It's 4 am in the morning, sleep was so evasive. I am thinking hard about what had happened to me the previous months. I am in a mood of reflecting all the events that occured to me lately. It was a quiet time for me to flashback everything.
I remember this same time of July 10, still fresh in my mind, back when I was in the Philippines constantly watching over my mom in the hospital. She was coughing so hard and called on me.
She told me that she needed a cough medicine so I told her that I will be back to ask the nurse to prescribe the cough medicine. I have to obtain the prescription and buy it from the nearby pharmacy. When I came back and about to give her the medicine my mom was already unconscious.
At that time, I already had the feeling that she will leave me. I can still vividly recalled my tears flowing from my eyes as I ran to the nurses station and tell them to wake up the doctor and told her of my mom's pitiful condition.
Right there and then I already prepared myself that she will leave me. I painstakingly spoke good things and memories to her even though she couldn't respond well to me but only with a slight nod, moan, and a nagging cough.
With her deplorable condition it is impossible for me to bring her back to normal. I have to make her last moments memorable so I never left her side that time. Her constant wheezing and gasping for air aggravated her condition and I was extremely hurt to see her suffer that way.
I already prepared myself that she will leave me that day. So I informed my siblings and my nearest relatives of her bad condition.
My flight to Los Angeles was on that day, too, and I have to leave to take care of some business and at the same time file my leave-of-absence at work and postpone my flight and vacation to France on July 13th. I have no choice, but to leave her. But I promised to be back in a weeks time.
I never see her last breath and passing peacefully but I already prepared myself that she will pass away that day. I felt guilty leaving her but I'm sure she will understand.
I told her that morning that I have to leave to prepare everything when she goes. I also told her that she don't have to worry who will take care of her until her last moments because I am there willing to take and handle the responsibility. And I promised her that I will come back once everything was been taken cared of.
True to my promise, I came back to the Philippines seeing my mom inside her beautiful and expensive casket, wearing a rose pink embroidered Maria Clara dress, which she requested to me while she was alive.
She looks as if she was just sleeping soundly without any worries of the human existence on the soft small silk pillow placed underneath her head.
Her make-up was a simple blush of pink and mauve and she appears very elegant and pretty. Her lipstick was been brushed lightly of a deep red coated with a sheer silk lip gloss on her thin lips.
I was contented of the way my siblings prepared her while I was away and I was so happy that all I promised my mom was been fulfilled and realized. I cannot ask for more but for the best for her.
Her flowers as she requested should be white crysanthemums and mums all throughout the wake. And true to that promise I kept what I told her. And I felt she really deserved all those pampering even until her last days here on earth.
It's really true that life doesn't hold any guarantees. We have to die and leave our place her on earth.
And to my mom, reflecting back on her last days, I can say that she is well served by me. I was just thankful to her that she waited for me to take care of her until her last days. Thank you, mom.
Even I worked far from her, I never left her behind and she knows that. I may be living alone in Los Angeles but I always think of her all the time. I sacrificed a lot for her, giving up living near her to work far from her with only a phone call bridging between us.
I will surely missed her and I am sure she does, too, for me. But I know she is always here with me all the time now that she is with our Lord, watching over me.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Quiet Time With Kuya George
Well, I was back last night at work for only one night then I was off today. I went home early this morning too tired but not sleepy.
My night was awesome and not that busy. I had three patients initially and had admitted a septic baby with upper respiratory infection and urinary tract infection at 2 am.
I basically started his three antibiotics and monitored his fever all through out. He was shivering uncontrollably because of the systemic and general infection he had. He looks very septic and shocky, in that I have to hydrate him by pushing two boluses of normal saline twenty times milliliters of his weight. Then his fever started to abate.
When I got home, sleep was not imminent so I decided to finish the book I started reading at work before that septic baby came up. The paperback novel was titled "The Shop at Blossom Street" authored by my favorite writer Debbie Macomber.
The plot revolves on the story of four women who participated in a knitting class. Each women quite unique with their own stories in life interwoven together into a magnificent and extraordinary friendship. It touched my inner senses and woke up my maudlin feelings. Life seemed to be full of such little ironies. It's kinda funny but it's always the truth.
After I put down the book at about 12 noon I took a warm shower then have a date with my nine big pillows on my soft bed. I slept so good that I can't even recall I dreamt of something. I slept for a good refreshing six hours. I woke up at 7 pm a little bit groggy and in disarray.
I was brushing my teeth when the phone rang. It was Kuya George, my best friend. He wants to come over to see me because it was been three weeks that he has not seen me. Quite confused, I said yes and he hanged up.
I then hurriedly prepared dinner by washing the rice and steaming it at the cooker then took out two of the small milkfish (bangus) I soaked in vinegar, soy sauce, and crushed garlic two days ago and slammed it in the pan, frying it into a crispy fried fish.
I then took out the tomato and onion out from the fridge and diced it finely then peeled two salted eggs that I bought from a Vietnamese market the other day and mixed it with the tomato-onion mixture to make it as a salad.
By the time Kuya George came, dinner was ready to serve. We hungrily devour the food and practically finished everything without even missing one morsel of rice. I was so starve to death because I haven't had my lunch for the fact that I was sleeping soundly that whole afternoon.
I then took a shower after the dinner while Kuya George washed the dishes and carefully patted it with dry cloth and returned it in the cupboard. After the shower, I changed and we decided to go to the Grove and watch a movie.
By the time we got to the Grove parking lot we noticed that a lot of shoppers were coming to and fro on this early Wednesday night. When we were there we heard a rock song blaring from the mall's outdoor plaza. There we know, that every Wednesday night they have bands playing there and today it was Gavin Rossdale (husband of Gwen Stefani) playing at the plaza.
Because the plaza was so crowded, me and Kuya George decided to go directly to the theater and purchased two tickets for "The Time Traveler's Wife". It was a very slow movie but the plot is good. Me and Kuya George was so immersed with the love story and Eric Bana and Rachael McAdams's romance really titillated our senses. We were so lovestruck after the movie finished.
When we got out of the theater it was already 11:20 pm and the mall appears lonesome and inhabitted. I then drove Kuya George back to his apartment and we said our good nights.
With our schedules opposite each other Kuya George and me seldom see each other now. God is good if we happen to jam together all the time. But it seems that each and everyone of us has our own life and little ironies to face. Just like the book I've just read.
I am off for only one day today and will be back to work again tomorrow for one day. Then Saturday will me my clinicals and will rest the whole Sunday. On Monday I am planning to go to San Diego with my high school classmate to locate one of the lighthouse I've longed and dreamed to visit.
Who knows when is the next time me and Kuya George can see each other again. But I am hopeful it will be soon.
My night was awesome and not that busy. I had three patients initially and had admitted a septic baby with upper respiratory infection and urinary tract infection at 2 am.
I basically started his three antibiotics and monitored his fever all through out. He was shivering uncontrollably because of the systemic and general infection he had. He looks very septic and shocky, in that I have to hydrate him by pushing two boluses of normal saline twenty times milliliters of his weight. Then his fever started to abate.
When I got home, sleep was not imminent so I decided to finish the book I started reading at work before that septic baby came up. The paperback novel was titled "The Shop at Blossom Street" authored by my favorite writer Debbie Macomber.
The plot revolves on the story of four women who participated in a knitting class. Each women quite unique with their own stories in life interwoven together into a magnificent and extraordinary friendship. It touched my inner senses and woke up my maudlin feelings. Life seemed to be full of such little ironies. It's kinda funny but it's always the truth.
After I put down the book at about 12 noon I took a warm shower then have a date with my nine big pillows on my soft bed. I slept so good that I can't even recall I dreamt of something. I slept for a good refreshing six hours. I woke up at 7 pm a little bit groggy and in disarray.
I was brushing my teeth when the phone rang. It was Kuya George, my best friend. He wants to come over to see me because it was been three weeks that he has not seen me. Quite confused, I said yes and he hanged up.
I then hurriedly prepared dinner by washing the rice and steaming it at the cooker then took out two of the small milkfish (bangus) I soaked in vinegar, soy sauce, and crushed garlic two days ago and slammed it in the pan, frying it into a crispy fried fish.
I then took out the tomato and onion out from the fridge and diced it finely then peeled two salted eggs that I bought from a Vietnamese market the other day and mixed it with the tomato-onion mixture to make it as a salad.
By the time Kuya George came, dinner was ready to serve. We hungrily devour the food and practically finished everything without even missing one morsel of rice. I was so starve to death because I haven't had my lunch for the fact that I was sleeping soundly that whole afternoon.
I then took a shower after the dinner while Kuya George washed the dishes and carefully patted it with dry cloth and returned it in the cupboard. After the shower, I changed and we decided to go to the Grove and watch a movie.
By the time we got to the Grove parking lot we noticed that a lot of shoppers were coming to and fro on this early Wednesday night. When we were there we heard a rock song blaring from the mall's outdoor plaza. There we know, that every Wednesday night they have bands playing there and today it was Gavin Rossdale (husband of Gwen Stefani) playing at the plaza.
Because the plaza was so crowded, me and Kuya George decided to go directly to the theater and purchased two tickets for "The Time Traveler's Wife". It was a very slow movie but the plot is good. Me and Kuya George was so immersed with the love story and Eric Bana and Rachael McAdams's romance really titillated our senses. We were so lovestruck after the movie finished.
When we got out of the theater it was already 11:20 pm and the mall appears lonesome and inhabitted. I then drove Kuya George back to his apartment and we said our good nights.
With our schedules opposite each other Kuya George and me seldom see each other now. God is good if we happen to jam together all the time. But it seems that each and everyone of us has our own life and little ironies to face. Just like the book I've just read.
I am off for only one day today and will be back to work again tomorrow for one day. Then Saturday will me my clinicals and will rest the whole Sunday. On Monday I am planning to go to San Diego with my high school classmate to locate one of the lighthouse I've longed and dreamed to visit.
Who knows when is the next time me and Kuya George can see each other again. But I am hopeful it will be soon.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Call Me Cuckoo
I just woke up today and had slept for twelve long hours. My whole body felt like I've been beaten up. It was a long day yesterday. My life felt lackadaisically boring.
To tell you frankly, I did something yesterday that put me categorically on a situation as an unmanageable person. I mean unmanageable because I can't even help abusing myself but even got to the point of putting it in danger. Please read on so you will know what I did.
I woke up early yesterday at 4 am taking ready for my clinical class with Batch 5. I was watching the morning news and at 5 am I started ironing my uniform and white smock gown. I left my apartment at 6:30 am and drove my car on a not so busy freeway on a very humid Saturday morning. I arrived at the clinical site before 7 am and was been greeted by my dedicated and diligent students.
I divided the students into two groups and evenly distributed them to Pediatrics, Labor and Delivery, and Emergency Room. Group 1 went to Pediatrics from 7 am till 12 noon and Emergency Room from 1 pm till 5 pm. Group 2 went to Labor and Delivery Room, Post-partum, and Nursery from 7 am till 5 pm. Then at 6 pm until 7 pm we had our post conference and discussion about our days experiences.
Then after finishing up my clinicals I hurried back to my car and drove cautiously on the spacious freeway towards downtown Los Angeles where my full-time hospital job is located. I was beating myself against time because I will be coming in for the graveyard shift and work for another boring and long twelve hours.
I arrived at the hospital's parking lot 15 minutes early before 7 pm, so I still have some ample time to take a nap inside my car. I slowly turned on my car's radio and intently listened to the soft music I carefully slide in the CD changer. I napped quietly for a substantial few minutes to regain enough strength for the next twelve hours.
Ten minutes after seven I gradually got out of my car and intentionally planned to clock-in late at the time machine. I then willingly took report from the previous day shift nurses for my night's assignment and made my quick rounds and carefully do my patient assessment.
I had three patients to start initially and was awaiting for a hyperbilirubinemia baby admission. I quietly do my basic routine and assessment, carefully filling up paperworks for my patient's charts, and meticulously double-checking and retrieving my patient's medications from the medication administration record book and med-cart seeing to it that all my medications were complete and available for my whole shift.
After seeing to it that everything was okay, I then made my rounds. I slowly and surely checked my patients individually, professionally interacted with them and carefully asking and soliciting their rush complaints and on-the-spot questions as well as answering them honestly to the best of my abilities.
At 10 pm I received report from the Emergency Room regarding my hyperbili admission and then prepared all the necessary stuff needed in relation to her diagnosis. I had also prepared and started to warm up the isolette needed for the baby, set it up well including the two bili lights that I carefully tested and turned on at the bedside if it's working well or not, preparing the baby weighing scale and all the necessary admission papers needed at the bedside.
Thirty minutes after, the baby came up. I then did the initial vital signs, started an intravenous line, coached and instructed the mom to breastfeed the baby before I will place her inside the isolette and exposed her under the ordered double phototherapy treatment.
I then interviewed the mom for the baby's profile and discussed with her the rules and regulations of the Pediatric unit which she eagerly understood.
The baby already came up with a written physician's order scribbled by the resident-on-duty so I then carried it out and made my second round at midnight for all the rest of my assigned patients, asking them if they have any new complaints and questions before they quietly go to sleep.
At 12:30 am I went to take my midnight lunch then started opening up and writing on my patient's charts and documenting all my gathered assessments and also giving my due medications.
Although I pretty much worked for a long twelve hours during the day I didn't even felt tired at that time, may be because I napped quite a bit in my car. It really helped me regain my already lost and drained energy. I really felt confidently refreshed and specifically good not until 2 am when a nagging fatigue finally hit me.
Plus the fact that I've been drinking some nice brewed coffee intermitently, and on and off, and that I felt so impishly stoked, very weak, obviously tired, and stoned, and overly-well-caffeinated. Caffeine really gave a toll on me and surely and really works extremely great for me, huh.
At 2 am I pretty much did not have something to do, that's why I felt so tired and extremely drained out. I then asked my two companions that night if I could take a thirty-minute-nap, which they both eagerly encouraged for me and luckily enjoyed for a little bit..
I had my thirty-minute-nap and enjoyed it very much. By the time I woke up I felt really good, refreshed, and relieved and I am more ready and hyper for the next few hours of my remaining work time.
At 5 am I helped one of my co-nurses do and take their laboratory specimen collection as well as two of my patients. Then at 6 am I made my final rounds seeing to it that all my IV fluids were being changed and refilled and my medications for the next shift were all complete. Then I wrapped-up my documentations at 6:30 am. By the time I gave report to the morning shift at 7 am my eyes felt so droopy. Fatigue finally, set in on me.
When I was carefully driving home I have to make ammends at myself and be more alert to prevent myself from getting into any accident on the road. It was a quite nippy Sunday morning, and the freeway was not that crowded on this early Sunday morning.
By the time I got home, I hurriedly stripped off my dirty scrubs and hit the hot shower immediately. Then I drank four glasses of warm water and took my everyday morning pills. I then ate two loaves of wheat-grainy-bread spread with unsalted butter and grab two sweet green sugar plums as my early morning treat.
I really felt so tired and had tirelessly worked for more than an unbelievable 24 hours. So it was time for me to immediately hit the sack and quietly sleep good to gradually recover my lost energy.
Well, what do you think of what I did today? I already knew what you'll harshly think about me. But to really tell you the truth I personally felt sooo enjoyably numb and profusely tired in a good way. I am not actually so stressed out. I know my body really well when I am so drained and strained out because of so much fatigue. But luckily and without any fuss, I felt so great at the moment.
Now I had slept for more than a substantial twelve hours enough to feel refreshed and energized. And I was here joyfully blogging what I just stupidly and irresponsibly did to my body yesterday. You can call me pathetically crazy but I can't help it and have no choice and option. I have to do it because I just came back from a very long vacation.
I just won't make any fuzz about my very compressed and hectic schedule at work because my supervisors were good and considerate enough to allow me to go home for six weeks to attend for my mom's wake and burial.
So it would be ungrateful for me to call in sick and had them wallow and worry about the staffing had I called in sick yesterday. So, to make everybody happy and contented I just have to conform and accept with what schedule on hand.
I hope this will not happen again in the near future. However, if it will accidentally happen again then hopefully I will pretty much be sure to have accumulated a lot of sleep to beat the fatigue up. So long guys.......
To tell you frankly, I did something yesterday that put me categorically on a situation as an unmanageable person. I mean unmanageable because I can't even help abusing myself but even got to the point of putting it in danger. Please read on so you will know what I did.
I woke up early yesterday at 4 am taking ready for my clinical class with Batch 5. I was watching the morning news and at 5 am I started ironing my uniform and white smock gown. I left my apartment at 6:30 am and drove my car on a not so busy freeway on a very humid Saturday morning. I arrived at the clinical site before 7 am and was been greeted by my dedicated and diligent students.
I divided the students into two groups and evenly distributed them to Pediatrics, Labor and Delivery, and Emergency Room. Group 1 went to Pediatrics from 7 am till 12 noon and Emergency Room from 1 pm till 5 pm. Group 2 went to Labor and Delivery Room, Post-partum, and Nursery from 7 am till 5 pm. Then at 6 pm until 7 pm we had our post conference and discussion about our days experiences.
Then after finishing up my clinicals I hurried back to my car and drove cautiously on the spacious freeway towards downtown Los Angeles where my full-time hospital job is located. I was beating myself against time because I will be coming in for the graveyard shift and work for another boring and long twelve hours.
I arrived at the hospital's parking lot 15 minutes early before 7 pm, so I still have some ample time to take a nap inside my car. I slowly turned on my car's radio and intently listened to the soft music I carefully slide in the CD changer. I napped quietly for a substantial few minutes to regain enough strength for the next twelve hours.
Ten minutes after seven I gradually got out of my car and intentionally planned to clock-in late at the time machine. I then willingly took report from the previous day shift nurses for my night's assignment and made my quick rounds and carefully do my patient assessment.
I had three patients to start initially and was awaiting for a hyperbilirubinemia baby admission. I quietly do my basic routine and assessment, carefully filling up paperworks for my patient's charts, and meticulously double-checking and retrieving my patient's medications from the medication administration record book and med-cart seeing to it that all my medications were complete and available for my whole shift.
After seeing to it that everything was okay, I then made my rounds. I slowly and surely checked my patients individually, professionally interacted with them and carefully asking and soliciting their rush complaints and on-the-spot questions as well as answering them honestly to the best of my abilities.
At 10 pm I received report from the Emergency Room regarding my hyperbili admission and then prepared all the necessary stuff needed in relation to her diagnosis. I had also prepared and started to warm up the isolette needed for the baby, set it up well including the two bili lights that I carefully tested and turned on at the bedside if it's working well or not, preparing the baby weighing scale and all the necessary admission papers needed at the bedside.
Thirty minutes after, the baby came up. I then did the initial vital signs, started an intravenous line, coached and instructed the mom to breastfeed the baby before I will place her inside the isolette and exposed her under the ordered double phototherapy treatment.
I then interviewed the mom for the baby's profile and discussed with her the rules and regulations of the Pediatric unit which she eagerly understood.
The baby already came up with a written physician's order scribbled by the resident-on-duty so I then carried it out and made my second round at midnight for all the rest of my assigned patients, asking them if they have any new complaints and questions before they quietly go to sleep.
At 12:30 am I went to take my midnight lunch then started opening up and writing on my patient's charts and documenting all my gathered assessments and also giving my due medications.
Although I pretty much worked for a long twelve hours during the day I didn't even felt tired at that time, may be because I napped quite a bit in my car. It really helped me regain my already lost and drained energy. I really felt confidently refreshed and specifically good not until 2 am when a nagging fatigue finally hit me.
Plus the fact that I've been drinking some nice brewed coffee intermitently, and on and off, and that I felt so impishly stoked, very weak, obviously tired, and stoned, and overly-well-caffeinated. Caffeine really gave a toll on me and surely and really works extremely great for me, huh.
At 2 am I pretty much did not have something to do, that's why I felt so tired and extremely drained out. I then asked my two companions that night if I could take a thirty-minute-nap, which they both eagerly encouraged for me and luckily enjoyed for a little bit..
I had my thirty-minute-nap and enjoyed it very much. By the time I woke up I felt really good, refreshed, and relieved and I am more ready and hyper for the next few hours of my remaining work time.
At 5 am I helped one of my co-nurses do and take their laboratory specimen collection as well as two of my patients. Then at 6 am I made my final rounds seeing to it that all my IV fluids were being changed and refilled and my medications for the next shift were all complete. Then I wrapped-up my documentations at 6:30 am. By the time I gave report to the morning shift at 7 am my eyes felt so droopy. Fatigue finally, set in on me.
When I was carefully driving home I have to make ammends at myself and be more alert to prevent myself from getting into any accident on the road. It was a quite nippy Sunday morning, and the freeway was not that crowded on this early Sunday morning.
By the time I got home, I hurriedly stripped off my dirty scrubs and hit the hot shower immediately. Then I drank four glasses of warm water and took my everyday morning pills. I then ate two loaves of wheat-grainy-bread spread with unsalted butter and grab two sweet green sugar plums as my early morning treat.
I really felt so tired and had tirelessly worked for more than an unbelievable 24 hours. So it was time for me to immediately hit the sack and quietly sleep good to gradually recover my lost energy.
Well, what do you think of what I did today? I already knew what you'll harshly think about me. But to really tell you the truth I personally felt sooo enjoyably numb and profusely tired in a good way. I am not actually so stressed out. I know my body really well when I am so drained and strained out because of so much fatigue. But luckily and without any fuss, I felt so great at the moment.
Now I had slept for more than a substantial twelve hours enough to feel refreshed and energized. And I was here joyfully blogging what I just stupidly and irresponsibly did to my body yesterday. You can call me pathetically crazy but I can't help it and have no choice and option. I have to do it because I just came back from a very long vacation.
I just won't make any fuzz about my very compressed and hectic schedule at work because my supervisors were good and considerate enough to allow me to go home for six weeks to attend for my mom's wake and burial.
So it would be ungrateful for me to call in sick and had them wallow and worry about the staffing had I called in sick yesterday. So, to make everybody happy and contented I just have to conform and accept with what schedule on hand.
I hope this will not happen again in the near future. However, if it will accidentally happen again then hopefully I will pretty much be sure to have accumulated a lot of sleep to beat the fatigue up. So long guys.......
Friday, August 21, 2009
Catching Up With Batch 5
It's been six weeks since I was gone from Homestead Schools. And I already missed the batch that I was handling.
Bienveline kept facebooking me all the time and telling me that her group already missed me a lot. Herald and Roselle kept bugging me all the time by commenting on my facebook wall. Well, that's touching to know. I really missed bonding with them.
I heard that Mrs. Nicolas had handled them patiently on their term 4 at Greater El Monte Community Hospital were they were exposed to different units such at emergency room, intensive care unit, pediatrics, post-partum, nursery, and delivery room.
I have been to this hospital before with my previous batch. It was a small community hospital but I think the students will learn a lot from there especially on their Pediatrics and OB-Gyn rotations. I hope batch 5 will do well with Mrs. Nicolas.
Right now, I am doing my objectives and lesson plan for the clinical exposure tomorrow. I don't know what part of term 4 they are now but I have to generalized my first day goals and just specify it next Saturday.
This batch will be rotating in this hospital every Saturday and will have their theory and lecture class every Sunday with Ms. Reily. So far this batch is still intact with the addition of Angela from batch 4. Glorietta and Maggie were already dropped from the class midway the third term. And now there's eight of them left.
I hope my first day with them tomorrow will be okay. I really missed them and their lively interactions especially during pre- and post- conferences. I just want to be cool with them on my first day so that they won't feel that I am really pushing them so hard.
Hopefully, next week I can give them an exam depending on my assessment of what they have learned from their theory classes and recent clinical exposure.
I handled this class on their third term at Centinela Hospital Medical center last rotation and so far they are doing good and well with their assessments and care plans. I just need to just follow them up for their implementations and evaluations with concerning their patient care. By the time they finish term 4 then they will know a lot of things about nursing.
This batch will be graduating in early November after two years of doing clinicals every weekends. I know they have been to a lot of things and situations as well as adversities. But still they're still intact and strongly stuck with each other.
I hope they will do good on the NCLEX review and exam when the time comes. At least they are all mature enough to understand nursing because some of them were older than me and have a lot of wisdom and experiences in life.
Their instructor's teachings were been ubiquitous all over to prepare them for their board exam, the pinnacle of their education. I hope it will help them recall what they've learned from class and the clinicals as well.
I can't wait to see them tomorrow and enjoy their hilarious, fun, and occasionally wild company.
Bienveline kept facebooking me all the time and telling me that her group already missed me a lot. Herald and Roselle kept bugging me all the time by commenting on my facebook wall. Well, that's touching to know. I really missed bonding with them.
I heard that Mrs. Nicolas had handled them patiently on their term 4 at Greater El Monte Community Hospital were they were exposed to different units such at emergency room, intensive care unit, pediatrics, post-partum, nursery, and delivery room.
I have been to this hospital before with my previous batch. It was a small community hospital but I think the students will learn a lot from there especially on their Pediatrics and OB-Gyn rotations. I hope batch 5 will do well with Mrs. Nicolas.
Right now, I am doing my objectives and lesson plan for the clinical exposure tomorrow. I don't know what part of term 4 they are now but I have to generalized my first day goals and just specify it next Saturday.
This batch will be rotating in this hospital every Saturday and will have their theory and lecture class every Sunday with Ms. Reily. So far this batch is still intact with the addition of Angela from batch 4. Glorietta and Maggie were already dropped from the class midway the third term. And now there's eight of them left.
I hope my first day with them tomorrow will be okay. I really missed them and their lively interactions especially during pre- and post- conferences. I just want to be cool with them on my first day so that they won't feel that I am really pushing them so hard.
Hopefully, next week I can give them an exam depending on my assessment of what they have learned from their theory classes and recent clinical exposure.
I handled this class on their third term at Centinela Hospital Medical center last rotation and so far they are doing good and well with their assessments and care plans. I just need to just follow them up for their implementations and evaluations with concerning their patient care. By the time they finish term 4 then they will know a lot of things about nursing.
This batch will be graduating in early November after two years of doing clinicals every weekends. I know they have been to a lot of things and situations as well as adversities. But still they're still intact and strongly stuck with each other.
I hope they will do good on the NCLEX review and exam when the time comes. At least they are all mature enough to understand nursing because some of them were older than me and have a lot of wisdom and experiences in life.
Their instructor's teachings were been ubiquitous all over to prepare them for their board exam, the pinnacle of their education. I hope it will help them recall what they've learned from class and the clinicals as well.
I can't wait to see them tomorrow and enjoy their hilarious, fun, and occasionally wild company.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
First Day Back at Work
Last night was my first day at work after coming back from a very long vacation to the Philippines to take care of my mom's wake.
It was just the usual day for me. It felt so strange for me to go back to work after a long absence, like six weeks seems long enough for me to forget the routines at work.
I started with three patients. The one at 869-02 was a 14-year-old with a ruptured appendicitis. He was status post laparoscopic appendectomy done by Dr. Hinika. He is a burly 14-year-old male. He has three small dressings on his tummy with a Jackson-Pratt drain on the left side of his abdomen on the left-lower-quadrant. He complained of moderate pain so I encouraged him to ambulate to ease up the pain caused by the accumulating gas in his stomach. He complied with my pushing and was very courteous in asking for some of his demands. At 8 pm, when I took his temperature he had a low grade fever so I decided to remove the thick blanket that covered him and gave him an ice pack to reduced the low grade fever. At 9 pm I retook his temperature and it went up to 100.6 fahrenheit. That's the time when I gave him two tablets of Tylenol 325 mg. At midnight and 6 am I gave his Zosyn antibiotic IVPB as scheduled. All night, he was doing fine and his saline lock was still in place. I endorsed him to Ms. Julie at shift change.
The second patient I have was a 1-month-old male infant with a history of viral meningitis for five days. He was been running high fever at home and had a lumbar tap five days ago which confirmed the meningitis. He was on the fifth day of combination antibiotics of Acyclovir, Cefotaxime, and Ampicillin given through his intravenous line with an IV fluid of D5 1/4 Normal Saline running at 15 ml/hr. His vitals were stable and he was been afebrile the whole night. His mom was been bottlefeeding him which he took it well and without emesis. He was been pooping ang voiding well. Mom was at the bedside all the time doing some of the baby's care.
The third patient I had was a 2-month-old male infant with congenital syphilis. The mom infected him with the disease during the birthing process. The baby was on an antibiotic regimen of Penicillin G sodium for ten days, which he already took for six days. His vital were stable and he has no fever the whole night. His mom was been breastfeeding him and he had no emesis the whole night. His IV fluids was set on KVO of D2 1/4 Normal Saline. Both babies were been endorsed to Ms. Shin at shift change.
At around 10:15 pm I admitted a 7-year-old male child who sustained a left arm laceration and avulsion wound because he was chasing his ball which go over a fence with sharp edges that lacerated his left arm. His parents brought him to ER and there he was seen by Dr. Keagle, the plastic surgeon and was then referred to Dr. Contreras, the trauma surgeon. His left arm was been wrapped with a bulky dressing. His circulation, sensation, and motion were within normal limits. Pulse oximeter on the affected arm was excellent. Ancef one gram was been given to the right antecubital heparin lock every eight hours which he received the first dose in ER and I gave the second dose at 4 am. At 5 am I draw his CBC and basic metabolic panel. He was resisting during the blood collection and I was fortunate to have gotten it, so I then labeled it and send it to the laboratory. I kept his affected arm elevated on the pillow as ordered to prevent the swelling. His vitals were stable and he has no fever. I endorsed him to Ms. Julie at shift change.
There were three of us working last night. Each has their own admission. We started with nine patients with three patients each. I got the second admission and we helped each other all through out the night. As the head nurse I did the assignments and ordered the nourishments. I also helped tidying up the medication room. We had our break together and shared our grace.
When my other companion went on her sleeping break, one of her patient was been having retractions and respiratory distress. I was called by the mom and as I assessed the kid he needed some nebulization treatment. I raised the head of the bed up and asked the mom if I can suction her baby nasally because it seems that he has a clogged nose. She then agreed and I suctioned a lot of thick secretions. After that I gave him extra nebulization treatment because he was really retracting and wheezing badly. The respiratory therapist was busy in another floor so I decided to give the treatment. After the treatment was done the baby was been bottlefed by the mom and went to sleep.
So far my night was uneventful. The unit was kinda busy and my night was excellently smooth. It felt so weird on my first day because I was even up all night without even getting sleepy. I had two cups of coffee to keep me up. It was a good night for me on this first day.
It was just the usual day for me. It felt so strange for me to go back to work after a long absence, like six weeks seems long enough for me to forget the routines at work.
I started with three patients. The one at 869-02 was a 14-year-old with a ruptured appendicitis. He was status post laparoscopic appendectomy done by Dr. Hinika. He is a burly 14-year-old male. He has three small dressings on his tummy with a Jackson-Pratt drain on the left side of his abdomen on the left-lower-quadrant. He complained of moderate pain so I encouraged him to ambulate to ease up the pain caused by the accumulating gas in his stomach. He complied with my pushing and was very courteous in asking for some of his demands. At 8 pm, when I took his temperature he had a low grade fever so I decided to remove the thick blanket that covered him and gave him an ice pack to reduced the low grade fever. At 9 pm I retook his temperature and it went up to 100.6 fahrenheit. That's the time when I gave him two tablets of Tylenol 325 mg. At midnight and 6 am I gave his Zosyn antibiotic IVPB as scheduled. All night, he was doing fine and his saline lock was still in place. I endorsed him to Ms. Julie at shift change.
The second patient I have was a 1-month-old male infant with a history of viral meningitis for five days. He was been running high fever at home and had a lumbar tap five days ago which confirmed the meningitis. He was on the fifth day of combination antibiotics of Acyclovir, Cefotaxime, and Ampicillin given through his intravenous line with an IV fluid of D5 1/4 Normal Saline running at 15 ml/hr. His vitals were stable and he was been afebrile the whole night. His mom was been bottlefeeding him which he took it well and without emesis. He was been pooping ang voiding well. Mom was at the bedside all the time doing some of the baby's care.
The third patient I had was a 2-month-old male infant with congenital syphilis. The mom infected him with the disease during the birthing process. The baby was on an antibiotic regimen of Penicillin G sodium for ten days, which he already took for six days. His vital were stable and he has no fever the whole night. His mom was been breastfeeding him and he had no emesis the whole night. His IV fluids was set on KVO of D2 1/4 Normal Saline. Both babies were been endorsed to Ms. Shin at shift change.
At around 10:15 pm I admitted a 7-year-old male child who sustained a left arm laceration and avulsion wound because he was chasing his ball which go over a fence with sharp edges that lacerated his left arm. His parents brought him to ER and there he was seen by Dr. Keagle, the plastic surgeon and was then referred to Dr. Contreras, the trauma surgeon. His left arm was been wrapped with a bulky dressing. His circulation, sensation, and motion were within normal limits. Pulse oximeter on the affected arm was excellent. Ancef one gram was been given to the right antecubital heparin lock every eight hours which he received the first dose in ER and I gave the second dose at 4 am. At 5 am I draw his CBC and basic metabolic panel. He was resisting during the blood collection and I was fortunate to have gotten it, so I then labeled it and send it to the laboratory. I kept his affected arm elevated on the pillow as ordered to prevent the swelling. His vitals were stable and he has no fever. I endorsed him to Ms. Julie at shift change.
There were three of us working last night. Each has their own admission. We started with nine patients with three patients each. I got the second admission and we helped each other all through out the night. As the head nurse I did the assignments and ordered the nourishments. I also helped tidying up the medication room. We had our break together and shared our grace.
When my other companion went on her sleeping break, one of her patient was been having retractions and respiratory distress. I was called by the mom and as I assessed the kid he needed some nebulization treatment. I raised the head of the bed up and asked the mom if I can suction her baby nasally because it seems that he has a clogged nose. She then agreed and I suctioned a lot of thick secretions. After that I gave him extra nebulization treatment because he was really retracting and wheezing badly. The respiratory therapist was busy in another floor so I decided to give the treatment. After the treatment was done the baby was been bottlefed by the mom and went to sleep.
So far my night was uneventful. The unit was kinda busy and my night was excellently smooth. It felt so weird on my first day because I was even up all night without even getting sleepy. I had two cups of coffee to keep me up. It was a good night for me on this first day.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Boredom
Well, it's 3 am in the morning and sleep is not imminent. I don't know what is happening to me. I have a lot in my mind. I can't really explain it.
May be it's still the effect of my jet lag, or may be something's really bothering me. It could be something that really bother's me a lot. Allow me to explain it here.
I had my boyfriend stayed over at my pad right now. And I am telling you, he had four cans of beer earlier. He was sleeping beside me and oh my, he was snoring so loud. This may be affected my sleep.
I mean I am used to sleeping alone and creating my own noise in my room but with somebody beside me snoring loudly, well that created the problem. This is just one part of the story.
I tried to get up from bed because I could not sleep. So I grabbed the phone and tried to call Sandy, a friend I met in the Philippines while I was vacationing. I was been calling him since yesterday but it seems that the cell phone I'm dialing is always disconnected or could not be reached. I was so bummed out.
So right now, when sleep evaded me I tried again to call him but still the same issue. I don't know if he is just ignoring me or something amiss happened to him. I don't know what to do. I am helpless. Will he be willing to still be my friend or I just have to quit calling him.
My fingers got tired of redialing the same number so I opted to call my little sister. Well, I tried to dial her Globe number only to know that somebody is using that number and that she told me that my sister changed her SIM card to another number without notifying me. My, how unfortunate I am.
I tried to call her Smart number only to hear my big brother answering the call. I know my sister-in-law is using this number already but I am desperate to talk to my little sister so I tried to dial it. Well, after talking to my big brother I told him to just tell my little sister to text her new number to me.
Now, I have nobody to talk with. So I decided to open my laptop and just blog amidst the loud snore of my boyfriend. I just tried to pass the time until I get tired. So here I am blogging my boredom away.
It was dark here in my room. The hum of the electric fan can be heard nearby. The reflection of the blue lava lamp on the mirrored closet door lightened the room and the bright screen of the laptop joined the stark darkness creating a means for me to visualize what I am typing.
I am lying on my bed with my handsome boyfriend on my left side, snoring loudly. His beautiful face was been reflected by the bright screen illuminated by my laptop. I tried to caress his face so dearly by my vision and he is lying naked with just his blue Tommy Hilfiger boxers on. I felt in love with this guy once and for all and now he is right beside me lying handsomely and snoring loudly. Now I am sleep deprived and bored to death.
But at least, I get to reflect on myself on this noisy moment and trying to get back on some moments that I've missed, especially when I was in the Philippines. I was thinking about my mom's wake, meeting old time friends, and meeting new ones, too. It made me a bit nostalgic and emotional.
Tomorrow, I will go back to work for the graveyard shift and for sure this boring and sleep deprived night will be history. I'd rather work on this wee hours rather than staying on this dark and lonely room, although right now I'm not alone because Luis is here beside me enjoying his sleep and snoring big time while I was the one who us suffering for the loud noise.
But it's good to have him slept over for at least I had my fill earlier. I am so fortunate to have this most caring guy beside my side, but damn how come I felt so bored and bummed out right now.
It's been four days now, that I've been sleeping late in the morning. All I just did was watching indie films until my eyes got tired, but damn I couldn't do it right now because Luis is here. We watched Illusionist and Gladiator earlier but he was the one who got hypnotized and not me.
It might be my jet lag kicked in again and that really affected my sleep. I wish my body clock will return to my old routine. But well, I don't know when will it happen. I hope it will be soon.
I've checked my emails earlier... I went to check my Facebook... What else could and should I do? Aaah.... I go crazy right now.... maybe it's time to hit the chatroom. Hehehe.
May be it's still the effect of my jet lag, or may be something's really bothering me. It could be something that really bother's me a lot. Allow me to explain it here.
I had my boyfriend stayed over at my pad right now. And I am telling you, he had four cans of beer earlier. He was sleeping beside me and oh my, he was snoring so loud. This may be affected my sleep.
I mean I am used to sleeping alone and creating my own noise in my room but with somebody beside me snoring loudly, well that created the problem. This is just one part of the story.
I tried to get up from bed because I could not sleep. So I grabbed the phone and tried to call Sandy, a friend I met in the Philippines while I was vacationing. I was been calling him since yesterday but it seems that the cell phone I'm dialing is always disconnected or could not be reached. I was so bummed out.
So right now, when sleep evaded me I tried again to call him but still the same issue. I don't know if he is just ignoring me or something amiss happened to him. I don't know what to do. I am helpless. Will he be willing to still be my friend or I just have to quit calling him.
My fingers got tired of redialing the same number so I opted to call my little sister. Well, I tried to dial her Globe number only to know that somebody is using that number and that she told me that my sister changed her SIM card to another number without notifying me. My, how unfortunate I am.
I tried to call her Smart number only to hear my big brother answering the call. I know my sister-in-law is using this number already but I am desperate to talk to my little sister so I tried to dial it. Well, after talking to my big brother I told him to just tell my little sister to text her new number to me.
Now, I have nobody to talk with. So I decided to open my laptop and just blog amidst the loud snore of my boyfriend. I just tried to pass the time until I get tired. So here I am blogging my boredom away.
It was dark here in my room. The hum of the electric fan can be heard nearby. The reflection of the blue lava lamp on the mirrored closet door lightened the room and the bright screen of the laptop joined the stark darkness creating a means for me to visualize what I am typing.
I am lying on my bed with my handsome boyfriend on my left side, snoring loudly. His beautiful face was been reflected by the bright screen illuminated by my laptop. I tried to caress his face so dearly by my vision and he is lying naked with just his blue Tommy Hilfiger boxers on. I felt in love with this guy once and for all and now he is right beside me lying handsomely and snoring loudly. Now I am sleep deprived and bored to death.
But at least, I get to reflect on myself on this noisy moment and trying to get back on some moments that I've missed, especially when I was in the Philippines. I was thinking about my mom's wake, meeting old time friends, and meeting new ones, too. It made me a bit nostalgic and emotional.
Tomorrow, I will go back to work for the graveyard shift and for sure this boring and sleep deprived night will be history. I'd rather work on this wee hours rather than staying on this dark and lonely room, although right now I'm not alone because Luis is here beside me enjoying his sleep and snoring big time while I was the one who us suffering for the loud noise.
But it's good to have him slept over for at least I had my fill earlier. I am so fortunate to have this most caring guy beside my side, but damn how come I felt so bored and bummed out right now.
It's been four days now, that I've been sleeping late in the morning. All I just did was watching indie films until my eyes got tired, but damn I couldn't do it right now because Luis is here. We watched Illusionist and Gladiator earlier but he was the one who got hypnotized and not me.
It might be my jet lag kicked in again and that really affected my sleep. I wish my body clock will return to my old routine. But well, I don't know when will it happen. I hope it will be soon.
I've checked my emails earlier... I went to check my Facebook... What else could and should I do? Aaah.... I go crazy right now.... maybe it's time to hit the chatroom. Hehehe.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Indie Flicks
Well, I just woke up at 4 am today, and still felt groggy. My jet lag seems easing away a little bit but I feel I still have to recover more energy before going back to work on Wednesday.
I was surprised last night because I went to sleep early at 10 pm. I was watching Filipino indie films when I haven't noticed I already dozed off. My eyes felt droopy from the flickering lights of the television and the boring plot even lulled me to sleep.
I bought a lot of indie films from the Philippines depicting rural and urban lives. The plot was kinda boring but the acting was superb. The dialogues were even excellently scribed and masterfully performed by the actors.
The first one I saw was "Ang Lalake sa Parola". It was a very rustic plot set in a beach lighthouse. The lead actor was cute and performed his role without qualms. He was very professional and natural as well. The story depicts about folklores, stories about fairies, with some secret twist. The insertion of narration was even excellent. Harry Laurel and Justin de Leon performs very well. I got immersed with the story's plot about searching for oneself as seen through the lens of rural gay legends and folklores and the lies that men create to escape the bitter realities of this world.
The second one I watched was "Sikil". It was a love triangle between three friends whom amidst the harsh realities of life stood up together as one in the end. It was about the struggles of life and ones identity, discovering preferences, and maintaining a loyalty-betrayal curve. This friendship was almost perfect but for the choices they have to make, the very choice that is capable of ripping their friendship apart when boy loves girl, girl loves boy, and boy loves boy. A different kind of love that brings on it's true beauty, the deeper meaning of forgiveness, and the joy of letting go. Cute Ken Escudero, dark-beauty Wil Sandejas, and lovely Ashley Silverio were the perfect trio.
The third movie I viewed was "Roxxxane". With a triple x. It's all about making up stories to cover up true identity. It was superbly done and the acting was even excellent. Jay Aquitania acting as Marlon is pretending to collect sexual videos of female celebrities in his mobile phone to lure the friendship of his pedicab driver crush Janvier Daily as Jonas. When a girl named Roxanne rented an apartment at Marlon's family property things happened fast. Marlon met Mary Grace at Roxanne's housewarming and Mary Grace's instant attraction to him leads to her discovery of Marlon's sexual preference. Things get rough when Marlon, in trying to keep his secret, concocts a lie about Roxanne, setting off a series of events that leads to someone's death.
The last film I was watching was "Kambyo". It started when four guys met up at a park for a trip to Northern Manila. They were talking about self discovery and preferences. As they drive their way up north of Manila, this unrestrained group of three friends and a stranger explore the boundaries of their friendships, their dreams, and the future that lies ahead them.
The plot was kinda boring for me with all the conversation and I didn't even noticed I dozed off in the middle of the movie. When I woke up the television was flickering blue-gray lights inside my dark room. I turned the television off and fell asleep.
Right now, I was blogging what I watched recalling those wasted times I did to ease up my jet lag, boredom, and loneliness. It was sort of procrastinating actually because in reality I haven't accomplished anything yesterday but lie down on my bed and rest, watching indie flicks.
Now, I'm almost back to my old routines doing nothing but stay inside my room and be a recluse. I can't wait to go back to work and be productive again.
I was surprised last night because I went to sleep early at 10 pm. I was watching Filipino indie films when I haven't noticed I already dozed off. My eyes felt droopy from the flickering lights of the television and the boring plot even lulled me to sleep.
I bought a lot of indie films from the Philippines depicting rural and urban lives. The plot was kinda boring but the acting was superb. The dialogues were even excellently scribed and masterfully performed by the actors.
The first one I saw was "Ang Lalake sa Parola". It was a very rustic plot set in a beach lighthouse. The lead actor was cute and performed his role without qualms. He was very professional and natural as well. The story depicts about folklores, stories about fairies, with some secret twist. The insertion of narration was even excellent. Harry Laurel and Justin de Leon performs very well. I got immersed with the story's plot about searching for oneself as seen through the lens of rural gay legends and folklores and the lies that men create to escape the bitter realities of this world.
The second one I watched was "Sikil". It was a love triangle between three friends whom amidst the harsh realities of life stood up together as one in the end. It was about the struggles of life and ones identity, discovering preferences, and maintaining a loyalty-betrayal curve. This friendship was almost perfect but for the choices they have to make, the very choice that is capable of ripping their friendship apart when boy loves girl, girl loves boy, and boy loves boy. A different kind of love that brings on it's true beauty, the deeper meaning of forgiveness, and the joy of letting go. Cute Ken Escudero, dark-beauty Wil Sandejas, and lovely Ashley Silverio were the perfect trio.
The third movie I viewed was "Roxxxane". With a triple x. It's all about making up stories to cover up true identity. It was superbly done and the acting was even excellent. Jay Aquitania acting as Marlon is pretending to collect sexual videos of female celebrities in his mobile phone to lure the friendship of his pedicab driver crush Janvier Daily as Jonas. When a girl named Roxanne rented an apartment at Marlon's family property things happened fast. Marlon met Mary Grace at Roxanne's housewarming and Mary Grace's instant attraction to him leads to her discovery of Marlon's sexual preference. Things get rough when Marlon, in trying to keep his secret, concocts a lie about Roxanne, setting off a series of events that leads to someone's death.
The last film I was watching was "Kambyo". It started when four guys met up at a park for a trip to Northern Manila. They were talking about self discovery and preferences. As they drive their way up north of Manila, this unrestrained group of three friends and a stranger explore the boundaries of their friendships, their dreams, and the future that lies ahead them.
The plot was kinda boring for me with all the conversation and I didn't even noticed I dozed off in the middle of the movie. When I woke up the television was flickering blue-gray lights inside my dark room. I turned the television off and fell asleep.
Right now, I was blogging what I watched recalling those wasted times I did to ease up my jet lag, boredom, and loneliness. It was sort of procrastinating actually because in reality I haven't accomplished anything yesterday but lie down on my bed and rest, watching indie flicks.
Now, I'm almost back to my old routines doing nothing but stay inside my room and be a recluse. I can't wait to go back to work and be productive again.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Jet Lag
I've arrived two days ago from the Philippines after embarking on a 14-hour flight but it seems that my body is still not accustommed to the time difference. In short I still have a jet lag.
I've been sleeping for sixteen to eighteen hours or so a day but still I feel tired, groggy, sleepy, soporific, and dizzy. It was so unusual for me.
After confining myself in the Province for three weeks taking charge of my mom's wake, my body was got used to the diurnal schedule of southeast asia. My body clock adapted to it and it's hard for me to get back to my usual American body clock.
It got worst when I stayed for five days in Manila and not falling asleep during the night time because of our several gigs every night. I felt so tired and numb that fatigued my body so much.
The usual number of hours I slept I think when I was there was more or less three to four hours. Plus the fact that I was drinking so much there added toll to my fatigue.
Now, having back in Los Angeles I had a hard time adjusting especially in my sleeping routines. I couldn't get back to my old body clock routine.
Last night I was up the whole night. Sleep couldn't set in. I tried to close my eyes but it still to no avail. Sleep was so evasive. I tried to lay on my bed but still I felt uneasy and uncomfortable. I couldn't concentrate sleeping.
I tried to even pop a Tylenol PM with benadryl (double dosing it) but still I couldn't fall asleep. It is hard and I felt tired already. My body is tired but my mind is not. It is a crazy feeling.
It was already 7 am when I realized that my eyes feels droopy and so tired. That's when sleep settled in with me.
It was hot that time so I left the fan on. The lull of the fan humming inside my room rocked me to sleep. I accumulated at least nine hours of sleep after that. It was already pass three when I woke up. I then realized that I slept like a baby.
When I woke up my body felt sore and numb so I decided to call my landlord and set an appointment for a massage. Jose was a professional masseur so it was very convenient for me to tap him. I had a good beating actually.
Today, was my second day from my arrival and I still feel that the jet lag I had seems not fading away. It will probably take a week for me to recover from this jet lag and go back to my usual body clock.
Anyway, I still have more time to recover because I am bound to go back to work on Wednesday. I still have a lot of time to rest.
So, adjusting to the time difference will be a gradual process for my body to recover. And in time soon I will come back to my routine diurnal schedule.
I've been sleeping for sixteen to eighteen hours or so a day but still I feel tired, groggy, sleepy, soporific, and dizzy. It was so unusual for me.
After confining myself in the Province for three weeks taking charge of my mom's wake, my body was got used to the diurnal schedule of southeast asia. My body clock adapted to it and it's hard for me to get back to my usual American body clock.
It got worst when I stayed for five days in Manila and not falling asleep during the night time because of our several gigs every night. I felt so tired and numb that fatigued my body so much.
The usual number of hours I slept I think when I was there was more or less three to four hours. Plus the fact that I was drinking so much there added toll to my fatigue.
Now, having back in Los Angeles I had a hard time adjusting especially in my sleeping routines. I couldn't get back to my old body clock routine.
Last night I was up the whole night. Sleep couldn't set in. I tried to close my eyes but it still to no avail. Sleep was so evasive. I tried to lay on my bed but still I felt uneasy and uncomfortable. I couldn't concentrate sleeping.
I tried to even pop a Tylenol PM with benadryl (double dosing it) but still I couldn't fall asleep. It is hard and I felt tired already. My body is tired but my mind is not. It is a crazy feeling.
It was already 7 am when I realized that my eyes feels droopy and so tired. That's when sleep settled in with me.
It was hot that time so I left the fan on. The lull of the fan humming inside my room rocked me to sleep. I accumulated at least nine hours of sleep after that. It was already pass three when I woke up. I then realized that I slept like a baby.
When I woke up my body felt sore and numb so I decided to call my landlord and set an appointment for a massage. Jose was a professional masseur so it was very convenient for me to tap him. I had a good beating actually.
Today, was my second day from my arrival and I still feel that the jet lag I had seems not fading away. It will probably take a week for me to recover from this jet lag and go back to my usual body clock.
Anyway, I still have more time to recover because I am bound to go back to work on Wednesday. I still have a lot of time to rest.
So, adjusting to the time difference will be a gradual process for my body to recover. And in time soon I will come back to my routine diurnal schedule.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Back to Los Angeles
I just got back today from my long vacation to the Philippines. I arrived at 8pm on the 13th of August. It was a safe flight filled with fun and fond memories.
This is the second time I went back to the Philippines where I saw my mom lifeless and lying in a white and beautiful casket, the only last luxury I can gave her.
It was a poignant reunion amidst some tensions between the family because of some very complicated issues. But I get through it though how painful it was.
Now I was an orphan with no parents to guide and teach me what to do. I felt that I am more mature enough to take care of myself anyway.
It was a very tedious and very hectic vacation. I was confined in the province for three weeks taking over the responsibility of entertaining and welcoming friends, relatives, and families who paid a visit during my mom's wake. It was stressful at times, too.
Then the time of the burial was even painful for me because I got to see my mom for the last time before she is laid peacefully under the ground. It was really a heartbreaking good bye. I cried secretly and discreetly but at the same time was happy because mom was been resting peacefully and permanently with our Creator.
After the burial we celebrated mom's "kayhap" after five days. This is a traditional celebration for the dead in our place. At the same time we celebrated my "despidida" because I am bound to fly to Manila the next day. It was a fun and
memorable "despidida" and "kayhap" anyway.
The next day me and my big sister flew to Manila. I made a decision to enjoy the last week of my vacation. Every night we had a gig, go some where to enjoy, and eat out with close friends.
I came to see some old friends and got to meet some new ones. It was a very autonomous thing to do for me because I have the independence now to explore my surroundings and meet with new people.
I also made some decision to invest my hard earned money. So I decided to inquire on how to invest in condominiums in some plush places in Metro Manila.
I closed two condos, one in Cubao and one in Fort Bonifacio. I think now is the time for me to take charge, and I'm glad I did it. It was a very satisfying feeling.
Meeting new people or circle of friends was another challenge for me. I meet all my previous childhood friends and they were all happy and eager to see me.
But the one I couldn't forget was this family friend who really offered me an unconditional love and hospitality I couldn't imagine and will miss when I'm away living alone in Los Angeles.
They were so supportive of me and we had a lot of fun together. In lieu of protecting their names and privacy I regret to mention it here in my blog, but for sure they know I am referring for them.
I also met a new special friend which really inspired me a lot now. He was really sweet, caring, and not even taking advantage of my situation. He was very reserved and shy.
I just couldn't explain my emotions and feelings why I really fall on this guy, but I hope we will develop a more solid and lasting friendship. He dropped me off at the airport on my last day and we had a heart to heart talk about our friendship-relationship thing.
I hope this would be real for me. But for now I have to still hold on my reservations so that I will not shatter into pieces if something amiss will happen in the future. At least I am taking precautions of what will happen. Hopefully it won't.
Today, I arived at 8pm in Los Angeles, loaded with fond and lasting memories. And it will be years again for me to be back in my native Philippines.
The trip was smooth and relaxing. I even saw some local celebrities and took some pictures with them. It was really a memorable trip for me.
So, I'm very happy to be back here in Los Angeles and to be back here to blog away my thoughts and my heartaches. There's always no place like home to feel better.
Aaaah.... hello Los Angeles and I'm glad to be back here to where I really belong. Hugs and kisses.... to all of you. See you anytime soon.
This is the second time I went back to the Philippines where I saw my mom lifeless and lying in a white and beautiful casket, the only last luxury I can gave her.
It was a poignant reunion amidst some tensions between the family because of some very complicated issues. But I get through it though how painful it was.
Now I was an orphan with no parents to guide and teach me what to do. I felt that I am more mature enough to take care of myself anyway.
It was a very tedious and very hectic vacation. I was confined in the province for three weeks taking over the responsibility of entertaining and welcoming friends, relatives, and families who paid a visit during my mom's wake. It was stressful at times, too.
Then the time of the burial was even painful for me because I got to see my mom for the last time before she is laid peacefully under the ground. It was really a heartbreaking good bye. I cried secretly and discreetly but at the same time was happy because mom was been resting peacefully and permanently with our Creator.
After the burial we celebrated mom's "kayhap" after five days. This is a traditional celebration for the dead in our place. At the same time we celebrated my "despidida" because I am bound to fly to Manila the next day. It was a fun and
memorable "despidida" and "kayhap" anyway.
The next day me and my big sister flew to Manila. I made a decision to enjoy the last week of my vacation. Every night we had a gig, go some where to enjoy, and eat out with close friends.
I came to see some old friends and got to meet some new ones. It was a very autonomous thing to do for me because I have the independence now to explore my surroundings and meet with new people.
I also made some decision to invest my hard earned money. So I decided to inquire on how to invest in condominiums in some plush places in Metro Manila.
I closed two condos, one in Cubao and one in Fort Bonifacio. I think now is the time for me to take charge, and I'm glad I did it. It was a very satisfying feeling.
Meeting new people or circle of friends was another challenge for me. I meet all my previous childhood friends and they were all happy and eager to see me.
But the one I couldn't forget was this family friend who really offered me an unconditional love and hospitality I couldn't imagine and will miss when I'm away living alone in Los Angeles.
They were so supportive of me and we had a lot of fun together. In lieu of protecting their names and privacy I regret to mention it here in my blog, but for sure they know I am referring for them.
I also met a new special friend which really inspired me a lot now. He was really sweet, caring, and not even taking advantage of my situation. He was very reserved and shy.
I just couldn't explain my emotions and feelings why I really fall on this guy, but I hope we will develop a more solid and lasting friendship. He dropped me off at the airport on my last day and we had a heart to heart talk about our friendship-relationship thing.
I hope this would be real for me. But for now I have to still hold on my reservations so that I will not shatter into pieces if something amiss will happen in the future. At least I am taking precautions of what will happen. Hopefully it won't.
Today, I arived at 8pm in Los Angeles, loaded with fond and lasting memories. And it will be years again for me to be back in my native Philippines.
The trip was smooth and relaxing. I even saw some local celebrities and took some pictures with them. It was really a memorable trip for me.
So, I'm very happy to be back here in Los Angeles and to be back here to blog away my thoughts and my heartaches. There's always no place like home to feel better.
Aaaah.... hello Los Angeles and I'm glad to be back here to where I really belong. Hugs and kisses.... to all of you. See you anytime soon.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Reality Bites
Well, as I gave way to a new responsibility in my life things got to change now.
I'm done with helping my immediate family. My mom already passed away peacefully and was been well taken cared of until her last day.
I can say that I did my best to prepare and organize her burial without any qualms and hesitations. I can say that I did my share of responsibility though how small or big it is.
Now is the time for me to take care of myself. I mean I'm already aging and it's time now to save for the rainy days.
I just can't imagine if I will reach the age of eternity but at least I have something set aside just in case something happened to me. I think this is the prudent decision I can ever make for myself.
Well, I can't really set aside some of my responsibility to my siblings but yet I hope they can understand my dire situation also.
I mean I can help them in any way but not really to the fullest. Better to receive something than nothing.
I hope they can also understand that I have also some responsibilities abroad. I have some rent to pay, bills to take care of, car to maintain, etc.
Life in America is not the best life I am dreaming of. I can say that it was the hardest life I've ever chosen.
Why....? Firstly because I have to live on my own and be away with my immediate family, relatives, and friends.
Secondly, because I have to do my own decision making, do all my chores without depending on to somebody like a helper or something, have to take care of my job and myself.
And thirdly, because I have to adapt to a big change in my life like living and adapting with the cultures of the people around me. I have to assimilate myself with my surroundings. It was the hardest decision I ever made.
If I don't take care of myself then everything will be upturned and upside down. How's that? Then I can't sustain whatever luxury and liberty I am experiencing right now.
Life in the US is a lonely life. I'd rather chose to live in the Philippines and till a land. At least I have somebody to help me and depend on, like hiring a helper.
How I wish I could live peacefully and happily in my own homeland and not to worry about the harsh realities I am facing right in living in America.
But this is the life I've chosen and I have to live up with the consequences and expectations of my decisions and actions.
Life eventually evolves and we have to face the truth and reality of what we chose.
In the end, we are the ones who get affected by our own decisions and we have to face the music in the very end.
But rest assured, life can be flexible and it's just up to us to adapt to our own defenses and life approach and change the direction and outcome of our choices. It always lies on our own choices and decisions after all.
I am a carefree, fun-loving, and free spirited guy. I'm always fond of making decisons in a spur of a moment. Life is always great and good to me. And I have to face reality in the end.
Cest la vie. Reality really bites as what they say.
I'm done with helping my immediate family. My mom already passed away peacefully and was been well taken cared of until her last day.
I can say that I did my best to prepare and organize her burial without any qualms and hesitations. I can say that I did my share of responsibility though how small or big it is.
Now is the time for me to take care of myself. I mean I'm already aging and it's time now to save for the rainy days.
I just can't imagine if I will reach the age of eternity but at least I have something set aside just in case something happened to me. I think this is the prudent decision I can ever make for myself.
Well, I can't really set aside some of my responsibility to my siblings but yet I hope they can understand my dire situation also.
I mean I can help them in any way but not really to the fullest. Better to receive something than nothing.
I hope they can also understand that I have also some responsibilities abroad. I have some rent to pay, bills to take care of, car to maintain, etc.
Life in America is not the best life I am dreaming of. I can say that it was the hardest life I've ever chosen.
Why....? Firstly because I have to live on my own and be away with my immediate family, relatives, and friends.
Secondly, because I have to do my own decision making, do all my chores without depending on to somebody like a helper or something, have to take care of my job and myself.
And thirdly, because I have to adapt to a big change in my life like living and adapting with the cultures of the people around me. I have to assimilate myself with my surroundings. It was the hardest decision I ever made.
If I don't take care of myself then everything will be upturned and upside down. How's that? Then I can't sustain whatever luxury and liberty I am experiencing right now.
Life in the US is a lonely life. I'd rather chose to live in the Philippines and till a land. At least I have somebody to help me and depend on, like hiring a helper.
How I wish I could live peacefully and happily in my own homeland and not to worry about the harsh realities I am facing right in living in America.
But this is the life I've chosen and I have to live up with the consequences and expectations of my decisions and actions.
Life eventually evolves and we have to face the truth and reality of what we chose.
In the end, we are the ones who get affected by our own decisions and we have to face the music in the very end.
But rest assured, life can be flexible and it's just up to us to adapt to our own defenses and life approach and change the direction and outcome of our choices. It always lies on our own choices and decisions after all.
I am a carefree, fun-loving, and free spirited guy. I'm always fond of making decisons in a spur of a moment. Life is always great and good to me. And I have to face reality in the end.
Cest la vie. Reality really bites as what they say.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Filipino Traits
As I went to Iloilo City to buy flowers for my mom's wake, me, my sister, sister-in-law, and niece went to Afrique Restaurant at General Hughes Street and ordered one of their well-known pasta.
Written on the paper placemat they set on the table was an article about some uncommon Filipino traits that really identify Filipinos as strangely unique people every where.
The article is titled as "You Know You're a Filipino if...." And I want to share it with you on this blog. It is kinda funny and interesting that's why I want to post it here and share it with all of you. Hope you will like it.
"You know you're a Filipino if you nail all photographs on your walls in the living room. You say comfort room or CR instead of restroom. You say for "take out" insead of "to go". You point your lips to point directions. You nod your head upwards to greet someone. Your nickname is Boy. You ask for Colgate instead of toothpaste. You eat underdeveloped duck eggs. You pronounce the word ALREADY as OLREYDI. You say KODAKAN instead of take pictures. You refer to your refrigerator as "Pridyider". You say "pliers" when you mean for "flyers". You cover your sofa with plastic. You have a Last Supper quilt on your dining wall. You drive a Mercedes Benz with maroon seat covers. You have a rosary on the rear view mirror of your car. You have a Sto. Nino shrine in your living room. You're standing next to big boxes at the airport. You say HOY to get someone's attention. Your car chirps like a bird when you back up. You have a collection of Bruce Lee and Charles Bronson movies in VHS and betamax. You have "Best of Slow Rock" cassette tapes in a heat proof casing. You call somebody "Pssst...." You drink with your friends and share the same glass and passing it around. You blow your spoon with hot soup on the table. You say "cutex" instead of nail polish. You're the plane passenger with the biggest hand-carry luggage. You ask for give aways while on the airplane. You don't want to eat the last piece of food on the plate, but offer it to others. You stuff hotel toiletries and towels in your bag when checking out the hotel. You say "ano this" and "ano that" instead of "what's this and that". You're English is mixed with Tagalog making it "Taglish". You say that everybody is your cousin, niece, etc. You say things bit backwards like "stick bread" instead of "bread sticks". You drive a jeep with your family name written on the back. You have "toyo" circles on your table cloth. You wash and reuse styrofoams cups and plastic cutleries. You collect items from hotels and restaurants for souvenirs. You are extremely charming and smile for no reasons. You find dried rice morsels on your shirt. You add unwarranted "H" to your name like "Bhoy" or "Jhun". You put your hands together in front of you as if to make a path and say "excuse, excuse". You place your arms akimbo when strolling. You consistently arrived thirty minutes late for any events and acquaintances. You prefer to make acronyms for phrases such as "OA" for overacting, "TY" for thank you, "TNT" for well, you know. You own a karaoke microphone. You own a piano that no one ever plays. Your car still has plastic covers and plastic mats on the carpet. You have a giant wooden fork and spoon hanging somewhere in the dining room. You have a giant wooden "Tinikling Dancers" on te wall. You have four seasons frames in your living room. You have a Mercedes Benz and you call it as your "chedeng". You have somebody in your family who is a nurse and working abroad. You have aunts an duncles named Boy, Baby, or Girlie. You have a family member that has a nickname that repeats itself like "Dengdeng", Lingling", or "Bingbing". You dip bread on your morning coffee. You have rock salt in your kitchen cupboard. You have dired fish and ice cream in your freezer. You're always fond on stuffing leftover foods in your fridge and eventually they get molded. You have "Capiz shell" placemats on the table.....
See... these are just some of the interesting traits of some Filipinos everywhere that I totally observe especially like me who is living in America. It was kinda funny though but it is true and real.
Well, that's us as Filipinos. And this distinguish us as a unique nation everywhere we go. United we stand, divided we fall. That's possibly one of our motto.
Written on the paper placemat they set on the table was an article about some uncommon Filipino traits that really identify Filipinos as strangely unique people every where.
The article is titled as "You Know You're a Filipino if...." And I want to share it with you on this blog. It is kinda funny and interesting that's why I want to post it here and share it with all of you. Hope you will like it.
"You know you're a Filipino if you nail all photographs on your walls in the living room. You say comfort room or CR instead of restroom. You say for "take out" insead of "to go". You point your lips to point directions. You nod your head upwards to greet someone. Your nickname is Boy. You ask for Colgate instead of toothpaste. You eat underdeveloped duck eggs. You pronounce the word ALREADY as OLREYDI. You say KODAKAN instead of take pictures. You refer to your refrigerator as "Pridyider". You say "pliers" when you mean for "flyers". You cover your sofa with plastic. You have a Last Supper quilt on your dining wall. You drive a Mercedes Benz with maroon seat covers. You have a rosary on the rear view mirror of your car. You have a Sto. Nino shrine in your living room. You're standing next to big boxes at the airport. You say HOY to get someone's attention. Your car chirps like a bird when you back up. You have a collection of Bruce Lee and Charles Bronson movies in VHS and betamax. You have "Best of Slow Rock" cassette tapes in a heat proof casing. You call somebody "Pssst...." You drink with your friends and share the same glass and passing it around. You blow your spoon with hot soup on the table. You say "cutex" instead of nail polish. You're the plane passenger with the biggest hand-carry luggage. You ask for give aways while on the airplane. You don't want to eat the last piece of food on the plate, but offer it to others. You stuff hotel toiletries and towels in your bag when checking out the hotel. You say "ano this" and "ano that" instead of "what's this and that". You're English is mixed with Tagalog making it "Taglish". You say that everybody is your cousin, niece, etc. You say things bit backwards like "stick bread" instead of "bread sticks". You drive a jeep with your family name written on the back. You have "toyo" circles on your table cloth. You wash and reuse styrofoams cups and plastic cutleries. You collect items from hotels and restaurants for souvenirs. You are extremely charming and smile for no reasons. You find dried rice morsels on your shirt. You add unwarranted "H" to your name like "Bhoy" or "Jhun". You put your hands together in front of you as if to make a path and say "excuse, excuse". You place your arms akimbo when strolling. You consistently arrived thirty minutes late for any events and acquaintances. You prefer to make acronyms for phrases such as "OA" for overacting, "TY" for thank you, "TNT" for well, you know. You own a karaoke microphone. You own a piano that no one ever plays. Your car still has plastic covers and plastic mats on the carpet. You have a giant wooden fork and spoon hanging somewhere in the dining room. You have a giant wooden "Tinikling Dancers" on te wall. You have four seasons frames in your living room. You have a Mercedes Benz and you call it as your "chedeng". You have somebody in your family who is a nurse and working abroad. You have aunts an duncles named Boy, Baby, or Girlie. You have a family member that has a nickname that repeats itself like "Dengdeng", Lingling", or "Bingbing". You dip bread on your morning coffee. You have rock salt in your kitchen cupboard. You have dired fish and ice cream in your freezer. You're always fond on stuffing leftover foods in your fridge and eventually they get molded. You have "Capiz shell" placemats on the table.....
See... these are just some of the interesting traits of some Filipinos everywhere that I totally observe especially like me who is living in America. It was kinda funny though but it is true and real.
Well, that's us as Filipinos. And this distinguish us as a unique nation everywhere we go. United we stand, divided we fall. That's possibly one of our motto.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Cory Died With Pride
I was watching the television the whole day yesterday. The screen was focused on the caravan of former president Corazon C. Aquino. It was a whole day affair and a solemn one. People were lining and waiting on the streets as the casket passed on the route that was announced on the radio.
The caravan started at EDSA passed on to Makati City until Manila Cathedral where they held the mass offered for the previous president. The close family of the president were waiting at the church and people kept on showing their support to the family by waiting on the streets and showing their sympathy.
Corazon Cojuangco Aquino, was the mother and the first president of the Philippine democracy. She died peacefully after many years of battling colon cancer at Makati Medical Center. She was also one of the icon of the first People Power Revolution.
Cory, as she is known of, was the widow of former political activist Benigno Aquino who is the worst rival of Former President Ferdinand Marcos. When her husband was slain as he disembark on a plane he took from the United States after several years of being politically exiled, Cory touched the heart of the Filipino people.
She ushered the oust of the former dictator and was chosen by the people to be the leader of the first People Power Revolution which catapulted her to the presidency with the help of the civic, private, and relgious sectors.
Her children were also there to support her. Her son Noynoy's political ambition was also supported by the people and her youngest daughter Kris joined the show business and received a lot of harsh criticisms but with her motherly support, people started to embrace and love Kris for her showbiz ambition.
Cory suffered a colon cancer years ago which she bravely face. She was in remission a year ago but became worst lately as her fragile body succumb to the infirmity. Then on July 31st she peacefully passed away at Makati Medical Center leaving the Philippine society in extreme grief.
Kris made a detailed account of her cancer ordeal on national television which touched the Filipino people's heart. It was a brave ordeal and the Filipino was is full force in suporting the whole famly despite of the Malacanang Palace's cautious attempt to pacify the outpouring of support and controlling or stopping the occurence of any uprising.
But still people couldn't be stopped and controlled. They went out on the streets and cried, watched, observed, participate, lifted banners, throwing confetti, prayed, sing, chant, and showing various kinds of support. It was a touching site, equated to Ninoy's caravan when he was dead few years back.
I was lucky to be home to witnessed this outpouring of support on the television. It was a long marathon on TV and I was so over it until the very end. I even stayed up until late at night to watch it.
Her burial will be on Wednesday and for sure I will continue to watch it. I can therefore say that I can witness another part of Philippine history which I can be proud to tell to my future nieces and nephews when I grow old.
The caravan started at EDSA passed on to Makati City until Manila Cathedral where they held the mass offered for the previous president. The close family of the president were waiting at the church and people kept on showing their support to the family by waiting on the streets and showing their sympathy.
Corazon Cojuangco Aquino, was the mother and the first president of the Philippine democracy. She died peacefully after many years of battling colon cancer at Makati Medical Center. She was also one of the icon of the first People Power Revolution.
Cory, as she is known of, was the widow of former political activist Benigno Aquino who is the worst rival of Former President Ferdinand Marcos. When her husband was slain as he disembark on a plane he took from the United States after several years of being politically exiled, Cory touched the heart of the Filipino people.
She ushered the oust of the former dictator and was chosen by the people to be the leader of the first People Power Revolution which catapulted her to the presidency with the help of the civic, private, and relgious sectors.
Her children were also there to support her. Her son Noynoy's political ambition was also supported by the people and her youngest daughter Kris joined the show business and received a lot of harsh criticisms but with her motherly support, people started to embrace and love Kris for her showbiz ambition.
Cory suffered a colon cancer years ago which she bravely face. She was in remission a year ago but became worst lately as her fragile body succumb to the infirmity. Then on July 31st she peacefully passed away at Makati Medical Center leaving the Philippine society in extreme grief.
Kris made a detailed account of her cancer ordeal on national television which touched the Filipino people's heart. It was a brave ordeal and the Filipino was is full force in suporting the whole famly despite of the Malacanang Palace's cautious attempt to pacify the outpouring of support and controlling or stopping the occurence of any uprising.
But still people couldn't be stopped and controlled. They went out on the streets and cried, watched, observed, participate, lifted banners, throwing confetti, prayed, sing, chant, and showing various kinds of support. It was a touching site, equated to Ninoy's caravan when he was dead few years back.
I was lucky to be home to witnessed this outpouring of support on the television. It was a long marathon on TV and I was so over it until the very end. I even stayed up until late at night to watch it.
Her burial will be on Wednesday and for sure I will continue to watch it. I can therefore say that I can witness another part of Philippine history which I can be proud to tell to my future nieces and nephews when I grow old.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Strange Dream
I was so tired and exhausted yesterday. The day was so overwhelming. After the burial my energy were all drained out. I felt like a wilting and dying plant that needed to be meticulously watered.
People just kept coming yesterday during the burial and lunch at the house. It was just overwhelmingly crazy. It was very exhausting and tiring to see the staedy rush of people. It really made me tired and sleepy. The fatigue made me stuporous and soporific.
So when I lay on my bed last night, my eyes were shut right away. As I succumb into deep slumber I felt that I was rocked and lulled into deep sleep. My body felt really numb and unmindful of what was happening around me. I doze off heavily. I'm not sure if I was snoring, but for sure I was, judging how extremely tired I was.
As I slept deeply, I had this strange dream. I dreamed that I had the ability to fly in a light year speed. I had the power to lift myself off the ground slowly and propel my self to the sky like a rocket. And when I estimated a safe distance from the ground I can incline myself on air and open both my arms to fly steadily in the open skies.
From that distance I can see the grounds and enjoy the vast expanse of the surroundings. While flying I can sense that my momentum and speed kept increasing until I cannot control it. I continued flying until I saw a towering mountain from the horizon.
I tried to control my speed but as I concentrated, it still propelled me very fast until I achieved a light year speed and then suddenly I heard a big bang. I then realized than I hit the towering mountain from a distance and splintered it into dust leaving me unharmed and without any injuries.
I don't know what this dream is all about and means but I felt it was related to what I have experienced and my current situation. I just don't want to blog it here. But maybe God made this as a sure sign to let me know that I have to wake up and take care of myself and my future. That alone I know and will keep in me.
Judging that people were rudely scrutunizing me lately, I really felt paranoid. I was so cautious about all my every actions and evade more harsh comments and nagging issues to surface out.
My issues with my sister also added to be a hot topic lately, which I think was really correlated to this strange dream. I really felt it was a sign for me to distance from her to stop all her dependency on me.
I think this dream tells me that it is time for me to wake up and start a new life. Forgetting about pushing my problems aside and escaping from it, but I have to face it alone and accept the consequences of my mundane actions.
Now's the time to face the music and face the real truth and half truths. I have to be bold and bravely face the judgements and verdicts for my irresponsibilities, immaturities, and carelessness.
Now I won't let myself succumb to my pathetic failures. This supposed controllable fiasco in my life will not happen again. I have to be wary for it's continuous cycle not to repeat again.
It is time for me to start all over again. Inevitably, it is a brand new life for me to begin. In every ending there's always a beginning. And I am willing to risk everything to start a brand new life.
Hopefully, this strange dream was a clear awakening for me. It made me starkly open my eyes real wide and frankly told me to not overly and confidently trust people around me. It was a last call for me to wake up from a very deplorable past and redeem and prevent myself from any unwanted shame.
I hope this herald me a new promise to keep aiming for success. I always believe that the sun always shines behind some dark skies. And this inspired me to start from the beginning again.
This will be a genesis of a new life. And I hope life would not be so cruel to me. The cup of life always needs to be filled continuously and I am here to fill it up responsibly.
La vida es siempre bueno..... which means, life is always good.
People just kept coming yesterday during the burial and lunch at the house. It was just overwhelmingly crazy. It was very exhausting and tiring to see the staedy rush of people. It really made me tired and sleepy. The fatigue made me stuporous and soporific.
So when I lay on my bed last night, my eyes were shut right away. As I succumb into deep slumber I felt that I was rocked and lulled into deep sleep. My body felt really numb and unmindful of what was happening around me. I doze off heavily. I'm not sure if I was snoring, but for sure I was, judging how extremely tired I was.
As I slept deeply, I had this strange dream. I dreamed that I had the ability to fly in a light year speed. I had the power to lift myself off the ground slowly and propel my self to the sky like a rocket. And when I estimated a safe distance from the ground I can incline myself on air and open both my arms to fly steadily in the open skies.
From that distance I can see the grounds and enjoy the vast expanse of the surroundings. While flying I can sense that my momentum and speed kept increasing until I cannot control it. I continued flying until I saw a towering mountain from the horizon.
I tried to control my speed but as I concentrated, it still propelled me very fast until I achieved a light year speed and then suddenly I heard a big bang. I then realized than I hit the towering mountain from a distance and splintered it into dust leaving me unharmed and without any injuries.
I don't know what this dream is all about and means but I felt it was related to what I have experienced and my current situation. I just don't want to blog it here. But maybe God made this as a sure sign to let me know that I have to wake up and take care of myself and my future. That alone I know and will keep in me.
Judging that people were rudely scrutunizing me lately, I really felt paranoid. I was so cautious about all my every actions and evade more harsh comments and nagging issues to surface out.
My issues with my sister also added to be a hot topic lately, which I think was really correlated to this strange dream. I really felt it was a sign for me to distance from her to stop all her dependency on me.
I think this dream tells me that it is time for me to wake up and start a new life. Forgetting about pushing my problems aside and escaping from it, but I have to face it alone and accept the consequences of my mundane actions.
Now's the time to face the music and face the real truth and half truths. I have to be bold and bravely face the judgements and verdicts for my irresponsibilities, immaturities, and carelessness.
Now I won't let myself succumb to my pathetic failures. This supposed controllable fiasco in my life will not happen again. I have to be wary for it's continuous cycle not to repeat again.
It is time for me to start all over again. Inevitably, it is a brand new life for me to begin. In every ending there's always a beginning. And I am willing to risk everything to start a brand new life.
Hopefully, this strange dream was a clear awakening for me. It made me starkly open my eyes real wide and frankly told me to not overly and confidently trust people around me. It was a last call for me to wake up from a very deplorable past and redeem and prevent myself from any unwanted shame.
I hope this herald me a new promise to keep aiming for success. I always believe that the sun always shines behind some dark skies. And this inspired me to start from the beginning again.
This will be a genesis of a new life. And I hope life would not be so cruel to me. The cup of life always needs to be filled continuously and I am here to fill it up responsibly.
La vida es siempre bueno..... which means, life is always good.
Goodbye Nanay
Today was my Nanay's burial. It was raining since yesterday. The skies was so overcast. It was drizzling this morning when we laid my Nanay to rest. At least it was been pushed through even though the weather didn't cooperate with us.
These previous days it was so crazy. The day before the burial was been a maze. The flow of people coming over to deliver flowers, prayers, condolences, and donations just keep coming and won't abate. It was so overwhelming. It was really inevitable and stessful at the same time.
The night before the day of the burial was even busier. It was the busy time of preparation for the next day's event. Some of our relatives were so busy fixing, cooking and preparing things needed for the burial.
Relatives just kept coming and shared their sympathies. Some came to help out for the preparations. Some came to offer prayers and condolences. Some came to just mere spice up the event. Some play cards and gamble. Tables were being laid out for them to play.
I remember when I was little, we used to go to our dead relative's wake. I always observed every time there's a wake we usually play cards with playmates and sometimes cousins. It was a tradition I grow of. Now, I can sill recall it especially right now on my mom's wake.
Today, at least my mom's burial was been carried out well. The mass was a success. People from the barrio including our relatives came to attend the mass.
The small tribute program prepared by my mom's colleagues was also a success. The eulogies touched me so much. It reminds me of my moms kindness and goodness. Previous co-workers, head teachers, and friends offered their impressions of her. I was so inspired by it.
The funeral procession was so solemn despite of the drizzle. People prayed rosary and were praying intently. There were a lot of people parading and participating in bringing my mom to her final resting place.
By the time we arrived at the cemetery it was past noon. We put her down on her grave peacefully. I cried as they slowly lowered her down the ground. I silently said my goodbyes to her and fervently said a little prayer for her. I felt relieved after seeing her lying peacefully under her grave.
The funeral was been a success. I can peacefully think now that my mom is resting well in her grave and I am so content that she is with our Creator. It was a painful goodbye but it relieved me now that she is in God's gracious and loving hands.
Good bye Nanay. May you rest in peace.
These previous days it was so crazy. The day before the burial was been a maze. The flow of people coming over to deliver flowers, prayers, condolences, and donations just keep coming and won't abate. It was so overwhelming. It was really inevitable and stessful at the same time.
The night before the day of the burial was even busier. It was the busy time of preparation for the next day's event. Some of our relatives were so busy fixing, cooking and preparing things needed for the burial.
Relatives just kept coming and shared their sympathies. Some came to help out for the preparations. Some came to offer prayers and condolences. Some came to just mere spice up the event. Some play cards and gamble. Tables were being laid out for them to play.
I remember when I was little, we used to go to our dead relative's wake. I always observed every time there's a wake we usually play cards with playmates and sometimes cousins. It was a tradition I grow of. Now, I can sill recall it especially right now on my mom's wake.
Today, at least my mom's burial was been carried out well. The mass was a success. People from the barrio including our relatives came to attend the mass.
The small tribute program prepared by my mom's colleagues was also a success. The eulogies touched me so much. It reminds me of my moms kindness and goodness. Previous co-workers, head teachers, and friends offered their impressions of her. I was so inspired by it.
The funeral procession was so solemn despite of the drizzle. People prayed rosary and were praying intently. There were a lot of people parading and participating in bringing my mom to her final resting place.
By the time we arrived at the cemetery it was past noon. We put her down on her grave peacefully. I cried as they slowly lowered her down the ground. I silently said my goodbyes to her and fervently said a little prayer for her. I felt relieved after seeing her lying peacefully under her grave.
The funeral was been a success. I can peacefully think now that my mom is resting well in her grave and I am so content that she is with our Creator. It was a painful goodbye but it relieved me now that she is in God's gracious and loving hands.
Good bye Nanay. May you rest in peace.
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