Life's Bittersweet Realities

I'm not on my usual self lately. I felt so tired all the time as if I'm melting always like butter. I just wanted to lie down on my bed, sulk inside my four-cornered bare room, and catch up for my precious sleep. It's very unusual of me to be like this. I felt that my body always needed this very important sleep to get recharged.

My usual life consists of work, apartment, eat, doing chores, and sleep. The cycle goes on and on and on. I don't even have time for any socialization right now. Unlike before when I was younger I always have found some moments to be productive, sometimes watch movies in series and go to party, but not anymore.

My life seems very boring as I started to ascend my age ladder. I just focused more on work work work and nothing else. I have even no more time for myself. Not even have time to go to the gym and do some of my routine exercises. My life is always a drag and there's not too much excitement anymore.

I think this is what I've got for choosing to be away from my immediate family and for deliberately choosing singlehood. I believe this is already the curse that I've got for choosing to be alone and living away from my loved ones.

Life is constantly changing and I think as I aged I feel that life is getting so hectic because of the threat that I may not be living that long so I tend to rush everything so that I can catch up for the last train.That's why I neglected myself and my right to be happy.

My life is always very simple way back in the Philippines when I was young. Living with my parents is always not easy but I prefer it to be like that. They always expect me to do my own share of responsibility inside the household. And that's where I learned a lot of things about myself and about the whole wide world. They were very supportive in everything that I do and choose. I still missed those times when I was with them.

Now that I am a grown up, I tend to do everything on my own. I learned all things on my own in one time. I learned to be more independent, self-sufficient, and subservient. It was a lonely life but I learned to manage living it contentedly. I just wanted it to be as simple as it is but it's already a complicated one. A very boring life but I have to accept it because this is the one I choose. And I must stand with what I have decided.

As long as I have a job it's okay with me. I must be thankful that I have a very stable job especially during this time where the economy is very unstable. At least I can still suffice my needs with what I've earned and I am contented with that.

Emotionally, I am still okay I guess. I know I am a very strong person and I know I can always find some avenue to amuse myself and become emotionally stable. I always have time though to volunteer and touch other's life so that gave me some inspiration to get going with my life. This is the only one that can spark some spirits into my life. And I do this not out of desperation but because I like it.

My works with the children in the hospital always inspired me a lot. Children always light up my day all the time. They always gave me hope to keep going and be inspired. It is already enough for me to be of service for them all the time. They are always my family and will forever will be on this other part of the world.

My circle of friends here in the United States is not that stable. I don't have that much very close friends. But in order to sustain my social life I chose to teach in a nursing school to mingle with the students and the teachers as well. Even my co-workers at the hospital is not that as casual as a friend relationship. It's just plainly work and colleague relationship. But at least it still sustained my social life's aspects.

Psychologically, I think I am just lonely and worried to die early. I always have that fear that I will leave this earth at a very young age. Well, actually I kind of like that rather than stay in a hospice and die there alone. That's why as much as possible I am saving when that time comes and I feel I am ready to face it whenever that time comes because I feel that I have saved enough now for the safekeeping of my own corpse.

At this period of time my focus is for my own safety and what I will leave to my immediate family when I am gone on this earth. Death is inevitable so we have to always prepare for the worse. It pains me to make a blog about this but this is just the reality that I have to face. We always have to think of what will happen now and what lies ahead. We have to bury what was in our past. Past happened to be reminisced and learned upon but not to dwell on.

We always have to forge on and make life more meaningful, satisfying, and memorable so that when we leave this earth we can be proud that we will leave a legacy that your love ones, friends, and people you affected and effected should cherish and remember.

Life is too short..... keep the most of it and keep it meaningful and memorable. Life is a good thing that happened to each and everyone of us and we have to cherish it and be thankful for it because every life that we had is always special.

It is okay to complain about life because shit always happen. Life is like a wave sometimes your up and sometimes your down so complaining about it is always normal. We couldn't always stay on top and sometimes we couldn't always stay down below. We always try our best to succeed and triumph that's why we always struggle for the best. I never heard somebody struggling for the worse and if there's any then that's not normal. Life always thrive and kept going.

Though how boring life is, yet we must know how to spice it up and make it more satisfying. We always have to learn from our own delicate past. Life has always something good or bad to offer so that we will learn from it and make it more worthwhile. Celebrate life all the time for it is the best gift that we ever had.

Reliance to GPS

Yesterday, I worked for twenty long hours and felt like paper floating while driving my car to a point of nowhere. I felt so high and banged up from extreme fatigue and lack of sleep. I got lost from the driving which even prolonged my agony of going to bed early to catch up for my precious sleep.

Well, to cut to the chase here's the infamous story of my short adventure yesterday. It's kinda embarrassing but I have to share it because it can offer somebody a lesson especially those people who extremely rely on the benefits of a Global Positioning System (GPS).

I left school early yesterday to catch up for my cousin who apparently was waiting for me at his condominium in Long Beach because I needed to pick up some things that a friend from the Philippines had sent me through a relative that went back here after a long vacation.

I had worked a lot of hours yesterday thereby making me a little tired and groggy and numb. I drove my car as if I am floating like a paper on a weightless space. It was already rush hour afternoon after I left the office so I decided to make a short cut and tried to avoid using the congested freeways so I decided to use my ever relying GPS. It all turned out the device was not that reliable anymore.

At first the way to my cousin's condominium was just okay because the device had led me to it with some minor problems. Minor...... because it sometimes led me to the freeways which I particularly ignored or evaded that time because I know the area near his place a little bit so I just totally relied on my instincts and not heed the instructions of the little device.

I got there just on time and had picked-up the stuff. I only had a brief conversation with my cousin for he is in a hurry to leave because he has a dinner to catch with his close friends at work.

When I get back to the car I noticed that my gas was almost near empty so I decided to look for the nearest Shell station near his place. The reason I wanted a Shell station because that's always the usual gas I use for my car and I pay all my gas bills through that company. Kind of patronizing the product.

I punched the nearest station given to me by the GPS and had slowly drove my car to the gas station fearing that I will empty out the chamber if I drove for a little more distance. Since I don't know the area I totally relied my luck on that small rectangular device.

The station was almost 1.7 miles as instructed to me by the GPS so I thought it doesn't really took that much gas to drive to the place thereby emptying out my car's gas chamber. Well, you know what happened? The gas station turned out to be not Shell but instead another privately owned gas station.

May be it was a Shell station before but because of some reasons it was closed out and was bought by another local company it was not probably changed immediately from the GPS's list. That's why the machine had picked it up and deliberately provided me the wrong information. I have nothing to do that time but to go across the street and pumped gas to my car at a nearby Mobil Station because my car is dying out of gas already.

After I filled up the gas into my car I felt really hungry and tired so I decided to grab something to eat because my tummy was already hurting, gurgling, complaining, and bubbling from too much hunger. I haven't eaten any lunch during that day because of my compressed time at work in school so I decided to skip it and just planned to get a hearty dinner later on.

I decided to just grab a Chinese food that time so I picked-up the GPS again, looked for a nearby chinese resto, and punched Panda Express among the lists that it had given me since I know that restaurant well. But when I was driving to the address provided to me I had noticed that it just let me drove around the area and I couldn't even find or locate any Panda Express. Since I am not familiar with the area I decided to quit looking for that damn Panda Express.

So I ended up stopping at the nearby Kentucky Fried Chicken because I am already very very hungry and I just couldn't take the driving around with an empty and complaining stomach anymore. Good thing there's also a nearby Wells Fargo Bank near KFC so I passed by the bank first to deposit my paycheck and get some cash and then ate dinner at KFC after that.

After the dinner I decided to go home because I was already cranky and sleepy. It was already 5:30 pm and I am very very tired from being up for almost twenty hours. I grabbed the GPS again and entered home because I still don't know where I am at during that time so I relied on the help of the small device despite of the several fiasco it had put me on earlier.

When I got out of the KFC's parking lot the device somehow instructed me to make a left few meters from there but I probably missed it somehow so it recalculated another route for me until I ended up exiting at 710 Freeway two miles from there. When I got to Freeway 710 I was planning to look for an exit near Freeway 405 or 110 but I couldn't find any.

The traffic was already very congested and I am so tired now. So I decided to just stay put on Freeway 710 heading north since I know it will lead me to downtown Los Angeles. I know it was the long route but I have no choice but to take it in order to arrive home safely.

After several miles of driving, when I reached the junction of Freeway 710 and Interstate 5 going north the exit was even slow paced because of the dire traffic congestion. Well, it was very annoying and irritating sitting in my car tired, groggy, and sleepy but what could I do I have to face the music and be patient despite of the fatigue. It's that little machine's fault. Damn it!

Halfway between the Interstate 5 when it's about to converge into Freeway 101 north going downtown Los Angeles I made a calculated decision to just get out of the congested freeway traffic and instead took the side streets. At least it's the more prudent decision to make during that time. Well, it's not actually the right decision  but oh well what can I do it's rush hour and eventually I am heading home surely.

I took the Exit 4 towards downtown area which eventually converted into 3rd Street at the heart of the downtown. After passing the Tokyo Town and driving over two miles near Mid-Wilshire and Koreatown area I then made a right on Virgil Street and drove a little less than half mile and turned left on Melrose Avenue and drove another less than half mile and made a right on Western Avenue and finally made a left on the second light on Lemon Grove Avenue where my house is located. Finally, I arrived home after battling the harsh reality of the congested after office hours Los Angeles rush hour traffic.

It took me about two and half hours of slow and annoying driving from that KFC place in Long Beach where my cousin lives meandearing around the congested freeways and side streets of Los Angeles on a very packed and congested afternoon-after-office-hour rush traffic.

All I can say is that it was a total mess and that's because of my stupid dependence on the damn little device called Global Positioning System (GPS) made originally by Garmin Systems as what the brand says. It was really a fucked-up trip driving home considering that I was half awake and cranky driving on that very congested freeway on a very dark afternoon. It was very scary and good thing nothing had happened to me.

Well, nothing really had worked even though there is the GPS to navigate and help for me but in the end it's still your instincts and your knowledge to navigate and locate directions as well as your preparation for the trip and your presence of mind while driving that can lead you to your final destination.

Honestly, for me GPS doesn't even work. It just prolonged my agony and even wasted my money, gas, and time..... period! It really pissed me off it had to happen that way. Next time, I have to face the fact that I have to be prepared for every trip I will make in the future.

Being responsible and accountable to know your direction is the best way to get to your final destination. And it has to be always that way.

Liquid State

Well, it seems that life must be flowing like liquid. I just don't know how to keep my mind flowing to make a lot of entries in this blog. But it seems that the world has a lot of opportunities to offer. It's free-flowing like liquid and it's up  to us to decide what to choose.

Like me I'm always creative in what I am blogging here but there's always a time that I am running out of ideas and my mind (brain) tends to melt like a candle turning it into a liquid form which takes any form of it's container. I just can't think freely and my ideas were always off to somewhere else. It is transparent and without sense or meaning.

When I am alone my mind is always rich with different ideas and suggestions but sometimes it couldn't process any of it because of my low self-esteem and low motivation. As if I am being delivered useless because of my emotional baggages. I am not very fluid to express some of it because I feel so stressed out and tired or sometimes lazy to write it down.

Sometimes when I am so tired and fatigued I felt that I am floating in the air and aimlessly flying somewhere without a definite direction. Physically I'm there but mentally I am not present. Obviously I am more out of myself lately because of the stress that affected my daily activities and disrupts the homeostasis of my routines. It's a pathetic situation to see and witness but I felt I am crumbled into pieces and delivered helpless and alone, like I'm in a liquid state.

But sometimes I can bounce back and that's the good and benefit of it. I can be more perky sometimes and react to some stimuli around me well and sometimes I just don't mind at all because I just want to finish and perform my job as usual.

It makes me nervous sometimes if I come to work unprepared and that makes me melt on my seat or sometimes pee on my pants. I just don't know what to expect. Nervousness kills me and will make my heartbeat increase and my senses more numb thereby doing some impromptu things makes me palpitate and deliver me inadvertently helpless.

Come what may, I have to do it eventually because it was expected of me to do so. And alas, hopefully everything will come out good fluently like fluid. And how did I do that? That I do not know exactly.

All I know is I am a person who always crams and to me the cramming just keeps me going. It gives me fuel to pump up more ideas in me and it just comes out free-flowing and involuntarily. Like a defense mechanism against a threat to myself and to my systems. So I needed to protect myself against or from that threat.

Well, I know I am a very confident person (I am not boasting here) and I can always hurdle everything that comes my way. And I also know that there will be time that my body will eventually give up and make me succumb to failures so I have to be vigilant for it to happen. And for me I feel that I am not yet ready to experience that. But I know it will happen eventually.

I don't really say that I an an obnoxious person but I know how to handle myself when the extremes happen. And that's really fluid in me or shall we say innate in me. With all my experiences from childhood to where I am now, it really made a lot of impact in perfecting myself and my life thereby making me always ready to go with the flow even though how sudden or immediate the situations were. I just know how to handle myself well, in extreme situations.

And my greatest mentor for that were my parents. My father always taught me to be more persevering eventhough how tough the odds are and my mother always taught me how to be gracious and patient in times of criticisms and embarrassment. That's why I love them both.

My personality all the time ranges from quiet to loud depends on the people that surrounds me. I can be adaptable to any situations. Like water or any liquid that can transform into solid or gas. I can also equate myself to that because I am a very flexible and  open-minded person. I had experienced and met a lot of bad and good people along the way to nowhere and never do I harm or made them miserable.

I'd rather like to be a victim rather than to victimized others because I have to maintain a certain mantra wherein karma won't have to bounce back to me. And I am a person who always believe in Karma. It is always true that whatever you did to your fellows will always come back to you in some ways some other time and that really scared me off. Remember the Golden Rule: "Do unto others what you don't want others do to you."

Life always goes on. There is no perfect life as what others say. And it is always the fact. And if our love ones had to leave us (and go to another life's dimension) our life is always disrupted a little sometimes but it should bounce back to where it had left off and start again. It is always a continuous process and fluid. And we can get over it and go back to usual.

We always have to stay in our own center. And if we deviate or stretch away from that center we always have to go back to that center because that center will be the basis of what we are and our life. We have to always focus on our individual center because that center is the source of our happiness in order to make life liquid and free-flowing.

Well, I hope I had made some common ground and sensible sense here. My mind is in a very delicate liquid state now so just bear with me and my silly ideas or maybe delusional or grandiose ideas. How's that? Hahaha.

The Lure Of Facebook

At this era of time, a lot of networking sites just popped up as mushrooms everywhere. I remember before when I got addicted to Friendster where I hooked up with my close friends all over the world. Now the lure of Facebook was even contagious as well as infectious. It's so addicting like my experience with Friendster.

Facebook is an online networking service where I can get hold of my family and friends all over the globe. Wherever they are around the world Facebook can reach them as long as they had put up an account on the said networking site.

It has a lot of features like games and chatrooms but the ones that really motivated me to put up an account was that it is easy to correspond and communicate with close friends and families because of the availability of each account's wall to accept comments in just a quick time and for the person for whom the message is intended to be sent and to receive it in just a nick of time.

Eversince I put up my Facebook account last Spring my day is not complete without even checking my messages on my wall and my message inbox. I can easily correspond to my close friends and families on a daily basis. It is my daily cup of tea or coffee every morning. I can even post pictures in an unlimited amount. The whole process is not even frustrating because everything was very quick and the speed was so fast like a roadrunner.

The only thing that annoyed me sometimes are the unnecessary invitations for farmville, cafe ville, fishville, smile messages, pillow messages, mafia war games etc. It always made my wall messy and full so I immediately deleted or get rid of them right away everytime I logged on. I hope the creator can device a way of stopping all those unnecessary messages just like a spam on my regular email. It is so annoying sometimes. It irked me most of the time.

According to Wikipedia Facebook is a social networking website that is operated and privately owned by Facebook, Inc. Users can add friends and send them messages, and update their personal profiles to notify friends about themselves.

Additionally, users can join networks organized by city, workplace, and school or college. The website's name stems from the colloquial name of books given at a start of the academic year by university administrations with the intention of helping students to get to know each other better.

Historically, Mark Zuckerberg founded Facebook with his college roommates and fellow computer science students Eduardo Saverin, Dustin Moskovitz, and Chris Hughes while he was a student at Harvard University.

The website's membership was initially limited by the founders to Harvard students but was expanded to other colleges in Boston area, the Ivy League, and Stanford University in the west coast. It later expanded further to include (potentially) any university student, then high school students, and finally to anyone aged 13 and over. The website currently has more than 350 million active users worlwide.

Facebook has met and encountered with some minor and major controversies before. It has been blocked intermittently in several countries including Syria, China, Vietnam, and Iran. It has also been banned at many places of work to discourage employees from wasting time using the service.

Privacy has also been an issue and it has been compromised several times. facebook settled a lawsuit regarding claims over source code and intellectual property. The site has also been involved in controversy over the sale of fans and friends. But they all evaded those charges and settled them well.

Recently, a January 2009 Compete.com study ranked Facebook as the most used social network site by worldwide monthly active users then followed by MySpace.com. A lot of networking services also surfaced but they were beaten up by Facebook as to the number of memberships around the world.

There has been recent reports of Facebook proposing an initial public offering (IPO), like issue equity shares in the form of stock to investors. However, the founder, Mark Zuckerberg, stresses that it will not be for a few more years, and the company is in no need of additional capital. Also, some analysts fear the Facebook IPO might be a particularly weak one but it would be neat to do your stocks and shares online through Facebook have it be installed in the future. That's a very cool idea!

There was a lot of complaint also among some employers that employee doesn't stay productive because most of the time employees were trying to check their Facebook account from time to time when they are at work thereby lowering the productivity of the company. I myself sometimes check my account at work through my iPhone and I am guilty of the charge, but I always see to it that I do it on my break time.

It couldn't be denied that people are getting hooked to Facebook everywhere. Through word of the mouth, people were trying to dessiminate the speed and accuracy of communicating with close friends and families that's why a lot of people are putting up their accounts immediately. It is the trend now to communicate with love ones online and through a Facebook account.

This 21st century boon has it's own pros and cons but the lure of Facebook is inevitable. It couldn't be arguably denied and is marvelously unstoppable. I am getting hooked and addicted to it all the time and I can't deny the fact that I am deeply hypnotized and mesmerized by it.

Facebook is already my daily bread and it is a huge part of me already. Welcome to the 21st century guys! Welcome to my life Facebook!

Goofing Around

I am working tonight at my hospital job. There were three of us working together and I was the charge nurse. I don't know what hit me tonight but I am on my most unusual self goofing around with my co-workers and we always burst into laughters every time we met up at the nurse's station.

Well, technically being a gay guy carries a lot of happy baggages. And that's the thing that my co-worker likes a lot from me. Sometimes I can crack up jokes that's blurting out from my mouth fluently and all I know they were already laughing out loud because of the way I delivered the joke. I didn't know I am that natural joker but as what I have observed they were so amused by what I am doing. Strange but true!

Tonight we even spiced up our night with some jokes that we seldom hear. The moment I open my mouth they already started to laugh and hold their tummy as if they're get bloated from too much laughters. We always keep it that way, and we never get tired joking around at each other. We have a great companionship together and we always help out everytime we got busy.

Our night was uneventful when we started after 1900 and then everything went busy after we got our first admission. But despite of the rush we still managed to goof out at each other. We also helped each other greatly to expidite the admission process. We made a good team tonight. It was amazing and awesome!

Tonight we all started with three patients each (there were three of us so that's nine total) and Shirley already took report of a neuro patient at around 2300 who was been transferred from adult intensive care unit (ICU) after staying there for two days.

Two days ago she was been admitted at our floor after a ventriculo-peritoneal (VP) shunt placement but few hours after she was transferred to our floor she started to have some major seizure episodes which prompted us to call for a rapid response team. After we resuscitated her that night, she was then eventually transferred to ICU.

Now, we are waiting for the second admission. I volunteered to take it because Rose had a one-to-one baby who's a product of a drug dependent mother. She was secretly sneaked out by the mom from the hospital and was been given to a foster parent because the mom was been arrested for endangering the baby.

Now she got admitted and was very irritable and fussy all the time. A typical symptom of a drug overdose delivery wherein the baby had absorbed some of the drug taken by the mom and manifested the side effects of the overdose. Poor baby!

My admission came in close after midnight and I had met with the baby's parents. They were very nice people and very cooperative. I explained to them that their baby is very sick and needs to be in the hospital for antibiotic therapy as what was been ordered on the doctor's order. They were hopeful that their baby will get well soon. I orientated the mom with the unit's policies and guidelines then explained to her some of the procedures needed for the baby.

I bagged the baby for urinalysis and culture and sensitivity, then asked the mom to help me suction the baby's nose because it was been clogged with thick boogers. I also collected an eye drainage specimen for culture and sensitivity because the baby has bilateral conjunctivitis.

When I took the temperature it was 102.2 degrees Fahrenheit. There was no physician's orders yet coz he just came up so I then did cooling measures and called the residents to ask for an order of Tylenol or Motrin. After that I hanged the intravenous fluid and connected it on the already inserted saline lock doen in emergency room.

I also provided the parents with blankets for them to get warm and comfortable as they look out for their son while in the hospital. They were so thankful that they were been well taken cared of when they went up to our unit. It was a good feeling to have heard such appreciation from them.

Then at 0200 the bedboard beeper sounded again telling us that there's another pending admission coming. I checked the computer and printed all the data of the patient then gave it to Rose who's suppose to admit the patient because me and Shirley were already capped out for admission. In short we already reached our maximum limit.

Well, it was an easy night initially for us goofing and joking out at each other then all of a sudden we were very busy. May be this was a curse for us because of the fun we had earlier. Then all of a sudden we were been jinxed. They say that the twin of being happy and having so much fun is always sadness or badluck. That's just the usual cliche but I think it is always true. Here I go again, trying to be superstious.

Eventhough we were that busy but still we still managed to laugh and make jokes at each other. There's always a reward for living happily well and satisfied in your life. Instead of immersing yourself to some depressing moments and pessimistic attitudes being positive and optimistic is a good thing. It release us from the bad stressors that surrounds us.

And to us we always appreciate the fun we had with each other despite of the sudden turn of events making us very busy. The magnitude of our teamwork was so immense and we're always learning from each other. It was a very satisfying experience all the time and I always learned a lot everyday as I tried to love and cherish my work.

Goofing around is another avenue for us to relieve the stress that were always lurking around us in our job situations. It was a cool and satisfying joking experience we always had. Aaah .... I love using up my good sense of humor into a positive and productive use. It always spice up a very stressful life. It is a fact and I totally agree with it.

Storm

It really irked me sometimes when I don't have something in mind to write here on my blog. It was a big challenge and very difficult on my part. Although every thing around us is a big opportunity to write about still my mind just couldn't make up for something even for just one. Aaaah.....

But for the meantime, just bear with this one. I know it's a very weak one but at least I tried to put up one here. And thanks a lot for wasting your time reading it though. Hehehe. For the meantime, please enjoy this one and I hope you'll like it though how silly it was.

Over the whole week California was been bombarded by a winter Pacific storm. It was raining hard all through out the week. It all started last Monday when the television forecast started to dessiminate that the Los Angeles area will be on a flash flood alert because of the coming storm.

With the just recently concluded devastation of the high magnitude earthquake in Haiti and the consecutive typhoons flooding the city of Manila in the Philippines last year to name a few, the world is in a lot a calamities and catastrophies lately. May be this is already the effect of the global warming that some people were been predicting.

The rain started last Tuesday and it was really pouring hard. A lot of area in Los Angeles were affected by flash flood and mud slides because of the heavy rain. And the drainage systems in most of the cities were not that good thereby creating a lot of flooding. And some houses on the mountains were been abandoned because of the mudslides. The mudslides also clogged some of the important highways near the mountains thereby tempting the authorities to close them.

The weather was very wet and gloomy and it feels so depressing to look at every where because there is nothing to do when it is raining. People just doesn't want to move or get out of their houses because of the heavy rain. A lot of things are being stalled to be done and it affects a lot of people's lives greatly.

Last Wednesday, when I had my clinical rotation with Batch 12-A at Imperial Crest Healthcare Facility the rain was still pouring hard. And it still continued pouring hard even after my shift finished. When I left the facility the freeway traffic was very slow, the road was slippery and wet, and the visibility was even blurry. It was really hard driving on a pouring rain. There were a lot of accidents seen everywhere because people here in Los Angeles just doesn't know how to drive when it rains. I mean I don't mind the rain. I actually missed it a lot.

I grew up in a tropical country where it was raining all year round. I even remembered when we usually used to play in the rain when we were little. And we always get sick all the time because of playing in it. My parents always reprimanded me for getting home from school wet which always gives me cold and fever all the time. I was very sickly when I was little.

Now that it was raining here in Los Angeles I can still remember those old memories I had. But having rain here in Los Angeles is very unusual in this very dry land. But this week the rain had changed a lot of our lives in this very busy city in the western part of United States.

You can see people coming to work getting their uniforms wet from the rain. There were umbrellas sprouting everywhere. Some were wearing ponchos and rain outfits in order for them not to get wet. People also were late at work because of the slow traffic. And there were a lot of accidents happening around because of the slippery road.

It was raining for almost four days already and a lot of properties were been damaged. A lot of people were been affected and their lives being altered. This storm was quite a nuisance now. And people here in Los Angeles are not used to it. It is very unusual to have everything altered because of the storm.

Today, I was so happy that the sun was out proudly which is a good sign. Finally, the storm had passed and people can go back to their normal life. But even though the storm had already abated, it really greatly affected us here in Southern California and I know it brought a lot of changes in our lives.

The storm brought us a lot of lessons. Just like those dark moments in our life. They always come unwanted and is inevitable. All we can do is to be prepared when's the next storm will come into our lives so that by the time they show up again we will be better prepared and equipped on what to do.

Better prepared than never. Life is too short so always learn from the storm that passed by because they always bring a lot of lessons to us.

The-Whole-Nine-Yards

It seems that my work in the hospital always gave me some snippets of experiences that I always learned about a lot. And I always encountered a lot of nice people around although sometimes it is inevitable that I can meet some demanding folks along the way. But this always gave me an experience that made me a better nurse throughout my whole career.

My profession as a nurse was not really my first choice. It was my mom who really influenced me to take nursing. Initially, I would like to be a decent chemist. With my wide array of knowledge in science and math it would be not too impossible for me to be a decent chemist at all. But because of poverty, I had availed this scholarship that only afforded to pay for a nurse tuition fee and my mom forced me to grab the opportunity because honestly my parents couldn't afford to send the three of us (me and my two siblings) together to go to college.

I was so crushed at first when my mom told me that they cannot afford to send me to college and after that I felt that my dreams was been shattered. I always believed that if things are not really meant for me then it won't happen. And it seems that God had always worked in mysterious ways, places, and time for me. I never imagined that nursing will be my calling.

Initially I was retaliating about my mom's choice but what could I do, I have to accept the fact that I was called to be a nurse. I just couldn't imagine myself getting stranded at home waiting for my turn to go to college until the two of my siblings will finish college. So my mom is right, I have to grab the opportunity while the scholarship is still available for me. It really never occured to me until later on that she was right. And this was the start where my life's career had totally turned the opposite side and was in a great shape. i never knew it at first.

With my good academic performances in high school, nursing was never a big struggle for me. I took it so fastidiously and patiently and eventually had learned to love it all the way. I made a lot of friends in school and forced myself to immersed into it and it all came to me that it was a very noble profession. I tried to love it the-whole-nine-yards.

When I graduated from college, I tried to volunteer in my hometown's general hospital and there I saw how I was called for this calling to help other people when they were sick. I took a year of experience from that general hospital and after that I took off to Manila where I volunteered as an on-the-job trainee at the Philippine Children's Hospital in Quezon City where I really realized that my specialization would be in Pediatrics.

When I passed my CGFNS in 1993 then it had paved a way for me to go here in the United States. I asked help from my first cousin in Houston and my scholarship sponsor from New Jersey to lend me money for the processing of my papers and good thing my cousin knew some lawyer in Houston who can help process my papers for an H1A Visa.

I didn't realized that I will have to be here in just a two-week time. When the lawyer processed my papers at the Immigration Office here in Houston I was issued a visa right away with all my medical and physical examination waived. It was a very quick processing and when I went to the US Embassy in Manila it only took one day for me to process everything including my visa and I was scheduled to leave the next week. I didn't even have time to resign from my my OJT job at PCMC. My cousin wanted me to leave right away.

I left the Philippines during Springtime in 1994 and bounded a Northwest Airline plane to Detroit, Michigan where my first entry was then after that I headed directly to Houston Hobby Airport where my cousin picked me up from there.

I stayed with my cousin until I took and passed my NCLEX-RN then I have to look for a job after that. It took me two months to find a job and finally I found one together with my college classmates near the Texas-Mexico border. I stayed there for about nine years where I really mastered the art and craft of taking patients in the Pediatrics, Pediatric Intensive Care Unit, and Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.

When I got my greencard and had realized I had enough experience I moved to Los Angeles, CA to be near with my aunts and uncles from my mother side. I settled here in Los Angeles until I found a very promising job at one of the hospital in downtown Los Angeles which really cater for my specialty and also took care of my retirement and pension plans reasonably well. I was been in this hospital for almost ten years now enjoying the good benefits for my retirement and pension. I am well vested now and can retire anytime soon.

Now, I am very content with my job and was been enjoying my teaching job at Homestead Schools, Inc. It was a very fulfilling feeling that I've reached the pinnacle of my calling and had greatly appreciated that God had always made some good reasons why I ended up in nursing rather than my first choice of becoming a successful chemist.Who knows what will happen to me if in fact I ended up to be a chemist at all?

But I am so thankful that everything had turned out to be well for me. I really thanked my mom for pushing me too hard to take nursing despite I didn't really liked it initially. It is true that what you disliked will be eventually learned to be liked as time elapsed and as I grow with it. Thanks to God that He didn't left me alone in my struggles all troughout the course of my journey. Instead He had helped me the-whole-nine-yards.

Destiny is always in our own making. Without having to learn how to love what we do we couldn't reached where we are now. And thanks to all the people around me who in one way or the other had helped me realized my goals and objectives in life. I just couldn't asked for more. I felt I am already a fulfilled person, being a humble servant of God serving those who needs my assistance which pertains to my job.

In retrospect, it was a very tedious and long journey but it was a self-fulfilling one. If given another chance to go back again, I will have to chose the same destiny I have right now. Can't complain for anything else because I am very happy and content from where I am now. Thank you Lord for everything!

It All Worked Out

It seems that the fourth term for Batch 7, my Sunday Clinical class at Centinela Hospital Medical Center, had worked out well. I can't express the elation and happiness I had when I feel everything is in order and running smoothly. It was a fulfilling moment and feeling.

This batch had finished their term 3 from the same hospital before they went on their Winter break last December and I started their orientation to Labor and Delivery, Obstetrics, Medical-Surgical, and Nursery during their last day of the same month so that when they get back the next year they will know what to expect for each area or unit they will be assigned.

I gave them a table of their weekly assignment as well as their case study presentation to be discussed during the post-conference. It was a very organized and loaded assignment sheet to follow but it seems that it is working really well for them. I am glad I did that for them to get myself organized with what they will be doing.

When they came back this January they looked, appeared, and were very eager and willing subjects ready to go off to war and learn the arts of doing the battle. I scattered or spread them evenly and randomly to their respective units and let them immersed themselves with the staff's and the unit's routine. I was surprised they've handled it real well. And so far there's no complaint yet from the hospital staff that I heard of.

My God..... this rowdy group had really changed a lot since I received them from their previous clinical instructor from Term 2. They're more eager to learn and had never asked me about leaving home early.  Instead they still want to stay over beyond their alloted time. Their hunger and motivation to learn more appeared as if very innate in them.What a surprise really!

Last Sunday, January 10, 2010, our director-of-nursing came by to do his term clinical survey and rounds. He gave them their medication exam and informed them about his expectations for this group for the last term. He also discussed to them their Grand Case Presentation and refreshed to them some of the school's and facility's rules and regulations. I was even surprised that they all came early during that time. Usually my boss always comes in unannounced and he was very happy to see that they all came early that morning. It was a big change I have noticed on this group.

From a very lax group to a very responsible and very-eager-to-learn group was a totally huge transformation to me. I didn't know I have this effect on the students. They were all saying that I really motivated them to change and that they learned a lot from me.

I just can't believe all this comments coming out from their mouths but I really appreciated that they recognized all the efforts I had put in for them to be better and responsible students. I felt so happy and very satisfied with what I saw, feel, and observed.

Yesterday, January 17, 2010, I had another good and fulfilling experience with them. They all came early again, had tackled their post-conference case study well, and did their assignments in their respective units assigned to them. It was a very smooth day yesterday without any untoward events at all. I hope it will be like this until they finish the term in April.

At least, I have done something good again for another batch. The coup-de-grace of all my hard works and great efforts to help them to be a better and responsible students is always my fulfillment to achieve the goals of my calling to teach these students. At least I had a feeling now of having effected somebody having changed their life. And that's always my objective.

I wanted to be remembered as a very caring person who always pursue to help everybody without even expecting something in return. I wanted to always live to help those who are in need in their search and pursuit for the profession or calling they wanted to be. And I always wanted to leave a legacy that people would like to imitate and follow. I also wanted to be a good influence to some but not everyone. And I always love to do something that would make somebody feel better. And I am all through it in every respect and in every way.

I am glad that everything really worked out well for me and to all the students that I've helped before. I am always happy to see them go back to me and tell me that they passed their NCLEX exam successfully. And to me, having heard that from their mouth is music to my ears. I must be the happiest person on earth because they greatly appreciated all my hard efforts for them.

Life is too short for us and we always have to do good in our life to leave a legacy that is worth remembering for the one we loved that we will be leaving behind. And hopefully, God will always guide us on what to do and what to accomplish if we always surrender and pray to Him all of our needs.

God always works in mysterious places and time and this is always true to me all the time. I always praised Him who's always willing to assist and help me in my everyday endeavours. Thank you Lord!

Almost Losing My Cool

Well, it was this very rare night that I had encountered some very demanding parents at my work as a Pediatric Nurse in our unit. It irks me sometimes to have gotten those kind of assignments. But what can I do, I have to just accept all the shit and just act professionally even though I don't have the knack to deal with those kind of people.

Normally, I am a very patient and understanding person. I can cater to somebody's needs with a lot of patience even though how they demanding they are. As long as I don't have to encounter somebody who will give me a very nasty attitude, that's okay with me.

I can be flexible even though how ruined my night and my mood was. Despite I felt I was the most unfortunate guy in the world having gotten a shitty assignment I can still keep my cool. But the one that will really lose my cool were those people whose trying to pretend that they are more smarter than their primary nurse when in fact they don't have any knowledge about the profession. It is so annoying really to deal with those kind of people.

Well, to cut the story short I would like to tell you guys that tonight at work I felt so annoyed and irritated with one of my patient's parents because of the fact that they gave me a hard time and was trying to seek more attention when in fact she's not the only patient that I had in the first place.

I started my shift a little bit fuming with anger because I got this shitty assignment and I have to start two intravenous starts because the day shift people couldn't get to start the IV line for two of my patients. And the fact that I am the charge nurse added more stress and toll on my part. I really felt it was my unlucky night. I just want to conjure myself and escape from this very stressful place. But I have to face the music and just have to do my job.

But this particular parent of my patient in 663-01 even made my night more shitty and unfortunate. First, the parents had trapped me at the hallway after I started the intravenous line at 667-01 telling me that their son was been fussy and irritable the whole day because they think that their baby was teething.

I asked the mom how old was her baby and she told me he is 5 months old. Well, to my knowledge, babies doesn't start teething at the age of 6 months. So, I immediately told the parents that I need to call the resident-in-house to inform her about the situation and will tell them later what will be the resident's decision right after I spoke to her.

I paged the resident right away and told her about the situation and had convinced her to order the medicine concealing the facts about the baby's age and luckily my convincing power had worked. So I immediately wrote the order on the physician's order sheet and tubed it down to pharmacy then prepared the medicine and gave it to the baby.

Apparently, the baby responded to the medicine and went to sleep immediately but only for one hour time and when he woke up he was very fussy again. Then immediately the mom pressed the call light and called for me.

When I went in the room she looked so tired and harassed and was complaining to me that the baby was still crying and fussy. She asked for another Tylenol dose but I explained to her that the baby had just had it an hour ago and it was too soon for me to give another one because the order was to give it every four hours. She doesn't liked what I told her.

When I saw her that she wasn't happy about the information I just gave her, she deviced another alibi that her son's IV site's tape was probably tight and that made the baby a little bit uncomfortable. Okay..... in order not to get her more upset at me I just went ahead and released the tape from the baby's IV site and told her to just keep an eye with it because I don't want it to get dislodged when the baby squirms a lot.

Well, it's not even thirty minutes later when she comes up to me at the station telling me that the baby was still fussy. I asked her if she had held the baby and tried to pacify him..... you know what she told me? She thinks that the baby is constipated.

As an educated nurse I didn't buy what she just had said to me.... I have to probe what happened for the baby for the whole day..... so I asked her if the baby had pooped today and she told me that; "Yeah, he did pooped twice today and it was very loose green." So I immediately shot back at her and told her; "And why did you think that your baby is constipated?"

But when she didn't answered me back after that open-ended question I immediately changed the tone of my voice and assured her that I needed to call the resident-on-duty to inform her about her little complaint. When the resident called back I explained to her the whole situation and what the mom had told me and I even begged her to come up and talk to the mom, but instead she wanted me to transfer her call to the room so that she can talk to the mom intently via the phone. Then after that I haven't heard anymore from the mom.

I went in the room to check for the baby and I saw him a little more content on the swing with the father watching over him. The bugging had finally abated for a while and after three hours when it was almost midnight the father rushed to the nursing station panting and telling one of my co-nurse that the intravenous line came out and the baby was bleeding badly.

We ran to the room immediately and attended to the distressed call made by the parents. When I got to the room the mom had already put pressure on the dislodged IV line and she was soaked with drops of blood on her gray shirt from the dislodgement. I immediately taped a square gauze on the previous IV site and explained to the parents that I needed to reinsert the IV line because the baby will need it for the antibotic medicine. The father was really upset about the whole process.

I went back to the station and prepared the necessary equipments and had asked one of my co-nurse to help me hold the baby while I was inserting the IV line. When we got to the room, I set-up all the things that I needed and explained to the parents that I have to look for an available vein before poking the baby. When I found one available site on the right hand, I immediately placed the torniquet to bulge and occlude the vein and started to poke the baby's hand.

When the needle was in and had assured that there is a blood backflow, I inserted the T-connector, taped and secured it well then started to flush the catheter. But because the baby was very strong and was squirming a lot I probably taped the catheter kinked that's why when I flushed it I can feel some resistance. I peeled off the tape slowly but the baby still squirms a lot and had noticed that the catheter was kinked so I pulled it back a little bit, straightened it, and slowly advanced it inside.

Then the mom interrupted me sarcastically that the site appears bulge but I couldn't see it because it was already covered with a tape and the T-connector has a good and strong blood backflow. I opened the tape again and double-checked it but there was no bulging noted.

So I irritatedly explained to mom that there is a strong backflow and that the catheter is flushing well. But still she kept mumbling and was irritated about my comment. Her husband had just shot her an annoying gaze and I just continued taping the IV while explaining to them that I am not taping it too tight.Then after that I gave the baby another Tylenol dose to keep him calm down we then left the room and gave them privacy with each other.

When I got out of the room I was fuming excessively with anger and impatience inside me and was about to burst and lose my cool but I held on and just joke around with my co-nurses about the current dilemma. I was almost overstretched about the whole situation and was about to lose my patience and gave way. Good thing I still have the knack to joke around with my friends.

But anyway, I just can't help myself getting enormously annoyed with this kind of parents trying to pretend that they are more smarter than the nurse when in fact they're not. I just can't fathom and decipher that. Yes, I admit I am not that perfect but I know what I am doing and why I am here.

I just can't believe why there are some parents who are like this, making and having babies, when in fact they couldn't tend to them fully. I can't blame them to be overprotected for their babies but at least they just have to also give respect to the professionals they are seeking help. I know I needed to give them enough time to fully trust me and I fully understand that, but this experience that I just had tonight is beyond compare.

I can't really forget this situation and to me this is the worst experience that really happened to me during the entirety of my professional career. I just can't believe I didn't lose my cool.... but believe me I was almost there to a point that I almost burst into madness. But God is always good and I still kept my cool and held on in the end. Wow..... it's really unbelievable!

Of Being Normal

Have you ever shed tears sometimes without even knowing what the cause is? Lately, I've been so emotional and was been shedding tears without even knowing what the cause is.

I felt so susceptible to any emotional outburst lately especially when I am watching my Filipino soap operas. I just can't stop shedding some tears from my eyes. I felt so emotionally inclined to cry everytime I watched some of the actors crying and acting their part so realistically.

I was so easily deceived or cheated by the drama and felt so gullible enough thereby putting me into shedding hot tears on my cheeks.The purpose of the soap opera was been successful in making me cry. I felt so vulnerable sometimes.

After shedding the tears I felt so enormously relieved. I don't know what had happened but it seems that all my worries that I've been bottling up were all washed away after I cried. It was a miracle and I just can't explain what had happened. I felt so fulfilled everytime I cried and it makes my feelings and emotions light.

I've read one article before about attaining true happiness. It says that in order to attain true happiness you must cry once in a while. The tears help lighten yourself with all the burdens and stress you had and it makes you a little bit more uplifted and fulfilled after shedding some tears.Which I agreed so much. And I myself can really testify to that.

Everytime I watched my Filipino teleseryes I just couldn't helped myself get carried away and emtionally sobbed a little bit thereby making me teary and shed some tears after that. The constant sobbing had helped me eased some of my pent-up emotions and had cleared all my angst and stresses in my every day life.

I had discovered it just lately that crying really can help a person clear up all his anxieties because it made him sigh and take a deep breath to relieve all those heartaches and pent-up emotions. And it does works wonders to one's self.

When I am depressed sometimes I can't help reliving all my frustrations and struggles in life and I cannot help crying most of the time. After the crying and sobbing episodes all my depressions were all washed away and gone. It's just like a rain that had passed by and washed all the dirty nooks and corners of the roof of the house and again the roof will appear clean and not dusty.

Weeping really washed away all the worries we have in life and it helped us uplift our spirits. It helped us in removing our emotional baggages and make ourselves feel light and free from all anxieties and apprehensions.

They say that when a male cries it is an awkward sight. But as humans it is just normal to cry, weep, lament, and shed tears. It is a human being's defense mechanism to overcome depression, low emotional state, and anxiety. Thereby, making someone more vulnerable to shedding tears and sobbing silently by himself.

So if you can see someone crying, please give them privacy and allow them to do it, because such things is just a normal response when somebody needs to eased up some burdens in their life. Giving time for someone to cry is the more rewarding gift you can give to them because you as a person at least had recognized the vulnerability of such individual to be happy in the end.

Crying is not an act of weakness but it is a normal response for somebody to be happy in the end. Give yourself a pat on the shoulder sometimes when you cry. And always remember that crying is a normal response.

My Demented State Of Mind

Well, being 40-years-old had already added a huge toll on me. Remembering things randomly was always a big struggle. May be because I just didn't take the responsibility of double-checking everything before doing it. At this time of age I should have been more careful and cautious in carrying out things.

I showed up at work thinking I am scheduled today. I woke up early at three o'clock in the afternoon and had watched my teleseryes then meticulously ironed my scrubs, showered well, and put on my best cologne. I didn't even bothered to check my work schedule whether I am working today or not. I immediately presumed that I will be working tonight.

I left the house early at six-fifteen and eagerly drove down to the busy Hollywood Freeway towards downtown Los Angeles where the hospital where I worked at is located. When I get to the parking lot I found a spot right away. At least I got there early and not able to just pressure myself looking for an available parking spot in that crowded parking structure.

When I got to my floor, the Pediatric floor, I found out that I wasn't scheduled for tonight. How come I didn't noticed that or overlooked it? I really had set my mind working today and I didn't even bothered to check my schedule stuck on my fridge's door. That was really uncalled for. I usually did that all the time before I left home but I don't know what happened today why I forgot to check it.

Yesterday, I was supposed to be working but because Ate Loida had switched my schedule, for me to work for her on Friday for last night's, I probably assumed that I will be on tonight. Well, it was too late because I was there already.

What I did is that I just went ahead and made copies for the chapters I need to teach on Thursday for my skills lab with Batch 14 and browsed Google for my research topic to be discussed during our monthly meeting this month. I picked the topic about "Preceptorship in Nursing." Good thing I found one interesting article about it. So I printed it and tucked it in my bag for me to study tonight when I get home.

When I left the hospital I decided to grab some dinner first because I felt so hungry for not eating the whole day. My last meal was my dinner last night. Since I was in the downtown area, I decided to pass by the Old Pantry House Restaurant to just grab for a steak dinner. Anyway, it's been a long time that I haven't had a steak. The restaurant appears like a hole-in-the-wall and was been a famous vintage place situated at the heart of downtown Los Angeles.

When I got there, I parked across the street and walked towards the restaurant, looked for an available table, and made my order. I ordered a soft tenderloin steak from a very helpful and approachable waiter. When my order came, I enjoyed it so much. Everything on the table was been very delicious. From the coleslaw, sour dough, boiled green peas, and potato grits. Everything were awesome and great. The steak was even succulently juicy and was just cooked right.

After the dinner, I left downtown area and continued driving towards Wilshire Boulevard going to the west side. I passed by Walgreens Drug Store at 6th Street and Vermont Avenue to buy some cough candies, then I passed by Kyo Chon Korean Restaurant to buy some fried garlic chicken for tomorrow's meal.

I got home at around 10 PM then changed. I decided to wash my soiled scrubs and had finished washing my laundry at 11:30 PM. Since I couldn't sleep I just decided to open my laptop and watched the re-run of Pinoy PBB from YouTube. I enjoyed watching Melissa-Jason's tandem. I've been watching and following this show from time to time. They gonna culminate it in five weeks time and I just can't wait who will win the coveted first prize.

Well, it was funny that I showed up at work when in fact I'm not scheduled tonight. I tend to forget all my activities lately and I don't know what had happened to me currently. May be because of too much stress I am into lately. But even though I still have to be responsible double checking all my iteneraries before leaving the house.

And to me this is not an excuse why I should forget double checking all my schedules. Hopefully, I will be more responsible in checking it in the future and avoid doing the same mistakes over and over again. Aaaah... I have to put a blame to myself and myself alone.

What a shame really for this demented state of my mind! I am always culpable and responsible for the consequences of my actions. And I admit that it's my own mistake and it's a shame on my part. My mistake really.......

Listening To Colbie Caillat

I had a very long day yesterday. After my theory lecture with Batch 14 I still stayed at school for three hours to do some paperworks. Checking all the exams and preparing papers and lesson plans for my next lectures and clinicals was even tough. It was so draining and tiring to decide what to prepare. I left the school after clocking more than eight hours of work.

While driving on the slow-paced Freeway 110 going north I was listening to one of the music of Colbie Caillat. I popped two of her CD's that I bought last week when I made some window shopping at the Americana at Brand Avenue in Glendale, CA, in my six CD changer in my car. I set the first CD, titled Breakthrough, on a random mode so that I can just have to listen on her music alone while the changer picks the music randomly.

The first song that played was "Begin Again". What an apt song to begin with. It was kind of slow paced and very sad. Not the right one I expected to begin actually, although the lyrics was kind of sentimental and meaningful. I have few of her songs that I liked most and I wanted to critique them here.

"I can't get you out of the sunlight. I can't get you out of the rain. I can't get you out to that one time. 'Cause you and me are still recovering." the first stanza says. It started real upbeat and searching. I can feel the music's pain. I drove slowly on a packed afternoon rush traffic and was just eased up by her sentimental music from a long day's work. It was so uplifting and sincere.

The refrain says; "Oh, this is not the way that it should end. It's the way that it should begin. It's the way it should begin again." These lines really had touched me inside because the moment she raised her notes for the refrain it caught my attention that the song was very very good. I was so captivatingly drawn to it until the end. It was a very inspiring painful song and full of meaning.

Another stanza that caught my attention says; "See I look you in the morning. 'Cause that's what my mind always calls. And I can't wait to the evening. 'Cause that's when I want you the most." What a catching phrase. Full of longing and love but because of the fighting and separation it was too late to be back on each other's arms again. What a poignant situation to be with. If you could only turn back the time.

The second song that I liked in the Breakthrough CD was the carrier single of the same title. It is a short song with a very powerful lyrics. A slow paced song but full of emotions. I was driving on the freeway and I was so imbibed with it's meaningful lyrics. Colbie Caillat song's are all good. No wonder the girl was been nominated for the coming Grammy Awards as the best newcomer.

The song says; "Why is it so hard? It was so long. I don't know where to start or what to say to you. I've been all alone needing you by my side. But it's not too late, maybe we just needed time. Can we try to let it go? If we don't then we'll never know. I'll try to break through, but you know that it's up to you." It's a song full of questions, full of confusion. It was bursting with a longing to be independent and finding someone's direction.

"We say that time is meant to heal but I still hurts inside. I wish that none of this was real, 'cause were so far behind. You've been all alone needing me by your side. But it's not too late, maybe we just needed time. And I know that our love can grow but this damn river needs to flow. It's time to make a stand, maybe it won't last. But we should take the chance." Very sad and meaningful words which is trying to mend a broken heart but to no avail. It's just empty words for a helpless heart.

Another song that I want is titled Droplets. This is a metaphor song full of meaning also. Like the other song it is also short and slow. I liked it because the beat was kinda slow reggae-ish and not boring. I'm kind of overly drawn into almost all of her music while I am driving. It soothes my fatigue and tiredness while I was driving. I tend to close my eyes sometimes trying to absorb the meaning of the lyrics in me. It really feels good!

Here's the summary of the song; "I'm leaving you, not sure if that's what I should do. It hurts so bad, I'm wanting you but can't go back. Trying to find, find that all elusive peace of mind. Stuck here somehow, shrouded beneath my fear and doubt. And I don't need it."

Second stanza says; "Cause I'm walking down this road alone.And I figured all I'm thinking 'bout is you, is you, my love. My head is in a cloud of rain and the world it seems so far away. And I'm just waiting to fall in droplets, droplets. and I'm just waiting to fall and sink into your skin. You are like raindrops, the raindrops falling down on me."

The third stanza also says; "You left a mark and I wear it proudly on my chest. Above my heart to remind me that I feel the best.When I'm with you and everything is effortless. You know it's true, my eyes are painted in regret. And I don't neet it." Such a beautiful and meaningful song indeed!

Another song that I liked most is titled Falling for You. A very upbeat song and a very famous Colbie Caillat collaboration. It is being aired in some radio stations all the time. I really liked this song because of the catchy acoustics and the loaded lyrics full of love and meanigful words. It melts me inside as I continued driving on the rush hour traffic on my way home.

"I've been spendin' all my time just thinkin' 'bout you. I don't know what to do, I think I'm fallin' for you. I've been waitin' all my life, and now I found you. I don't know what to do, I think I fallin' for you. I'm fallin for you. As I'm standin' here, and you hold my hand. Pulled me towards you, and we started to dance. All around us I see nobody. Here in silence, it's just you and me." A lyrics of crush which ended up in love. A normal feelling all the time which I myself could relate.

The chorus states; "I am tryin not to tell you, but I want to. I'm scared of what you'll say. So I'm hidin' what I'm fellin'. But I'm tired of holding it inside my head." What a game of keeping secrets! Tired of bottling it up inside and it's just about to burst but the fear of knowing what he might say tried to hold her back to tell him what she really felt. I was totally drawn into it and I didn't know I was already singing in my car loudly together with the song. I look like crazy inside the car screaming while singing as if I didn't work the whole day, I'm so hyper.

Another song that I liked among Colbie's collection is Running Around. This song is also upbeat and has good acoustics. I liked it too because of the meaningful lyrics. Here's all the compressed stanzas that I liked and had really caught my attention so much:

"I'm just thinking about the time when I met you. But now I'm thinkin' about how I can forget you. You had my heart from the start but I faded. I needed space wanted someone else. I had to leave you just to realize that I miss you. Now I don't know what I did. I am hopin' that you try to forgive me. Maybe we can fall in love again completely. You had my heart don't you ever forget that. I'm comin' back for it, I promise you. I had to leave you just to realize that I need you. Now I'm changin', I can't take this. I'm runnin' around baby. I'm runnin' around without you, baby. I'm runnin' around all over town. But I look everywhere and no one compares. 'Cause nothing's as good if I'm without you."

In totality, Colbie Caillat's CD are loaded with meaningful songs and lyrics that can even titillate your spirits, jolt your insides, melt your heart, and blow your mind away. I can't wait to focus on the second CD when I have time. It's an inspiration to listen to all of them. I was so lucky to have owned two of her most valued CD. I hope she'll win the coveted Grammy nomination. Good luck Colbie!

All The Right Moves

I was extremely inspired right now. With the outcome of my lecture with Batch 14 today, I was so surprised that I did everything right. It was so uplifting to know that I am that effective, too, in teaching a theory class. I really underestimated myself about that lately.

With my ability to cram all the time I usually gave myself no respect at all for being so hurried everytime I had to do a very important task. I always tend to procrastinate all the time that's why I always ended up so uptight everytime the deadline is near.

Since this teaching class was a big challenge to me, I never imagined I could end up like this. I always tried my best to excel in every way to please my subjects. And good thing I pulled it through even though I over exerted myself sometimes. Hehehe.

Yesterday I was teaching Vital Signs with my new batch, the Batch 14. I showed and taught them the right way and process of taking vital signs. I even supplemented my teachings with a video I collected from YouTube and they really liked and learned a lot from them. They were so elated and happy that they had me as their instructor for the Fundamentals of Nursing. And they were so thankful that I taught them for their own good.

I never knew that I was this good in teaching them. All I know is that I tried my very best despite I was so stressed out all the time. I didn't know how good I am though..... hehehe. But anyway, it's so uplifting to know that they appreciated me and my efforts.

Today, I taught them Personal Hygiene, Bed Making, and Bed Bath. I taught them the right steps for each procedures supplemented by a video demonstration. After that I divided them into threes and had them demonstrate by group each procedures in front of me so that I can correct them on their mistakes and encouraged them to do the right way.

Initially, they were so nervous and anxious during the demonstration process but they were telling me that it's for their own good though. They said that I was so patient enough in teaching them to learn each procedures and they really appreciated it a lot. It really fatten my heart to know that they really liked my teaching strategies and approaches.

As an appreciation each one of them thanked me individually for everything that I did for them. At lunch time they invited me to eat with them because they were celebrating James' and LaShawn's birthday.

I tried my best to draw a line not to be too close with them because I just wanted it to be that way and to stay out of trouble in the future. I just wanted them to keep their respect for me as their theory instructor with no strings attached.  Good thing they appreciated everything that I did and I just wanted to maintain this kind of connection with them. 

Well, I think I inherited my skills in teaching from my loving mom. She was a respected elementary teacher in my hometown. She used to tell me that dedication and hardship is the key to be an effective teacher. Added to that is diligence, loyalty, love of profession, and fear of God. I can't really forget those things that she told me and it's still lingering in my mind until now. That's why I always kept looking this kind of urge and hunger to teach within me. I really owe everything to my dear mom. I missed her so much.

One of my mentor who was very instrumental for me to open and paved my way in teaching clinicals was a very best friend of mine. Her name is Mrs. Sylvia S. Sadang. She was the one who hired me from my teaching job from the previous school that we were teaching at. When the administrator of that school had screwed up with her benefits she transferred to Homestead Schools, Inc in Hawthorne, CA.

Since she was my very close mentor and friend, I owe her a lot for initiating everything for me to start teaching in the previous school. She taught me all the right moves and the right style and approach in teaching students in the clinical setting.

So I resigned from the previous school and decided to follow her at Homestead Schools, Inc. Now I've been here for almost two years now. I finally found my niche in this institution teaching nursing students in paving their way towards attaining their professional goals.

I just can't express my gratitude to my dear Almighty for guiding me in every way and for making me more patient in teaching and assisting these students for their struggles in school. Thank God for everything that you've showered for me. I know that You have always the right reasons for giving me all these challenges in my life and I always thank you for not leaving me alone despite the odds.

I couldn't be more thankful and appreciative about all that had happened to me lately in school. I just can't express the delight in my heart upon hearing all these praises from everybody around me. I was so humbled by it. I know I did it for the students and nothing more. My love for teaching had inspired me so much to take care of delivering my teaching skills in all the right strokes.

It was very inspiring to have received all these appreciations and it really gave me more push and encouragement to do the right thing for all the students. I owe everything to all who in one way or the other had helped and assisted me in paving for my teaching career.

To my mom and to Ate Sylvia thank you very much for all your guidance and support. I owe everything to both of you. To my ever patient director-of-nursing Mr. Alfie Ignacio thank you so much for your trust for me to handle these students.

To all my friends, thank you for your understanding despite I couldn't see and mingle with all of you sometimes. And to all the students of Homestead Schools, Inc., thank you for believing and trusting me in teaching all of you. Thank you all so much for everything and for inspiring me as well. Thanks a lot!

About Friendship

I've been sick for two days now, and I have nothing to do at home. I've been nursing myself alone from the nagging cough, bad sore throat, and intermittent fever I've got from a current flu infection. I felt so horrible and bored to death staying at home and staring at the four corners of my room. I am going crazy.

Well, this infirmity had really brought me intimate moments for myself alone. Just by mere lying there on my soft bed alone, it gave me a deep thought and realization, thinking about things that were very dear and important to me.

You know what's really boggling my mind now? Well, I was thinking about how close is my relationships with my friends, close friends, and best friends. I always questioned how loyal they were to me.

Now that I am very ill, I am really famished for some filial presence that really make me feel so loved and important. And I really needed to know now how really intimate I am with my close friends. That I wanted to know who really thought of me, now that I am sick and who were not.

I am longing for something like a presence of friend at my side, telling me that I was been cherished because of my good camaraderie. I thought of my best friend Kuya George. We've been best friends for almost ten years and it's been a while that I haven't seen him. You know why? Because I had a little fight with him lately about our friendship. It's really a long story but to cut it short, I really doubted Kuya George's loyalty for me.

I hope all my premonitions were wrong. But I know I still really doubted him about our friendship. Even before when we started this close bond, I already had a feeling but I always blindly shut it off me. Although I am entitled for my own opinion I still have to give him some benefit of the doubt. But lately, I acted so abruptly that I have to sever my ties with him. It hurts but I have to do it because I don't want to get hurt more later. Here's my explanations why...........

There were always an occasion that Kuya George just call me whenever he needs my company. Like if I called him sometimes on my off days he doesn't answer his phone but if he's the one who's off, like every weekend, he always calls me eventhough he knows that I am always working every weekend. But during weekdays that I am off he's with other friends and not even responding to my phone calls.

I even paid up his gym pass for a lifetime thinking that our friendship will last for a lifetime but I was wrong about that. I even lend him some money whenever he came short with his apartment rents. Or sometimes lend him some money if he needed it for emergency purposes and I didn't even asked him to pay it right away. Sometimes he'll pay me a year after and that's okay with me or sometimes not at all and it's still okay with me because I know he is my best friend. and he doesn't appreciate that.

I feel that he is just taking advantage of me. Like everytime we go out and eat out or watch a movie, I am always ending up paying for everything we ordered, bought, and watched instead of splitting it up. You know what's his reason? Because I am an RN/BSN and he's just a simple CNA. What's the distinction there? We were just the same working and paying up our bills. Such opportunist!

And everytime I have my birthday he didn't even bother to call me and greet me on my special day. I mean I really don't demand it from him but at least you know just for being a best friend he should have the tenacity to at least remember his close friend's special day. Well, he always reasoned out that he's always busy and that he forgot it totally. Well, that really turned me off. I just brushed it off sometimes because I still value our close friendship.

The one that really irk me and hit me rock bottom of my rage had just happened this holiday season. Last Christmas I was expecting for him to call me. I didn't really bother to call him because I was really planning to test him if he will really call me or not. It was almost midnight on Christmas Eve when I realized that he didn't call me, so I decided to just eat alone my Christmas treats, anyway I am used of living by myself.

The next day Christmas Day, there's still no call. I was so impatient already so I decided to give him a ring on his celfone. You know what happened? He told me that he was in Las Vegas with his other friends. Well, hello what about your best friend here waiting last night for you to greet him? You didn't even bother to call him last night on Christmas Eve.

There and then, I was already full and had scraped my full cup. So I told him that he was very insensitive and an oppotunist. I can't really hold off my overflowing anger that time and I just keep ranting at him some bad words on the phone. I mean, I regretted doing it to him but I am already overstretched that time. You know the feeling of being choked up already.

He didn't even consider how important our friendship is. I don't even understand why? For me I really have to treasure everything we had shared as friends especially when you consider someone as a...... best friend.

I mean, there is a huge distinction between a mere friend from a close friend and a best friend. These three definitions really differ a lot from each other.

For me a friend is just a casual acquaintance who you happen to know in a small amount of time and place. Whereas a close friend is the one you know and had a close bond with each other and sometimes see each other often in some occasions and functions. While a best friend is the one you really trusted yourself. He or she is the one you've been loyal with and had opened your life's secrets, nooks, bends,  and heartaches. So there's really a lot of distinction, difference, or bar among this three definitions.

So now that I lost one of my bestfriends, I really feel that it's just me now against the whole big world. Although I loved to live and explore my surroundings independently I still feel that making friends is still essential to make life more fulfilling.

It's just like marriage.... you take it and live with it responsibly. Well, although my lost will be someone's gain yet acquiring back my autonomy is the sweet success I just have achieved. I may be sour graping but would it be fulfilling to do things you want to do without even somebody bothering you?

That would be eating and having the whole pie with you without even thinking  that somebody will have to share for it with you. It would be a selfish idea but I'd rather have to live alone rather than pissing of myself with opportunistic people who doesn't even know how to be senstive and considerate of other people's emotions.

Well, it really feels bad to know that our close and intimate bond will just go to waste but I am tired of always giving second, third, or even fourth chances. Enough is enough and I have to continue with my own life not minding how close we were before. Well, he choses it to be like that and I am sick and tired of it already. It's a silly idea but I have to be more practical now.

Now I have to go on and just consider these things as a very bad dream. I really feel so dejected, sad, and rejected that it all ends like this. What a waste really!

Sick With A Flu

Oh-oh..... it's not right to start the year being sick. I woke up with a sore throat the other day and a 101.2 degrees Fahrenheit fever. My body aches all over and I feel so fatigued most of the time. My taste even is not that good making my appetite poor. I was afraid I was brewing with  a flu.

Eventhough I had a flu shot, I still got the symptoms this year. Every year I am always sick of flu so it's not that unusual for me though. Although, I know that I gonna get sick this year but I didn't expect it to happen so soon. Last year I was sick in Spring and now it happened early Winter time.

Well, the flu shot did probably helped me a lot. Eventhough I had it, still there were different strains of flu virus emanating in the air and everywhere. With the help of the flu shot my signs and symptoms was been minimized to a lesser degree rather than having the full-blown signs and symptoms of the regular flu.

All I did yesterday was to stay at home all day, force fluids on myself, and treat my nagging cough and intermittent fever. I was shivering initially and then sweat profusely after I popped some Tylenol tablets. My bed was been drenched with perspiration and I really feel so icky all over after that.

I started to take a Z-pack after I found one from my last year's flu. I took two pills from yesterday then one tablet every day for four daysas instructed by the literature. I was thinking it was viral so a Z-pack will work for it.

The fever started last Friday and now it's already early Sunday morning yet I still have it. I still have to nurse myself for one more day then may be see my primary care physician (PCP) on Monday and get some expert medical advice. I just don't want to take chances and get severely or critically sick.

Eventhough, I don't feel good I still opted to go to work yesterday. I was thinking of calling-in-sick yesterday but heck no...... I didn't do it. I just don't want to start my year calling-in-sick to work. So, I decided to go to work because I'm only on for only one day and I will be off the next day. Anyway, I brought some Tylenol tablets just in case the fever will start again.

Truth be told..... I was right! The fever did came back at 2:00 AM. I felt some severe body malaise all over that time. Good thing I had my Tylenol pills so I immediately took two tablets. Twenty minutes after taking the pills I was sweating profusely and felt uncomfortable so I decided to ask permission from my companions for an hour break.

After I took the break I felt okay. So I continued my work and chart documentation, made my rounds and took my patient's vital signs, and gave their IV medications. Good thing I only have three patients to handle but they're all respiratory patients and all of them had been running fever all night. So I have to wear a mask whenever I go inside the room to protect myself since I am already sick.

So later on when I'm off I was planning to gargle some apple cider and vinegar with salt. I was planning to buy some jicama (singkamas in my dialect) and marinate it in vinegar, black pepper, and garlic salt. Then I will eat it to cleanse my throat. Vinegar is always effective in curing my sore throat all the time. So hopefully, it will work for me later. I still remember my mom doing this to me when I have a sore throat with a fever.

I also remember when I was in my hometown in the Philippines, we used to eat crisp green unripe papaya fruit soaked in vinegar and salt. It really works wonders for the sore throat. So instead of the green papaya, which is rare to find here in most of the Los Angeles supermarkets, I will use jicama instead. I will get some later after I got out of work.

So today, I will be off and I have to just stay at home and have plenty of rest. I will nurse myself all day and hopefully by the time I can see my primary care physician on Monday everything will be all right.

Well, it's no joke though to have a flu and I myself dreaded to have it but with the nature of my job..... being exposed to my patients all the time will render me more prone to it eventhough I always observe proper infection control to prevent it still I will acquire it passively.

I hope I can get over it in just a small amount of time because I cannot afford to be sick that long. Or else all my finances and bills will be in jeopardy. Then I will have to cringe my budget and make other means to cope up with my bills. Aaaaah.......I hope I will get well soon.... fingers-crossed.

Who do you think wants to be sick? I think no one wants it. How much more for me? I don't want to be sick either...... but it seems that illness doesn't chose who to attack and preyed on. Like me... I don't want it  and I always dreaded to have it. It just happened that I was sick at the wrong time of the year. Waaaah!

Well, it was really unfortunate that I was sick at this very early time of the year.... and it happened on New Year's Day..... of all the days. What a bad luck though!

Dinner With My Former Students

January 1, 2010 at 7:30 PM I will have a dinner date with my former students from Homestead Schools, Inc. We decided to meet up at Le Creperie in Long Beach, CA as researched by the ever relying Ms. Krystel. I was looking forward to this dinner because I will see my former students again after nine long months after they graduated from school.

I left my apartment at 5:30 PM and again followed the direction as instructed by the ever-relying GPS. Well, you know what happened? It gave me a longer route instead of the shortcut. I kept driving and driving around the bay area and had noticed that I was a little bit lost. So I decided to re-route myself and finally I reached the place after several hours of driving. I arrived there at 6:50 PM then spotted a good parking space at Argonne Street.

Since the reservation was set at 7:30 PM I decided to roam around the shopping area to look for a flower shop and decided to buy four peach roses for the people who will show up as texted to me by Roselle. Then ten minutes before the meeting time, Roselle texted me that they were there already waiting in front of the restaurant.

After paying for the roses and had them individually wrapped, I headed at Le Creperie which is just three blocks from the flower shop and where my former students had been waiting. Roselle, Abby, and Maui Ann were there already. Krystel is yet to come, she will be late a little bit, though.

We then went in the restaurant and waited for our turn to be called. While waiting I started talking to my students how were they doing and how's their Christmas and New Year came about. They were so eager to tell their stories and we chatted for a little bit. Then Krystel came just in time we were called for our table. I gave the roses to all of them and Krystel gave me a bottle of Moscato d'Asti wine which she knows that I like best.

The restaurant was French-themed and very very stylish. There were a lot of big gold-rimmed-mirrors around the walls. The setting was patterned to a middle-aged French era when Marie Antoinette was still reigning. There were replica paintings about that time hanging everywhere.

Two big crystal chandeliers were perched on both ends of the ceiling and the lighting was kinda dimmed with only both the chandeliers illuminating the whole place. It's just like living during a Moulin Rouge Era.

There were also people who played piano and bass. The ambiance was very very posh. Even the waiting area was adorned by two intricately patterned Victorian-style couches for the customers to sit on while waiting for available tables.

When we got sitted we browsed their menu and started to chose for our own individual order. We ordered calamari for a start and then I ordered the Parisian Crepe as my entree. In it were chunks of chicken breast, with basil leaves, chopped tomatoes and capers topped with a creamy white wine sauce. It was so delicious!We all ordered a crepe entree with different toppings.

In between the dinner we also talked about what had happened to them after their graduation. I then knew that Abigail and Krystel had passed their NCLEX board exam and were working now. Roselle had just took her board exam lately and is still waiting for her result to be released soon. Maui Ann was still under the batch that I handled in my Sunday clinical and is almost graduating. She just tagged along with Roselle and Abby tonight for the dinner.

I also asked them what had happened with their classmates and they gave me the updates of each and everyone of them. I was surprised that they were so updated about their classmates and I thanked them for that. I really missed this group because they were the first group that I handled eversince I transferred to Homestead Schools, Inc. from my previous teaching job.

After we ate our entree, we continued talking while I told Krystel to order us desserts. She ordered a chocolate-strawberry-banana-crepe topped with vanilla ice cream. My God, it was so good! After eating it we decided to quit the night off. We didn't even noticed we were there for two long hours.

We bade goodbye at each other and promised to see each other again whenever we were free and if God willing. It was fun to see my former students and had dinner with them. I couldn't forget this night, on a New Year's Day night, having dinner with three of my former students.

Hopefully this will not be the end of everything and we will see each other again. I was glad I had a deep friendship bond with this group who in one way or the other were thankful that I had handled them. I was so happy now that they were successful in their chosen career and had a decent job to be proud of. I just can't imagine how thankful they were that I am a part of their life now.

Thanks guys for your time and thanks for this memorable dinner night. I just couldn't contain my emotions seeing you all happy and successful in your chosen career. Good luck guys!

Happy New Year To All

This year, I spend my New Year's Eve countdown at the Los Angeles Universal Citywalk. The place was so crowded and a lot of revelers from all walks of life had witnessed the most amazing and noisy celebration as the new year had approached. There were fireworks popped in the air to herald the coming of the first day of the year 2010.

I left my apartment at around 7:30 PM and passed by the Shell station in Sunset Blvd. to fill-up my car's gas because the tank was almost empty. Then after that I went to the bank and withdraw some money for my gig tonight. After withdrawing the money I headed straight to Universal Studios in North Hollywood  thinking that I gonna spend my New Year there and witness the display of fireworks.

I was battling initially whether I will go to Universal Citywalk of Nokia Theater in downtown Los Angeles but I made my mind to go to the former option because I spend my New Year last year in downtown Nokia Theater. So to have a different experience I decided to go to Universal Citywalk.

I drove straight to 101 Freeway North or Ventura Freeway but when I got there, I was surprised and shocked that they were charging the parking so much for the amount of $30.00. That was so expensive and enormous. I then thought that the management took advantage of the situation to charge that much money. Such opportunist! But what can I do, I was there already so I immediately pulled out two fresh twenty dollar bills and paid my parking and took my change after that despite I was opposed to it.

I then spotted a very convenient parking on the fourth level then after that I headed to the concert square. There were a lot of people there probably with the same goal like mine. I know they were there for the New Year's Eve countdown also.

Since it was still early I decided to line up at the cinema line to buy a ticket for "Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squekquel." The movie was very funny but short. I like all the Chipmunks. Alvin was so cute and funny, as well as Theodore and Simon. The girl Chipmunks were also cool but I forgot their names. I can only remember Britney and Ellenore, I don't know about the other one.

Charice was also a guest star in that movie. She sang a song by Lady Gaga and she delivered it well. So far, all in all, the movie was so hilarious and fun to watch. I laughed a lot at the three cute munchkins. I loved them so much.

After the movie I went out of the theater and checked if it was already crowded outside the piazza. It was already 10:00 PM that time and the crowd started to eventually pack the place. I walked a little bit around the place taking pictures then went back to the piazza where the concert was been going on. I stayed there until the countdown started.

There were games set by a radio station on the stage where people needs to vote for the appropriate winner according to the talents they showed to the public. Then after the games there were a band group who started singing few famous cover songs from different well-known groups like Journey, Bon Jovi, Cheaptricks, etc.

When it was one hour before the countdown people started to pack the central plaza and were very eager to wait for the time to come. There were a lot of guards spread all around the place to look out for any violence or people who will alter the peace and quiet of the celebration.

The full moon started to come out and illuminate brightly the open blue skies. As I was reading the yahoo news this morning it was said that this will be the last full moon of the year. And it was called a "blue moon" which only occurs every nineteen years.

When midnight stroke people were making a lot of noise heralding the coming of the first day of the year 2010, which is the New Year. The countdown started at 10 seconds before midnight. After the countdown there were fireworks that came out from the blue sky giving an awe-inspiring display of colorful sparks up in the air.

There were white confetti spurting from everywhere spreading up up in the air like real snow and messing the whole place. Some people hooted their horns and the band on the stage continued playing ear-splitting metallic music. It was total chaos and people started to greet each other "Happy New Year!" as the time elapsed.

My New Year was a blast although I have to pay $30.00 for the parking, at least I had witnessed the most noisy New Year I had here in the United States. Unlike in the Philippines where fireworks and firecrackers were everywhere making so much noise and display of sparks as I can remember.

I waited for another hour for the people to get settled down and the traffic to wane down until I decided to leave the place. Then I went home very happy and glad that at least my New Year was a memorable one this year.

May you have a promising New Year this year and may love, happiness, good health, and peace of mind will be yours all throughout the whole year. Happy New Year to one and all!