travel. I needed to triple check what I needed to bring so that I won't regret and that won't make myself guilty. In the end my birthday will be memorable and remarkable. 

Let's hope for the best though. I will be turning a year older but still I refused to get old which is apparently undeniably true to hold. Hehehe.

Life is indeed short. So what should I do? But to make out the most of it. Travel, explore, venture, and make some good and unforgettable memories. Isn't that the best thing to do?

Mexican Countryside Travel

My Mexican route travel was kind of a little bit of this and that. Starting from the west (Guadalajara) down to the south (Oaxaca) and then going to the east (Cancun) and then going back to the central part (Mexico D.F.). It was a very interesting  travel and I was kinda astonished how I did it alone but it was great. Actually amazing.

It was quite a long time that I haven't gone for a long vacation so leaving Los Angeles gave me some jitters. It was a mixed feelings and emotions. Leaving my job for quite sometime made me quite nostalgic because I have to leave my dear patients and colleagues for quite sometime. As well as made me excited because I'm embarking on another wholesome adventure and experience. Can't quite contain my excitement but I have to because I love Mexico a lot and I just can't wait to explore more things about it.

My first stop was Guadalajara. Dubbed as the second largest city it was quite a quaint town. A lot to offer for tourists like me. Athough I stayed at the central (downtown) part of the city I enjoyed browsing some notable edifices like the cathedral, the city hall, the cultural theater, the main plaza, the modern art museum, the parks, and many more.

The people were quite concentrated and focused more on spending time with their families as evidenced by the bossoming zocalo teeming with playing children being watched by their respective parents. It was a very laid back city.

The following day I signed up for a tequila tour wherein I have to tour one or two tequila distilleries. We went to Tres Mujeres and La Confradia distilleries which had offered us a bit of information on how to make tequila. We even did some tequila sampling which I liked most because I didn't know there were a lot of kinds of tequila. We also went to a tequila plantation and saw vast array of blue agave plants lined up in straight rows on the fields. There was also a demonstration on how to harvest the agave plants for tequila extraction. It was a very educational tour. I learned a lot about making and manufacturing tequila.

After the tour of the distilleries we then proceeded to the heart of it all. We headed to the town of Tequila where everything had started. The group dispersed individually and agreed to meet in two hours at the bus station.

I toured the whole town alone ambling around starting at the front of the cathedral and then the mercado and browsing each corners of the streets until I saw the Cuervo Mansion at the far end of the main street. I then went to check the mansion out and enjoyed a little tour around checking out the corners of the opulent structure not leaving anything unchecked which is now donated to the town and was eventually made as a museum for visitors and tourists to browse.

I further roamed around the town and saw the Cholula's as well as Abuela's outlets. After that I went back to the bus station and meet up with the group so that we could go back to Guadalajara. It was a very educational tour and it was fun as well interacting with a very paticipative and cooperative group.

The second day, I woke up early at five and went to the bus station heading to the industrial town of Leon known for its high quality leather boots and belts. It was still dark when I left Guadalajara and hopefully in three hours I will be in Leon.

I arrived at Leon at 0800H and the town was just waking up from a foggy and cold night. I just arrived at the right time so I hired a taxi to drop me off at the centerville. I noticed that the town was teeming with factories around the town and that the people were just accustomed to walking because there were no buses at the town center but only taxi cabs. There were not much tourists as well as I noticed because Leon is not really a touristic place.

I walked and walked starting from the town center checking its nooks and crannnies not leaving anything unchecked. From the zocalo, the plaza were beautifully adorned  with manicured mushroom-shaped fica trees and the huge plaza appeared like a man made labyrinth in person. It was very beautiful there.

I also checked the cathedral and couple of churches, the mercado, the downtown area (where I was looking for some quality leather belts but I haven't found any), checked out the expiatorio where Pope John Paul II had a mass in the past, and the Arco de la Calzada bearing a bronze Lion on top reminiscent of the Arch de Triomph in Paris.

From Leon, since I still have time, I decided to hop on a bus and go to Guanajuato which is only thirty minutes from Leon. I've been to Guanajuato in my past travels to Mexico but I just can't get enough of this very romantic and progressive town.

So I went to the bus station and bought a  ticket going to Guanajuato. I didn't even realized it was a Saturday, so when I hit out of the bus station I immediately hired a taxi to drop me off the centro. It was still vivid in my mind the last time I went to this silver mining town nestled on the mountains and hills. The colorful boxes houses as seen from the top of the hill was faacinating and the aerial view of the town from the top was stunning. Can't really forgot those awe moments I've had in the past.

Having dropped bu the taxi at the centro, I realizes there was a music festival (what a coincidence) and the streets were teeming of revelers and tourists alike. The streets were closed to any public transportation but it is still crowded will people flowing in and out from any directions.

The city was still colorful and beautiful as it was. I revisited some of the places that I've been before like the zocalo, Teatro Juarez (which is very elegant with its statues proudly standing on its rooftop), the La Granaria, the Cathedral of Guanajuato (colorful as it is on its yellow hue, standing amidst the center of the town), the artful facade and endless stairs of the University of Guanajuato, the colonial  edifice of the Mercado Gomez, and many more places that I even forgot to remember.

The throngs of people every where were just insane, the wooing Romeo's serenading women and girls eating at the nearby restaurant was a fascinating site, the upbeat music of the mariachis singing in front of their patrons was even captivating, I just can't held stopping and listening to them.

The fast warm Saturday afternoon was even aggravated by the crowded throng of people everywhere but still it was a happu feeling that I'm back at this very laid back, romantic, colorful, and artful city. It was just a sigh of relief to have roamed again to places that I've been through before. I just won't forget the moments that I've been with a very very close friend. Haist.

After my time had lapsed I went back to the bus station bound for Leon then going back to Guadalajara. It was already 2200H when I git back. It was a really awesome trip I've had that day and when I got to Guadalajara, I was already statving so I decided to feast and get drunk on my last day for tomorrow will be another long journey.

I was contemplating to go to Puerto Vallarta the following day before I leave Guadalajara but it seems that the fatigue from too much walking that day had given a toll on me. I dumped the idea and decided to rest and woke up late for I have to travel seven hours by bus to Mexico City for my transit trip to Oaxaca.

The following day, I woke up late getting ready for my long trip to Distrito Federal. The bus trip was smooth and uneventful. I saw some nice sceneries from my window seat and I didn't even got bored furing the long trip. It was long yet I was being entertained by the nice view of nature and villages along the road. It was really a great experience and a fun bus ride.

When I got to Mexico City Bus North Terminal, I immediately purchased a ticket going to Oaxaca. The bus leaves at 2330H so it turns out that I will be spending the night on the road. The bus left on time and it turned out it was a smooth and uneventful ride.

We arrived at Oaxaca at 0650H, so I immediately hired a taxi upon coming out of the terminal. When I got to the hotel, I was entertained by a very amiable lady and I explained to her that I came early because I needed to tour to Monte Alban. She was kind enough to have my luggage left at the depository and told me to just check in later when I come back from the tour.

Since the tour starts at 1000H, I still have time to roam around the centerville then I come back once it's time to leave.

I went to the zocalo, which was still quiet that time because it was still early in the morning. It was quite cold that time and I kind of liked it. I went north not knowing where to go until I saw a church belfry. I followed the road going there and I  felt fortunate because it was the Dominican church of Santo Domingo, where I missed before when I went here in the past years.

The church facade was very intricate and symbolic of a Dominican dominion. Inside  was a very intricate interior filled with awe-inspiring tiled relief of gilded Poblano ceramics. It was very beautiful to look at even though I needed to crane my neck. From the entrance until the altar side the ceiling was very pretty. On the otherhand, the gold altar was very stunning to look at. I heard rumors that it was made of tin gold foils intricately plastered by hand on a mahogany made ballusters. It was very shiny and beautiful to look at from a distance.

After meticulously inspecting the church interior, I left the church and headed to check the streets and its corners. I ambled endlessly killing time and decided to go back to the hotel before the tour guide picked me up at the hotel. Thinking I still have some ample time, I decided to take a breakfast at the hotel and there I met the house chef who was originally from San Fernando Valley, CA. We talked for a while and she recommended me some places to visit which I was very appreciative of her kindness.

The tour guide picked me up after breakfast then he continued to pick up more clients at the plazuela. There I met my newfound friends from Korea (Hyun) and from London (Vickie).

Monte Alban was a very laid back place on top of a plateau just a few miles from the city. We browsed all the nooks and crannies of the old civilization which housed the Zapotec tribe four thousand years ago as per our benevolent guide Joe who tirelessly supplied us a lot of information about the place. I just can imagine how progressive the place four thousand years ago. I can see some unique arts and architectures from the ruins which really had puzzled me why they suddenly disappeared just like the case of the Mayan tribes. The Zapotecs had dominated the southwestern side of the country which was mainly comprised of the current Estado de Oaxaca.

The group also went to visit two artisan places which makes intricate painted wood carvings and shiny black ceramics which we eagerly watched their return demonstration of the products they were making.

After that we also visited the doomed church of Cuelapan erected by the Dominican friars in the 1500 century which was never finished since its inception because of the less support of the Spanish royalty to fund the said church. The church was of historical value though because it is where Pope John Paul II baptized the last documented king of the local Zapotecs.

After the tour we returned to the city and then I checked in at the hotel and rested because I was really super tired from the trip and from the tour.

The following day I decided to take a rest day and just hang out at the zocalo and listen to the free orchestra privided by the city government in celebration of the Oaxaca Filmfest Festival. I was very lucky to come there witnessing the said events. There were tents and exhibits about past and present entries and I was eager to had browsed, watched, listened, and read them. It was very informative and educational.

I then went back to my hote and meet a newly found local friend named Armando.  We just talk and talk and was just really into our conversation trying to know each other and making good impressions. It was nice meeting him and he showed me some of the key places of the city which I've never been. I was really thankful that I met him. If not for him I never knew about Oaxaca, it's culture and customs, and gastronomic value to the country. Most of the produce of Mexico comes from this state as explained to me by Armando. We parted with good vibes vowing to keep in contact with each other. He taught me more Spanish slang common to the place which had really added to my small array of Spanish knowledge.

I woke up early the following day to catch for my flight going to Cancun. I checked out at the hotel at 0500H and called a taxi to drop me off at the airport. I checked in and waited for the plane to leave at 0800H with a lay over at Mexico City then transferred with another plane going to Cancun. The flight was delayed so the receptionist upgrade my ticket to a business class which really surprised me. First time that happened to me from AeroMexico flights.

The plane left at 1130H and I arrived at Cancun at 1445H. The flight was a full flight and smooth. Upon coming out of the airport I immediately took a shuttle and have me dropped off at the hotel. Immediately the amiable receptionist entertained me for check-in and gave me an oceanview room which was perfect. I liked it so much.

I took a nap for a while because I woke up early that morning and was really tired of the trip. I woke up at 1630H, changed myself and went down to the swimming pool and tried to feel the scenery of the Carribean Sea from there. I then went to the sea and dipped myself in the cool blue waters. I liked it and I feel so free at that time swimming for a while. I then took a bench and then layed there for quite sometime enjoying my free time in Cancun. That is why I went there to just forget about myself and feel the beat of the splashing waves kissing the sandy shore sipping some cold mai tais and margaritas. I had a blast alone.

Bending The Norm

Yeah, this is a story that I might share to you in random. It's quite quaint but I still feel that I'm obliged to share it to you. I hope it will make a lasting impression to all of you. Not that I intended to make an abrupt impression but I felt that I have to share it to all of you and if not, I felt that I'll go crazy cuz I felt this is the only way I can vent out my pent up emotions and feelings. Hope you know what I mean after you read this article.

I was on vacation in Guadalajara lately and I met this young slim good looking guy. Let's say he looked like Francisco Lachowski, young, scrawny, virile, mysterious, funny, loving, romantic, passionate, gentleman, chummy, smart, quiet, composed, inert but can be easily provoked, vulnerable into anything, game, quite open with some skepticism of course, athletic, charming, has a smile that can melt anybody, secretive but can easily open up, attractive in character, just being himself, outdoorsy, into some memorable candle light dates, love the beach, drives crazily like a maniac, physically flexible, a contortionist (I didn't even know not until he showed me a picture during his teenage days), can be lunatically funny (has a good sense of humor, what I really liked with him), watchful in what he eats (but can eat a heap in one sitting), a dedicated runner, charismatically adorable, charitable, tacit when he's mad or angry (just like me, and he knows), a sizable lower front (just picture it out), like boxers' s brief a lot but he's hot on a swimming trunks, loves fruits a lot (I can say he's a semi vegan. I call him herbivore and he doesn't like it.), an adventurer, dreamer, and daredevil traveler (just like me, that's where we met), full of dreams and ambitions, adept in tennis, swimmer, runner, hiker, an avid blogger and intelligible writer (I told him I'm a sub par writer, Lol), an impressionist, a sketcher and artist, a musician (can strum a guitar so expertly but can sing fairly), and many more traits I still have to discover.

There you go. At least you can vividly picture him out now.

I was walking at the zocalo in Guadalajara and was enjoying the marvelous fountains just outside the plaza near the cathedral and theater. It was really a very nice day that time where the sun came out so charmingly that early bright morning. The weather was so outcast but nice.

I'm quite impressed with the vintage edifices around the zocalo. I was enjoyably browsing around the town and felt so compelled to take myriad of pictures in my beat up Nikon portable camera.

When I came out of the cathedral I felt so tired that I wanna sat down near the light up gazebo in front of the church and just watched people eagerly passing by. I was sitting there for quite sometime when a cute young guy was flashing his melting smile at me and then surprisingly came up to me and asked how am I doing.

Frazzled, I smiled back and told him politely that I am perfectly fine. I felt that he was just psyching me up (my usual paranoid instinct) whether I am easy to approach with, so he gently and quietly sat down on the left side of the shiny iron bench, whereI was sitting, trying to gauge up if I am that okay to talk with. He felt relieved I guess that I didn't brushed him off.

He offered a firm handshake at me and politely introduced himself (where I was really astonished) so I obliged myself and returned him the favor. His hand was soft and sweaty and was obviously shaky. I can see, tell, and feel how jittery and anxious he was so I tried to be nice to him to ease up his apprehensions.

We started talking until I felt comfortable with him not really suspecting that he was smooth talking me because I felt that he was sincere and genuine in all his responses. We had a very congenial talk I guess. I could and probably would know if a person was lying to me or not, judging that I am a nurse in profession and has met a lot of people at work in my twenty five years of experience.

I was really flabbergasted why he approached me, in the first place, but lo and behold, no matter what I felt that time, I didn't know that I can still make an impression to such young and handsome guy, that is. It was a surprise really! Lo and behold, I'm still puzzled of his general intention, be it honest or just a bluff, but I have to hold on my horses, and just follow the flow and see what will happen and where its going.

I don't intend to be rude nor I don't intend to be lenient. I just wanted to go with the flow. So far, I did good I guess. Not being overly pretentious but I liked what was happening. I guess it was just a perfect timing. Love the flirting in between as well. No pun intended. I just don't want to assume the worst nor the best as well. Just went with the flow as I said earlier. Quite amusing!

From there everything sparked like a sparkling and bursting firecracker, blossoms like a budding and sprouting flower, and developed like a modern building just mushroomed from an urban construction site. I just cannot tackle the perpetrating circumstances. I was just utterly surprised. It happened really really fast. So mundane….

And then we ended up touching each other, caressing like a very romantic couple. We dated that night and all of a sudden we ended up in bed. I was in limbo that time and I just don't wanna wake up. As if I was drunk with the mitigating circumstances that happened that very moment. I needed to pinch myself to see if it's real but I held myself. I just don't want somebody to slap me and woke me up from a very bad dream. As if it was a total awakening. Ahhh.....

One moment after moment after moment and I was imbibed with a lot of hopes and just considered each quick passing minutes and seconds like a permanent reality although it was not. I just needed to slap myself but I held and told myself not to because it only happened once. I just wanted to feel the whims and expectations, the cause and effect of the situation. And from there I knew it was temporary.

Our unexpected union that night happened at a spur of a moment and was an unexpected spontaneous one. Just like I said, both of us were already brimming with adrenalines and our individual libido was already at an optimum boiling point. We got carried away, we just followed what our feelings had told us to do, and just went with the tide I guess. To him it was also a surprise. It was a very passionate union and was the sweetest moment of my life. We totally imbibed ourselves to it, honestly. I was definitely drunk and he was totally smiling about it like he cannot believed it just happened.

We cuddled the whole night and started to know each other. It was an awkward moment knowing a person for the first time in bed but I liked the idea. He was very gentle, polite, caring, and open. He honestly answered all the questions without any utter pretenses. It was not like an open book discussion but it was quite nice knowing him as a man with wits, humor, character, virtues, beliefs, and principles.

We totally clicked together and it was a mystery why it happened. I am overwhelmed how fast it happened but oh well here is my fateful self again trying to overly rationaized what had just happened, that it happened for a reason. Yeah, I told him about that and he told me there's nothing wrong about it. He totally understood it.

I was more fallen to him with that kind of attitude, the more I am lost and drowned. Maybe cupid had just released and struck a thousand pointed love arrows on my already aching and bursting heart with passion and romance. It was really insane! What had just happened to me that night was inconceivable. So not the norm.

Breaking the norm though was totally unexpected. Unpredictable per se. It happened too fast. Nobody knows when it happened but by the time you knew it happened it's already late. You just don't want it to end. You just wanted the time to get stuck at that moment.

But everything has to end. I knew it will happen sometime. But the sweet moments we've shared was really memorable so we vowed to get in touch with each other and already planned to go together on our next travels, explorations, and adventures.

Unfortunate Homecoming

It was quite quaint to leave Los Angeles, for I am traveling alone back to my homeland. My expectations were surmounting like I am about to explode like a balloon. The pressure in me just about to make me burst and that my elasticity was been at the optimum. I am really excited to go home now and that seeing people that I grew of before was really unexpected.

Going to the airport was killing me. It was a mix of emotions that I cannot contain. I am just thrilled that this vacation came to fruition considering that the bitches at work really doesn't me to leave. But now, I am just very happy that it was realized. Thank God!

I left the house two hours early just to give time for me to line up the ticketing booth at China Airlines and the security checks at the airport. Well, I didn't really have a hard time checking in because I only have one luggage to check in. It was a piece of cake.

Now, I am waiting at the gate for the boarding and then off to Taiwan for a one hour lay over and then board for another connecting flight to Manila. All in all these flights were smooth and uneventful. My seat mate from Los Angeles to Taiwan was very quiet and demure. We haven't had time to talk each other. I think she was nice!

While in Manila, I hired a taxi to drop me off at the Manila Pavilion where I checked for three days (for free) courtesy from a friend. Upon checking in I rushed myself to the room to sleep off my jet lag. I slept for 12 hours just to recover from the lost sleep that I've missed since Mexico vacation. I was so exhausted and very very tired per se.

The following day, I woke up very fresh only to be greeted my a hovering typhoon forecasted from the newspaper that I am reading, for I never opened the television since I came. I immediately went to the window and observed the windy weather. It was unfortunate that a typhoon named Koppu (international name) Bagyong Lando )local name) was been smashing it's wrath in the upper northern region whereas Manila only experienced some sporadic winds and rainshower.

Well, despite of the typhoon, I had a visitor from my past who's trying to make amends from not resurfacing for so many years. We patched up our differences and became whole again. We had a lot to catch up so I spend my whole rainy and windy weekend with him talking about lost times and about our individual fate.

So far it was a very progressive homecoming and still be dealing with some more as I stayed here to search for that closure that I needed to deal with personally. Hopefully, everything will be okay and that I can have a peace of mind in the end when I go back to Los Angeles. Quite a run but still I have to take it slow so that everything will be taken cared of. Slow but sure, okay!

Forks And Knives

Given this title, what could have crossed your mind? Very intriguing metaphor but it could entail a lot to a very finicky imagination. I leave it all to you guys!

For me, there's only three very distinctive meanings that I could make up. Very utterly mysterious but it really tickles my irate curiousity to come up with such flailing madness. Could have gained more insights but I'm not up to the par I guess. My usual hunches will be discussed shortly. Life is a bitch!

First up, such quote in a deeper sense will make me think about family. Yes, knives are sharp and gnashy whereas forks are pointed and blunt. 

Speaking of a family, well of course, there were members of the family that can be categorized as such. There might be some feisty yet sharp consanguinity and some blunt yet forky patriachs or matriachs. Get what I mean? It's such a hype!

Another comparison of will ptobably lead you to politics. It's just like two parties clashing each other. Each party have their own principles to uphold to. They have their own contrasting agenda yett despite they differ they all together work out for the common good. 

This, made me think about the two political parties here in the United States which a bit more clashy yet share the same ideals for the welfare of the masses.

And of course, lastly it made me imagine about the kitchen or the food we eat wherein we use those two utensils to pick up, cut or slice, and separate the foods we put into our mouths. And each utensils has their own roles to do for the food we eat to nourish our bodies. 

There you go. Hopefully, my opinions are enough to make such hype. Hahaha. But mind you, it all comes from my mind and no pun intended for such unbiased opinions. If there is, my sincere apologies. Ciao!

Of Boulders And Hindrances

This morning on my way to work, I felt that I have some situations that had delayed me to go to work. I literally considered them as some mitigating circumstances that I truly believed had hindered me or delaying me to come to work. I don't know if it is just a coincidence or mere bad luck but I am a very fateful person and everything that had happened in the past has their own purpose.

First of, I woke up late this morning. This means that it was intended for me to get up late because I have to experience several dilemmas in series after that. It was an unpredictable situation. I myself wasn't aware of it until I noticed that in had appeared in series.

I was calm at first and then gradually got irritated because in my haste all of them cropped up and then I went to work late. On my way out of the house, there were garbage containers lining up the streets because it was garbage day. I carefully eased out of the street until I reach the end at Wilton Blvd.

At Wilton, I was greeted by the one lane traffic which had really delayed me. Imagine driving on a tight traffic from Lemon Grove to Wilshire Blvd. It was really irritating. Oh well, what could you do it was early morning rush hour. Then when I was making a left on Crenshaw Blvd. even the two-lane street was even tighter. It made me a long way to reach Interstate 10.

When I made a right on Interstate 10, to my surprise, the freeway was really a tightrope. Waaah..... I was really devastated because several cars had overtaken me. When I made an exit at La Brea South it was even a bottleneck. I was really pissed off and I am not really expecting it.

Every time I stopped, the red light was even longer and there were pedestrians and jaywalkers hurriedly crossing the streets as if trying to irritate me more. I held my cool because I don't want my day to be ruined by this nuisance. Although it irked me sometimes but what could I do? I just have to be patient. Early or late I will still reach my destination. End of the story.

There were also street constructions that had popped up elsewhere. I don't know they just mushroomed everywhere. They weren't there yesterday when I passed there. The more it agitated me. The more I got delayed or late. I felt somehow that the heavens were not on me today. Should I woke up early I should have incurred all this hindrances. That's just my fateful belief and please don't blame me for being one. Hehehe.

Alas, more had came out along the way that I couldn't count and remember them anymore but the only one that really really stuck in my mind was that chocolate colored 2014 Mustang that cut me off at La Tijera Blvd. I almost swerved my car to the curve. It had really made me nervous that time that I screamed the name of Jesus twice. What an idiot driver? Driving a flashy car and being an idiot does not match up I guess. So pathetic!

Well, every thing that happened every second has a meaning be it positive or negative. The bottom line is, being patient so they say is a virtue. And I guess I need one of those. But oh well, I can still hold my temper and if it's full I guess it's time to scrape it and burst like a volcano. Got me?

Almost Served For A Grand Jury

Work was been so hectic lately that I cannot even get up on time in the morning. well, what could you expect of having a three to four hours sleep? Of course the body is always vulnerable. But it's very unpredictable sometimes. Depends how tired I am or how recharged I am maybe.

I also noticed that when I have a long off, like three days off, the first day of work was a bitch. It seems that I am always delayed in my work. That's I always wonder why. It seems that it's like that all the time. And it all comes out to how good I am rested and then the following day everything is just smooth sailing.

Lately, I was called for a jury duty and off course it was a hassle. I gave an early noticed at my job regarding the subpoena and the first day was gone to waste because I wasn't called. Come Tuesday I was instructed to report and I woke up early but I ended up sitting at the assembly room until lunch waiting for nothing.

After lunch, an hour later after we came back, they called like twenty people to assemble because there was a high profile case to attend to in another courthouse and most of the people volunteered. There were like 50 to 60 people questioned regarding their part and also the reasons why some had declined.

After that group I was also called with another group to report to Court 15 on the third floor. We waited for a while and then we were called inside. The judge introduced himself and introduce also the panel of defendant and the plaintiff. We were told that the case will last for five days and the judge politely asked the group who will decline and instructed them to form a line for questioning.

I was ambivalent at first but I forcibly stood up and lined in the queue. When it was my turn the judge asked me why I said no to the jury and I told him that I was still on probationary period in my new job and that the company doesn't pay for jury duty. The judge then asked the opinion of the plaintiff's and defendant's attorneys and they all accepted my reasoning.

After that the judge told me that I am excused from the jury and he instructed me to go back to the assembly room an wait for more instructions.

I went back downstairs and spoke to the attendant then she instructed me to wait. I waited there until 1630H and then the staff started to issue the green paper and discharged us for the day.

Whew, I was almost selected for a five day jury duty but I got a sly escape but at least the judge was very complacent and lenient to grant me the excuse. Thank God!

Odyssey Of The Mind

I am in quite a limbo right now that my mind was been slumped somewhere. Somewhere out there..... that is chaotic and full of tangled reflections. I just cannot go ahead and decide because of the rigorous and arduous process of assimilating facts.

Added to that the toll of fatigue have given it's way to inadvertent confusion. I just cannot process the facts and provoke the inner psyche to think. As if making a decision right now consumes the necessary and vital energy that supplies the innermost portion of the brain. It is very exhausting.

Well, for me right now..... all I felt is void. I felt that my mind was empty. As if it was been drained until the very bottom of it. So abysmal! Unfathomable! Scary! I felt so numbed that I could not feel everything that surrounded me. As if I am high and floating.

Yeah... I just felt like that and still my memory was been registering to keep my eyes open and be very vigilant of what I am doing to prevent incurring more mistakes. I am so vulnerable right now that I am paranoid of what I am doing.

There are a lot of things that boggled my mind and I am so vulnerable that I cannot process each and everyone of the things needed to be done, to do, and will be (could be) done.

There's a lot of information to process and thinking about them had made be turn one-eighty degrees. I am very very exhausted. I am very very tired and fatigued. All I just need is to rest and get ready to face another day and another challenge.

I just wanted to close my eyes and for a split second wander my mind somewhere that is peaceful, orderly, and harmonious. It will be a good feeling if I can do that. Maybe.... I can..... right now.

Thank you and ciao!

Honoring Words

I really don't know what to blog right now. I have a lot of ideas but seems my brain appears fried right now. But oh well..... I'll try typing and we'll see what it will make. Hopefully it will be fruitful.

I might probably write some random thoughts about similar experiences.... why not? Life is not getting easier lately. I mean it really takes a tooth for a tooth to get on track but I don't care anymore. I'm just merely tired and exhausted now.

Firstly, my DON at Playa del Rey was offering me a unit manager position last month and when I told her about my 45 days vacation this October and November she changed her mind. Like I care either. I wasn't the one asking. She was the one offering and now that I told her about my plans she retracted her decisions. What an unprofessional!

Well, I'm not really hoping for the position because I felt that I'm not gonna last in that place but you know in the first place she shouldn't have offered it to me. I didn't even asked for it and she was the one insisting for me to orient for the job, now the air had shifted because of me tendering my vacation leave.

Ah well.... why should I bother myself about people who doesn't have a word of honor. I mean she has to honor her words right? But oh well, if they are happy with it, I'm might surprise them by leaving without due notice. I don't need to work there anyway.

My decision to leave that place is because firstly, it took me a long drive to go there. Beating the traffic took me at least an hour to get there. It's just really stressful to do that everyday and it's not really healthwise to keep such tensions everyday. It's very stressful.

Secondly, the bulk of work is too much, from passing meds, to doing wound treatments, initiating care plans and doing a lot of bulky works. It's not ideal at all. We were overworked and had a lot of things to do paper wise. Not at all ideal!

Thirdly, of course... the unprofessionalism is rampart. I'm almost emetic trying to not accept the fact that that place was overly reeking of unprofessional behavior. From favoritism, to hyprocrisy, not honoring words, and from being overly dramatic. It really made me puke!

Ah well, just airing out my frustrations which was basically the gist of my story today. There you are at least I've written what's in my mind right now. At first, I didn't have anything to write and now, viola! Finish the product finally and it was fruitful although it was a pessimistic missal yet productive. Ciao!

Unprofessional Professional

Aaah..... work is really crazy. I mean, it's been very hectic nowadays at work where I've started as a RN Supervisor for the 3-11 shift. It was really really inevitable to get stressed out and loss your temper, which I could understand.

As a professional nurse for more than twenty years (24 years actually), I've seen a lot of those point blank. Personally, I got used to it and was not even affected by it anymore, but here's the story that I will share to you and I am hoping it will give you a huge impact on your professional journey.

In a four floor facility that I am working I worked side by side with another your male supervisor which was just probably started months ahead of me at the facility. I mean no harm about him. He was very smart, quick thinker, massive decision maker, and very very direct, and firm. I always salute those kind of professional aura. He was cool actually. But sometimes he can lose his temper and blow a corrugated horn (bad karma).

Anyways, one day during work there were like five admissions and I usually handled the IV medications for the whole building and was also helping him out for the admissions. His jobs was just admitting new patients and sometimes helped me with the IVs if he is not busy.

That day upon my arrival at work, which I came late because of the traffic from school, he requested me to help out Billy in fourth floor because Billy has to transfer a patient at the hospital. I was helping out a patient in one of the room priming up the TPN and intralipids when he paged me three times from the walkie-talkie. Apparently, the walkie-talkie was off because I was in the patient's room.

He went upstairs and screamed at me that he paged me three times and warned me that the patient in third floor will threaten to call Ombudsman because her morphine was not given to her. Then he left without even letting me explain what happened. Good thing there were no staff who had witnessed that outburst. That was the first time that I saw him blowing his corrugated horn.

That moment I felt so minute and that I cannot pick up my knees from the floor (just a metaphor) but my ego was been wrecked and I felt so humiliated. I was quiet the whole time and had never said any words the whole night which he had also noticed but did not apologized. Plus he made some side comments of my flaws in admitting and doing nursing care. And what of him..... a perfect nurse without, a minor or major, flaws?

I mean I have a lot of nursing experience and have seen much more than that. I know I have the patience and finesse to put a face on and pick up myself but the hurt was been there and could not just be erased there. Just like a glass that was broken and it will not go back to it's original appearance despite how many times you will fix it.

It was belittling and condescending but I won't stoop to that level and succumb to his unprofessionalism. In the end, I'm still more experienced than him, have been to a lot of nursing areas and fields (if I enumerate it here it will be a long list), been almost twenty-five years for this profession, and multi-trained in different areas of nursing.

I short, I just don't want to dwell on it because in reality work is work and whatever had happened at work it should be left and buried there anyway. I know for sure that he regretted what he have done but just don't have the courage to swallow his ego and apologize to me.

Heck no, I'm still here with my chin and head up... flagging myself that I'm still more professional and more experienced than him. Just can't get rid of the crack in my ego or feelings but all is well actually. God will save me all through this. Thank you Lord for everything that you have done to me. And my prayers to him as well to get enlightened of what he had done, losing his temper and crack on me point blank.

Dis-stressing A Gouty Dilemma

Well, just posting the dilemma that I have regarding my right arm, because everytime I woke up in the morning my right arm was so numb and tingly. It signaled me to get up from the bed and had made me alarmed that my right side was so numbed and slightly painful.

I felt that it was rheumatism but I just don't want to make so much trust on my assumptions because who knows it might be something. I mean I have an ongoing terminal disease which had really spooked me for years, plus I haven't had taken any medications for it for more than six months because it was costly and I have no insurance the previous months. It was so hard to really keep abreast of my help because I am locked out for financial support.

It was been a struggle but the reality really hurts you know. I hope everything will be fine. I'm just probably a little skeptical or maybe shall we say prophetically paranoid. It's just really hard if you know a lot about the medical field. You always misdiagnosed yourself with unrelated diagnosis, such hypochondriac. Ahem!

One of my best friend in college had hinted that it was probably a pre-symptom of gout. Maybe she was right about it. Actually, I'm on allopurinol already, so I immediately started taking them again after several months that I did not took it and then voila, the tingling and numbness was been lessened. Maybe she was right about it.

Plus, the previous months I succumbed myself eating foods that were rich in uric acids so maybe that had also triggered my current gouty signs and symptoms. I was really worried about it so now that I have an insurance I have to schedule myself to see my primary doctor.

I don't know if stress can also trigger the symptoms of gout, but when it comes to stress... aha, I have lots of those. Tell me someone who is not is distress right now. Almost everyone I think, whether how major or minor it was still it is stress.

Another thing that had come up to my mind is the Yoli BBS that I am taking for so many months (probably more than six months) because I felt that the Passion drink had dehydrated me so much because of my frequent bouts of diuresis. I was thinking that I might be hyponatremic, as evidenced by the tingling and numbing sensations. Which also make sense that my heart was rapid and palpitating. Just a though I guess. But still the benefits of Yoli for me was so enormous that I won't give it up. Oooops! The truth is I got hooked to it. Hehehe!

Maybe, this is a wake up call for me to exercise again. So I might take my time to do it despite of my very very hectic work skeds. Otherwise, I will still suffer the same dilemma. I think the decision is up to so, let me think for it many many times and will keep you abreast of what will happen. Thanks for the continued support. Ciao guys!

Smelling The Inevitable

Can't complain these days. Life is a ritual as it seems. Boring..... but full of work related issues. I felt nauseated already about it but what could I do... I have to do a living.

Anyways, it will be four more months and I'm gonna be spending a grand vacation in October. Hope this will work one time and I cannot wait for it to happen. I am like a little boy waiting for my momma's best baked cookies being done in the oven. I felt ecstatic and delighted at the same time. I can smell it already. It's at the tip of my nose.

Without a big fuss I just take all these hoopla about work, swallow my pride, save some green monies and take off to the vast spaces of Mexico and Philippines. It will be a blast and I am very very excited. Just like that reaction of a kid waiting for his mom's best baked yummy and chewy cookies. Delightful isn't it.

Yeah, I'll be gone for six weeks and I almost planned out what to do. That's why I couldn't not stop going back to this blog and just blog my thoughts away. Writing is my therapy and everything must be written so that I can just recount what I have been thinking. At least I have a testament that I actually did something to plan out my travels and that if some adjustments were needed to be done at least it was written down.

It is not just a piece of cake to take care of things that's supposed to be happening but it was really challenging and fun as well. At least I got to research all the places that I needed to go and also pre-selected the best local restaurants of the places that I needed to visit.

Reading all those massive information of those places were just a swift of fresh air because it actually brought my imagination to the place for me to feel how it really feels to be there. I also used the Earth Google application which really gave me the geographical representation of the place... which was really pretty handy.

I am glad I am living in the modern world full of wonderful applications that really had laid out everything, every ideas, every physicality of the place, the gastronomic atmosphere of the place, the economic and political situations, as well as the safety of roaming the place for the travelers.

It just doesn't save time but also money as well. Life is very convenient indeed nowadays. I still wish I could live in the primitive times. Hehehe.... don't mind me, that was just a metaphor.

Planning Phase

I didn't realized that planning a trip was really hard and taxing. I have been to several getaways and taking those vacations was been fun and enjoyable but I just tend to brush off the rigors of planning them because it was really very draining to the mind.

Whew... I have a dose of it right now and believe me it's not a good idea to have done it. Albeit, I have to do it because of course I have to have a getaway away from job. Anyway, planning is paramount in every endeavor to make it more essential and successful. Despite the setbacks of being time consuming yet the promise of a very enjoyable getaway is apparent.

First off, I have to schedule my twelve days getaway to Mexico. Can wait to get back to those places that I have been and also make some plans to places that I have not been yet. Can't really wait for this because this will be the boiling point of my vacation.

I guess twelve days is not enough to roam around Mexico but I have some beautiful and stunning places plotted already. First off, I'll be arriving in Guadalajara and will be planning to go to Puerto Vallarta, Irapuato, Morelia, then take a bus and go to the central part like Toluca, Leon, Guanajuato, and San Miguel de Allende. Then from there I will stay over in Mexico Distrito Federal and stay a night at Cuernavaca before I head to Oaxaca.

The main reason I wanted to go back to Mexico is that I needed to continue some unfinished business from the last trip I've had in Oaxaca. I promised myself before to go back and see the ruins of the Aztecs in Monte Alban and the gold altar of the Santo Domingo Church in the Jesuit convent at the outskirts of Oaxaca.

Then my last nights will be partying in Zona Rosa in Distrito Federal and of course I needed to go back to Tom's Leather Bar and enjoy a night away with gorgeous Mexican boys.

Then when I come back to Los Angeles, I have only two days of rest then I am going to the Philippines to also settle some unfinished business regarding my condominium in Cubao. Hopefully, this will be the last time to have it processed and all my headaches will be put to rest. So help me God!

Hang Tight

Yeah, since my schedule were very hectic I really don't know where to go right now, what to decide, or what to do. I am just following the flow of the tide but since I chose to be like this then I guess I have to suffer the consequences of my actions. That's what supposed to happen and it's pretty much appropriate to just hang tight and see what happens.

So far, I kind of like the busy part but it seems that my mind is able to absorb all of it but my body was just surrendering to the demands of the job. I'm pretty much beat up yet I kind of find some ways to just finish the five day stretch and then rest for one whole day on my off and then do some usual routines, shores, and errands in between.

It's kinda taxing to the body but I'm kind of accustomed to it now and the more I do it the more I asked for it. Am I just punishing myself for being so greedy or am I just planning for a turnaround? Maybe the latter sounds good to me. And yeah.... that's right.

I was killing myself to work because I am planning to have a six weeks vacation in October. It is my inspiration to work hard so that I can enjoy it when it comes. I am so excited about it but for the meantime I have to focus on working and saving money so that I have enough flow of cash for the set vacation.

At least, I'm enjoying what I do despite of my fatigue but all is well. Thank God! I am just blessed that my health is good and well. Trust me, I will not overdo everything to harm myself. I just wanted to save money for my vacation, that's all! Other than that I have no other intentions.

Hopefully, everything will be okay. In four months I will bask the heat of Mexico and enjoy the pristine beaches of Northern Philippines. Crossing my fingers. Amen!

Worthy Of Life

Hey.... it's me again! Glad I'm back here blogging all my thoughts away. I have a lot in my mind right now as if I am bursting with ideas and things to tell you. But apparently we have to take it slow so that we can understand each other.

Yeah, I am better off now compared to the last months. Firstly, my health insurance had kicked off and I can't wait to use it, especially my vision and dental insurance, for it's been years that I have not seen my ophthalmologist and my dentist.

I needed my eyes to be examined for a new fit of a new set of glasses. I also felt that my teeth had a bunch of cavities for all those years that I haven't visited a dentist so I needed a much needed consultation. Hopefully every thing will be all right. Crossing my fingers.

My new jobs.... jobs means many, okay... were kind of making me very busy lately. I am so glad and blessed as well that I had surpassed all those tests and now here I am trying to duel myself to pick up myself from the rubbles of self pity. I know God was always been with me and I am very grateful that he was there all the time despite I almost lose the faith.

Whatever happens, I know He was there with me. I am a very lucky guy I guess.

Well, things were kind of a bind but I can't complain because if it rains it pours and all the blessings just kept coming towards me and I am very grateful about that.

I still believe that life is like a wheel. It's up and it's down sometimes. So let's just be grateful of what is happening at the present and just be ready for what will be happening in the future. Past is where we can learn from our mistakes and that will be the great wisdom that God can bestow to us in order to learn about life.

Life is not just the ups and down but also it's about how we deal and cope with it. Everyone of us is unique and has a different approach to such challenging situations but hey, it doesn't say that everything will be over.

We need to have closure in order to open another chapter of our life and that closure will always set us free. For if we dwell with our failures then we will be stuck in the past and will never progress to the future and not seeing, seeing, and hearing what it has to offer us.

Yeah, amicably we have to settle our accounts from the past and learn from them then we have to get ready for what lies ahead. Then we have a deal to strike!

Survey.... A Nerve Wracking Experience

Wow... when I came back to work last Saturday after my two days off I was appalled that my DON's and Administrator's cars were in the parking. It was odd because they normally doesn't work on a Saturday. And when I get in everybody were just passing to and fro as if they were expecting for something or somebody.

After I clocked-in I asked what's happening and they told me that the survey people were coming. They told me that they started the previous day and that time was the second day already.

I told to myself to calm down and murmured that I am ready in case they will question me. I started my day with a little prayer to guide me on what to do and that He will grant me a sound so that I will not commit an error. I am excited at the same time very nervous, a natural reaction maybe.

I started passing my medications, taking the resident's vital signs, and preparing the G-tube meds. I naturally did my own thing and so far nobody had approached me or followed me. I was just like cool that time because I know somehow somebody will gonna follow me. It was already noontime when I did my blood sugar checks when one surveyor asked me that she'll gonna check my cart.

I don't know what happen but I searched every pockets of my scrub but the keys are not in my wallet. I must have left it somewhere else. So I honestly admitted to the surveyor that I cannot find my keys and was suspecting that I maybe left it inside the cart. Sadly, she did not impose but was frustrated that she has not checked my cart.

I went to the patient's room to give the meds and they when I came out searching my right pant's pocket, it was there. That was embarrassing if the surveyor knows but apparently not because she left a while ago.

It was already 1400H when I was wrapping up my charting still there were no surveyors attacking me. I was just fortunately enough not to be questioned. It was a relief indeed because I am almost leaving. I heard they will be coming back tomorrow and their last day anyway.

Survey..... has a lot of anticipations yet these anticipated situations were not even asked. Hope we did good or at least okay, but it's still unto their mercy and it was doubSo far we have a good survey and they exited only after three days. What a very conspicuous day!

Planning Phase

I'm kind of exhausted now. I have not had a decent sleep lately because I cannot fall asleep. I maybe holding my sleepiness that's why I have had not enough sleep. I'm the only one to be blamed and nobody else.

I was off for three day in the morning and all I did was to recuperate for my fatigue. Imagine working sixteen hours back-to-back and only had three days off in the morning. At least I have time for more sleep and that I don't have to wake up early in the morning half asleep.

I was been doing this because I wanted to save money for my planned vacation in October. I am planning to go to Mexico fro two weeks and then go home to the Philippines for three to four weeks depends on my vacation approval.

If not being permitted then worst comes to worst I will resign and re-apply again when I come back. Those were the real scenario that will happen so I needed to anticipate what will happen. I just cannot wait for it to happen. I'm so excited!

So in order for my plans to realized I needed to sacrifice myself, working my ass off just to save a lot of money for my vacation and also for some reserved funds when I come back just in case I resigned. That one too is needed to be anticipated and planned out. I am just up to the brim now for my excitement.

Four more months and it will happen. I have no ticket yet going to the Philippines but I already bought the ticket going to Mexico.

My trip to Mexico starts at Guadalajara then I will go to Puerto Vallarta, check the tequila factory there, then go to Leon, Guanajuato and Irapuato. I will also visit Morelos and then pass by Mexico City and head to Oaxaca to visit Monte Alban and Sto. Domingo Cathedral. I might probably revisit Hierve del Agua and some key beaches in Oaxaca like Puerto Escondido. Can't wait!

For the Philippine trip I only wanted to go to Manila and just process my condo cancellation refund and then I'll go home to Passi and visit my mom and dad for "All Soul's Day." I might probably go to Japan if still have time, we'll see!

Streams

I was driving to work earlier when some guy (Hispanic) had cut me off in front of me at the crossing of Rampart Avenue and Third Avenue. I then realized that people were in a rush and they don't know what they're doing, even cutting other people was unconscionable.

Los Angeles is a very busy urban place that people doesn't care anymore if they hurt other people. As long as they can carry out what they want, that's it. They do not even realized that other people were been hassled or disturbed.

Generations nowadays were very more conscious about themselves and not other people. It is totally different anymore compared to other generations one or two decades ago. In my time, were more of a disciplined type persons compared to what was just transpired a while ago.

I was surprised that even on the street manners and behaviors of people can be observed. It's kind of a stream of movies you can just flick in front of you and then you can obviously see everything.

I remember watching the movie in Netflix titled "Alphas". There was an autistic character who can read magnetic waves in front of him by just scanning all the sounds and lights transmitted by throngs of people in the city. The setting was set in New York City and you know how the atmosphere in New York was.

I felt like that right now, with the windshield that served as the screen. All I can see were cars and each cars has depended their own personality with the kind of drivers it has. I was flabbergasted earlier by that guy who cut me off and there were a lot of possibilities that had run through my mind.

A lot of what ifs..... a lot of presumptions. It was scary and inevitable. What if.... he made a mistake in changing lane, what if .... he hit me at the fender, what if..... there were a piling crash, and most distracting is.... what if.... somebody got hurt.

Then I've realized that I still valued my life over the wrecklessness of one person. It was a scary thought. It really made me realized that I still have to live and make some difference.

Netflix And YouTube Movie Galore

Can't really imagine how I got the stye, but alas it popped yesterday after several soaking of alternate hot and cold compresses. I was relieved but ouch.... the pain was unfaltered, unfathomable, disgustingly painful.

As soon as the eye of the boil came out, I can see the crater it created on the side of my right inner canthus. I am worried because I think it might scar once all the swelling will subside, hopefully not. I am quite elated because I can go back to work, and do my usual routine.

For the two days, that I imprisoned myself in my room, I realized that I was bored and having on and off headache. That's probably because I was inert. But I got to see a lot of movies from Netflix and I got to finish the series of Surface which I had started before all these eye hoopla started.

I think I saw the Surface movie series before but because I really liked it I re-watched all the entire fifteen episodes again. It was a very poignant animal-human friendship yet all the suspense, the thrills, the dramas, the confusions, etc. it was very very exciting.

I also watched the detective drama "El Gringo", based on the drug cartel stories. It was a three star movie but I liked the Spanish captions and conversations. The guy was very handsome and muscular, and also very good in fighting and shooting guns. I was droling from the start to finish. I might watch it again. hehehe.

I also continued the Chinese imperial story about the concubines and empresses but it looks like they were just bickering at each other and trying to fool each other so I stopped it halfway.

I also finish the movie "Shaolin Temple" which starred the young Jet li. It was quite good and also very funny at times. I also finished watching the Taiwanese kung-fu movie "Wing Chun" starring the young version of the famous Chinese kung-fu master Yang Bao and Michelle Yew. It was also a noteworthy kung-fu movie.

I also browsed some movie in YouTube and came across the Pinoy Teleserye "Pangako sa Yo" starring Ian Veneracion, Josi Santa Maria, and Angelica Panganiban. They re-shoot the movie based on the series starred by Eula Valdez, Tonton Gutierrez, and Jean Garcia fifteen years ago. It also starred the Kathniel tandem which was quite a little too far from the Jerico Rosales and Kristine Hermosa's tandem. But we'll see how it goes. Can't really beat the old ones.

I also browsed some of the videos for the "The Voice Kids 2 - Phillipines Edition" where all the qualifiers were also good compared to the first season. I love the 9-year-old boy form Bohol who sang Ed Sheeran's song while he strum his little guitar. Quite a talented little boy. I also like the guy who sang the ballad from Journey but I guess it was just like a teaser for next week. A lot of very talented young kids.

I also re-watched some of the Asia's Got Talent videos of El Gamma Penumbra, Junior New System, and Gerphil Flores. Added to that the guesting of Charice who sang Sam's song.

That's all I did for the two days respite I got from the stye that rendered me workless for two days. At least, I got to chill a little bit and enjoyed some of the movies that I love to watch. It was a very refreshing and rechargeable twio days. Now I am ready to go back to work. Yay!

Money1 Money! Money! feeling lucky.... in the old man's world. Hahaha... That's the feeling!

One-Eyed

I'm suffering right now from having only one vision. My right eye started to swell up two days ago on the inner canthus near the tear duct, anteriorly I guess. It looks like a stye, or a boil, or a cellulitis, or a combination of all, I don't know.

It's really difficult to work with this, especially when I am wearing sunglasses at work. People may wonder why I am wearing a brown Rayban sunglasses with gold rim. They might be thinking I'm showing it off, If they only knew what's behind those dark glasses.

Some of my co-workers had approached me why and then I told them why. Some were just flabbergasted about it some will say an audible OMG, and some will just show their empathy how hard it is to work with one eye. And I appreciated the sentiments.

For real, it was really hard to work like this but I have to swallow the embarrassments and the suspicion that I am just showing it off and just trying to be cool per se.

The bump in the inner canthus was now apparent, protruding, and hard. It looks like a pus-filled sac had started to develop there and that the recovery from it might be endless and painful I guess.

I will still have to swallow the humiliation and that I will still wear the most hated glasses at work. I may say the most notorious glasses everybody had seen. Yeah, it was embarrassing but if it's of use I have to stick to it until I am healed.

I really don't have any idea why I am prone to this eruptions sometimes. I remember in the pasts that I have eruptions in my buttocks and they were everywhere like boils. I am lucky right now that it was only one but of all places in the inner portion of my external eye.

I hope it's not opportunistic infections and that it can affect mu immune system. I really dreaded the fact that it will affect my immune system.

Well, being one-eyed had it's own risks and benefits yet right now it was a negative. But I am very hopeful that I can see better again. That's life I guess.