It seems that my hormones are in low supply again.... hehehe, or maybe it is a full moon lately...... I don't know. I feel so lazy that I don't want to get active at the moment. Ever since I've been teaching five days in a week during weekdays, which started three weeks ago, I don't have time to exercise again.
During weekdays I leave the house at 0630H to beat the nagging Los Angeles traffic then goes home at 1900H waiting for the traffic in the afternoon to abate. I got off work at 1630H from school but I have to stay for three hours more to wait for the traffic to slow down, by the time I left school at least the traffic should have abated or maybe minimized to the least.
By the time I got home it's already past 2000H and I'm already tired to go to the gym. I only go to the gym now at least twice a week. Sometimes if I'm extremely tired I just halt it down and opted to rest. I just don't want to overtire my body. I already lack motivation.
My eating habit was been also slowed down. I seldom eat. At work I only eat crackers and try to stay away from soda. I only took some coffee sometimes to wake me up especially when I work graveyard shift. My motivation to lose weight was been a roller coaster lately and I just can't keep up because of the demands of my job. It wears me out.
On the weekend I worked at the hospital and beat the graveyard shift but my body succumbed to fatigue eventually making me give up exercising and chose to sleep and rest instead. It is really tough to juggle between the demands of work and go to the gym to exercise. My body really gave up. My will power gradually crumbles. So I only opted to reduce my time exercising at the gym to twice a week giving more time to rest and recuperate the fatigue from work. It's my usual dilemma.
Now I'm faced what to chose between... my job or getting healthy. It's tough but I needed to have strict discipline..... I needed to have a huge motivation..... I needed to have extreme will power. I wish I could have superpower so that I could do whatever I want at a snap of a finger, but I have to face the reality that I am not. It's tough!
My birthday will be coming in a few weeks and I just refuse to get old. That's another reality I needed to swallow. My body was been aging and later on I have to accept the fact that I can do limited activities appropriate for the demands of the aging body. It's hard to accept that things are declining as we aged but that's how it is. That's why I have to maintain a healthy and happy lifestyle in order not to rush myself to old age.
I woke up earlier pumped up to go to the gym. I went to the restroom half asleep to pee and then when all the remnants of my sleeping hours were been peed out I suddenly felt not motivated to go, so I went back to the bed and lay down sheepishly covering myself with the warm downey comforter and went back to sleep silently.
The weather was kind of hot outside at 88 degrees at 1400H and that's the one also that kind of discouraged me to leave the house to exercise. Now, I have a lot of alibis just to evade going to the gym. It's so frustrating to know that I succumbed to being a weakling. I hate myself for doing that.
It's been an ongoing dilemma for me on what to do with regards to exercising. I needed a lot of discipline and motivation. It's hard living alone and procrastinating all the time. It defeats my goals and the purpose of being so inspired to do things that I needed to do. I can't resist to the temptation of laziness and then gave me a lot of resentments and repercussions that I can't decide solidly for myself. It's a shame and I'm embarrassed.
These things always happens not everyday but most of the time. I don't know what caused it but it's tough to face it. I wished my mom is still alive because she used to nag me if I feel lazy. She's my huge conscience every time I lagged off from my homeworks at school and she sees to it that I am active and moving all the time that's why I grew up as a skinny boy. I wish I could go back to my old self.
Now that mom is gone no one can tell me what is right or wrong. No one will tell me to do the right thing. I am more inclined to put myself to a downfall all the time because no one guides me.
I've been to a lot of situations where I made a lot of mistakes that I greatly regretted in my entire life and it's a tough act but the damage was been irreversible and it already happened. It's the things that I needed to change badly if given a chance to go back and repair it. But it's already too late because the damage was already there and could not be repaired anymore.
All I needed to do is to face the stinging and pinching truth and move on with my pathetic life. I am trying to appease myself sometimes but the guilt feelings was been haunting me all the time every time I remember all those weak moments of my life that I made grave mistakes. It's kind of reminding me that I am responsible of my actions and I have to suffer the consequences it had and I made. It's kind of regretful as well as distressing.
It is tough to get to a point of achieving my goals and it is a reality I have to face. I get to be motivated to make some conscious and unconscious effort to do it. Just like my exercises routines, I got to discipline myself roughly and toughly to do it to achieve positive and energizing results and doing it is really hard.
Sometimes I am just dragging myself to the gym without even the inspiration or motivation to be there. As long as I do it that day it's okay for me. It's just like being there physically but not mentally and emotionally (and soulfully as well). It's like punishing myself without even doing an unforgivable mistake. It's highly unlikely for me to be in that situation but believe me I am.
Aaah..... it's really tough facing the realities of life and for me I've been struggling my entire life to be better but it's really not enough. I can feel it in myself. Judging the outcome of my progress... I feel I'm still under the limit and I don't know when I can be over the passing line.
Only me and nothing else can answer that and I have to start and consciously act right now. Hopefully things will be okay along the way. God bless me.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Planning Takes Time
Yes.... I am planning things right now. It entails a lot of thinking and decision making and I felt so extremely drained out now. Planning is a tough job actually but I am enjoying it because in the end I will be satisfied of what I will come up. Actually, I can't wait for it to happen and I'm loving the fact that I am planning it ahead of time.
In a couple of weeks I will have my town friend from the Philippines visit me. He is the city's accountant in our place.... my hometown. He will embark an almost five weeks vacation and will be staying with me on some of his vacation days going to places he has not been yet.
Right now, I am planning some itinerary for us to take when I will be off when he's here. I requested three days off from school and work to give time for my town friend to roam around the California state. That's why I have to plan out our road trip well to make it more pleasurable,interesting, and fun.
I know it is so overwhelming to do some conscious early planning so in order for my town friend to enjoy the much awaited road trip I have to carefully decide where to go based on our own likes and ante the plans so that everything will be in order.
I was planning to start a trip going north of California and most of it consists of driving the coastal roads looking for some well known lighthouses in central and northern California. I love lighthouses and I hope my town friend love them, too. For sure this will be a lot of fun and rewarding experience searching for them. I have some specimens in my mind and I also Googled some which I have found interesting and enjoyable to be at.
Our first day will start in Santa Barbara.... roaming the exotic city and its beaches as well as taste the foods and cuisine they are famous of especially the sweet crabs they have at the Stearn's Wharf. We will also be scouring the nearby lighthouses like the Point Conception Lighthouse near Lompoc Bay, the San Luis Obispo Lighthouse in San Luis Obispo, and lastly the Piedras Blancas Lighthouse in San Simeon.
We will stay for the night in San Simeon because all our second day activity will happen there. I Googled also the hotel we'll gonna stay there and I found an affordable one at Hotel.com and that is the Days Inn Hotel in San Simeon and it only cost us $66 for a night.
The next day we will tour the famous Hearst Castle and we will immerse ourselves with the opulence and beauty of the whole estate which is also famous worldwide. I can't wait for that to happen and explore the vastness of the beautiful castle as well as the estates it had covered. I hope my town friend will also love it.
When we're done at the castle we will continue heading north taking the famous California Highway 1 along the Cabrillo trail. We will also locate the two famous lighthouses near the Monterey Valley in the Salinas County which are the Point Sur Lighthouse in Big Sur, CA and the Point Pinos Lighthouse in Pacific Grove, CA.
Can't wait to see those two which looks very interesting at Google. I hope it will be a remarkable and memorable experience when we're there. Then we will stay the night in Monterey at Monterey Bay Travelodge which I also found at Hotel.com which only charges $59 for a night's stay.
We will also tour the famous places in Carmel, CA like the exotic Point Lobos Bay, famous Mission Carmel Church, and the well-known Forest Theater. Hope we will succesfully locate these places we're planning and aiming to go.
We will also explore the serene and beautiful city of Monterey, CA as well as go to the famous Monterey Cannery Row, Monterey Fisherman's Wharf, Lake El Estero, Colton Hall, and the renowned Monterey State Historic Park. I hope we can finish seeing all these places in half a day.
The following day we will continue going north and look for more beautiful and enticing lighthouses like the twin lighthouses in Santa Cruz, the Pigeon Point Lighthouse,and the Point Montana Lighthouse near San Jose, CA. We will also tour around San Jose and embrace the technological and modern progressive aura of the Silicon Valley.
We will be driving back home to Los Angeles after our tour in San Jose taking the notorious and tricky Highway 5 because I need to work in the clinical site the next day.
I hope my town friend will also enjoy the planned road trip, as we alternate ourselves in driving as well as enjoying the things that I love most...... that is, watching and hunting beautiful, captivating, and awesome California lighthouses and also appreciating greatly the beauty of the places we will be intending to visit and the towns and cities we will pass by. Oh..... I can't wait for it to happen.
Judging with all these itineraries it looks like our three days will be very hectic and jampacked with hilarious adventures because we only have limited times but a lot of places to go. Oh well.... it's okay for me as long we are on the move all the time to try out more places to visit. I just can't wait for this to happen successfully. Life is good and traveling is very rewarding.
In a couple of weeks I will have my town friend from the Philippines visit me. He is the city's accountant in our place.... my hometown. He will embark an almost five weeks vacation and will be staying with me on some of his vacation days going to places he has not been yet.
Right now, I am planning some itinerary for us to take when I will be off when he's here. I requested three days off from school and work to give time for my town friend to roam around the California state. That's why I have to plan out our road trip well to make it more pleasurable,interesting, and fun.
I know it is so overwhelming to do some conscious early planning so in order for my town friend to enjoy the much awaited road trip I have to carefully decide where to go based on our own likes and ante the plans so that everything will be in order.
I was planning to start a trip going north of California and most of it consists of driving the coastal roads looking for some well known lighthouses in central and northern California. I love lighthouses and I hope my town friend love them, too. For sure this will be a lot of fun and rewarding experience searching for them. I have some specimens in my mind and I also Googled some which I have found interesting and enjoyable to be at.
Our first day will start in Santa Barbara.... roaming the exotic city and its beaches as well as taste the foods and cuisine they are famous of especially the sweet crabs they have at the Stearn's Wharf. We will also be scouring the nearby lighthouses like the Point Conception Lighthouse near Lompoc Bay, the San Luis Obispo Lighthouse in San Luis Obispo, and lastly the Piedras Blancas Lighthouse in San Simeon.
We will stay for the night in San Simeon because all our second day activity will happen there. I Googled also the hotel we'll gonna stay there and I found an affordable one at Hotel.com and that is the Days Inn Hotel in San Simeon and it only cost us $66 for a night.
The next day we will tour the famous Hearst Castle and we will immerse ourselves with the opulence and beauty of the whole estate which is also famous worldwide. I can't wait for that to happen and explore the vastness of the beautiful castle as well as the estates it had covered. I hope my town friend will also love it.
When we're done at the castle we will continue heading north taking the famous California Highway 1 along the Cabrillo trail. We will also locate the two famous lighthouses near the Monterey Valley in the Salinas County which are the Point Sur Lighthouse in Big Sur, CA and the Point Pinos Lighthouse in Pacific Grove, CA.
Can't wait to see those two which looks very interesting at Google. I hope it will be a remarkable and memorable experience when we're there. Then we will stay the night in Monterey at Monterey Bay Travelodge which I also found at Hotel.com which only charges $59 for a night's stay.
We will also tour the famous places in Carmel, CA like the exotic Point Lobos Bay, famous Mission Carmel Church, and the well-known Forest Theater. Hope we will succesfully locate these places we're planning and aiming to go.
We will also explore the serene and beautiful city of Monterey, CA as well as go to the famous Monterey Cannery Row, Monterey Fisherman's Wharf, Lake El Estero, Colton Hall, and the renowned Monterey State Historic Park. I hope we can finish seeing all these places in half a day.
The following day we will continue going north and look for more beautiful and enticing lighthouses like the twin lighthouses in Santa Cruz, the Pigeon Point Lighthouse,and the Point Montana Lighthouse near San Jose, CA. We will also tour around San Jose and embrace the technological and modern progressive aura of the Silicon Valley.
We will be driving back home to Los Angeles after our tour in San Jose taking the notorious and tricky Highway 5 because I need to work in the clinical site the next day.
I hope my town friend will also enjoy the planned road trip, as we alternate ourselves in driving as well as enjoying the things that I love most...... that is, watching and hunting beautiful, captivating, and awesome California lighthouses and also appreciating greatly the beauty of the places we will be intending to visit and the towns and cities we will pass by. Oh..... I can't wait for it to happen.
Judging with all these itineraries it looks like our three days will be very hectic and jampacked with hilarious adventures because we only have limited times but a lot of places to go. Oh well.... it's okay for me as long we are on the move all the time to try out more places to visit. I just can't wait for this to happen successfully. Life is good and traveling is very rewarding.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Twist Of Fate
Hola! It's been a while that I haven't been blogging here. I was kind of busy lately and the demands of my teaching job had also gave a terminal toll on me, now that I am being tasked to teach the theory full time. Well, it's been doing well and I like it.
Was it really a full time job? Not anymore because my October schedule just came out yesterday and you know what happened?.... They've reduced my hours to a minimum or sometimes less than minimum instead of a full time. At first, they say I was gonna teach until the students will finish the Fundamentals of Nursing subject for Term 1 but it just shown on the schedule that had just came out that I can't do it anymore.
Enough for this bullshit! They've been using me to just cover for some people who had left or abandon his position as an instructor and now that they've found a replacement they just tossed me aside like a meaningless shit. I was extremely angry and upset like a mad dog and I am pissed off big time.
I have the gut idea first hand when they've tapped me to teach that they will sack me in the end but I set aside that preempted feelings and happily helped them. Now that every thing was been normalized and stabilized and the students had liked me, they've changed my schedule all of a sudden and I am just forgotten to evaporate into oblivion. I felt too bad about it. Now I've learned my huge lesson.
I was excited at first when they've told me that they gonna train me to be a theory instructor to develep more of my inner confidence and as well as my teaching skills. I believed them in the first place and had succumbed to their empty promises, which eventually had turned out to be sugar coated also. I've already had a feeling before that they'll gonna toss me aside but I just brushed it off because I thought they were that truthfully sincere to their words.
It all turned out that they're just trying to fill in the vacated position temporarily and had just used me for a while until they've found somebody to fill in the big gaps and then tossed me when they've found some one who is more qualified and competent to do it. (I mean I didn't say I am not capable to do it. I am also qualified to do it.) I was so furious but what can I say.... what can I do..... what should I believe.... when in the end it's their decisions anyway that prevails and counts.
Next time when they will approach me to do it again I will just passively decline upfront because I know they will just use me again. I am so down right now because I've already established a very intimate rapport with the students and also I have invested a lot of time winning their evasive trust and golden hearts and all that tiresome efforts I've invested will just go down the drain. I will surely miss them and I know they will greatly miss me too.
Well, life has no permanence on earth I think. It's always labile and flexible. I have to adapt to some changes of course but it's just hard to accept the fact that it will happen that quick and so soon. Life is a vicious cycle. It's just like a wheel that keeps spinning and spinning endlessly. Sometimes you're joyfully up and sometimes you're miserably down. And that's how I felt these things had happened lately.
I have to move on and accept the fact that they don't recognize me to teach these new students anymore (after four weeks of juggling my time, facing the nagging morning traffic, and wasting my money for the gas driving 30 miles each day)and that they've used me until they can find some replacements. It's kind of hurting me deep inside but I have learned my lessons from there. Next time there will be no more Mr. Nice Guy for them. I will just decline what they'll gonna ask me and I will just continue doing what I needed to do.
I am so pissed off right now that's why I am blogging to vent it out. I don't want to scream hysterically(although it is okay to scream) because I don't want to sound immaturely violent. I am just kind of internalizing my anger and frustrations because I am so greatly affected by it, with the fact that I was been used and taken advantage all the time. I didn't like it. My resentments were haunting me all the time.
I know I'll be okay and I know time will just give them their due punishment for what they did to me. I don't want to be selfishly vindictive and do harm to anybody or make ill wishes for them. I will just let "karma" take its toll and arouse their conscience that they took advantage of me, that is, if they have still a nagging conscience. But to me, I am very hurt about it.
Well, enough for these and I will have to move on. Life is not always at the top all the time but as well as I have to be at the bottom also sometimes. That's what I am right now. Hating it or not but I have to accept the fact that it had happened and had hurt me and it's time for me to move on now. Life is so volatile and it is unpredictable as well!
Was it really a full time job? Not anymore because my October schedule just came out yesterday and you know what happened?.... They've reduced my hours to a minimum or sometimes less than minimum instead of a full time. At first, they say I was gonna teach until the students will finish the Fundamentals of Nursing subject for Term 1 but it just shown on the schedule that had just came out that I can't do it anymore.
Enough for this bullshit! They've been using me to just cover for some people who had left or abandon his position as an instructor and now that they've found a replacement they just tossed me aside like a meaningless shit. I was extremely angry and upset like a mad dog and I am pissed off big time.
I have the gut idea first hand when they've tapped me to teach that they will sack me in the end but I set aside that preempted feelings and happily helped them. Now that every thing was been normalized and stabilized and the students had liked me, they've changed my schedule all of a sudden and I am just forgotten to evaporate into oblivion. I felt too bad about it. Now I've learned my huge lesson.
I was excited at first when they've told me that they gonna train me to be a theory instructor to develep more of my inner confidence and as well as my teaching skills. I believed them in the first place and had succumbed to their empty promises, which eventually had turned out to be sugar coated also. I've already had a feeling before that they'll gonna toss me aside but I just brushed it off because I thought they were that truthfully sincere to their words.
It all turned out that they're just trying to fill in the vacated position temporarily and had just used me for a while until they've found somebody to fill in the big gaps and then tossed me when they've found some one who is more qualified and competent to do it. (I mean I didn't say I am not capable to do it. I am also qualified to do it.) I was so furious but what can I say.... what can I do..... what should I believe.... when in the end it's their decisions anyway that prevails and counts.
Next time when they will approach me to do it again I will just passively decline upfront because I know they will just use me again. I am so down right now because I've already established a very intimate rapport with the students and also I have invested a lot of time winning their evasive trust and golden hearts and all that tiresome efforts I've invested will just go down the drain. I will surely miss them and I know they will greatly miss me too.
Well, life has no permanence on earth I think. It's always labile and flexible. I have to adapt to some changes of course but it's just hard to accept the fact that it will happen that quick and so soon. Life is a vicious cycle. It's just like a wheel that keeps spinning and spinning endlessly. Sometimes you're joyfully up and sometimes you're miserably down. And that's how I felt these things had happened lately.
I have to move on and accept the fact that they don't recognize me to teach these new students anymore (after four weeks of juggling my time, facing the nagging morning traffic, and wasting my money for the gas driving 30 miles each day)and that they've used me until they can find some replacements. It's kind of hurting me deep inside but I have learned my lessons from there. Next time there will be no more Mr. Nice Guy for them. I will just decline what they'll gonna ask me and I will just continue doing what I needed to do.
I am so pissed off right now that's why I am blogging to vent it out. I don't want to scream hysterically(although it is okay to scream) because I don't want to sound immaturely violent. I am just kind of internalizing my anger and frustrations because I am so greatly affected by it, with the fact that I was been used and taken advantage all the time. I didn't like it. My resentments were haunting me all the time.
I know I'll be okay and I know time will just give them their due punishment for what they did to me. I don't want to be selfishly vindictive and do harm to anybody or make ill wishes for them. I will just let "karma" take its toll and arouse their conscience that they took advantage of me, that is, if they have still a nagging conscience. But to me, I am very hurt about it.
Well, enough for these and I will have to move on. Life is not always at the top all the time but as well as I have to be at the bottom also sometimes. That's what I am right now. Hating it or not but I have to accept the fact that it had happened and had hurt me and it's time for me to move on now. Life is so volatile and it is unpredictable as well!
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Re-evaluating My Passion
I don't know.... I'm kind of ambivalent and confuse right now about my choices in life. I am kind of having a dilemma in all the things that happened to me lately.
The moment I was back on teaching theory in school, I perceived that something will happen along the way. Yes... I admit that every day I must accept the inevitability of change but it seems that thing shad happened for me so fast lately. I'm kind of everwhelmed and stressed out.
When I was inadvertently pushed by our administrative office to teach theory last month, I was kind of ambivalent in accepting the decision but I am also kind of excited at the same time because of the major impact o fthe opportunity in my nursing career. And besides I love teaching and I accepted the offer with slight apprehension about what might happen along the way.
I know this is coming but I really did not anticipate that it will happen this fast. I am slightly in denial right now and my overwhelmed ego was really surprised of the rapid events that had affected the outcome.
At the first day of my class with Batch 40 (a new group carefully selected by the admissions committee)I felt some animosity already. They were kind of welcoming but with certain doubts in their face because they themselves have been through a lot already. They were been tossed around to different instructors until I landed on them.
At first, I can feel the bad aura but I just brush it off. It usually happens in the first meeting I believe. They say first impression will be lasting but this for me... was even far from it. Okay.... I told myself to just hang on there and give them another chance. I held on.....
As days passed by, the same feelings I have felt was been lurking around in the room. I didn't even know that they have complained to my academic administrator and my boss had calle don me to resolve the issues and from there I learned to improve more on myself for them to like me but not to manipulate me. Of course, I told myself that I am not there for them to like me but to learn from me.
Weeks had passed and I kind of know them already. I tried to anticipate providing them early notice of their syllabus after my boss had plotted it in the bulletin board and the binders, providing them with necessary materials they needed during the didactic sessions especially printing them the Powerpoints I have for th electure, and preparing their grades early so that they will know if they will remediate or not.
I also tried to help review them for their pointers for the quiz, unit test, and final exam as well as gave them some advise on how to improve their study habits and test taking skills. I also gave them some extra time helping them improve their math and calculation skills. And honestly, they started to appreciate what I did to them and they say that they are lucky that I came to rescue them from the neglect of the school administration.
I told them that they were not neglected but just being pushed to adapt to changes because the higher echelon (the administrator) feels that they are already responsible and mature people and they can adapt to different personalities where they can learn form them. The more experienced people they are exposed to the more they get input form those persons. They did not get the idea of it but I tried to explain it in the words they can understand.
Now they say that they are thankful that I was there to explain it to them. I told them that I know it is hard to transition from one situation to another situation but as a healthy human being we must use our coping skills to adapt and adjust. There's no easy way in living life and I told them to be ready with a lot of challenges that will be coming.
Well, now I can breathe (actually sigh deeply) well that all my apprehensions was been load off. After several weeks, I have tamed these batch to like me as well as learn from me.
Actually, they were more intellectually inclined rather than manipulating circumstances. The animosity that they have shown during my first day at me was still sticking in my mind all the time and to me that was the root of everything of fulfilling my goals for them. Thank God I accomplished the goals with flying colors.
Aaaah...... re-evaluating the events that had happened lately had given me a realization that teaching is indeed rewarding. I never have known that it was like this... I was about to give up last week but my persistence and patience had held me to hang on.
I hope as days passed by I will be more inspirational to them as well as motivating. I tried to improve my teaching skills for them and hopefully I will give them more insights and information for them to learn as they just barely trek the pointy and confusing as well as challenging road of Nursing.
Like what I said in my previous blogs.... Life is really a bitch! I couldn't think of it some more but it's just refreshing to have been breathing normally again. You know what I mean.... hehehehe.
The moment I was back on teaching theory in school, I perceived that something will happen along the way. Yes... I admit that every day I must accept the inevitability of change but it seems that thing shad happened for me so fast lately. I'm kind of everwhelmed and stressed out.
When I was inadvertently pushed by our administrative office to teach theory last month, I was kind of ambivalent in accepting the decision but I am also kind of excited at the same time because of the major impact o fthe opportunity in my nursing career. And besides I love teaching and I accepted the offer with slight apprehension about what might happen along the way.
I know this is coming but I really did not anticipate that it will happen this fast. I am slightly in denial right now and my overwhelmed ego was really surprised of the rapid events that had affected the outcome.
At the first day of my class with Batch 40 (a new group carefully selected by the admissions committee)I felt some animosity already. They were kind of welcoming but with certain doubts in their face because they themselves have been through a lot already. They were been tossed around to different instructors until I landed on them.
At first, I can feel the bad aura but I just brush it off. It usually happens in the first meeting I believe. They say first impression will be lasting but this for me... was even far from it. Okay.... I told myself to just hang on there and give them another chance. I held on.....
As days passed by, the same feelings I have felt was been lurking around in the room. I didn't even know that they have complained to my academic administrator and my boss had calle don me to resolve the issues and from there I learned to improve more on myself for them to like me but not to manipulate me. Of course, I told myself that I am not there for them to like me but to learn from me.
Weeks had passed and I kind of know them already. I tried to anticipate providing them early notice of their syllabus after my boss had plotted it in the bulletin board and the binders, providing them with necessary materials they needed during the didactic sessions especially printing them the Powerpoints I have for th electure, and preparing their grades early so that they will know if they will remediate or not.
I also tried to help review them for their pointers for the quiz, unit test, and final exam as well as gave them some advise on how to improve their study habits and test taking skills. I also gave them some extra time helping them improve their math and calculation skills. And honestly, they started to appreciate what I did to them and they say that they are lucky that I came to rescue them from the neglect of the school administration.
I told them that they were not neglected but just being pushed to adapt to changes because the higher echelon (the administrator) feels that they are already responsible and mature people and they can adapt to different personalities where they can learn form them. The more experienced people they are exposed to the more they get input form those persons. They did not get the idea of it but I tried to explain it in the words they can understand.
Now they say that they are thankful that I was there to explain it to them. I told them that I know it is hard to transition from one situation to another situation but as a healthy human being we must use our coping skills to adapt and adjust. There's no easy way in living life and I told them to be ready with a lot of challenges that will be coming.
Well, now I can breathe (actually sigh deeply) well that all my apprehensions was been load off. After several weeks, I have tamed these batch to like me as well as learn from me.
Actually, they were more intellectually inclined rather than manipulating circumstances. The animosity that they have shown during my first day at me was still sticking in my mind all the time and to me that was the root of everything of fulfilling my goals for them. Thank God I accomplished the goals with flying colors.
Aaaah...... re-evaluating the events that had happened lately had given me a realization that teaching is indeed rewarding. I never have known that it was like this... I was about to give up last week but my persistence and patience had held me to hang on.
I hope as days passed by I will be more inspirational to them as well as motivating. I tried to improve my teaching skills for them and hopefully I will give them more insights and information for them to learn as they just barely trek the pointy and confusing as well as challenging road of Nursing.
Like what I said in my previous blogs.... Life is really a bitch! I couldn't think of it some more but it's just refreshing to have been breathing normally again. You know what I mean.... hehehehe.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Tempatation Happens Sometimes
Yes... I always struggled every day to live. I woke up early in the morning to ready myself to work, teach students at school and in the clinical site, as well as do a lot of reading for my lesson plans. It is kinda hard but I like the challenge.
As I am trying to accomplish my goals for the day I am so anxious what to do. I don't know what to expect what will come out and I am so bummed out to wait till the day finished. The demands of the day was been very high and critical and I am also been pressured with the rapidity of the circumstances that had been happening.
It's odd though because I have no idea what had happened and how did it happened. I am very amazed and surprised! Life sometimes can be mysterious and susprising. You don't know what's in store for you the whole day. Love it or hate it.... but things happens in an inopportune time sometimes.
Today, I've meet a friend, a former student actually, a very close buddy. He teased me to treat him for a lunch, and I gave in. Because it was been a long time that I haven't seen him so I succumbed to his pleadings to take him out and indeed I promised to treat him.
He was so cute and very goodlooking. He was Korean, also. He appears so pumped because he told me he was working out a lot.... almost five hours a day. I was so surprised seeing him so good looking and yummy that time. I admit I thought maliciously about him but I held my reins because I don't want to tarnish my good reputation as a teacher.
He offered to drive as long as I will pay for the lunch and I sealed the deal. In the car he was very boisterous. He told me that he was working in Abercrombie and Fitch and if I wanted to buy some of the products I just have to contact him so that he can give me a 30% employee discount. I told him I'll take note of that.
I seldom buy A&F but if opportunities like this knocks then I have to grab the opportunity. I told him I will call him once I decided to shop there.
In the car he was talking about his gym routines and we kind of swerve on the sexual side many times. He told me that he always masturbates in the morning and he always cums a lot. I kind of ride him also telling him (of course I was lying) that I don't have erection anymore because I am taking pills for my hypertension which I probably observed cause the impotence.
He still keeps telling me that he was also taking Viagra and that he always maintains his erections all throughout the day. I was just listening to his stories and just kind of ride with him. I didn't give any motivation that I like him (of course may be he knows that's why he gave me some sexual hints.)
I know he was teasing me if I will get into his trap but I held back my self because I know what will be the consequences of my actions once I will bite his bait. I kind of weighed in that it's not worth it because I know it will ruin my life. So I still stayed on the safe side.
We went to lunch at Joey's BBQ Drive-In and I ordered 3 sliders and he ordered the sausage burger. We ate and talked a lot but not sexual anymore because of the crowd inside the restaurant.
I told him to get his school papers and apply for his NCLEX and I told him to study hard and pass it because I know he can do it. I also told him that he is smart but just lazy to study and he admitted it wholeheartedly.
I also asked him if he still has communications with his classmates and I asked him if he know those who passed the board. He told me that he has still communications with some of them and he told me couple people who passed the board. Our converstaion was so serious inside the reataurant and it was a good and very interactive one not a sexual talk.
When we finished eating he agreed to drive me back to school and while driving, in the car, he went back again telling me some of those sexual stories. There, I snapped and can't control my boiling emotions and told him eye-to-eye and with conviction about what I am feeling at that moment.
I told him honestly that he was a nice guy and that I liked him a lot but I do not want him to tease me putting me in an awkward and bad position and thought of him as a sexual object. I told him that I wanted him to be my friend.... a best friend...... that I can rely with and not a sexual friend. I also told him that I respected his opinions and that if he doesn't want me to be his friend then it is also okay for me and I will respect it.
He stopped telling me sexual stories and he stopped the car and apologized to me. He also told me that he respected me a lot as a teacher and that I am his best teacher and that he likes the fact that I respect him. He told me that it is okay for me to be his best friend also and he asked me a tight and warm friendly hug. He squeezed me hard and then he started the car and drop me off at school.
Whew! That was the start of a good friendship and I am happy that I held my calm at that moment. Have I took advantaged of him.... may be another outcome was been transpired. Life can be a bitch sometimes, you don't know what will happen.
As I am trying to accomplish my goals for the day I am so anxious what to do. I don't know what to expect what will come out and I am so bummed out to wait till the day finished. The demands of the day was been very high and critical and I am also been pressured with the rapidity of the circumstances that had been happening.
It's odd though because I have no idea what had happened and how did it happened. I am very amazed and surprised! Life sometimes can be mysterious and susprising. You don't know what's in store for you the whole day. Love it or hate it.... but things happens in an inopportune time sometimes.
Today, I've meet a friend, a former student actually, a very close buddy. He teased me to treat him for a lunch, and I gave in. Because it was been a long time that I haven't seen him so I succumbed to his pleadings to take him out and indeed I promised to treat him.
He was so cute and very goodlooking. He was Korean, also. He appears so pumped because he told me he was working out a lot.... almost five hours a day. I was so surprised seeing him so good looking and yummy that time. I admit I thought maliciously about him but I held my reins because I don't want to tarnish my good reputation as a teacher.
He offered to drive as long as I will pay for the lunch and I sealed the deal. In the car he was very boisterous. He told me that he was working in Abercrombie and Fitch and if I wanted to buy some of the products I just have to contact him so that he can give me a 30% employee discount. I told him I'll take note of that.
I seldom buy A&F but if opportunities like this knocks then I have to grab the opportunity. I told him I will call him once I decided to shop there.
In the car he was talking about his gym routines and we kind of swerve on the sexual side many times. He told me that he always masturbates in the morning and he always cums a lot. I kind of ride him also telling him (of course I was lying) that I don't have erection anymore because I am taking pills for my hypertension which I probably observed cause the impotence.
He still keeps telling me that he was also taking Viagra and that he always maintains his erections all throughout the day. I was just listening to his stories and just kind of ride with him. I didn't give any motivation that I like him (of course may be he knows that's why he gave me some sexual hints.)
I know he was teasing me if I will get into his trap but I held back my self because I know what will be the consequences of my actions once I will bite his bait. I kind of weighed in that it's not worth it because I know it will ruin my life. So I still stayed on the safe side.
We went to lunch at Joey's BBQ Drive-In and I ordered 3 sliders and he ordered the sausage burger. We ate and talked a lot but not sexual anymore because of the crowd inside the restaurant.
I told him to get his school papers and apply for his NCLEX and I told him to study hard and pass it because I know he can do it. I also told him that he is smart but just lazy to study and he admitted it wholeheartedly.
I also asked him if he still has communications with his classmates and I asked him if he know those who passed the board. He told me that he has still communications with some of them and he told me couple people who passed the board. Our converstaion was so serious inside the reataurant and it was a good and very interactive one not a sexual talk.
When we finished eating he agreed to drive me back to school and while driving, in the car, he went back again telling me some of those sexual stories. There, I snapped and can't control my boiling emotions and told him eye-to-eye and with conviction about what I am feeling at that moment.
I told him honestly that he was a nice guy and that I liked him a lot but I do not want him to tease me putting me in an awkward and bad position and thought of him as a sexual object. I told him that I wanted him to be my friend.... a best friend...... that I can rely with and not a sexual friend. I also told him that I respected his opinions and that if he doesn't want me to be his friend then it is also okay for me and I will respect it.
He stopped telling me sexual stories and he stopped the car and apologized to me. He also told me that he respected me a lot as a teacher and that I am his best teacher and that he likes the fact that I respect him. He told me that it is okay for me to be his best friend also and he asked me a tight and warm friendly hug. He squeezed me hard and then he started the car and drop me off at school.
Whew! That was the start of a good friendship and I am happy that I held my calm at that moment. Have I took advantaged of him.... may be another outcome was been transpired. Life can be a bitch sometimes, you don't know what will happen.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Adapting To New Cycle
Well, as I am being tasked to do the theory in school for Batch 40 in the morning from 0800H to 1600H, I have to force myself to wake up early at 0500H and start my day. Normally, I am a nocturnal person and having my circadian rhythm changed will entail a lot of adjustments for me.
First up, I have to wake up early and prepare myself because I needed to huddle myself for the early morning traffic of the Metropolitan Los Angeles freeways. It is hard sometimes because I'm used to woke up at 1000H or 1100H. Well, I can't complain because it is work. I am fortunate to have a thing called work in this times of recession.
Although I am struggling to adapt to the new cycle I still have to accustom myself to it and I know it will take time for me to get used to it. It will just be temporary until this kids will start their clinical rotations in two months. Then it will take two months for me to alter my rhythm then go back again to the usual.
Yet I am anticipating some problems already, because I will do day shift form Mondays to Fridays 0800H till 1600H then night shift from Fridays till Sundays 1900H to 0700H and it will be quite distressing for me every Fridays and Mondays because I got to work twenty hours plus change my rhythm abruptly.
Although it is temporary I can see some problems already. I know I've been doing it before so I feel that I can keep up with it progressively. Once my body will get use to it I will be fine and I can't complain. I just have to modify the hour on Fridays and Mondays by probably dismissing them an hour early to give way to the afternoon traffic rush.
Fridays will be kind of tough because I have to work nights at the nursing home. Although my job at the nursing is just a supervisory job yet if I have back-to-back admissions I will be busy the whole night but it won't be a problem because I got to take a nap a little bit fo rmy 30 minute break.
Mondays will also be hard because form night shift at the nursing home I will be leaving the facility at 0700H to gave way for the early morning traffic then stay up until 1600H and then by the time I am driving home the traffic will be worst and I will be soporific inside my car but I usually stay awake sometimes.
Well, adjusting to this diurnal and nocturnal times is very difficult but I have to because now that these opportunity for me to teach theory had knocked then I hav eto accept it because it seldoms happen to me. I know it will gave me any problems but I also know that there will no problems that cannot be remedied and I am always resourceful and keen in dealing with it.
I am a strong person and I can handle this to myself. Life has always a lot of perils and it's up to us to handle ourselves well in order to surpass these atrocities in order to be functional and productive. Like me, I am always ready to face these adversities and learn from them if something negative comes up. That's how we learn life anyway.
Hopefully, my journey to adapt to this changes will be okay and I will have a lot to learn in the end. With God's guidance and my faith to Him I know I can make it to the last line. There is nothing impossible with Him and I am blessed to believe in HIm forever.
First up, I have to wake up early and prepare myself because I needed to huddle myself for the early morning traffic of the Metropolitan Los Angeles freeways. It is hard sometimes because I'm used to woke up at 1000H or 1100H. Well, I can't complain because it is work. I am fortunate to have a thing called work in this times of recession.
Although I am struggling to adapt to the new cycle I still have to accustom myself to it and I know it will take time for me to get used to it. It will just be temporary until this kids will start their clinical rotations in two months. Then it will take two months for me to alter my rhythm then go back again to the usual.
Yet I am anticipating some problems already, because I will do day shift form Mondays to Fridays 0800H till 1600H then night shift from Fridays till Sundays 1900H to 0700H and it will be quite distressing for me every Fridays and Mondays because I got to work twenty hours plus change my rhythm abruptly.
Although it is temporary I can see some problems already. I know I've been doing it before so I feel that I can keep up with it progressively. Once my body will get use to it I will be fine and I can't complain. I just have to modify the hour on Fridays and Mondays by probably dismissing them an hour early to give way to the afternoon traffic rush.
Fridays will be kind of tough because I have to work nights at the nursing home. Although my job at the nursing is just a supervisory job yet if I have back-to-back admissions I will be busy the whole night but it won't be a problem because I got to take a nap a little bit fo rmy 30 minute break.
Mondays will also be hard because form night shift at the nursing home I will be leaving the facility at 0700H to gave way for the early morning traffic then stay up until 1600H and then by the time I am driving home the traffic will be worst and I will be soporific inside my car but I usually stay awake sometimes.
Well, adjusting to this diurnal and nocturnal times is very difficult but I have to because now that these opportunity for me to teach theory had knocked then I hav eto accept it because it seldoms happen to me. I know it will gave me any problems but I also know that there will no problems that cannot be remedied and I am always resourceful and keen in dealing with it.
I am a strong person and I can handle this to myself. Life has always a lot of perils and it's up to us to handle ourselves well in order to surpass these atrocities in order to be functional and productive. Like me, I am always ready to face these adversities and learn from them if something negative comes up. That's how we learn life anyway.
Hopefully, my journey to adapt to this changes will be okay and I will have a lot to learn in the end. With God's guidance and my faith to Him I know I can make it to the last line. There is nothing impossible with Him and I am blessed to believe in HIm forever.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Appears So Beat Up
Haist.... I've been very quite very lately. In as musch as I wanted to take a break from work, I cannot because I still have to come up with my payment for my taxes both form the IRS and the State.
Although the ones form the State will be fully paid this month then I might probably hav eto relax next month. Haist..... good thing I can take a break on my birth month. It was a very hard job beating up my deadline for the payments but I did it anyway. I am kind of tired but I am proud of myself for doing some extra mile. Hopefully next year everything will be in order.
Right now my schedule were very hectic. I am also doing my exercises regularly because I needed to lose weight by December before I will go home to attend out silver anniversary in high school. I've been doing my exercises pretty much every other day now to allow for my body to rest and recuperate from the exercise.
There were series of pain aches and joint pains but I'm still determined to do it because I know I can do it. The pain will always will there but my will to do it won't even influence by it. I know my limitations and I hav eto take this slowly at a time.
My schedule at school was been change by my colleague coordinator to theory now, doing Anatomy and Physiology with Batch 40 from Mondays to Fridays. I have to dread the traffic from Los Angeles to Torrance in the morning as well as from Torrance to West Hollywood in the afternoon. That's why I am so beat up every time I arrived home at night.
Despite of this I don't have qualms because I needed to keep up with my tax responsibilities and my responsibilities with the little ones in the Philippines for this school tuitions. When I'm multitasking as parents for this children as the same time as mentor.
Life is always full of ups an downs and for me it's always struggle. I have to juggle my work and my personal life and it is hard sometimes but no one else could help me but myself.
My schedule at the Nursing Home where I am working as a Nurse Supervisor was even demanding but I have to be content with it because it is where I am getting my health insurance for myself. If I leave there then I forfeited the insurance anymore. And I don't want that to happen because I just had my surgery a month ago.
By the way, with regards to my surgery it was fine and my left ear is already healing. Although I still have to guard it from any dangers like water that could go inside it or any trauma that could hurt the surgery. I can hear audibly now and I am very very happy of the outcome. My surgeon really did a good job in restoring my hearing.
So, far so good even though I have a very hectic schedule but I still manage to keep up with my bills and my responsibilities. God forbid!
Although the ones form the State will be fully paid this month then I might probably hav eto relax next month. Haist..... good thing I can take a break on my birth month. It was a very hard job beating up my deadline for the payments but I did it anyway. I am kind of tired but I am proud of myself for doing some extra mile. Hopefully next year everything will be in order.
Right now my schedule were very hectic. I am also doing my exercises regularly because I needed to lose weight by December before I will go home to attend out silver anniversary in high school. I've been doing my exercises pretty much every other day now to allow for my body to rest and recuperate from the exercise.
There were series of pain aches and joint pains but I'm still determined to do it because I know I can do it. The pain will always will there but my will to do it won't even influence by it. I know my limitations and I hav eto take this slowly at a time.
My schedule at school was been change by my colleague coordinator to theory now, doing Anatomy and Physiology with Batch 40 from Mondays to Fridays. I have to dread the traffic from Los Angeles to Torrance in the morning as well as from Torrance to West Hollywood in the afternoon. That's why I am so beat up every time I arrived home at night.
Despite of this I don't have qualms because I needed to keep up with my tax responsibilities and my responsibilities with the little ones in the Philippines for this school tuitions. When I'm multitasking as parents for this children as the same time as mentor.
Life is always full of ups an downs and for me it's always struggle. I have to juggle my work and my personal life and it is hard sometimes but no one else could help me but myself.
My schedule at the Nursing Home where I am working as a Nurse Supervisor was even demanding but I have to be content with it because it is where I am getting my health insurance for myself. If I leave there then I forfeited the insurance anymore. And I don't want that to happen because I just had my surgery a month ago.
By the way, with regards to my surgery it was fine and my left ear is already healing. Although I still have to guard it from any dangers like water that could go inside it or any trauma that could hurt the surgery. I can hear audibly now and I am very very happy of the outcome. My surgeon really did a good job in restoring my hearing.
So, far so good even though I have a very hectic schedule but I still manage to keep up with my bills and my responsibilities. God forbid!
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Beating The Stressful LA Traffic
Well, I woke up early today because I was tasked to teach Pharmacology today with Batch 38. In order to beat the early morning traffic I have to leave the apartment early. I left the house at 0730H and drove south towards Long Beach. I have a long drive to do and traffic was so bad this morning.
I was in a hurry because I have to be in school by 0900H. I don't know if I can make it within 1.5 hours but by hook or by crook I have to be there or else the students will be teacherless.
When I get out of the freeway near the house which is the Hollywood Freeway (Freeway 101) going south, my God the traffic was neck-to-neck. It was very congested and the flow of the traffic was very slow. Although, the distance to the next freeway is about four miles and it took me fifteen minutes to get out of the Hollywood Freeway.
When I exchange on Freeway 110 south near the downtown which is the Pasadena Freeway, the traffic was even slower. I thredded my car to the fast lane but still the flow was still the same. It irked me a lot because I was stuck in these web-like traffic of the metropolis. I can't take it.
How could a fast lane traffic be slower if it's a fast lane? The question still hangs in there without any answer but it was very irritating to handle. There was no accident on site but the flow of the traffic was a rat race. It was preposterous and I am so stressed.
When I passed by the downtown going south passing the tunnels and the flyovers near the USC area there were still no changes. It seems that it's even slower. Everytime I passed by that tunnel the traffic was kind of slowed down. My hypotheses was probably because it was a downhill tunnel and the motorists are slowing down to prevent themselves from tailgating and thereby acquire an accident.
After I passed by the tunnel and exiting USC area the flow of the traffic started to pick up and then slowed down again at the flyovers near Inglewood going to LAX airport. It was a roller coaster ride I had today and my adrenaline was just pouring out and made me stressed out.
I still continued driving south going to Carson and Torrance then I got stuck again at Carson when I am about to exit Sepulveda Avenue. Seeing the exiters were lining up on a one lane exit I decided to re-route my exit and continued driving and decided to exit via Pacific Coast Highway.
Good thing the exit at PCH was not that congested but when I was driving along PCH, my oh my the traffic was very very slow and crowded. It took me another fifteen minutes to amble myself and try to beat the time until I arrived safely at school.
I arrived in school at around 0850H, ten minutes before the class starts. I looked for an available parking and saw Mr. Machitar whom I supposed to relieve for the Pharma lecture. Damn, Dr. Cinco forgot to inform me that he was back.
I alighted from my car and went into the school and clocked-in then spoke to Mr. Machitar and he decided to teach the class today so I decided to stay at school for five hours and charge the school for that. I ended up doing my paperworks and the students clinical grades as well as submitted their quizzes, care plans, skills checklists, and drug studies. At least I was productive and at the same time progressive.
When I passed by the DON's office, she and the Administrative Coordinator spoke to me if I can teach Batch 39 and 40 for Nutrition, Anatomy and Physiology every Mondays and Tuesdays. I told them that I can do it and they put me down on the schedule. I really needed more days and I never asked for it but it just happened that they offered it to me. Good timing!
Well, I'll be staying here for the rest of the day and I will probably have to wait later to pick-up my cheque then go home and go to the gym in the evening.
Well, beating the traffic and knowing that I am not teaching today was a win-lose situation but it all worked out for me. I got to finish my clinical paperworks and had submitted the students clinical grades at the same time. Well, at least I got to do something and my purpose of coming to school today has another purpose anyway. Hehehe.
Life is always a flexible thing and we have to be flexible in every thing we do for we don't know what will be coming and what will happen along the way, just like right now.
Beating the stressful Los Angeles traffic is of no use if I will end up unproductive for the rest of the day. To me, everything has a purpose and I should make all odds possible even if the odds are not with me. I tend to be resourceful as well as flexible at the same time.
Life is always unceratain and unpredictable. We must be ready for what will be coming.
I was in a hurry because I have to be in school by 0900H. I don't know if I can make it within 1.5 hours but by hook or by crook I have to be there or else the students will be teacherless.
When I get out of the freeway near the house which is the Hollywood Freeway (Freeway 101) going south, my God the traffic was neck-to-neck. It was very congested and the flow of the traffic was very slow. Although, the distance to the next freeway is about four miles and it took me fifteen minutes to get out of the Hollywood Freeway.
When I exchange on Freeway 110 south near the downtown which is the Pasadena Freeway, the traffic was even slower. I thredded my car to the fast lane but still the flow was still the same. It irked me a lot because I was stuck in these web-like traffic of the metropolis. I can't take it.
How could a fast lane traffic be slower if it's a fast lane? The question still hangs in there without any answer but it was very irritating to handle. There was no accident on site but the flow of the traffic was a rat race. It was preposterous and I am so stressed.
When I passed by the downtown going south passing the tunnels and the flyovers near the USC area there were still no changes. It seems that it's even slower. Everytime I passed by that tunnel the traffic was kind of slowed down. My hypotheses was probably because it was a downhill tunnel and the motorists are slowing down to prevent themselves from tailgating and thereby acquire an accident.
After I passed by the tunnel and exiting USC area the flow of the traffic started to pick up and then slowed down again at the flyovers near Inglewood going to LAX airport. It was a roller coaster ride I had today and my adrenaline was just pouring out and made me stressed out.
I still continued driving south going to Carson and Torrance then I got stuck again at Carson when I am about to exit Sepulveda Avenue. Seeing the exiters were lining up on a one lane exit I decided to re-route my exit and continued driving and decided to exit via Pacific Coast Highway.
Good thing the exit at PCH was not that congested but when I was driving along PCH, my oh my the traffic was very very slow and crowded. It took me another fifteen minutes to amble myself and try to beat the time until I arrived safely at school.
I arrived in school at around 0850H, ten minutes before the class starts. I looked for an available parking and saw Mr. Machitar whom I supposed to relieve for the Pharma lecture. Damn, Dr. Cinco forgot to inform me that he was back.
I alighted from my car and went into the school and clocked-in then spoke to Mr. Machitar and he decided to teach the class today so I decided to stay at school for five hours and charge the school for that. I ended up doing my paperworks and the students clinical grades as well as submitted their quizzes, care plans, skills checklists, and drug studies. At least I was productive and at the same time progressive.
When I passed by the DON's office, she and the Administrative Coordinator spoke to me if I can teach Batch 39 and 40 for Nutrition, Anatomy and Physiology every Mondays and Tuesdays. I told them that I can do it and they put me down on the schedule. I really needed more days and I never asked for it but it just happened that they offered it to me. Good timing!
Well, I'll be staying here for the rest of the day and I will probably have to wait later to pick-up my cheque then go home and go to the gym in the evening.
Well, beating the traffic and knowing that I am not teaching today was a win-lose situation but it all worked out for me. I got to finish my clinical paperworks and had submitted the students clinical grades at the same time. Well, at least I got to do something and my purpose of coming to school today has another purpose anyway. Hehehe.
Life is always a flexible thing and we have to be flexible in every thing we do for we don't know what will be coming and what will happen along the way, just like right now.
Beating the stressful Los Angeles traffic is of no use if I will end up unproductive for the rest of the day. To me, everything has a purpose and I should make all odds possible even if the odds are not with me. I tend to be resourceful as well as flexible at the same time.
Life is always unceratain and unpredictable. We must be ready for what will be coming.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Gym Routines And Progress
I don't know, but honestly I am so hyped up with my progress at the gym. I am very motivated to lose so much weight and I just cannot pass up any day without even exercising. It is a good feeling, although their is some nagging pain but pain is really good.
Without pain that means that my body is not exerting any effort. Pain is an indication that the body is trying to respond to the routines and that the muscles was able to grow and recover. I am just afraid if I am over doing it or I am just too obssess to get rid of the weight I have gained in the pass few months due to my lack of mobility and procrastination.
Sometimes I blamed myself for being a couch potato and a lazy person especially in doing exercises. I don't know but ever since I went back to the gym my motivation was just to lose the pounds that I have gained and to live a healthy life.
No one had really influenced me to go back exercising but my own free will. I am just technically afraid to probably die early because of the complications of being obese and the resurgence of senile or late onset diseases(i.e. diabetes and hypertension) especially when someone is getting old. I know I am not getting younger anymore.
I started to go back to the gym last month on August 7 and I religiously go at least 3 or 4 times a week for the past three weeks. I have sensed a little bit of progress and I know it will be a very slow process in order for my body to adapt to the changes.
I stick to do cardio exercises most of the time and do some weight lifting on the side sometimes. Cardio exercises is the best way and the fast way for me to lose weight so I've been doing a lot of them at the gym for the past three weeks now.
At the start I do a 30 minute jog with a speed of 4.5 mph on a level 1 incline on a treadmill. Then after that took a 10 minute cooldown but I held the speed at 3.0 mph on a level 0 incline. Technically the average distance I can jog for that amount of time is 2.4 miles and I can lose an average 210 calories on a 40 minute run. Then if I'm so hyped up I tried to take another round of 30 minute run with a 10 minute cooldown.
From the treadmill I will hop on the bike and start to pedal for 30 minutes with a 10 minute cooldown but first I will push myself to pedal for 5 miles with my fastest speed and beat my goal time of under 20 minutes. During the first week I went over the 20 minutes mark then on the second week and third week I pedaled between 16.3 to 18.15 minutes. My average speed for the first 5 miles runs between 94 to 109 rpm. My legs were very very sore and heavy after that.
Then after I finished the 5 mile mark for the bike I continued pedalling until I will reach the 30 minute cycle and the 10 minutes cooldown. I can average my distance for the whole 40 minutes (30 minutes bike and 10 minutes cooldown) to 8.0 to 9.5 miles. It seems that I am enjoying the bike rather than the treadmill. But both have really made me really sore that's why I have to pop two Tylenol pills after the exercise. I am also pretty much soaked up after the bike. My shirt was very drenched with sweat.
Sometimes after the bike I go up to the weight section and do some lifting enhancing my biceps, triceps, and pecs but I really doesn't focus on those because I just don't want to bulk up. My ultimate goal is just to lose weight and not to gain muscles.
I only focus on firming up my leg muscles so I do a lot of leg weight exercises like the thigh pull and the hamstring stretch. I do it almost everyday to strengthen my legs because I used it a lot for running, biking, and climbing/walking.
After doing weights above I go down and go back to the treadmill and do climbing by chosing the maximum incline to level 15 with a speed of 3.0 mph and walked or climbed for 30 minutes with a 10 minute cooldown. My average distance for that amount of time reached up to 1.5 miles and the calorie range I lose was between 380 to 490 depends on the speed I am using.
The climb was very taxing sometimes and it leaves me extremely sore after that but well I kind of ignore the pain and just imagine that it is a sign of progress. Well, no pain no gain as what they say so this actually had motivated me to do it more and more.
After the hike I will do some stretching exercises stretching my legs first then my arms and then roll my self on the big ball at the aerobics room and them try to relax on the floor after that then go to the locker room, change my shirt, and go home to take my shower.
Well, it's almost one month now that I've been doing this routines and may be now I have to take time to give my body some rest sometimes to give the muscles time to rest and grow also.
In three months time I will re-evaluate the progress and will let you know if it is effective or not. I am crossing my fingers that it will be successful. Sometimes I have doubts that I am overdoing it but as long as I am exercising I am not worried at all. As long as I sweat everyday and was been moving it will still help a lot in my ordeal and challenge.
Hopefully this will turn out as a positive and progressive endeavor and I just can't wait to see the result in due time. Aaah.... life is indeed mysterious.
Without pain that means that my body is not exerting any effort. Pain is an indication that the body is trying to respond to the routines and that the muscles was able to grow and recover. I am just afraid if I am over doing it or I am just too obssess to get rid of the weight I have gained in the pass few months due to my lack of mobility and procrastination.
Sometimes I blamed myself for being a couch potato and a lazy person especially in doing exercises. I don't know but ever since I went back to the gym my motivation was just to lose the pounds that I have gained and to live a healthy life.
No one had really influenced me to go back exercising but my own free will. I am just technically afraid to probably die early because of the complications of being obese and the resurgence of senile or late onset diseases(i.e. diabetes and hypertension) especially when someone is getting old. I know I am not getting younger anymore.
I started to go back to the gym last month on August 7 and I religiously go at least 3 or 4 times a week for the past three weeks. I have sensed a little bit of progress and I know it will be a very slow process in order for my body to adapt to the changes.
I stick to do cardio exercises most of the time and do some weight lifting on the side sometimes. Cardio exercises is the best way and the fast way for me to lose weight so I've been doing a lot of them at the gym for the past three weeks now.
At the start I do a 30 minute jog with a speed of 4.5 mph on a level 1 incline on a treadmill. Then after that took a 10 minute cooldown but I held the speed at 3.0 mph on a level 0 incline. Technically the average distance I can jog for that amount of time is 2.4 miles and I can lose an average 210 calories on a 40 minute run. Then if I'm so hyped up I tried to take another round of 30 minute run with a 10 minute cooldown.
From the treadmill I will hop on the bike and start to pedal for 30 minutes with a 10 minute cooldown but first I will push myself to pedal for 5 miles with my fastest speed and beat my goal time of under 20 minutes. During the first week I went over the 20 minutes mark then on the second week and third week I pedaled between 16.3 to 18.15 minutes. My average speed for the first 5 miles runs between 94 to 109 rpm. My legs were very very sore and heavy after that.
Then after I finished the 5 mile mark for the bike I continued pedalling until I will reach the 30 minute cycle and the 10 minutes cooldown. I can average my distance for the whole 40 minutes (30 minutes bike and 10 minutes cooldown) to 8.0 to 9.5 miles. It seems that I am enjoying the bike rather than the treadmill. But both have really made me really sore that's why I have to pop two Tylenol pills after the exercise. I am also pretty much soaked up after the bike. My shirt was very drenched with sweat.
Sometimes after the bike I go up to the weight section and do some lifting enhancing my biceps, triceps, and pecs but I really doesn't focus on those because I just don't want to bulk up. My ultimate goal is just to lose weight and not to gain muscles.
I only focus on firming up my leg muscles so I do a lot of leg weight exercises like the thigh pull and the hamstring stretch. I do it almost everyday to strengthen my legs because I used it a lot for running, biking, and climbing/walking.
After doing weights above I go down and go back to the treadmill and do climbing by chosing the maximum incline to level 15 with a speed of 3.0 mph and walked or climbed for 30 minutes with a 10 minute cooldown. My average distance for that amount of time reached up to 1.5 miles and the calorie range I lose was between 380 to 490 depends on the speed I am using.
The climb was very taxing sometimes and it leaves me extremely sore after that but well I kind of ignore the pain and just imagine that it is a sign of progress. Well, no pain no gain as what they say so this actually had motivated me to do it more and more.
After the hike I will do some stretching exercises stretching my legs first then my arms and then roll my self on the big ball at the aerobics room and them try to relax on the floor after that then go to the locker room, change my shirt, and go home to take my shower.
Well, it's almost one month now that I've been doing this routines and may be now I have to take time to give my body some rest sometimes to give the muscles time to rest and grow also.
In three months time I will re-evaluate the progress and will let you know if it is effective or not. I am crossing my fingers that it will be successful. Sometimes I have doubts that I am overdoing it but as long as I am exercising I am not worried at all. As long as I sweat everyday and was been moving it will still help a lot in my ordeal and challenge.
Hopefully this will turn out as a positive and progressive endeavor and I just can't wait to see the result in due time. Aaah.... life is indeed mysterious.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Labor Day: A Reminiscence
It's Labor Day weekend here in the United States and it's gonna be a national holiday as well as a long weekend. I know Labor Day is being celebrated worldwide but in some countries it will fall on a different date. Here in the United States it always will fall on the first day or week of September.
Labor weekend will always mark the end of Summer although after the weekend the weather is still hot until the middle of October.
I never knew the meaning why the people celebrates Labor Day. All I know it is a national holiday and when I opted to work I will get paid double. Labor Day always marked a great sale day where you can go out shopping and can avail colossal discounts from a lot of department, appliances, and gadget stores.
I remember when I had my first car. It was a screaming pearl white Toyota Camry. It was elegant and beautiful. All powered up from the chair, the steering wheel, the windows, the door, and the wheels. It was my first baby and I named it after my college crush whom I always remember and will never forget. That beautiful car was bought on Labor Day. It was my first real gift to myself.... the fruit of my intense labor as a registered nurse here in the United States.
Labor Day has made a lot of unforgettable, interesting, memorable, funny, experiences and memories for me. I remember the circuit parties I went in New Orleans, Louisiana during Labor Day called the "Southern Decadence" when I was still on my early twenties. It is a famous circuit party for gay lovers and I had met a lot of wonderful friends during that time. I can remember my prime years when I was still active partying up.
I can remember the beautiful city of New Orleans, the busy streets of the French Market indicative of fresh good food hauled from the bay. I remember the happy and bright lighted Bourbon Street where jazz and blues clubs abounds. I remember some of my wild escapades in that hedonistic place who succumb to the wrath of Hurricane Katrina in 2007.
Labor Day had reminded me of my trip to San Francisco visiting my best friend and met his Vietnamese boyfriend. The soulful hospitality they've offered me was encompassing. I never forget the trip they given me to Sonoma Valley and saw the beautiful and lush hilly place full of enormous vineyards with grapes in full bloom. That was a very unforgettable trip I've made up north and until now still lingers at the back of my mind.
I can't forget the winery hopping we've made where we tasted a lot of wines from the nearby wineries. I remember when we've got stopped by a police car and tested us for a sobriety test because they felt we've drank too much wine from our wine tasting trip. It was an embarrassing experience but was also fun. That was an unforgettable experince, too.
Labor Day had made me recall my unintended volunteer vacation in Dominican Republic at the Carribean in 2009 where I ended up roaming the strange place speaking another tongue that I never know of. I overcame my fear by immersing myself with the folks and had made some wonderful hospitable friends there especially when I volunteered at the orphanage teaching children about math and science. It was a touching experience I've had had..... and it was during Labor Day weekend.
Dominican Republic had etched something in my mind especially the pristine beach.... the wild trip at the Alto de Chavon, the visit at the Universidad de la Republica Dominica, paying homage at the graveyard of Christopher Columbus, meeting some of the gorgeous dark skinned guys of the locality, and most importantly partying at the pub and meeting some beautiful gay local friends and have fun all night long. It was a very memorable volunteer trip I've had. Until now I can picture my memorable volunteer work there.
Those were just some of the memorable things that I can remember which happened during Labor Day. I am very surprised I can still recall them but it was very nourishing and refreshing to have been remembering them. I can still savor the memorable experiences I've had had during those times.
Aaah.... it feels so good to have remembered them. I cannot complain anymore. Thanks for Labor Day to have brought them back from my memories. And I am never been more happier to have reminisced them. Aaaah... those were the fun days of my life if I may say so!
Labor weekend will always mark the end of Summer although after the weekend the weather is still hot until the middle of October.
I never knew the meaning why the people celebrates Labor Day. All I know it is a national holiday and when I opted to work I will get paid double. Labor Day always marked a great sale day where you can go out shopping and can avail colossal discounts from a lot of department, appliances, and gadget stores.
I remember when I had my first car. It was a screaming pearl white Toyota Camry. It was elegant and beautiful. All powered up from the chair, the steering wheel, the windows, the door, and the wheels. It was my first baby and I named it after my college crush whom I always remember and will never forget. That beautiful car was bought on Labor Day. It was my first real gift to myself.... the fruit of my intense labor as a registered nurse here in the United States.
Labor Day has made a lot of unforgettable, interesting, memorable, funny, experiences and memories for me. I remember the circuit parties I went in New Orleans, Louisiana during Labor Day called the "Southern Decadence" when I was still on my early twenties. It is a famous circuit party for gay lovers and I had met a lot of wonderful friends during that time. I can remember my prime years when I was still active partying up.
I can remember the beautiful city of New Orleans, the busy streets of the French Market indicative of fresh good food hauled from the bay. I remember the happy and bright lighted Bourbon Street where jazz and blues clubs abounds. I remember some of my wild escapades in that hedonistic place who succumb to the wrath of Hurricane Katrina in 2007.
Labor Day had reminded me of my trip to San Francisco visiting my best friend and met his Vietnamese boyfriend. The soulful hospitality they've offered me was encompassing. I never forget the trip they given me to Sonoma Valley and saw the beautiful and lush hilly place full of enormous vineyards with grapes in full bloom. That was a very unforgettable trip I've made up north and until now still lingers at the back of my mind.
I can't forget the winery hopping we've made where we tasted a lot of wines from the nearby wineries. I remember when we've got stopped by a police car and tested us for a sobriety test because they felt we've drank too much wine from our wine tasting trip. It was an embarrassing experience but was also fun. That was an unforgettable experince, too.
Labor Day had made me recall my unintended volunteer vacation in Dominican Republic at the Carribean in 2009 where I ended up roaming the strange place speaking another tongue that I never know of. I overcame my fear by immersing myself with the folks and had made some wonderful hospitable friends there especially when I volunteered at the orphanage teaching children about math and science. It was a touching experience I've had had..... and it was during Labor Day weekend.
Dominican Republic had etched something in my mind especially the pristine beach.... the wild trip at the Alto de Chavon, the visit at the Universidad de la Republica Dominica, paying homage at the graveyard of Christopher Columbus, meeting some of the gorgeous dark skinned guys of the locality, and most importantly partying at the pub and meeting some beautiful gay local friends and have fun all night long. It was a very memorable volunteer trip I've had. Until now I can picture my memorable volunteer work there.
Those were just some of the memorable things that I can remember which happened during Labor Day. I am very surprised I can still recall them but it was very nourishing and refreshing to have been remembering them. I can still savor the memorable experiences I've had had during those times.
Aaah.... it feels so good to have remembered them. I cannot complain anymore. Thanks for Labor Day to have brought them back from my memories. And I am never been more happier to have reminisced them. Aaaah... those were the fun days of my life if I may say so!
Pride And Prejudice: A Marriage?
Sometimes life is unjustly bias. We let our own emotions get rule over us. We hastily judge others because of certain auras that we perceived about them. We don't allow them to enter into our own realm and stiffle our own stability. We need to be on the rein and we don't get budge with other's presence.
People will hurt people with their misunderstandings and their hasty judgments and their callous assessments and thoughtlessly spoken words. Their good intentions sometimes crumble into ill-advised decisions rendering them to be gloated with their own pride. Their unripe opportunities sometimes implode under their uncommunicated resentments.
Sometimes everything is so close to going wonderfully amiss. And we don't know what is coming ahead. We just wanted to be the authority. We never realized that we already hurt someone's feelings. We are just concerned of our own selfishness and we don't intend to be giving and forgiving.
People just wanted to boast. They don't know that they had stepped someone else's pride. No consideration nor any contempt of what they have done. As long as they can situate themselves at the zenith, even though someone will get hurt, they will do it. People are sometimes gullible. No mercy at all, especially when power is the price.
Humans are naturally attention hungry. We never seek our own prejudices and vulnerabilities at first..... but when we do, we will eventually realized that we made a terrible mistake, then remorse will ensue and we will make ammends of our own unintentional as well as intentional actions... of what we've callously done, then we will seek our balance and examine our own impurities to bounce back from where we left off.
And sometimes, when a person will chose vulnerability over pride, transparency over prejudice, when a person will seek others above themselves, when a person will examine themselves with humility, when a person will swallow the consequences of their judgements that they have shrewdly concocted . . . life will completely be changed.
Then, sometimes, people will end up completely and perfectly and incandescently happy. Life is full of mysteries.... and we don't know what will be coming.
People will hurt people with their misunderstandings and their hasty judgments and their callous assessments and thoughtlessly spoken words. Their good intentions sometimes crumble into ill-advised decisions rendering them to be gloated with their own pride. Their unripe opportunities sometimes implode under their uncommunicated resentments.
Sometimes everything is so close to going wonderfully amiss. And we don't know what is coming ahead. We just wanted to be the authority. We never realized that we already hurt someone's feelings. We are just concerned of our own selfishness and we don't intend to be giving and forgiving.
People just wanted to boast. They don't know that they had stepped someone else's pride. No consideration nor any contempt of what they have done. As long as they can situate themselves at the zenith, even though someone will get hurt, they will do it. People are sometimes gullible. No mercy at all, especially when power is the price.
Humans are naturally attention hungry. We never seek our own prejudices and vulnerabilities at first..... but when we do, we will eventually realized that we made a terrible mistake, then remorse will ensue and we will make ammends of our own unintentional as well as intentional actions... of what we've callously done, then we will seek our balance and examine our own impurities to bounce back from where we left off.
And sometimes, when a person will chose vulnerability over pride, transparency over prejudice, when a person will seek others above themselves, when a person will examine themselves with humility, when a person will swallow the consequences of their judgements that they have shrewdly concocted . . . life will completely be changed.
Then, sometimes, people will end up completely and perfectly and incandescently happy. Life is full of mysteries.... and we don't know what will be coming.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Way To Go
Yeah, it's been two weeks now post-op and also three weeks now of my comeback at the gym. My energy had never abated because of my motivation to live healthy as well as lose weight.
When I tipped my weight at 185 lbs. I started to have a relaization that I may be dying soon because everything started to be hard on me. My breathing started to be faster and I easily gets tired even on a slight exertion. My efforts of making my life a little better was actually slimmed down because of my unhealthy lifestyle.
When my doctor scolded me for being fat and advised me to cut down my weight I was determined to start my life all over again by hitting the gym three times or so each week.
In order to get used to the exercises at first week I started to walk and run to accustomed myself for the routine. It hurts at first but I have to persevere. The pain was nagging me but I have to brush it off. I have to pop some pain pill sometimes and it helped me to get going.
I started to realize that if there is no pain I can't fulfill my goals so the pain had motivated me to get going. The pain had made me realized that the routines are working and I slowly gained the momentum to keep going to the gym almost everyday and had only took a Sunday off to fulfill my religious obligations and do some errands.
It dawned to me that my break form my surgery had given me time to concentrate exercising and that it accustomed myself to it. Now, I am happily dragging myself to the gym almost everyday without even missing a day.
I can do a 30 minute run now for 2.5 miles without even catching my breath. I can bike for 5 miles for under 17 minutes (my goal will be under 15 minutes, and I feel I can reach it just in time and I am working out on that) and I can climbed up a 15 level incline in 30 minutes for two miles and lose more than 500 calories.
In three weeks time I can feel that my body had shaped a little bit and my weight had lessened 13 lbs less than the initial weight I've had when I started coming back at the gym. I was very ecstatic and happy about the progress and I gave myself three months to achieve my goal of going back to my usual 160 lb frame.
Although it still way more time but way to go for myself. I am very motivated to do it more and more and not to overdo it or else I will suffer some rebound. I am trying to make it just on the average although I have to keep pushing myself to at least a minimum or the desired.
I am also trying to eat healthy despite of my voracious appetite and my high inclination to cook unhealthy foods. I have to stick to my plans and I have to eat healthy from now on.
In every endeavor there's always a setback and one setback with all this exercises was the nature of my job. I've been working graveyard shifts and it makes me tired after my shift was over but I will try my best not to get distracted by it. I hope I will still keep my exercises on schedule and will not fall back. Crossing my fingers, I will be as much thrilled if I can do that and I will have to brush off all these doubts.
Although, it is still a lot to go but I will have to stick to my guns and keep my self from doing it no matter what the odds are. Give me three months and I will show you the results.
I am very determined to do this and I will not falter. I have to keep going to the gym and do my routines and will achieve my goals. I will not succumb to procrastination and I will religiously do my own thing all the time.
Way to go Tonee, keep motivating yourself and achieve your goals. I am never been as motivated as ever just like this and I am proud of myself for doing this endeavor. God please help me. Ciao!
When I tipped my weight at 185 lbs. I started to have a relaization that I may be dying soon because everything started to be hard on me. My breathing started to be faster and I easily gets tired even on a slight exertion. My efforts of making my life a little better was actually slimmed down because of my unhealthy lifestyle.
When my doctor scolded me for being fat and advised me to cut down my weight I was determined to start my life all over again by hitting the gym three times or so each week.
In order to get used to the exercises at first week I started to walk and run to accustomed myself for the routine. It hurts at first but I have to persevere. The pain was nagging me but I have to brush it off. I have to pop some pain pill sometimes and it helped me to get going.
I started to realize that if there is no pain I can't fulfill my goals so the pain had motivated me to get going. The pain had made me realized that the routines are working and I slowly gained the momentum to keep going to the gym almost everyday and had only took a Sunday off to fulfill my religious obligations and do some errands.
It dawned to me that my break form my surgery had given me time to concentrate exercising and that it accustomed myself to it. Now, I am happily dragging myself to the gym almost everyday without even missing a day.
I can do a 30 minute run now for 2.5 miles without even catching my breath. I can bike for 5 miles for under 17 minutes (my goal will be under 15 minutes, and I feel I can reach it just in time and I am working out on that) and I can climbed up a 15 level incline in 30 minutes for two miles and lose more than 500 calories.
In three weeks time I can feel that my body had shaped a little bit and my weight had lessened 13 lbs less than the initial weight I've had when I started coming back at the gym. I was very ecstatic and happy about the progress and I gave myself three months to achieve my goal of going back to my usual 160 lb frame.
Although it still way more time but way to go for myself. I am very motivated to do it more and more and not to overdo it or else I will suffer some rebound. I am trying to make it just on the average although I have to keep pushing myself to at least a minimum or the desired.
I am also trying to eat healthy despite of my voracious appetite and my high inclination to cook unhealthy foods. I have to stick to my plans and I have to eat healthy from now on.
In every endeavor there's always a setback and one setback with all this exercises was the nature of my job. I've been working graveyard shifts and it makes me tired after my shift was over but I will try my best not to get distracted by it. I hope I will still keep my exercises on schedule and will not fall back. Crossing my fingers, I will be as much thrilled if I can do that and I will have to brush off all these doubts.
Although, it is still a lot to go but I will have to stick to my guns and keep my self from doing it no matter what the odds are. Give me three months and I will show you the results.
I am very determined to do this and I will not falter. I have to keep going to the gym and do my routines and will achieve my goals. I will not succumb to procrastination and I will religiously do my own thing all the time.
Way to go Tonee, keep motivating yourself and achieve your goals. I am never been as motivated as ever just like this and I am proud of myself for doing this endeavor. God please help me. Ciao!
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