My Very Simple Christmas

It's really hard to celebrate Christmas by myself alone. I have no immediate families around to share the spirit of the holidays. Yet for me I made an outlet to celebrate it more memorable and a little bit festive. And I am proud of myself.

It was my 10th year of celebrating Christmas by myself since I moved here in Los Angeles from McAllen, TX. I still remember my happy Christmas celebration with my friends and co-workers when I was in Texas. It still lingers at the back of my mind and is freshly teasing my memory.

I was thinking that since Christmas is a time of giving I came up with a plan to share what I know and what I have to a lot of people. I've been doing some few volunteer works in the past years so I decided to volunteer cooking for some of our homeless brothers and sisters on the cold streets of Los Angeles.

Celebrating Christmas alone is no easy task. So I planned to cook some chicken soup and spaghetti and planned to bring and share it at the homeless shelter in Pico Street near downtown Los Angeles area. I made a booking with the manager there and I was so happy that they allowed me to prepare the dishes I wanted to share and participate on their Christmas day party.

A day before Christmas I was off so I did some shopping for the menu. I was driving to and fro everywhere. It was not an easy task but I enjoyed doing it for I know that I could make people happy on Christmas day. It always uplift me to help somebody. I am a bit emotional about it because I remember when I was little when we don't have nothing to eat on Christmas day.

Growing up like that makes me appreciate the spirit of the holidays by sharing what I have though it's in a small way. I always have the itch to cook so it's a no brainer for me to do it. I always feel good that people always appreciated my work even though it's in a simple way. And my urge to share more is being sparked.

Some people along with me also were there to distribute Christms gifts and participate in the Christmas program. There were a lot of singing, dancing, and eating. Christmas music were blaring loudly on the speakers and it was very festive. The program at the shelter home was a success because of some people who also participated in the activities, gift giving, and meals.

I went home very happy that time and had received a lot of "Thank yous!" and "handshakes and hugs". My heart skipped a million times and I feel so much relieved and fulfilled.

I still remember my parents telling me to always share and give not only on Christmas but in my everyday life. And I appreciated them to have instilled me that kind of value. It was so rewarding and touching.

This year I celebrated my Christmas in a simple way but I know I touched other people's hearts and lives. I always find it self-fulfilling to see people getting happy and enjoy celebrating Christmas even in a small way as possible.

Christmas is not always the time to give but also to make all our days all throughout the year a day of giving and sharing in our own special way. This is how I spent Christmas in a very simple and special yet rewarding way...... by touching other people's lives being a part of my simple Christmas holiday.

The Spirit Of Christmas

Christmas is just around the corner and people were been excited for the holiday preparations. Holidays are always been the busiest day of the year and people are always busy infusing themselves with the spirit of the holiday.

During the holidays people are just busy preparing what to decorate. In order to be festive, people always make sure that they always focus on the essence of the decorations and the lavish foods. Over here in the United States almost every houses were adorned with dancing christmas lights around their houses which looks so fabulous at night time.

At day time, you can see people at the malls trying to search for the perfect gifts for their love ones. There were enticing signs outside mall stores which have lured customers to check and select for what they wanted. It's just been crazy every where.

The gift wrapping was another time consuming job but it's worth it because that's the essence of christmas anyway. The act of giving gifts is the heart of it all. It resembles the acts done by the three magi when they visited the Infant Jesus in Bethlehem. It was very traditional and customary yet touching.

The highlight of it all is the christmas dinner which is really festive. The smell of the holidays were emanating from the foods and meals prepared on the table. It resembles the gathering of the family in front of the table and counting their blessings all through out the year. The christmas dinner is where the whole family gather and reminisce all the happy moments they have every Christmastime.

Christmas is not just all these crazy preparations and festive events but to me it's how you've touch other people's lives, especially those who need help during christmas and make a great difference in their life.

There are homeless people around us, children who are need of beautiful toys, extremely hungry family, lonely people in the nursing homes, and people who were abandoned by their families and needed company. These people are the one's who need all attention during christmas amidst all the hustle and bustle and we should focus our precious attention of making them happy this christmas day.

For this christmas, I really didn't give much time in decorating and preparing but I gave time wrapping gifts for the people I needed to help. I am planning to visit five lonely elderly people in the nursing home and make their christmas a little brighter and merrier on christmas day. I intend to have lunch with them and give them company on that day.

There are five people I needed to visit in the nursing home which really had touched my life a lot while we were doing our clinical rotation there. I just wanted to share my blessings with them although I've been so hard up lately because of my resignation from my hospital job, but it is an apt act to do during this holidays.

And I really missed my parents this holidays so I just share my time with these elderly senior people in the nursing home who were alone and needed company during this time. I couldn't do much more but to just share what I have for this group of people who needed my company during this time. That's the spirit of it anyway.

Christmas is a time to really commemorate how God loves us. So in order to reciprocate with Him, we must show our great love to Him by doing good acts on Christmas Day. Then it will give you a good and nice feeling during christmas time. And to top it all, it will lift up your spirits for helping them.

Touching someone's life on this holiday is a great gift you will give to yourself and to our God Almighty. Give time, give love, and give a good act this Christmas day and your holidays will be the greatest one and be never the same again. Happy holidays everyone!

A Blessing Or A Curse

Well, since I resigned from my hospital job my life was been turned upside down. I don't know if my impulsive behavior to resign last April was been a blessing or a curse.

Ever since I gave up my hospital job it's really not easy to find another one maybe because of the pinch of the recession. It was been a big struggle for me but I was still lucky to keep my teaching job. At least it had helped me maintain my financial stability for a while.

In September, I got hired for an ER job and had been orienting for three months but I was been unfortunate to keep it because of some bossy and nagging people around me who made a bad impression of me and evaluated my probationary period really badly which even made me more skeptical to work in ER because of the high acuity of the patients.

I got axed from my orientation after my probationary period because of the bad and poor evaluation that was made by my preceptor. I am not bitter at her but I still believe that whatever she evaluated me will come back to her and that she will realize that she was wrong. I just can't imagine why people are very biased and condescending to me.

I never know that there are some people who were very biased about my personality maybe because I am a quiet and passive person and at the same time I am openly gay. My inhibitions and my silence were been taken as a disadvantage and I am very sad to have gotten those bad impressions.

After eight months, I am still waiting for some sweet blessings and instant miracles to come despite of my massive online applications online from different hospitals around Los Angeles county. But it seems that luck has been turning it's back from me.

I got some calls but there were no sweet promises from it yet so I opted to maintain my registry job but apparently the job was not that good either. I always called in my schedule every week but to my remote memory I was never been called back yet.

Yet I was so lucky to have kept this teaching job I have at the LVN school which at least had helped me with my financial dilemmas. I still didn't lose my hopes but I'm still a firm believer that there's still a lot in store for me as long as I am patient.

I was once inspired by this fortune cookie sayings I got from a lunch I picked up at the local Chinese restaurant which says "Don't be too hasty, prosperity will soon knock your door." This gave me an enormous inspiration to not give up the fight for finding a new job and had given me strength to stay firm and determined for it.

It was madly gruelling sometimes finding for a decent job and very frustrating as well but that's life. I think this is the comeuppance of my being picky and complaining. And I learned from my past mistakes. I greatly appreciate the importance of a second job now that my financial worries was been clouding my future.

Now I am enjoying my long absence from the hospital job watching Food Network. I learned a lot of techniques in cooking and preparing food and now I am deciding to take culinary courses. Hahaha. That's me if I have nothing to do.

Cooking is my hobby and I wanted to polish it. Hopefully, in the future I can reach my goal to enhance my culinary skills but not right now, now that I have problems when it comes to finances. Well, I have a lot in my mind right now because I have nothing to do during my off period.

I am so lazy doing my chores and my apartment is in a lot of disarray. I never knew that my problems had kept me away from doing things that I needed to do. I have a lot in my mind and I am so tired thinking about them thereby not even doing my regular household chores. In short, I am procrastinating which is one of the classic symptom of depression.

Being out of job is not good and is extremely crazy. It can be a blessing or a curse sometimes and it affects me greatly mentally, psychologically, and physically. I am a disgusting mess and a total wreck right now. I am so confused and very worried about what will happen to me in the following days, weeks, and months.

Hopefully everything will be in good hands right now and I am crossing my fingers that everything will be in order soon, now that the year will eventually end and another year will be coming in. How soon is that? That I don't know but I am a patient man and I am here patiently waiting for it.

It's December Again!

Time flies, it's already December again. Seems that the nippy morning breeze of Autumn had already set in. I can feel the joyous spirit of the holidays every where.

As I drive home on a busy freeway from my clinical class at Long Beach Care Center, I can hear the blaring of the early Christmas carols from the local radio. Christmas spirits were already imminent from the malls and the streets. People of all walks of life were busy doing their early Christmas shopping despite the pinch of the recession.

When I was young in my native country, the Philippines, I remember we celebrate the start of Christmas early October. Christmas music were been heard from the radio that early time of the year. We already made our Christmas lists early and preparation for the Christmas. And the Christmas trees and decorations from the malls were already adorned early part of November. It was always the longest Christmas celebration we always had.

Now that I am in the United States, I still missed those kind of preparation and celebration. Singing Christmas carols with friends from house to house was the lasting memory I missed. The time of being with friends having much fun during Christmas day was priceless. It still linger at the back of my head even though I am far away from my native land.

I missed spending Christmas with my family although we have nothing to prepare. We always have to gather at the living room and talk about our wishes and goals for Christmas on a simple celebration. Sometimes we watch a Christmas movie and my parents tells us stories about St. Nick. That was mesmerizing!

When I came over here I had the time of celebrating Christmas with my new found friends. When I was working in McAllen, TX I remember gathering with my friends during Christmas time bringing potlucks and presents, singing karaoke and enjoying each other's presence. It was hilarious!

Now, when I moved to Los Angeles near my family I remember gathering at my Aunt's house and celebrate Christmas with my cousins exchaging presents and eating good holiday foods. We got time to mingle and talk about each other's life. I missed those!

This year, I think I gonna celebrate Christmas alone. I don't know what to do during that time but one thing for sure I will do is to go to church and attend the mass as well as visit the Infant Jesus and greet Him a happy birthday and thank Him for all the good graces that I had received all through out my life.

December is always a time to be grateful and thankful about the graces we received. And I am always excited every time December comes. I just can't contain my excitement although I missed all those lasting memories that had happened in my life before during those past Christmases I had.

The nippy Christmas morn, the beautiful decorations and adorned Christmas trees at the mall, the colorful twinkling of the Christmas lights outside the yard, the soft enticing music of the Christmas carols, and the wide array of Chriistmas presents under the Christmas trees always herald the coming of the Christmas holidays.

Christmas is always a time of giving not just material things but also of intangible things which can lighten up the spirit of those in need. This Christmas we have to think of those people who need it the most and make their Christmas a memorable one for this is the reason why Jesus came down to earth, to make the whole world be at peace.

I wish a lasting global peace this Christmastime and I hope we could make time to give and make someone happy on Christmas day. Happy Holidays!

Thanksgiving 2010

So far, my life lately was been at a struggle and full of drama. I never imagined I can passed through it but so far life is fair. I wish I could still up the forte to a more satisfying level.

Well, Thanksgiving Day is just around the corner. Time for me to count my blessings. This year was kind of a lonely one for me despite of the massive problems and worries that had happened these past months. I thank God for all of those things that had happened lately and it's time to immerse myself in the spirit of the celebration.

There's nothing much happened this Thanksgiving day for me. I was invited by my landlord to a hearty dinner. I brought wines and desserts during the party. It was a memorable and very nice party. I got to meet Noel, the new border at my landlord's house. Finally we got to bond with each other.

I was so thankful that my Thanksgiving day was not that bad nor dramatic. At least I got to know a new friend and I kept up with my landlord and his boyfriend. We drank wines and talked a lot about our life for a little while. Then I left to watch the premiere of the movie "Tangled" at El Capitan Theater.

When I got out of the party, the weather outside was so nippy and I was kind of frozen despite of the three layered clothes I was wearing. It was really freezing outside so I set the heater in my car to warm me up. There's not much people on the streets and the fog started to set in that early during the night.

When I got at the parking lot near El Capitan Theater, I was greeted by this handsome young guy wearing a red polo shirt with the logo of the parking area and told me that the fee was $15 in order to park.

I was shocked upon hearing the exorbitant amount so I decided to look for a street parking which I found right away one block from the theater and it's free. At least I didn't have to waste that big amount of money which supposed to go to my movie ticket instead.

I walked towards the theater on a very cold night and it was just exactly the right time for me to get there and the movie will start shortly. I bought a regular ticket at the ticket booth and I was given this gold coin engraved with the movie's title which looked like a token.

I then grabbed one 3D glasses at the entrance and went in to the theater. It was my first time at El Capitan Theater and I noticed that the theater was been plushly carpeted in red and intricately gilded at the ceiling. It was beautiful and pretty inside.

As what I knew, El Capitan Theater, is the only place where all Disney movies we're been showed first here in Hollywood. It's where all these Disney movies had premiered and it was a world renowned and very popular theater when it comes to Disney movies.

Before the movie had started we were presented with a little entertainment show by the theater workers which showcased some of the famous Disney movie princess and Disney characters like Mickey and Minnie and they had introduced Rapunzel and Flynn during the dance-and-sing showcase. It was really awesome and hilarious.

After the showcase, the movie had started. The movie lasted for less than two hours and I liked it so much. It was kinda comical and funny and the songs were very entertaining and good. It was directed by the Osacr nominated Alan Menken and the songs were also written by him. It was worth the buck and I highly recommend it to all my friends.

The movie was been based to a very famous fairy tale by Rapunzel with some comical twist and enticing songs (composed by Alan Menken)inserted within the movie. It was very captivating and the animation appears very real and dramatic. I was so flabbergasted and mesmerized by it. I was really drawn to it and was hypnotized by it.

Although the story is not that similar to the fairy tale I grew up with but it was cleverly written and arranged by the director and the production staff. The 3D was superb, epic, and realistic and the lessons learned were very surreal. I can't believe they came up with an excellent plot. I was so amazed to the bones.

After the movie, I went home and culminated my night. So far Thanksgiving day for me this year is a lonely day but at least I celebrated it watching and enjoying the movie "Tangled".

Another year to thank for and another year to cherish. I did enjoy it to a small point and at least spent a little and sumptous dinner with friends. Thank you Lord for everything you've blessed me this year. Hope you'll always be there in time when I need you.

Happy Thanksgiving folks! Take care and have a good night.

Maghintay Ka Lamang

Here's another song that really pierced my heart every time I am down. It really inspired me a lot for not giving up and losing hope despite of the many trials and adversities I had gone through in my life.

Now I am on my emote mode again. Looking back with all my failures and asking myself where I did wrong. If I could only turn back the time and fixed those moments I made mistakes and straighten in out, but it's already over and I have to go on with the life's flow.

Sometimes in our haste we couldn't wait for what's in store we ended up giving up life and think of the wrong way in approaching the failures we had. Some even gave up life my committing suicide and for me that's the weakest and stupid way of facing the realities of life.

At those lowest moment of our life we should have muster the courage to face the challenges and wait for the right time because we all know we have to taste the bittersweet promises of life in order to learn from it. We should not be afraid to face it but be courageous enough the beat the odds.

Right now, I am jobless and I have to face this big dilemma of my life. I mean I still work as a clinical instructor but do not have a hospital work right now to maintain the continuity of my hospital experience. Since my resignation at CHW I had tried to applied yet had no luck to get one.

The recession had greatly affected the hiring rates for years now and I can still feel the pinch of it in my job hunting. I am so thankful that the teaching job is helping me right now but what I need is a second job to complete my worries and face my financial woes for me to get stable.

Since I'm kinda depress right now I have to resort to something that can help me out through it. So writing blogs and listening music were my avenues to divert me from my depression. I stumbled on this beautiful and inspiring which keeps me whole right now and I am sharing it here in my blog.

This song teaches me to just wait for the right time. That all the trials are not the hurdle for me to live life beautifully and succeed. It tells me that what I need is the strength and pureness of heart and self-esteem as well as self confidence when there is a huge challenge coming.

It also tells me that the light will soon magnificently emerge and magnanimously be seen. And as the world turns there's not always this endless failures and excruciating pain, but all your hopes and dreams will all be eventually achieved as long as you'll believe and patiently wait for the right time to happen and not rush for everything.

Here is that inpiring song and I got the chance to embed it here in my blog as well as include the lyrics for you to happily sing-a-long with it. Hope you'll enjoy it and it will inspire you greatly everyday as it inspires me right now. Thanks for your time!




Kung hindi ngayon ang panahon, na para sa iyo
Huwag maiinip, dahil ganyan ang buhay sa mundo
Huwag mawawalan ng pag-asa, darating din ang ligaya
Ang isipin mo'y may bukas pa,na may roong saya

II
Kabigua'y hindi hadlang, upang tumakas ka
Huwag kang iiwas, pag-nabibigo
Dapat nga lumaban ka....

(Chorus)

Ang kaylangan mo'y, tibay ng loob
Kung mayrong pag-subok man
Ang liwanag ay di magtatagal,
At muling mamamasdan
Iko't ng mundo, ay hindi laging pighati't kasawian
Ang pangarap mo ay makakamtam,
Basta't maghintay ka lamang

Magsimula Ka

This is a very inspirational song I've searched in YouTube that really affected my emotions right now. It is a very good song telling me to start all over again despite of the adversities I've meet in my journey.

I've embedded the video here and written the meaningful lyrics underneath it. I was so immersed with the song not knowing that my tears were already trickling down my face. I was so touched by it and I felt so numbed absorbing all the trials and hardships I'd had in the past. It was a very emotional introspection and I'm going crazy now.

The song tells me that I have only one life and I have to move and use it, and if my heart wished something, I have to dream for it and reach it so that I can achieve it. I have to work for it and begin doing it. Then I have to start over, push and discover the find. Though I will meet some hardships along the way yet my goals will be in hands, and sweetness of my success will be tasted in the end.

Hope you'll enjoy the message of the song and absorb it as you search for your goals. This song encourages us to be brave and face the challenges that life has to offer. So please enjoy the song and sing-a-long with it!




Magsimula ka
Batiin ang kay gandang umaga
Ng may ngiti sa iyong mga mata
Sa pagkakaidlip gumising na
Ang buhay ay masaya
Palalagpasin mo ba

Magsimula ka
Tuparin ang pangarap mong tunay
Habang ang lakas iyo pang taglay
Sa paghihintay baka masanay
Sayang naman ang buhay
mawawala ng saysay

(Refrain)
Iisa lang ang buhay mo
Kumilos ka, gamitin mo
Kung may nais ang puso mo
Mangarap ka, abutin mo
Upang ito'y makamit mo
Magsikap ka, simulan mo

Magsimula ka
Pilitin ang tuklasin ang hanap
Madanas man ang maraming hirap
Ang mithiin mo pag naging ganap
Langit ng pagsisikap
iyo nang malalasap

(Repeat refrain 2x)

Upang ito'y makamit mo
Magsikap ka, simulan mo

Kung Maibabalik Ko Lang

Malupit sa akin ang tadhana pero malakas pa rin ang aking pananaw sa buhay. Alam ko naman na hindi ako pababayaan ng Panginoon. Alam ko naman na ang mga dagok sa aking buhay ay mga pagsubok lamang sa akin ng ating Poon.

Wala na akong magawa pa dahil nangyari na ang mga mapapait na mga karanasan sa aking buhay. Siguro dahil din ito sa aking kapabayaan o siguro sa aking pagtitiwala sa mga tao sa aking paligid.

Nahihirapan man ako pero wala na akong magawa. Taimtim kong tinatanggap ang mga pagsubok at dagok na dumating sa aking buhay. Ito'y nagsisilbing leksiyon sa akin para matuto ako sa aking pagtahak sa mga baku-bakong landas ng buhay.

Sa ngayon hindi ako makapag-isip ng maayos kaya minabuti ko munang magsulat sa Tagalog para makapag-express ako ng aking mga hinaing at aking nararamdaman sa aking puso at isip.

Salamat na lang at hindi ako pinabayaan ng aking paniniwala at ako'y nananatiling malakas at mapagkumbaba kahit ako'y inaapakan pa. Naisip ko tuloy na ako'y palaging pinag-kakaitan ng aking sariling dignidad at kalayaan. Mapait man isipin pero kailangan kong tanggapin ito dahil ito ang binigay sa akin ng Panginoon.

Sa lahat ng aking mga ginagawa palagi ko na lang ipinasa-Diyos ang mangyayari kahit na gagawin ko ang aking makakaya para hindi naman ako masyadong umasa sa Kanya. Pero kailangan kong tanggapin ng taimtim ang mga dapat mangyari at matuto sa aking mga pagkakamali.

Salamat na lang at akong hindi bumigay sa aking mga pagkakamali. Salamat na lang at ako'y naging malakas sa kabila ng mga negatibong pangyayari sa aking buhay.

Ilang beses na sa tanang buhay ko ang mga nangyari na ako'y pinag-iinitan sa trabaho pero dahil sa aking paniniwala sa Kanya ako ang palaging nabiyayaan ng lakas na nagpapabuti ng aking kalooban.

Mahirap man isipin pero lahat ng mga nangyayari sa ating buhay ay may katuturan. Dapat ay matuto tayo sa mga ito at hindi tayo basta-bastang susuko dahil kapag tayo ay susuko, tayo ay matatalo ng ating pagkaduwag.

Kung maibabalik ko lang ang mga dating oras at maitatama ko ang aking kamalian.... sana ako'y isang ganap na maligaya ngayon. Pero huli na ang lahat at kailangan nating pag-aralan ang ating mga kilos at ingatan na hindi tayo makakasakit sa ting kapwa.

Salamat na lang at ako'y malakas sa aking paniniwala at hindi ako pinabayaan ng ating Panginoon. Malakas talaga ako sa Kanya at lahat ng mga pangyayari sa aking buhay.... negatibo man o positibo.... ako ay palaging nasa tamang landas. Mahirap tayo pero nakakatuwa at nakaka-challenging ang buhay.

Kung may "time machine" lang para makabalik sa ating kahapon ako po ay unang nakalinya na sa harap nito. Pero ang ating mga kahapon ay ganap na tapos na at atin na lamang gunitain ito at pag-aralan kung saan tayo nagkamali at kapulutan natin ng tamang aral para tayo ay matuto sa ating pagharap sa araw-araw na mga dagok ng buhay.

Masaya ako ngayon dahil hindi ako pinabayaan ni Lord sa aking mga pagdurusa. At least may tumawag sa akin noong nakaraang linggo para ako ay ma-interview sa isang position sa Pediatric Floor na aking specialty. At salamat naman at ako ay natanggap. Ako po ay taos pusong nagpapasalamat sa Maykapal dahil hindi Niya ako pinabayaan sa aking mga paglalakbay.

Mahirap mapag-isa sa buhay. Kung minsan naisip ko ring tapusin ang aking mga paghihirap pero naisip ko rin na ito'y gawa lang ng isang duwag. Pero ako ay nanghihina minsan at nawawalan ng lakas ng loob. Sa kabila ng lahat, iniisip ko na lang palagi na ako'y may pananaw sa buhay at isang malakas na tao.

Salamat naman at ako'y hindi bumigay sa mga pagsubok na ito. Salamat na lang at hindi ako pinabayaan ng Panginoon at ako'y nananatiling malakas ang loob sa pagharap ng mga dagok ng buhay.

Kung pinili ko sigurong bumigay sa mga pagsubok ng buhay maaring hindi ko natamasa ang umaapaw kong saya ngayon. Sa kabila ng lahat ng mga mapapait kong karanasan masaya ako ngayon dahil hindi ako pinabayaan ni Lord. Masaya ako ngayon dahil biglang nawala na ang aking pag-alala sa mga nangyayari sa aking buhay.

Walang problema na hindi nalulutas. Hindi naman tayo bibigyan ng Poon ng mga pagsubok na hindi natin kaya dahil sa aking pagkaka-alam hindi naman tayo pahihirapan ng Poon dahil alam naman Nya na kaya natin ito. Na sa kabila ng madilim at masalimuot nating mga narandaman sa ating buhay may araw na patuloy na imiilaw sa ating buhay at nagbibigay sa atin ng pag-asa.

Naalala ko tuloy an dbuhay ni Joseph na ibanandona ng kanyang mga kapatid at ibinenta sya sa mga dayuhan bilang alipin. Pero ang hindi alam ni Joseph ay may plano na ang Panginoon para sa kanya. Naging Hari sya ng Egipto at sya ay naatasang tumulong sa kanyang mga kalahi sa bayan ng mga dayuhan.

Tayo rin ay may plano na nakatadhana para sa atin ng ating Panginoon. Kaya kung ano man ito tayo lang ang makaka-alam nito kapag patuloy nating harapin ang mga pagsubok ng buhay. Kaya wag tayo magsuko at manalangin tayo sa Kanya para sa ating sariling kapakanan at para sa mga pagsubok na darating sa ating buhay.

Kaya ikaw, ako, at tayo...... dapat lang na maging malakas tayo sa pagharap ng mga dagok na darating sa ating buhay dahil tayo lamang ang makakapagkalas sa mga ito kung malakas lang ang ating paniniwala sa Diyos. Good luck at maligayang pagtahak sa tamang landas!

Beautiful Day Promises

I woke up this morning with the sun gleefully greeting me from the four corners of my bedroom. It's rays were peeking through the white chiffon curtains from the window and my room was illuminated brightly by it. It was a promising morning I had woke up!

After the good news yesterday, my life had mysteriously shifted 200% from the dark and downhill moments I've spent during my orientation days at LBMMC for three months. I was glad God had guided me all throughout the course and He had made me strong all throughout the process. Had I gave in, I couldn't witness this beautiful morning today, and what it will promise me.

Well, enough talks about those grim moments I had in that facility. Now, I have to face what's in the future for me. Life has a lot of promises to hold and offer but only us can face and do it, and nobody else.

Yeah, this morning I have high spirits that today will be more promising for me. So I woke up and went to the gym. I've exercised for two grueling hours. It was refreshing to come back to the gym despite of my lack of motivation and interest the previous months.

I am not getting any younger so I think it's high time for me now to take care of my health. Now that I don't have a legitimate health insurance because of my separation from my previous job, it's my responsibility to take care of health and myself.

After leaving the gym I went home to do my laundry which I neglected to do for two consecutive weeks and besides I needed to wash and do them because I almost ran out of working scrubs. I also did some household chores while waiting for my laundry to dry up. In summary, I did three loads of laundry and it took me four hours to finish it. This is my comeuppance for proscrastinating too badly and not doing my chores on time.

Now it's time for me to go to school to turn in my timesheets and also check out for some new updates. I always have to go to school once every two weeks to turn in my timesheets or else I won't get paid. I also got into the habit of checking for new updates so that I will know what's in or out among the faculties and the students.

Then in the afternoon I have to meet one of my best friend from school who is also teaching there. We had planned to watch a movie and eat out so today I think will be my off day and I will spend and enjoy it together with friends for a good quality time.

So far that's the plan for me today and I hope nothing major will happen for I already set up my mind that this will be a promising day for me to celebrate the new beginning of my flunking career and the acceptance from my new job.

This day had promised a good vibes for me because of the sun's outstretched radiance on this cold autumn morning. I still have to know what will happen and wait for the fulfillment of my expectations for today. So it's still early to conclude for what will gonna happen. Twas a long wait though but I am not in a hurry to know what's in store for me today for I have to take it slowly and enjoy every savory moment of it.

Mother nature always brought a lot of promises every day for us and whatever it is, we have to always be ready for the best and the worse to come. We have to be keen of what will happen around us and we have to accept the fact that things had happened to us because there is always a reason why it will happen. We make our own destiny, and our actions, reactions, and critical thinking will guide us to achieve it fully and realized it's success.

The birds tweeting musically outside had brought a new meaning to my senses. The green leaves of the fig tree drenched with crystal clear morning dew was an auspicious site to reckon. And the magical and colorful blooms of the hibiscus flower waking up from the freezing night was very captivating in the eyes. It was indeed a beautiful morning to celebrate and enjoy!

Bullied In The Job

Have you experienced being bullied in the job? How did it feel to you? Was it embarrassing or hurtful? Did you ever thought of ending your life because you can't take the embarassment anymore? Yes, I was the victim of it and I almost gave up.

It never come to my remote mind that bullying in the job also exist with grown ups. I thought that bullying only occurs in school with the little and high school kids. I was wrong! Bullying actually comes in many forms. It may be physical, mental, and psychosocial.

But before we go to my story let me define "bullying" first. It is a form of a verb used to describe in intimidating and dominating someone or something. It also means to be loudly arrogant and overbearing. It can result to a lot of emotional turmoil to a victim and sometimes can made them think of killing theirselves because of the extreme embarrassment and shame they've incurred from the lashings of their perpetrators.

Research have proved that bullying is one of the factors especially to those youngsters who killed themselves by committing suicide because they don't want to experience more dilemma from their detractors. And this will also make the victims extremely depressed, useless, and helpless thereby they couldn't think well but to just end everything.

I didn't know that bullying also exist among the grown ups at work. I myself was a victim. I had applied for this job in the hospital which I wanted for real. It was a new specialty for me after giving up my own specialty I've been holding for eighteen years. But during the transition my trainor was very mean to me and was discouraging me to quit the job because I am not meant to be there.

Everytime I was with her she always made a side comment that I am not using my head well and I don't use my critical thinking. She almost had told me that I am dumb but she just held it up. She was very intimidating and very strict to me although I always held my composure and was been very polite and nice to her. She always shouts or yells on me in front of the staff and the patients and that really made me so small and shrunk up.

I felt I was in a military camp being trained to be a marine. She doesn't want me to reason out to her and she always cut me off everytime I explained myself and what I'm doing. She just want me to say yes all the time. To her all I say were wrong and that I don't have the knowledge of what I'm doing.

I was extremely hurt and embarrased inside. My self confidence was been stripped off from me and I was so depressed and down. Everytime I drove my car home I felt tears trickling down my cheeks and I was always contemplating to myslef what have I done why she was treating me like that and why she was very mean to me.

Despite all the bad mouthing and the mean side comments I still held on to my composure. I remained humble and kept praying that everything will be okay. But I never know that a bully will ever be a bully and will make sure that my life will be very miserable.

When my probationary period was over, I didn't know that she evaluated me real bad. I guess she doesn't like me a lot. The evaluation was all negative which was really against me and had caused me to get axed from the job.

I endured three months of a mind boggling orientation which almost had made me gave up my life because I couldn't take all the shame and embarrassment anymore but thank God I was strong enough to face it with humility and that I have to accept the fact that I wasn't really meant for that place.

I always prayed everyday to God to give me strength to finish my probationary period and that I can hold on to it but still I got the bad news that I am no longer illegible to workk there because of the evaluation which was only one sided. I know God knows that my trainor lied in that evaluation and I know God had helped me to give the sign if I was really meant to be there. And I got the verdict last Friday which I think was the sign that God had given me.

But getting bullied in the job was the worse thing to be in. I was stripped of my individual rights and I know my manager had knew it. But she let herself manipulated by the people around her.

I consciously accepted the fact that I have to exit in that place yet I am so bitter at myself for not standing up to my rights. At the back of my mind I know these people will have to answer to God at the right time what they have done to me. I still believe in karma and time will come they will get it.

Now, I was so glad I was out there. I got a call today from another hospital and actually went there to have an interview and got a position to work in a highly technological Pediatric ICU I've ever seen in the heart of Beverly Hills.

Life is always good to me and I know God never sleeps. He always answered my intense prayers and I really thankful that He is always there to help me. I thank Him for giving me the sign to accept the bad news last Friday and for making me strong all the time.

God is always good and never cease in caring and helping people who always remember Him all the time. My faith always gives me strength and determination to enjoy life. Had I succumb to all the snares of my detractors for sure I was already gone on this earth. Thank you Lord for sustaining me during those dark moments of my orientation.

Going Ape Over

I was so happy today. The Lord had given me a sign and answered my intense prayers. And I extremely felt I was fortunate for that. I went ape over that good news!

I was called for an interview today for a job that I had applied online over the weekend. It was in the Pediatric ICU which is actually my forte and my credentials was been saying that I am very qualified for it. They had no questions for me about the application besides asking me my past experiences. Then I got the good news. I was so happy upon hearing that I got hired. Thank you so much Lord!

Well, this is a new life for me now. I have to set aside and bury all my failures, fiascos, and heartaches from the past. I hope my recovery from the bad news last week will be masked over by the good news I had just received today. I hope it will be a quick recovery then.

I will be starting my orientation next week and I am so excited about it. My expectations is beyond reach and explanations right now. I felt I am the most luckiest guy in the world right now. I felt I just won the lotto of all lottos. Hehehe.

God really never sleeps. If it really was meant for me, He will graciously give it to me. And I am so honored to have given the chance to renew my life again. Perhaps all those bad vibes that had happened to me lately were just a reminder for me to seek and be near with Him who is all knowing and our good Provider. And I always trust in Him all my life.

The company that just hired me had a good reputation and a rich history. Knowing that they are also a well-known charitable company had touched my heart. I think I can grow better here and I will have a lot of opportunities to meet here. God is really good to me and He knows where to place me. Had I waited for my own time I shouldn't have gotten that embarrassing experiences from the past month.

Now, my thoughts was been calmed down by this extremely good news and I don't have to worry again about my financial and psychological as well as my health security. Now that I had found this very reputable company to take care of my future I am confident and content that I will last here and maybe retire here.

I love my job and God knows it. I hope he will continue to guide me and will make me meet people who are nice and willing to help me as I grow in my profession. I hope no more people who will criticize me and discourage me to perform my duties as a caring individual.

God in your hands I leave to you my future. I know you're always there and never leave me during my dark moments. I know that you always carry me when I am weakened and discouraged, I know that you whispered to me the spirit of goodness and humility and that I stayed so calm and professional in dealing with my patients, co-workers, and detractors.

I am very ecstatic and excited for the very nice gift you've given me. Now that I found my new niche which is actually my forte, I hope this is to last forever. I go ape over at the good news I have received today and my emotions had been bursting out from me because I am plainly super happy and super fulfilled by the grace of God.

With all my heart and spirit thank you Lord for always being there all the time. I always love you and will continue to ask for your mercy and guidance all throughout my life. Your loving mercy had always given me hope to forge forward and I am always grateful for your eternal love and mercy.

I am extremely enthusiastic and thankful about the good news and I cannot contain my heart singing a million thanks to my merciful Lord who always sustain me. Love you Lord!

A Song Called "Luck"

It seems that I am still numb about what had happened last week. I just want to burry it in my remote mind but still it keeps flashing back in my forebrain. Life is not that easy for me nowadays.

I am not complaining but I am greatly affected by how life was been treating me lately. I know there is a reason why it happened but I still couldn't fathom it. I am really confused and disoriented about it. God please help me to overcome it. Yes, it hurts but I have to accept the fact that it already happened and had seared my dignity and ego. I am not whole and complete again.

I remember this one song way back home popularized by a gigolo singer which really emanates a very servile lesson in me. It may serve you a lesson, too, but I don't know if it will really affect you greatly like what I feel. The song is titled as "Kapalaran" which is translated in English as "Fate or Luck".

Bakit ba ganyan ang buhay ng tao? Merong mayaman, may api sa mundo. Kapalaran kung hanapin ay di matatagpuan at kung minsan lumalapit ng di mo alam. O bakit kaya may ligaya't lumbay. Sa pag-ibig may bigo't tagumpay. Di malaman, di maisip, kung anong kapalaran sa akin ay naghihintay.

Why is it that the life of man has wealthy people and oppressed one on this earth. If we searched luck we couldn't find it and sometimes it will just appear unnoticed. Oh why is it there is joy and sadness in life? In love there is failure and success. I just don't know, can't even think, what fate of luck is waiting for me in the end.

Such a meaningful song asking what will happen about life because honestly we really don't know what will happen to us in the future, what our luck and fate will be. We know there is a bad and good that will happen but we don't know which one will eventually come out and appear.

In short, we are the ones who is really instrumental in making our own destiny. Our fate really lies in our own hands and making. And we will be lucky is we can get a positive result although the negative result can be normal and can give us life's intimate lessons which can make us stronger and better as we exist on this world.

Life is very unpredictable nowadays. We should be on the alert all the time because we don't know what will happen in the future. Anticipation is the best thing for us to be prepared for what is to come. If we are well prepared then the intensity of the hurt that we will feel will be lessened just in case we fail in our journey.

Life is not always about the good and sweet promises we can get out from it. Life couldn't always promise us a rose garden. We have to know that life is always a mixture of good or bad, a combination of ups and downs, and a blend of darkness and daylight. We have to be attentive enough about it and anticipate on what to do just in case.

As this song had inspired me greatly as I grow up I hope it will give us a lesson that life is not that easy. Looking for our own luck in this world is a huge challenge because life is enormously complicated itself. Aaaah..... this thing called life is really a challenge.

Contemplating Deeply

It's a muggy Sunday today and I showed up in my clinical class very eager to work despite of the things that had happened last Friday. I'm still enormously numbed about what had happened this weekend and I just think of it as a scary nightmare that keeps haunting me around wherever I go.

I woke up very early this morning despite of the fall back that had happened at 2 am. The time had fell back for one hour because of the Daylight Saving Time happening worldwide but still I feel that it is the usual Sundays I've always woke up mindlessly dragging myself to the shower in order for me to wake up fully.

I arrived at the clinical site in Centinela Hospital Medical Center in Inglewood, CA early despite I've told my students to come at 7:30 am. Well, it was good to be early because I just couldn't stand staying at my apartment alone and remind myself of my failures and the fiasco that happened last Friday.

It seems that the bad news last Friday was still looming at the back of my mind despite of the fact that I already accepted it as a huge challenge. Maybe it was true that it's hard to really forget all those bad events that had happened in our lives. Maybe time will come I will forget it and make myself heal against the hurt and anger that I've felt for myself.

Yes, time is the only and sole panacea for everything that had caused havoc in our lives. They say that time alone will heal everything. When will be that? That I don't know. It only depends on ourselves when to have that happen. I don't even know when I can accept all of these failures but I know the stages of grief was been laying out to me gradually.

Now I tend to blame myself of what had happened. And I felt I am on a stage of bargaining lately. The stage of denial and anger was been surpassed now and maybe I am still in a little bit of anger stage transitioning to the stage bargaining.

I already had communed to myself before that this will happen but I didn't expect that all the lies they've been throwing at me was been believed and taken by my manager. I know I lacked the confidence in facing the truth and the perpetrators behind this fiasco had come out victorious because I now lost the job that I aspired so much and eventually lost the battle in the end.

I am so angered at myself for not deciding to change my preceptor early on and now I madly blamed myself for what had been transpired last Friday which had resulted to the lost of my job. I was so trusting to the people around me and now I suffered the consequences of my wrong decisions and actions. Had I listened to my gut feelings before I should have retained my job right now. But it's too late now.

Maybe God has the reason why it happened to me and it's too late now to rationalize for everything. Time for me to move on and immersed myself in accepting the fact that I lost the battle and let myself go through the phases of grief until I reached the stage of acceptance, that this has to end.

It is too hurting for my ego to have lost the fight and to have lost my individual right as a person despite of the fact that I was the victim here and not them. It was a pity though that I easily gave up the fight and it really ate up my ego and affected my self confidence in every way.

But things had happened inevitably and I have to accept the fact that it all had ended last Friday. Now I have to move on and look for another job that is willing to accept me without bias and discrimination.

It is not the end after all but the beginning of a new self trying to prove to them that I can stand on my own and able to reclaim and redeem myself from the ashes of embarrassment and lack of confidence. Now I am a new me able to prove that I am worth it to find another job that can accept as who I am.

Sometimes it is good to bow down and set my ego aside because I know that place is not worth for me. I know that God has still more in store for me and I am willing to face another challenge that will make me more strong and steadfast in every journey I made.

I am hopeful that everything will turn out good next week so that I can find another niche for me to put myself to be accepted again. My mistakes and failures will serve as a huge lesson for me and will guide me next time had I encountered the same circumstances again.

At least I know now what to do and how to react just in case the same situation will arise. In the end I will be the one laughing out loud because I had showed to all my detractors that I did it on my own despite they bad mouthed me before.

In retrospect, all that I've felt this weekend was about my failures and mistakes. Contemplating deeply what went wrong, trying to make ammends to myself that this happened because it was meant to be, that I was not meant for that place, that I was the object of all the disparagement, that I was the victim of discrimination. It was mind boggling and very destructive to the ego but it is part of the process I believe.

Life has it's own course and time and I will wait for my own time to happen. May be not now but time will come I will emerge victorious in all my struggles and trials. So help me God!

Low Down

Well, it seems that I have faced the most lowest point in my life. A dilemma I couldn't forget or shall I say a big fiasco I was in. But nah.... I think this is just another trial that God had given me to test my faith and my self as to how I handle stress in a healthy way.

Yes.... lately my life was in a low down for weeks. I had struggled a lot in my orientation at the hospital. My preceptor was been very mean and unprofessional with me. I should have listened to my gut feelings before to opt her out but I was a fool believing that she will change. That was the biggest mistake I made. And now.... I have to suffer for the wrong decision I made.

Yesterday.... was the lowest point of my life. I wanted to cry but I couldn't cry. I was so numb and so angered at myself for letting it happen to me. There was no time to blame myself because it's already too late. They had axed me at work after my probationary period.

My preceptor had lied in her evaluation for me and manipulated my manager that I am not competent to be an ER nurse. That I am not using my intuition in assessing my patients and that I don't have any critical thinking skills.

Well, that's her opinion and she really made her power to have me fired and terminated. That was the saddest moment of my life. I did explained myself to my manager and had told her that she only heard one side of the story but it wa too late now. My explanations wasn't heard and the verdict was been served.

I remembered to calm down my self and just accept the fact that it's useless to have myself explained to them. I prayed to God that maybe this was the sign that he gave me when I asked Him to give me one. There's a lot of maybes that had been playing in my mind and it rendered me numb and thick to accept my defeat.

One of the maybes I thought was that maybe God just doesn't want me to endure and suffer more embarrassment with my preceptor, that maybe God doesn't want me to work in that extremely stressful environment, that maybe God has something big in store for me and a lot of maybes I can think of.

It really hurt..... but I have to accept the facts although it is not true. I've been to a lot of test and adversities but to me this is the most hurtful one. It was a big challenge to me yet I know a lot to learn from it.

I was stripped of my right and I let them stepped on me. It was very painful and I am angry at myself. I remember the story of Job in the Bible and I equated myself to him who was stripped of his dignity yet was still humble and did not denounce his faith with God. And God had rewarded Him enormously in the end.

I don't know what will happen to me after yesterday yet I am still hopeful that everything will be all right. I still believe that the sun will always shine behind the dark clouds and when that happens there I can see redeeming myself from embarrassment, hurt, and anger.

I won't say anything bad to my detractors for I know that someday karma will claim them for what they did to me. There's always the right time for redemption and I know God is not sleeping.

I thank God that He still loves me because He was always there for me making me strong and keeping me warmed with His Holy Spirit to not give up with my plight and journey.

I remember my mother telling me to just laugh at my low downs and think that it was just a test given to me by God. She told me that God doesn't give us trials that we could not handle and I think she is always right on this aspect. Thanks mom for giving me hopes to redeem and reclaim myself.

For sure life is always a mixture of sweet and bitter experiences which gave us intimate lessons that we could leave as a legacy when we will perish from this earth. And this experiences will always determine for what we are whether we can be strong or weak. And it holds true to me because of my foundation build up by my parents.

Never in my entire life that I gave up in every adversities I've encountered. I always been a fighter in my life and I know I can surpassed my trials in any means. That's why I always thrive on my own all the time.

Although I did not say that I can do it alone because I know I still need the support of my friends and my families in continuing my fight and my journey in the zigzagged road to a fulfilling life.

Thank you Lord for giving me strength in facing my failures and loving myself above all. Life is not that easy..... we always have to pass in the eye of a needle in order to have satisfaction, fulfillment, and success in life.

Birthday Wish 2010

October 24, 2010: Well, this year was full of ups and downs. And my life was been in a roller coaster ride. I don't know where to stand now.

My orientation at my new job is also in hot waters and I also don't know where I stand right now. If worse comes to worse I would probably take the monkey off my shoulder and find another stress free job. But I'm still in high hopes that everything will be ok. I've been praying and keeping my fingers cross that everything will be all right.

Yesterday was my 41st birthday and I celebrated it in a very simple way. I worked the previous night so the whole day I was sulking in my bed trying to recuperate from my fatigue. I woke up at 6 pm and I called my friends inviting them for a dinner at the Chinatown.

My birthday celebration is not that posh. No cakes and candles to blow. Only a simple dinner at the Mayflower Restaurant in downtown Chinatown with friends eating Chinese foods. As long as there's noodles which we believe to give long life will be ok for me. It was just a simple party with new found friends and nothing more.

I was overwhelmed though by the flow of the birthday greetings sent to me by my friends and families from other parts of the world through my Facebook wall. It fatten my heart to see them wishing me well on my birthday. Thanks for the wonder of the internet which connected me with my long lost friends and families and to have heard them sending me well wishes on my birthday.

Time flies so fast and I am one year older again. Time will come I will be old and senile not remembering all these happy moments I had from my younger days. That's why I have to cherish everything I have right now for I can't afford to missed every great moments when my memory will lapse.

Yet life has to go on and we are all going there. Things has to end and we will soon be reaching our own ending. So we must make out the most of our life in a good way while we are young and able to remember everything good that we can cherish.

Looking back we will realize the importance of living alone and restrospecting what we did good in our past will give us fulfillment and satisfaction although there's still time for us to make ammends for our wrongdoings.

We always have to count our blessings and cherish our happy moments for there is no equal opportunity for us to go back and fix our wrongdoings. We have to be sure of what we do right now and what we have decided will always be right because we could not repeat the same situation or circumstances to happen again in the future.

Life is too short and we have to make the most of it. And for my birthday this year my only wish is a simple and stress free life and I know God will always provide it to me because I know I am good to myself and to other people. I know I am a good person and I always fear God in everything I do.

Happy 41st birthday to me and cheers to good health, long life, and richness in friendship. Life is always good to me and I want to share all my blessings to all who need it.

To my family..... thanks for the trust and love you've showered me, to my friends..... thanks for the friendship and loyalty, to my co-workers..... thanks for the teamwork, respect, and responsibility, to all my detractors.... I pray that you all will have a change of hearts.

God loves us all and we all must live harmoniously and with love with each other. Happy birthday to me! Yay!

On Friendship

I always got a side comment from other people that I project a friendly personality and it touched and affected me a lot. I mean I know I am cool and I am that way.

I didn't know that I am a nice person. All I know is that I treat a person as a human being who has feelings and that's it. I don't intend to harm them but treat them with respect, love, care, and understanding. That's the ultimate principle my parents had taught me when I was little.

The golden rule had always influenced me a lot in my dealings and relationships with other people. Being a non-practicing Catholic I still strictly hold on to my ideals, morals, standards, and values. They were still intact within me. The golden rule had always taught and influenced me to "not do unto others what I don't want to do to myself."

It all comes back to ourselves actually. What ever is applicable to you in a moral sense is also applicable to others but always remember that there's always an exception to every rule. We must also consider some very important factors that will affect our influence to other people.

For me, I just wanted to be simple with others and be cool to them not knowing that my being cool was extra nice for them and had impacted a lot to them. And I am always surprised when they approached me or tell other people that I am extremely nice in such a way that I can hear them praising me for a job well done.

I always go the extra mile to treasure all my every acquaintances. I always reflected a sense of hospitality to them and as well as a caring attitude to them. Maybe that's the aspect that had touched them and made them not to forget my friendship.

But on the otherhand I have to safe guard of myself because I had some situations before that had put me in a position of getting abused at because of my extra niceness at the expense of a friendly relationship. And that had gave me an enormous lessons before which I regretted having done it.

It's cool to have touched someone's life and it really affected me a lot greatly, too. I just can't contain my happiness and fulfillment to see them enjoying my company and close friendship. I am just content at that and I am proud of that. I can say I am a shallow person but I am that way.

Friendship is no game. It is hard to earn it in actuality. We must treasure each person we make friends because they are special people we seldom find and meet. As the years elapsed friendship will grow deeper and more closer and the bonding being developed will be precious and hard to earn.

Friendship can be likened to a newly made wine in which as it aged slowly it tastes good and delicious you'll ask and yearn for more. And as the wine aged it becomes more expensive and unaffordable, it is timeless and a luxury.

Whereas on friendship as it grows deeper in years it becomes more extra close just like a family and it is treasured and regarded with extra care because once you lose a friendship it will not gonna be the same again. And that's the truthful and hurtful fact I've seen in my whole life's existence.

A friendship is a serious thing and we must always treasure everything we have in the name of it, for it is hard to earn it and we could never go back to square again and start all over again for it's not gonna be the same again, believe me. Once you ruin it, it will be forever ruined and not the same again.

Friendship is a fragile thing. It is like a breakable vase that when it's broken you can put the broken pieces all together and glue them up but the breaks will still be visible and the fragile vase will not be the same again as in it's original form and appearance.

The hurt you cause to a friendship will always be there and it will never be mended or cured professionally that's why a friendship is always a serious thing. And I always believe in these very simple but believable principles.

No matter what we do we always have to remember that people are always vulnerable and there's no perfect human being in this place we call earth. But with the beliefs we always hang to we must always be wary not to hurt other people's feelings because when we do that, it's very hard to erase it from the people's mind who we hurt and mend their broken heart.

We must always leave a good and indelible mark in others because in that way we will earn their respect and at the same time earn their precious friendship. Friendship is the best thing that always happens in a person's life.

I myself had a few circle of friends but with these selected few I had earned great respect, love, understanding, and affection that made me a really happy and fulfilled person because I know I am a good friend indeed.

It takes a lot of time and energy to earn other people's respect and believe me you have to sweat blood for it. You can always encounter people contradicting you but don't just stop there because the world never turns without those people.

Remember in a movie, the movie will be bland and no meaning without a villain. And these people spiced up a friendship. There is always opposites in what we do and we must be cautious with them because if were not they will cause great havoc and excruciating harm and hurt in our relatioships with other people.

There's always a balance in everything and we must be receptive to our own surroundings in order to avoid such unbalanced and stressful situations, perspectives, and events to happen in our daily undertakings.

Life is cool as well as friendship. We always have to size up who to mingle in order for us to achieve total happiness. In the end I leave you with something to think upon; "In a friend you found a second self."

Is this true to you? I know this holds true to me and I always believe it as the way it should be.

Transitioning Smoothly

Yeah, I've been voicing out my heartaches and frustrations during my ER orientation on this blogsite yet all things that had happened to me these days had some full effect on who and what I am now.

It's really hard sometimes for me to fathom why people are so mean at me. It really surprised me a lot to know that there were people who always wished only my failures and not my success. I didn't know that they have to do a lot of things and device all means to put me down and hurt me.

But honestly, for me this determined moves against me had gave me some very important strength to be strong and stay positive as well as to show humility to them because I do believe that there's always someone who will have to stoop down in order not to aggravate the already heated situation.

Despite of all this negative vibes around me I still continued to have faith in myself that I can do it. It really worked on me a lot of times. I just continued to do my own thing all the time as well as trying to be open with everybody despite of the cold reception I got in the unit. I always stayed humble everyday but all I got is a cold shrug.

Life is always liquid and flowing. It has to wonderfully forge forward despite what the atmosphere is around, be it sunny, gloomy, unpromising, uninviting, or rainy. It has to thrive and survive greatly despite of the unwelcoming surroundings it has in. That's how life is thriving so collectively.

Now that my orientation is nearly ending this month I feel that I got it now despite of the bad atmosphere in that place. The snobbish and unwelcoming people around doesn't bother me at all. I already got immune to them.... hahaha. What is important for me now is the welfare of my patients. As long as my patients were being taken cared of, that's all right with me.

I always believe that as long as I don't harm anybody I feel I am cool and fulfilled. I always believed that God is always my refuge and I always thanked and appreciated Him for giving me the tenacity and will power to stay in that unwelcoming place full of negative auras. My faith always had wonderfully held me on to be unwavering and strong in order to help and serve my clienteles.

Now that I am nearing the end of my ER orientation I am really and extremely proud of myself for keeping me intact and unharmed emotionally inside. Life had always protectively held me and nurtured me in conquering over all the bad elements that's trying to hinder and curtail me to go to the summit, nirvana, acme or top of a successful career.

I always screamed and bursted a happy thought inside me to keep me strong and alert as I battle the aura of the negative vibes around me to show and project an unwavering determination to conquer these challenges every day in order to be successful and victorious in the end. I'm always proud of myself for being so resilient and determined in the achievement of my daily goals and objectives.

Although changing another specialty entails me to start from square, I am always willing and ready to face the challenges despite I will experienced being stepped on, and that's the harsh reality of it. I will never ever learn my lessons if I wouldn't be receptive to be challenged in that way, although it shouldn't be like that anyway. But yeah, I really learned to keep myself cool despite of the cold reception I've got. It's really an enormous challenge but it doesn't deter me to keep going.

Biases and unobvious discrimination at the work setting always happen every where and it's always inevitable and unavoidable. And people should always learn how to be extremely resilient and keep determined and project a spirit of will power to survive the hurtful challenges every day. Keeping ourselves strong each day will help greatly in achieving our daily objectives.

So far the transition in my change of experience and heart for another nursing specialty was been wonderfully uneventful, fulfillingly productive, magically safe, attractively promising despite of some occasional bumps and hurdles, and as well crossing smoothly to survive the day. Thank God for holding me on to the end. Thank you Lord always!

Family Time

I was off for four days lately and I was been expecting some family to visit from Texas. One of my second cousin whom I have never seen for fifteen years will be here together with her family. They were long driving across the west coast from the Lone Star State.

I got out of my work last Monday morning very very tired and was planning to rest for the whole day but I was expecting my second cousin to come that day and was been waiting for her call but I decided to meet her the next day on a Tuesday.

I slept for the whole afternoon after I got home from my clinicals from Long Beach Care Center. I headed directly to my clinicals after I got out of ER from the previous night's work. When I woke up around midnigt I noticed my cousin left a lot of messages on my voicemail telling me that they were already in Los Angeles and was staying at my other cousin's house in Orange County.

The next day I started to call her up but it seems that they were already out for the whole day at Disneyland. I was told by my cousin in Orange County that the whole family went for a whole day tour at Disneyland. I kept leaving messages on her celfone but it seems that they will be there for the whole day. So I decided to just met her up and her family the next day at my auntie's house in Santa Clarita.

I started to just read some more cases for my ER orientation in order to just keep my time productive. At least I kept myself informed and educated about the very important cases being found in the ER unit.

The next day I called my Auntie in Santa Clarita and verified if my second cousin will be heading there that day. She cofirmed that my cousin will be staying there for the night. She told me that my cousin and her family were heading to Universal Studios so I told her that I will just meet them there.

I headed to Universal Studios after having lunch at the Red Lobster at Santa Clarita. When I saw my cousin we were so happy, giggling, and acting like little kids again. It's just like we were little kids again reminiscing all our happy and memorable moments when we were little.

I got to met her dutiful and funny hubby for the first time and their three little gorgeous and smart kids. They were a beautiful and awesome family. My uncle and auntie were also in tow and also my cousin's mother-in-law was with the group. It was a very poignant and happy reunion after fifteen years back when we were still working at our hometown hospital.

Life is never boring indeed. It's always a cycle and things always happen with a purpose. It was very awe-inspiring and I can't believe this moment will happen seeing my second cousin for so many years. I got to see some of my family and bonded with them for the rest of the day.

After strolling at the Universal Citywalk we went to my other auntie's place in Santa Clarita and continue our endless talks and conversations there. We were also invited for a welcome party at one of my other auntie's place and I got to meet more family members there, hanging out, talking, and bonding with all of them. It was fun to see everybody around!

The party was a surprise party for my cousin in celebration for her recent birthday this week and there were a lot of food and a lot of unending stories being talked and shared at. It was a very nice and memorable celebration and we were all stuffed up. We even had some take home goodies to bring after the party.

After the party we headed back to Santa Clarita at my auntie's place and continue our intimate and non-stop conversations there. I decided to just stay over for the whole night for this is a once in a lifetime moment to be with my second cousin and her family and my uncles and aunties.

It was good to see her and her beautiful family. I can't express my happiness upon knowing that she is coming over and see the whole clan. It's just like been years ago when we were little enjoying the joys of life and the promise of our innocent youthfulness. Oh.... how I feel it's just the same again.

Impertinent Musings

Well, it's been like very bland nowadays. I have nothing to do except for reading a lot of papers. Just trying to be knowledgeable of the various cases being seen in ER.

Now that I am trying to be (trying to make a quote and quote sign in the air) an ER adult nurse I am trying to familiarize myself with the adult cases being encountered in ER. I know it will take time for me to familiarize with them yet it's my responsibility to know it by heart so that I will know how to act at the right time when I get to encounter those.

They say that enough preparation and knowledge will save our time being wasted. Anticipation is the best thing to combat unpreparedness. It is always my habit to prepare and know what to expect in every situation. I always make sure that I am knowledgeable of what I do because I don't want to act stupid in front of other people.

I know that sometimes things had happened unexpectedly and I suddenly forgot what to do and that will put me in an awkward and embarrassing situation. I really don't want that to happen but shit always happen and it's inevitable.

Right now, nothing is really special to do so I just chill here in my apartment and make and keep myself busy by reading as much as I could to prepare me for the worse in my current job. I hope this will help and benefit me in the near future. And for sure it will I believe.

I always have the good faith in everything I do and I always believe in myself all the time. I know people will come in our way to destabilize us and intimidate us and that's the most irritating thing to happen.

Sometimes we got affected by them and sometimes not. But I just can't imagine why there's always some people who find it amusing to make someone's life miserable. I don't know why?

Well, I think these people just have nothing to do in their life. I think their day is not always complete without pestering somebody's life. I think they were just being born as unmeaningful bullies and find it very fulfilling and appealing to have somebody in a state of an unbalanced homeostasis.

Well, for me seldom I don't get affected by them but sometimes it's really irritating to be the object of their annoying and irritating behaviors. Sometimes it's much better to ignore them constantly and ignoringly act like I'm not getting affected by them because if I do that they tend to not pester me at all. But sometimes I can't help getting back at them bitterly.

Life is full of people who in one way or the other affects it to keep it going, even people who are unimportant and doesn't even contribute to it's total existence. They are all magically and surprisingly placed and interwoven in the realm of our life's existence. They are just annoying distractors and malignant perpetrators in our life and serves us nothing in our perpetual existence.

And we need to determindedly weed them out from our existence in order for us to keep life going. Distractors are the one's that makes life go slow and sometimes makes us extremely miserable. And we must know how to avoid them or else know how to deal with them.

We must channel a positive energy in to ourselves so that the distractors will not be persuaded to block us towards the fulfillment of our goals. Believe me life is never easy at all if they exist.

Right now, I am doing these impertinent musings and I have nothing else to do. I am bored to death and also trying to keep myself busy by reading all this massive information I needed to know as I keep myself thrive in the ER.

They say that filling a jug with drops of water will eventually fill it to the brim. And that's what I've been doing in my life right now. I've been reading topics that I needed in my job everyday for at least two hours for I know that it will help me in the future.

Knowledge is always an ongoing process. We always learn everyday in our life and it's never too late to start educating ourselves with informations we needed for ourselves, our job, our family, and our life. Even though how slow or fast we learn these information, always be certain that we will put them into use at the right time in our life.

Life is never easy and we get to gather some facts, information, and knowledge to always make them useful in our life. For life would be hard if we are not prepared for it. That's the whole truth and nothing but the truth. If it happened to me then I am sure it also will happen to you.

Anticipate all the time and don't procrastinate. Make your time valuable for it will benefit you some day. Live life to the fullest and learn a lot from it. For what we experience today will be our best teacher for what we will be having tomorrow.

Life is never easy but we have to make the most of it. And I have witnessed a lot of them and been a subject of such unpreparedness and procrastinating behavior. Now I know better and I promise to change for the better.

Aaahh...... life's experiences is indeed the best teacher of all!

Going The Distance

In our everyday life we always see to it that we always set out for our goals. We have to aim for it and we have to conquer it no matter what the odds are. We have to always go the distance to attain and realize it.

I was very captivated and fascinated with this song from a Disney movie Hercules and the lyrics kept reverberating at the back of my mind all the time. When always faced with dilemmas and struggles I always sing this song and it will perk me up and make me steadfastly strong and extremely inspired.

This song had inspired me a lot of times in my daily undertakings despite of my weaknesses, failures, and handicap and it never made me falter and turn my back. It made me more intrepid and keep going as I embark to fulfill new goals everyday.

The song starts like, "I have often dreamed of a far-off place, where a hero's welcome will be waiting for me. Where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face and a voice keep saying this is where I'm meant to be."

So deep inside me, myself keeps telling me that I always wanted to do this and that and I have to do something in order to stay here and there. That I deserve to stay here so I have to make an enormous effort to deserve myself to stay here. And I'm doing all my best to prove to myself and to others that I really deserve to be here.

"I'll be there someday, I can go the distance. I will find my way, if I can be strong. I know every mile will be worth my while when I go the distance I'll be right where I'll belong."

I know I can reach it by making myself true to my convictions and by taking the roads to it slowly as to my own capacity because I know myself and my self limitations. I know I can be there because I know that's my rightful place despite I've been pushed down, mocked, degraded and discriminated.

"Down an unknown road to embrace my fate. Though that road may wander it will lead me to you. And a thousand years would be worth the wait. It might take a lifetime but somehow I'll see it through. And I won't look, I can go the distance and I'll stay on track, no I won't accept defeat. It's an uphill slope but I won't lose hope till I go the distance and my journey is complete."

Even though I'll be in a strange place, even though how many years it will take me to get there, even though I will encounter a lot of adversities along the way, even though a lot of people are putting me down, I will always still try to get and focused with my goals and attain it succesfully.

I will learn from my mistakes and make them my capital in getting to my goals. I will always stay focused and on track and I won't say it's done and accept defeat because it's a coward's way of losing hope. Although the odds and the ways were steep I will always stay on top of my form and stay victorious in the end.

"But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part. A hero's strength is measured by his heart."

Yet in the end it's your determination on how you get there that all matters. It's your heart to be on top and stay focused that's important because looking beyond the successes you've made is the hardest part if you don't have the heart and soul to get there.

"Like a shooting star, I will go the distance. I will search the world, I will face his heart and harms. I don't care how far, I can go the distance. Till I find my hero's welcome waiting in your arms."

And it the end, going the distance on your own make a lot of difference because at least you've tried it yourself to be there on your own without the help of somebody.

You've scaled the odds on your own, you've never lose hope and was well determined to stay on top of your form in order to commit the happiness and success of your goals which you deserved to be at. And at the end you deserved to be awarded with adulation and love by your friends and families because you made it on your own.

Hope this inspired you a lot as it inspired me so much. Going the distance on our own is never a bad thing but a sure thing. Keep dreaming and start your journey right now.

Hopefully My Dilemma Has Ended

Well, I came back here with the same story about my orientation in ER which was apparently extended because I was assessed that I needed more exposure to adult ER by my primary preceptor.

I already told you about my current experiences with my primary preceptor and lately it's been going downhill not that really to a point that she is killing me but to a point that she broke me into tears. I thought she mellowed down already but it even became worse last Saturday.

I was been following her during that not-so-busy Saturday night when she bombarded me with a lot of questions which I thought I answered well and she started to get irritated and impatient again asking me a lot of what ifs and whys. I felt I had answered all her questions well but she was not satisfied with it.

She kept pressuring me to tell her some more and I couldn't thought of anything else making her voice louder for everyone to hear. I got so frustrated and upset with her and I didn't hold on to my tears. I cried in front of her telling her that I tried my best to answer all her questions and she's not satisfied with it and she's till giving me a hard time.

When she saw me started welling my tears down my cheeks she pulled me aside and we went inside the night managers office which I think she was planning to do to ask help from her which I know was one of her cohorts but apparently when I started explaining with the manager she started to blame me that I wasn't listening at her, trying to tell her that it's my mistake after all.

I just let her talk and then when she's done I calmly explained still in tears to the night manager my side of the story. I just can't help crying inside there because I felt so crushed and frustrated already. I felt like a balloon which just bursted because of too much pressures.

I think the pent up emotions I kept from the previous days of orientation was been full already that's why I gave way. It was a relief though and I felt good after that.

The manager was been listening to my explanations intently and she asked me any recomendations on what to do to maximize my learning process during the orientation. I was thankful she was listening to me and was not one sided at all.

I told her that I cannot learn well if somebody is shouting at me and very condescending in their approach because I couldn't focus well if somebody is very hypercritical of what I am doing. It' s just like putting a racist person in front of me and saying that all my actions were wrong and that I don't have a right to be in ER.

I told her also that I got nervous if somebody is yelling at me and hurrying me up to do things thereby losing my focus on what to do, assess, chart, gather data, and document things I gathered. It was not a win-win battle between her and me and I burst out all my emotions there.

After that the manager had also laid out her recommendations and findings and we all agreed to do it and start all over again from there. Finally my prayers were all been answered and I can sigh a relief now that it was been taken cared of.

Now my responsibility is to focus on my orientation, learn as much as I can and focus on the details I need to improve. I didn't see that discussion will happen that night but I know God works it out for me so that my voice will be heard, too. I love you Lord.

After the discussion my primary preceptor was very mellow now and that she let me do things on my own and just correct me if I missed something. We planned some objectives and goals to be done for next week and we agreed and confirmed to do it.

It seems that everything had all worked out. Had I not cried and burst out that night I thought my orientation in ER will be a hell of a ride and will end up non-productive and full of dread, fear, hatred, and bad criticisms and assumptions. I was so thankful that everything was been patched up and that everything ahead was been planned out and will be okay.

Hopefully my dilemma had just ended from there and I will start a new day on Wednesday and Thursday when I come back. I am crossing my fingers very very intently and I hope everything will be all right that day.

Twist of Fate

Wow..... I can't believe it. The previous days I was been blogging about my frustrations with my orientation at my new job which made me so depressed and troubled. Now I felt all relieved and a little bit off the hook. Yay!

What had happened last night was a total miracle. I went to work yesterday driving so troubled because of the treatment to me by my primary preceptor the previous days of my orientation which is so below the waste and condescending.

I felt I was a worthless shit in front of her but I still held on and did not retaliate at her because I don't want to look unprofessional to her and to the staff around and display an attitude of dissension.

Instead I displayed a personality of calmness and humility and prayed to God that I can hold on all through out the course of my orientation. I looked like a puppy being abused and yelled at to do her bag of tricks while other people are watching and listening. It was very belittling, embarrassing, disgraceful, and degrading.

One of the core staff I was very close with had seen and heard her last night shouting at me in a condescending way so this friend of mine had spoke to her in a nice and calm manner to just be easy in orienting and dealing with me and I don't know what had happened next.

My friend had consoled and advised me to be strong and not to give up that easily. I was about to burst into tears in front of her but I held it and just gestured at her that it really hurts deep in me and that I'm exploding deep inside. She then hugged me tightly and whispered to me that she'll be there to take care of me as long as I won't give up the fight.

I told her that this is what I've like to do and I won't ever give up from where I started and she was happy and reassured to know and hear that. She then told me that she knew my flight and struggles and she will be willing to help me all the time. I thanked her sincerely after that and I was so thankful and relieved that I still had somebody to lean on in times of troubled moments.

I really believed that God had answered my fervent prayers because aside from that another incident had happened last night which I think had influenced to mellowed down my primary preceptor's attitude and approach in dealing and teaching me.

Amidst the busy night and the crazy hustle and bustle in the emergency room I didn't know that God is always working on my side. I was doing my assessment on this OB case and by the time I was putting all my necessary data and assessments on the computer my preceptor had questioned some of my charted informations.

I told her that that was the information given to me by my patient but she refused to believe me and told me in a loud voice letting all of the staff around to hear that I am not doing my assessment well as if I am very irresponsible in getting my data and that I am a dumb nurse who doesn't know what I'm doing. She was very furious at me.

I just kept quiet, stayed calm, just listened at her talking crap at me, and let her yapping and yacking until she's finished and then I just went back calmly to the room and asked the patient the same information again to clarify.

I didn't know that the patient overheard the commotion outside and she was very mad and upset at the situation. She told me that this has to stop and end. I didn't know that she was listening at how my preceptor had been treating me and she knows that I was just so mum and professional about it.

She told me that all the information I've gotten from her were the right ones. She then stand up out of the gurney and walked slowly limping outside to the station to talk to my preceptor and then all I have heard was she's already arguing with my preceptor which I don't have any idea at all what they were talking about. I was left stunned and shocked in the room.

When the patient came back to the room she told me that she works in the medical field and she had noticed that my preceptor was not treating me right so she made the move to go to the station and told her about it which I think had mellowed her out after that all through out the night.

I then thanked the patient for doing it for me and we became close at that moment. She even let me do all the procedures that was needed to be done to her including catheterizing her for a urine specimen.

And the rest of the night was been very peaceful and there were no shouting and yelling anymore. My preceptor had been talking to me in a calm way, was been smiling at me instead of being grouchy, was been patting my back at times, and was also been laughing and joking with me at times.

It was a total twist of fate and I myself was been amazed and shocked at what had happened. I don't know what I did to that OB patient and she took the initiative to help me. I didn't know what my close friend had told my preceptor which changed her approach it teaching me.

But all of these had happened in just one night which made my primary preceptor's change of heart still a big puzzle to me. It was extremely mesmerizing and I couldn't believe what I've seen, heard, and felt that time. I was so relieved and was candidly bursting with joy inside me the moment I closed my shift.

My contemplations of giving up my orientation was then been set aside and now I know everything will be all right. Although I still be on a very challenging orientation for another month at least my feeling of dread, troubled anticipation, and marked depression will be that less evident anymore because of my preceptor's change of approach in teaching me as well as her unbelievable change of heart.

It takes a good personality to provoke people to help me and I've seen it working miraculously last night. I know GOD really works in mysterious places and time and I know HE always answered all my fervent prayers last night. I know HE won't leave me there with a crushed and downtrodden heart and I know HE's always good to me all the time despite of my sins.

Thank you Lord for always being there all the time. You've brought me a lot of Hope, Light, and Encouragement in continuing my journey to work in the Emergency Room to touch other people's lives and to heal other people's infirmities. I love you with all my heart!

Tough Love

Well, my orientation in ER was a very mind boggling initiation. Yet, it was a very challenging one and I learned a lot from it.

I was been with a lot of preceptors and I was kinda confused already. Some are very encouraging and some are not interested in teaching me leaving me to scrape my resources in order to survive the whole shift.

But the most challenging part was to be left out and have nothing to lean on except that I have to squeeze out all my wits and apply my own judgement in doing my own assessments. It seems that I am not welcome in this place but I have to be optimistic that I can do it.

I am always a positive person and I don't want to think that people are too passive to help me out. Probably I was wrong with my assumptions and I can't get rid of suspecting this kind of situations. I may be paranoid about it but I know I can hurdle such situations.

I am a person who is very introverted and I just keep it to myself even though I am hurt already. I always consider it as a challenge and it gives me a room to learn from my mistakes and a room to challenge myself harder and prove to those people that I can survive it even though they gave me tough love.

I got this two preceptors with the same encouraging personality but were so opposite in their teachings and from them I learned a lot because they were so hands on to me and they keep pushing my self to the limits.

One preceptor was a very encouraging one. She was very thorough in her explanations and I was never been intimidated by her. She was very accommodating and approachable and I always got some positive and encouraging feedbacks from her despite I made some minor mistakes. She is not condescending and was very patient in teaching me.

My other preceptor was supposed to be my primary preceptor but due to some health issues she was absent for many days and I missed out some days with her that's why I was bumped with several people to orient with thereby making me confused because of too much ideas and information that were suddenly infused to me and some are not even interested in teaching me the rigors of ER routines.

Now this other preceptor of mine was a very effective one. She is very smart and she knows what she's doing, although in some situations where we were so busy then she tend to get upset, lose her temper and patience with me.

I mean no negative feelings with her because I know I have learned a lot from her and I was so extremely challenged with her way of teaching me ER routines. What I don't like is that she yelled at me sometimes condescendingly in front of the staff which to my upbringing means a very embarassing situation.

In my whole life I never gotten yelled at by my parents and I was kind of hurt by it inside me yet I showed her some humility and gratefulness for taking time in effectively teaching me although I am still new to the unit.

What really hurts me is that she always pointed out that I am an experienced nurse for fifteen years and I still don't know what I'm doing. Although she used to say and slapped that to my face, I never retaliated at her and still was all smiles with her but inside me, I was already scarred and hurt. I never experienced this kind of tough love and abrassive comments in my entire life.

It was very degrading and defamatory where I was about to pop like a balloon and burst into tears but good thing I never showed it to her and I still held on to myself and not crying in front of her.

It was a very intimidating and embarrassing situation to be at. I know some staff over heard it but I still held the cutest smile and a thick face in front of them showing them that I was not affected but deep inside I was already bleeding and crying of shame.

My family friend who worked there advised me to be strong and be alert all the time of my decisions and actions because every body seems to be very unwelcoming to new staff like me. Although I sensed it initially when I started there but because of my will to learn some of the ER routines and actions I succumbed myself to all these tough love.

Tough love...... because I received a passive welcome and less acceptance. It seems that I only existed there as a props and of no value at all. But hey don't buy out props..... because sometimes they can be of good use.

Aaah..... I always bear in mind that I could not please people all the time. And I always feel that I tend to be judged and mistaken as a timid guy all the time and also frequently misunderstood in some cases. I don't know why....... but I think the aura I always emanated to them was not that very tantalizing to subdue or mesmerize other living and nonliving things.

But hey..... I am just a simple human being prone to be hurt, disgraced, and misunderstood, and that when you know me, will give you a lot of funny jokes and comical stories you won't forget in your entire life.

I know most of my first encounters will see me as timid and passive person but I always tell them I am like that because I'm still prepping myself to my acquaintances so that I get to know them well.

Every individual is unique and they shouldn't be misunderstood and be given tough love. It takes time to know someone and I hope people will give some time to know someone. It's just like having a baby and getting to know them well as they grow up.

For me as a newbie in ER I never expected to be treated with such tough love. I mean I can be as thick as a bark of the tree to fend off those negative comments but still I am also a human being prone to be hurt and embarrassed. Disgraced as I am but still has the guts to stand against the snares of shame and embarrassment.

Writing this blog made my tears continuously flow and my pent up feelings and emotions were released slowly. This is my avenue to express myself and my injured dignity. I thanked God for not letting me lose my temper and not answer back with my perpetrators although I was about to do it but He guided me to be strong in the midst of humiliation.

Time will come I will get over this and I will rise from the ashes of embarrassment and disgrace. I hope my patience will not stretch out and I will held on tight from the darkest moments of these challenges.

Thank you God for watching over me. Thanks also for the tough love you've given me.