The Anxiety of a Traveling Guy

In a few hours I will be embarking on a long trip home to the Philippines to see my mother and family. I just want it to happen right away because I only slept for two hours since yesterday.

Well, I am up right now since eleven. My throat is dry, my pulses are fast, and my stomach is full of imaginary butterflies. I am sleep deprived and tired. Fatigue is trying to set in and overcome my senses. I felt so uncontrollably numb and jittery. I am so giddy over my preparation for this long trip to the Philippines. I don't know what to expect from this short vacation. I am palpitating a lot and a little bit panicky over something I don't know.

My body is in a fight-or-flight response. I can feel my adrenaline rushing in me which caused a lot of physical, psychological, and emotional symptoms and some irrational feelings in response to an impending stress, which is probably my scheduled trip today to the Philippines. I felt so overwhelmed on what to prepare and what to expect from this trip.

As we all know, anxiety is a fear of the unknown. According to Wikipedia it is a psychological and physiological state characterized by cognitive, somatic, emotional, and behavioral components. These components combine to create an unpleasant feeling that is typically associated with uneasiness, fear, or worry.

It is a generalized mood condition that occurs without an unidentifiable trigerring stimulus. As such, it is distinguished from fear, which occurs in the presence of an observed threat. Additionally, fear is related to the specific behaviors of escape and avoidance, whereas anxiety is the result of threats that are perceived to be uncontrollable or unavoidable.

Another view is that it is a future oriented mood state in which one is ready or prepared to attempt to cope with upcoming negative events suggesting that it is a distinction between future versus present dangers that divides anxiety and fear.

Anxiety is considered to be a normal reaction to stress. It may help a person to deal with a difficult situation by prompting one to cope with it. Someone suffering from anxiety might also experience it as a sense of dread or panic. Although panic attacks are not experienced by every anxious person, they are a common symptom, in which the perception of danger is very real. Panic attacks usually come without warning.

Anxiety does not only consist of physical symptoms. There are many emotional and psychological symptoms as well. Feelings of apprehension or dread, trouble concentrating, feeling tense or jumpy, anticipating the worst, irritability, restlessness, watching (and waiting) for signs (and occurences) of danger, and feeling like your mind is blank. There is also nightmares and bad dreams, obssessions about sensations, deja vu which is a trap in your mind feeling, and feeling like everything is scary.

One of the most common symptoms of anxiety is fear. You feel an intense fear when you think of dying, or you may think of it more often than normal, or can't get it out of your mind. But I don't manifest this kind of fear. The fear that I have right now is the fear of "what ifs". What if something happens along the way, or what if my family are not happy for my coming back home.

I have a lot of expectations from this trip and I am fearing that some of it would not be realized in such a short time. These expectations makes me overly anxious and extremely apprehensive.

As a knowledgeable person for sure I know how to handle unavoidable threats in my life. And my coping mechanisms are so extensive and vast, that I know how to get out of my own anxious and stressful situation. I don't want to succumb myself to depression which is the last stage of anxiety and I don't want to be branded as a coward. Coward in a sense of not being able to cope with my own fears and my own anxiety.

Everyone of us has their own way of fighting stress in their lives and we all have different maneuvers or approaches in getting rid of them. Whatever it is, go for it because I believe that whatever makes us comfortable will make our homeostasis balanced which will eventually get rid of our own anxieties, fears, and apprenhensions.

Well, I hope this trip will turn out good as what I will be expecting. I know anxiety will be lurking anywhere and I will be ready to face it so that I can enjoy this mini-vacation.

And writing this blog is another way (and a productive one) of getting away from it.

A Day Before My Trip Back Home

It seems like long ago that I've been home. I remembered it clearly when I went back home three years ago. It was a homecoming exclusively for the family and now may be another quiet time with my dear mother.

The last time I went home all of my immediate family went with me to the exotic island of Boracay. Known for its pristine environment, white sandy shores, and blue-green clear waters. My siblings with their families, uncles, aunts, cousins tagged along with me and made my escapades more memorable. They were saying that "The more the merrier." and it was indeed fun.

That time too, we celebrated my mom's 72nd birthday with a big party. All my immediate and distant families that I never knew of came over. My mom was been ill for a long time but I still vividly remember how she impishly managed to show a great smile and a calm attitude all throughout the event.

Her former high school buddies were also there sharing their thoughts and wishes for her birthday and at the same time recalling their experiences through that mini-reunion which is one of my little intentions for her to be happy.

Now I was quite emotional because my trip right now focused again for my dear mother. She is in a deteriorated state now and I am leaving tomorrow to see her and serve her for the entire two weeks of my mini-vacation. I hope she still remember me but I know she can't anymore because I clearly recalled the last time I went home is that she barely recognized me when I introduced myself to her. But it is okay, I will understand.

Right now, I am not excited but a little worried because this mini-trip happened at a spur of a moment. I impulsively decided to go home because of my sympathy to my mom and at the same time clear some issues with some people I needed to see. My anxiety started to build up and I am bottling-up my emotions and holding my excitement.

I am preparing my things lightly because I don't want to stress my self with carrying a lot of heavy and excess baggages because I only intend to see my mom and not to please a lot of people. I hope they will not expect a lot from me because I am going home.

The tenacity of the people there to expect more out from an overseas worker like me is so contorted. And their mentality of taking advantage to the situation irks me sometimes, but because of the economic situation in the Philippines I couldn't blame them for that, which I understand clearly, but it's just too annoying sometimes.

Instead of being excited and happy to see me landing safely there I still couldn't fathom why they have to ask for a present or pasalubong from a balikbayan. I just dunno! But it is already the culture that separates us from being so unmindful of the privacy of some balikbayans who just want to have a safe respite in their beloved homeland albeit their stay is bombarded with financial angst and family problems.

Well, as for me, I am planning this as a quiet, solo, enjoyable, private, stress-free, and safe homecoming. I hope people will not expect a lot from me when I'm there. This trip is only intended for my mom and her alone as well as a bonding time for my small nieces and nephews whom I never saw, bonded, and got close because of my far distance from them. I just want them to know that I am a good uncle and that I love them so much and so dearly. I hope people will understand.

I am hopeful, anxious, and apprehensive about this trip and just couldn't sit in one place because it is killing me right now. I couldn't even make up my mind what things to prepare and bring. It's just making me nuts and driving me crazy. I can't eat and is sleep deprived.

One more day and I will be home tucked-in safely with my immediate folks. See you guys on Tuesday and it will be happening soon. Can't wait till that happens.

Three Deaths in a Row for Just One Day

Well guys, it's been a helluva disappointing week these days. Full of unexpected surprises and sad news.

I worked three consecutive nights from Monday until Wednesday in preparation for my two weeks vacation to the Philippines and three weeks vacation to France. I am pretty much exhausted and I am glad it was over.

Yesterday, a Thursday, the start of my five weeks vacation, I was spending time with my high school classmate Bongbong Palencia.

We started having breakfast after I got out from my graveyard shift work. I picked him up at his sister's place in Whittier, CA and we headed to downtown Los Angeles to have an early morning breakfast at "The Original Pantry House" which was the most famous breakfast place in Los Angeles since the 1930's and until now. It was also been the favorite place of some well-known celebrities.

After the breakfast I asked my friend if I can take a little nap and do my facial treatment schedule at eleven in the morning, while he can spend his time at Universal Studios. He immediately agreed so I then dropped him off at the amusement park in North Hollywood.

I went home after I dropped him off there and went to take a nap for two hours. After the nap I went to my hygienist for my facial treatment schedule. Then I went to Universal Citywalk and meet up with my high school friend who was apparently watching the movie.

We went ahead and watched the new movie by Michael Bay which is the Transformers 2. I was quite curious about the hype given to this new movie. When we went to watch it the movie house was full and the audience were very eager and excited to see it.

For me, the movie was very very good. I love the plot and it was loaded with a lot of actions and loud sound effects. The visual effects were superb and the characters live up to their roles. I love the new role of the autobots and the story could not be that good without the new roles of the added decepticons who were called "The Fallen". But in the end the evil couldn't outdo the good ones. And the good always prevails in the end.

After we watched the movie, my friend told me that he received a news from his sister through a text message that Michael Jackson died of unknown cause. I asked him if he was referring to the Pop Prince and he said yes. I was quite surprise about what he told me and I did not believed him initially until I can confirm it on my own. But I temporarily, brushed it off and ignored the news not until I could get home and research it from the news.

After we got out of Universal Citywalk, we left the amusement park and went to Sunset Boulevard and ate at Bossa Nova for a light dinner. After the dinner I drove my friend showing him off to Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills and then to downtown area theater district. After that I drove him home to Whittier.

When I get home I can't wait to open my computer and confirm the news that I just got about Jacko. And when I opened the yahoo browser, then all my angst about it was been officially confirmed.

The headline says, "Michael Joseph Jackson Dies at Age of 50". I felt so numb and in denial about what I've found and I immediately recalled my younger days in the 80's which was the Prince of Pop's heyday. I remembered how he effected the music and dance industry by his out of this world singing and dance moves.

It was a sad day in Los Angeles that Thursday night and all the radio stations dedicated their hours and time in playing Michael's music. They give enormous tributes to the Prince of Pop every hour.
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Today, my friend George, told me that Farrah Fawcett also passed away after battling cancer for so many years. He told me that she also passed away yesterday, a Thursday, in Los Angeles, CA leaving her wonderful family with great sadness.

Farrah, was also a well-known Hollywood icon, known for her blonde feathered hair (which was greatly imitated during her prime days) and her unforgettable role in the movie "Charlie's Angel". She is also an advocate of a lot of women who were victims of domestic violence. And she has helped a lot of people and families who she inspired a lot.
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Today, while I was reviewing my DVR for the show "So You Think You Can Dance" I was also surprised that another Hollywood icon died yesterday as being told by Nigel Lythgow, the show's producer, in the opening remarks before the show starts. It was also touching to watch it because they also gave tribute to both Jacko and Farrah that night along with Ed McMahon who also died yesterday.

Ed McMahon was one of the Holloywood icon who also was very influential in the discovery of todays stars in the former defunct show "The Star Search". And for sure these stars like Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Justin Timberlake, and a lot of comic celebrities or comedians were so thankful to him and they were giving him much needed tributes for his effect on them.
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So guys for this month the world was shocked with all this death news. And all these three icons have their own legacy to leave to us.

Death is a very sad news, but a time to remember all the person's good memories. Like Michael, Farrah, and Ed; their legacy will live on forever.

We all know that death is not an end but a beginning of a new life and the remembrance of their good deeds while they were living here on this earth.

We all know that our life in this world is just temporary and we have to give meaning to it so that people can remember us in a good way. In that our purpose here on earth will be remembered meaningfully and our legacy will remain till the end.

Got Hooked With OTS

It's 3 am on a wee hours this Saturday morning and I was still up. I just couldn't sleep........

I am off yesterday, and right now I have been following my body clock. I used to work graveyard shift and that explains why I'm still up right now. I had a long sleep yesterday afternoon that is why sleep is kinda evading me until now.

I have nothing to do so I decided to surf and scour YouTube for some cool sounds. I heard from a friend that OTS is where I can find some good music.

OTS means "one-time-sessions". That means that the song was being composed or covered in only one sitting without rehearsing or practicing it. That means that the person who does the song is pretty much adept in singing or just mere experimenting. And most of the songs are pretty much raw and realistic.

As I kept clicking for the nice one-time-session video I accidentally opened this video by the guy named Gabe Bondoc. (I think he is Filipino.) Most of his videos were been uploaded/downloaded a hundred thousand times. Man he is a hit.......

He has some nice compositions and excellent song covers. The one cover I like most from his collections were "Chasing Pavements" by Adele (it is a really sick rendition, I got goosebumps), "Viva La Vida" by Coldplay (a very funny original cover), "Burning Up" by Jonas Brothers (which is far more better than Jonas Brothers), "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry (which he made as a man song rather than Katy Perry-ish), "After Tonight" by Justin Nozuka (a very mellow version compared to the original), "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz (which is a bouncy and fun song)and many more.

Gabe, is a very charismatic singer. His voice can be compared to an angel singing up high in the heavens. He is a consummate guitarist. A virtuoso in that aspect. He held his guitar excellently and will lull you to cloud nine. He sang his cover songs superbly and claims it as his own. Very soothing voice and I just can't get enough.

I kept listening to it until I feel tired and soporific. I even included some of the clips here in my blogspot to share it to all of you who happened to scan my blogs. You'll be the judge if you like it and if you do just scour his videos on YouTube if you like. Just click his name or OTS then voila you can have a variety of his creations and covered songs. Just chose what you like or may be experiment some of it. I guarantee you, you will never regret listening to it like what I did.

Well, I have to make a blog of it because this is a memorable discovery that I did. Actually I went to YouTube to listen for Charice, Mark Mejia, and Albert Posis. Then I stumbled on this one and I liked it a lot. Two-thumbs-up!!! (and if I'll include my two big toes I'll probably do it, hehehe.)

Enjoy and have a good time. It's awesome, amazing, delusional, magnificent, and everything grandiose you can think of. Now I'm getting hooked and at the same time go cuckoo at it. A good way of passing time err wasting time may be. Thanks for YouTube for helping me find my own niche of music and past time. Hahaha.....

It was indeed fun and enjoyable! I can't help looking for more....

Early Friday Morning Dilemma at Work

It was a cool foggy morning in Los Angeles, as I got out from work today. The sun was already peeking out from the cloudy skies and the weather seem clear today.

My night at work was smooth and uneventful. I was damn bored yet I found something to tuck in the unit. Filling up the IV and lab tray with necessary materials needed for such procedures. After seeing to it that my three patients went to sleep, I decided to check my Facebook account and made some unnecessary comments to some of my friends just to poke them for some funny things.

I was still bored so I decided to reread the book from the Twilight series, "New Moon", which I happened to keep in my locker long time ago after I finished reading it last year. I know the movie will come out soon, so in preparation for the movie I have to read the plot again and try to remember it until the movie comes out this summer so that I can compare them whether their similar in essence.

At five o'clock in the morning, the unit was still so freaking slow and I am already super bored. I already consumed three cups of creamed coffee but I am still hyperactive and can't sit in one place.

Admitting beeped us and confirmed that we're getting one admission and I volunteered to prepare the room and the patient admission necessities while my two companions started filling-up the care plans, chart, and the admission papers.

After an hour, the patient came with oxygen and no intravenous line. Even the laboratory blood draw were not done. Basically, emergency did not do anything and the patient appears short of breath and was wheezing badly and had difficulty breathing. We were misinformed by the people down in ER.

I have to call the in-house resident doctor and informed him about the distressed kid. I have to obtain a bronchodilator aerosol treatment because I think that the kid was clamping down and is super distressed. I also asked and order for blood to be drawn and also obtain an order for a corticosteroid to reduce the respiratory inflammation caused by the clamped airways. So an intravenous line is needed for it. My two nurse companions helped me set-up the intravenous insertion and the blood draw after the nebulization treatment was given and seeing to it that the bronchodilator kicked-in and made the kid a little bit comfortable for the impending invasive procedure.

It was ironic though, because emergency department should have done all those things to stabilize the patient rather than us making the stabilization process. What is emergency department called for if they cannot even stabilize the patient. What are they called for as the first line of prevention and stabilization in a health care facility if they can't even help the patient in the first place. I was so disappointed with the way our emergency department do their triage process. And this occasion was been happening not on one occasion only but several times already.

Had I not acted right away to obtain necessary actions to help the kid from clamping down and alleviating his distress may be his condition gone awry and serious. Had I not been equiped with the proper knowledge to assess the child may be he was dead right there and then.

Well, may be that was the price I have to pay for being too bored the whole night. Then voila I have something to be busy on. Sometimes, circumstances are unpredictable and we don't know what is in store for us on a certain occasion. Yet we have to be prepared for all that is happening to us despite what the odds are.

And despite what others weaknesses has we have to accept it and just use our own strengths to at least cover up the pitfall. We are there to take care of the patient and not to point fingers as to who is at fault. Just do what you can do and document what had happened to cover yourself so that proper disciplinary action will be granted to those who are at fault.

Well folks, this is not only an occasional circumstance that is happening in my facility but the usual thing and a habit of the emergency department. I mean as a professional you must know how to handle the situation and keep your cool.

Treat the situation first and document what had happened. I know I did the right thing to protect my customer and hopefully proper disciplinary action will be done when my documentation reached the proper authority who can point out the mistake.

With these actions, the patient will be properly protected and the facility will become a safe environment for the patients. But we have to bear in mind that we are just humans and after all noboby's perfect in everything they do. So I hope this will not be a good alibi to cover up this pitfall or mistake.

Looking for a "Parola"

Hi guys! Glad to be back here again and do some quick blogging.

It's funny though, because I've been doing a lot of searching and traveling for my favorite passion thing....... a parola, which is a Filipino term for a lighthouse.

A parola is a Tagalog term which comes from a root word "Parol", meaning a lantern which is also seen in any lighthouses especially in it's lantern tower.

Everyone of us has an intense interest for something. A term we usually called "fascination" or a hobby.... which is a feeling of great liking for something wonderful and unusual.

Sometimes people called it an "obsession"..... but I refuse to call it like that because it is neither but rather a more intense and ominous description of the word or an inappropriate term to describe it.

As we all know, obsession is a mental disorder which is an unhealthy and compulsive preoccupation with something or someone and I think I have not reached that stage yet.

This fascination of such thing always stuck in my mind and I have a tendency to include it in my to-do-list or set-of-goals to be achieved. Currently, I've been out a lot of times in the open field to look for one or two.

A lighthouse is a beacon light.... a tower with a flashing beam of light that gives signal and warning of shoals to passing ships or boats. It serves a lot of purpose like giving direction to lost ships and telling people that a stretch of shallow water is visible at low tide.

It also conveys a romantic mood, a mood of peacefulness and quiet, a character of strength and power, a sense of direction and many more things. It is a sentinel structure that stands alone into the open seas to help the one who are lost.

When I was a kid, I dreamed a lot about lighthouses. I am so absorbed about that dream, that's why when I was growing up, I pledge to myself to see one when I am able to.

I remember the first time I saw one in the island of Guimaras in the Philippines during my college years. I was so drawn to the character and beauty it held and possess. I cannot explain my exhilaration, as if I was hypnotized to yearn for more sight of it. And that was the start of my fascination.

The second lighthouse that I saw was when I was vacationing in New Hampshire and my friend Neil drove me to Maine and showed me one at the tip of the beach in York. The white lighthouse was so captivating, perched on an island cliff with a little white barn downhill on the right side and red storage house near the cliff.

For me, the structure radiates a feeling of nostalgia. A sense of longing for something past. It gives me an inexplicable comfort when I want to be alone thinking of one. It gives me a sense of direction to achieve my goals. It is a strange feeling.... that I kept to myself for a long time.

Lately, I have enough time to look for some interesting lighthouses in the shores of Southern California and I was quite astonished to what I have accomplished. My drive and determination to see some more structures was enormous. And collecting and archiving their beautiful pictures is so fulfilling. So far I have seen four of them and still counting.

As I kept searching for more lighthouses I promised to myself that from now on, everytime I go somewhere, I will look for one and gather pictures of it for my online collection. It gives me the drive and will power as well as a sense of fulfillment.

I got inspired with my little adventure and project and I'm a little impressed of myself and my achievements. I will continue this to quench my interest and achieve my goals.

Sometimes, we have to set some objectives to guide us in our undertakings. And these goals of searching a lighthouse inspired me to be goal-oriented and have a sense of direction and at the same time organize myself and my busy life. It is just up to us on how to prioritize them accordingly for our needs.

Hopefully, this fascination will serve as a good purpose or gateway in my search for a more meaningful life..... and believe me it does.

Foolish Knowledge

Have you ever wonder what happened to those pencil and paper way of computing numbers or sometimes solving it mentally?

As I sat on my chair near my working table at work finishing up my documentations on my patient's charts and doing some computations for my patient's intake and output using a portable calculator from my iPhone, I started to ponder and suddenly realized that I got overly dependent on using this small gadget in calculating numbers.

It was daunting to know that I already forgot calculating these numbers in a traditional and classic way. I even forgot my simple multiplication table already and it took me time to come up with the right answer. Even adding up simple four or five digit numbers was a struggle. What a shame!

When I was a kid mathematics and science were my favorite subjects. I got an A+ in both subjects all through out my high school years. I can even add up using an abacus, which is a device that performs or calculates arithmetic functions manually by sliding counters on rods and in grooves. I can even solve algebraic expressions and problems in my mind without doing it manually on a pencil and paper way. But now gone were all those smart days.

I even developed some shortcuts on how to do calculus problems and I can solve analytical geometry, trigonometry, physics, and statistical problems in a nick of time. But now I have to rely on a specially programmed scientific calculators designed by Texas Instruments using different functions.

Even with my statistical computations with my school work in computing student's grades, I have to depend it on Windows Excel which can mysteriously tally any rows and columns of numbers at a flick of a finger. Then voila..... and the answer will pop-up instantly.

It is ironic that those old method and theories devised and discovered by our scientists and mathematicians in ancient times were all forgotten.

It is a current trend that we can obtain immediate solutions for our numerical inquiries fast at our fingertips by just tapping the keyboard. No wonder the new generations of today are at a higher risk or danger of getting too overly dependent to all these technological gizmos or equipments and at a lost when it comes to computing these problems mentally.

Information and technology can be wonderful tools but don't get so caught up in gaining knowledge that sometimes you fail to put it to good use or even appreciate the wonders of discovering new avenues in solving such numerical questions.

Like me, I even lose my prowess and skills in computing large numbers mentally because I failed to exercise or use it all the time and may be due to my over dependence to these modern technological gadgets. I feel that I get so rusty already when it comes to computation.

As we zoom into the technology age, let us not lose our perspective. As what they say, a glut of factual data and visual experiences does not guarantee an increase in wisdom.

Who knows may be some day these technological advances and innovations will have some glitches. Who knows it will slowly disappear out of the blue and totally gone in the future. Then may be the later generation were not well prepared enough to face the consequences of their ancestors surmounting over dependence with technological advances. Who knows......

Superstitiously Superstitious

Well, it's the month of June again and my mom's birthday month. Belated Happy Birthday mom (her birthday is June 3rd). She's happily 74 years old now and counting (fingers crossed).

Last week, I just saw her online through a webcam set up by my brother. She was a little bit better with the oxygen on, compared to the first time I saw her chasing her breathing and looking very haggard. To all my sibs good job!

Well, the reason I based my story today on superstition is that I have three instances lately that relates to it. I am a person who always believe that everything we do has a reason whether it will give us a bad luck or a good one.

As I looked the meaning of superstitious in the dictionary it states that it is showing ignorance of the laws of nature and faith in magic or chance. Well, may be this is true but what I experienced this last few weeks was been an experience related to this definition. I don't know if I'm superstitious but you'll be the one to judge.

Firstly, on Memorial Day, the day of the Los Angeles marathon I woke up in good spirits early in the morning at 4 am thinking that I have a clinical class in Inglewood, CA with Batch 5. I took a warm shower and left my pad early at 6 am. I didn't know that it was the day of the Los Angeles marathon but if I happened to know it I might be probably get stuck in the traffic if I left my apartment late because the route where I used to take is the route where they have the marathon route. I noticed that the traffic was scarce that day when I was driving at the freeway and all the exits were been blocked. Have I left late then probably the traffic was even hard.

But when I get to the facility site I noticed that there were no students coming after 7 am which is our starting time. Then I realized that may be they were on holiday. Yes, I was spared with the traffic but I wasted my time and effort in getting up early and my mileage and gas because of my negligence to check my schedule or my laziness to pick up my schedules and notices at school. Have I known that, I shouldn't have woke up early and reported to the clinicals.

Secondly, on the end part of May, I woke up late in the afternoon for my work in the hospital. I slept good that day because I was so tired from working the previous night. Although I still have to report that same day for the graveyard shift, I woke up at 6:30 pm and immediately called the hospital that I will be late. I was told by my co-worker that I could just continue sleeping because the census was down and it was my turn to be cancelled. What a good timing! So I went back to sleep and felt refreshed the next day.

Well, my body really knows what will happen that day because regularly I used to wake up early at 4 pm, watch the news and ready my uniform for work. But I don't know what had happened that time that I felt very lazy and tired to wake up early but instead I woke up late and called the unit warning them that I will be late only to know that I will be cancelled. What a coincidence!

Then lastly, only three days ago, I woke up a little late without even knowing what is happening around me. I forgot to open my TV and watch the news. I get-up and hurriendly took a warm shower and changed for my uniform, made some sandwiches for my lunch at work and tucked it in my lunchbox and left drastically.

I noticed that my gas was low so I decided to take another route to work to get my tank filled up. So instead of taking the freeway which I routinely do when I go to work, I decided to take the side streets and just have my gas filled up at the Wilshire Avenue and Vermont Boulevard Shell station then I will take the alternate side street route in going to work.

When I got to the hospital I was told that the freeway I frequently took in going to work and which I will suppose to take on my way to work had a bad accident, wherein an eighteen wheeler truck collided with three automobiles, was been shut down because of the bad accident.

Gosh, I was shocked when I heard it. I felt weak and clammy upon realizing that I could be probably in that accident. I felt lucky that I took the alternate route and was thankful to check my gas and had it filled up because had I waited for the next day to had it filled up then may be I should be in that horrible accident.

Then there I realized that God is still good at me. Although I know He is good at everybody. But I still feel lucky and blessed. That's why God always work in mysterious ways. And I am a firm believer that there is always a reason for whatever we are doing.

Sometimes we have the inclination to do this thing but we ended up doing another thing which is out of the blue turned out to be the right thing. I always have a lot of circumstances like that. And I always believe on my first instinct.

They always say that we have a gut feeling telling us that this thing is right so we have to do it. And in my experiences guts is always eighty percent right. But this doesn't mean to say that we always have to rely on our guts all the time. Thats why we have the wits to think it over and over again if it is the right thing or not. But if my wit doesn't really confirm it then I have to rely on my guts. And it's always right on my part. I know every one of us is different so whatever you believe, believe in it.

We are being brought up differently and that makes you as a unique individual. So either you are superstitious or not it's all up to you. But always remember everything that happens has it's own reason be it good or bad.