Feeling Nostalgic

I don't know why I am feeling down right now. I just got home from my clinical class with Batch 14 and I suddenly felt so tired, weak, and very exhausted.

Fatigue had deliberately consumed me lately. I just don't know why I suddenly bursted into tears so quickly without even knowing what had happened. I am so overwhelmed and tired of everything. I freaked out big time.

I just thought of my hometown. The place where I grew up and learned the rigors of life. I feel that I am back there reminiscing my memorable childhood past and my good old unforgettable memories with families and friends. It was crazy but I really cannot help it.

I remember my younger years when we used to go to the river with my best friends holding a long bamboo stick that we use as a fishing rod. Despite the scorching heat of the sun hitting out fragile skin on the middle of the day we patiently waited at the side of the river for our big catch.

Sometimes we stripped ourselves and jumped naked at the hillside, down the gorge, and sank ourselves down the deep side of the river under the bridge and emerged at the downstream. Our loud screams and laughters, our petty jokes, and our hilarious goofing at each other were always reverberating at the remotest back of my mind. This reminds me of my memorable past.

I also missed my mom who always look after me protectively like a valetudinarian. Seeing to it that I am doing fine with my studies. Making sure that I don't make any truant behavior from my schools. I myself is a rebellious kid inside but I never disappoint my mother when it comes to my studies.

I am also missing my friends and wondering where they are now. My childhood friends, who I used to grow up with, were the ones who were so close and dear to me. I spend a lot of time with them from my elementary grades and high school years. I had so much fun with them especially during my growing up years.

My college friends were the ones who really affected and effected me on how to treasure ones friendship. I had connected with them with an open mind and honest-loyal self. They were the ones who really understands me fully for who I am. I really treasured them until now.

My friends from McAllen, TX were the ones who introduced me to a living-carefree-life. They're the ones who were very supportive at me in case I am in trouble. I liked being with them because our lives were like an open book at each other but they were the ones that I totally forgotten now because of our individual choices in life. In short, we separated ways because we chose to have families or live apart at each other into different states.

My friends at work were the ones who serves as my pillar.... my foundation..... and my strength. I had only few of them whom I can really really trust. And I am very lucky to have them come into my life.

I lived solo for a long long time and I always feel lonely all the time. I can't help getting so nostalgic and emotional about my state of being. I chose my life to be like this and I have to stand for it with boldness. But sometimes it's not inevitable to get depressed and useless. Feeling life like a void and empty space.

I know I am a strong person and I know I can hurdle every trials and adversities that I will meet along the way. I know I can make it despite what the odds are. And I know that I am not alone in this struggles and journey because the Supreme Being will always guide me as well as the prayers of my love ones and friends will sustain me. And I know that whatever happens I will always triumph in my own way.... in my own time.... and in my own place.

Feeling lonely is not unusual for me. Especially like me living by myself. People has his own ups and downs. Like a seawave washing off the shore. And time will come all my emotional baggages will be washed off, too. It's just a normal human phenomenon so they say.

Going back to my past is another way of curing my loneliness. It's the panacea for getting crazy because of overwhelming situations and stresses in life, work, and the world in general. Each one of us has their own individual approaches to curtail sadness and that makes each one of us unique.

For me, I feel so relieved when I go back to my past and remember happy thoughts. Yet it never stopped me to be nostalgic and cantankerous. I think so much that I get irritable about myself and everything around me. And the more I wanted to be alone and isolated. That's my unpeevish personality and that's who I am.

So in order to sublimate all my pent up emotions I always make myself productive. Doing exercise is the best way to get rid of these inadvertent behaviors. Sometimes reading good and entertaining books will help appease it or sometimes writing meaningful features and prose will subdue me and win over my happy thoughts.

Life is just a stage and each one of us has a role to do. It always amazed me how will the script ends..... whether a comedy or a tragedy..... but the catharsis always highlighted my attention.

Life is a drama.... and it always makes me wonder how it will go about!

Oh What A Happy Day!

I woke up this morning at 6 am in preparation for my NRP Renewal Class to be held at 9 am in Pasadena, CA at the Lifesaver's Office. I woke up early because I don't want to get caught up with the early morning traffic at the Freeway 110 North.

I arrived at the Lifesaver's Office in Huntington Avenue in Pasadena thirty minutes before the class. I stayed for a little bit inside my car after I parked at the parking lot and reviewed the megacode handouts that was emailed to me by the instructor (Bethanie Christopher RN, BSN, MSN) when I signed up for the class.

Ten minutes before the class I went out of my car and went inside the building to register for today's class. There were only two of us who registered for the class today.

Bethanie, our instructor, instructed us on what to do and what to expect for the whole day. We watched some videos first then answered some questions after each lesson. There were nine lessons to watch and set of questions to answer plus a video for the correct and incorrect megacode.

We finished watching the videos and answering each lesson's questions for an hour. Then after that Bethanie came in to gather all our answer sheets, checked it, and announced to us that luckily we both passed the exams with flying colors. The other participant was a Korean  physician named Dr. Jason T. who worked at a delivery clinic in Wilshire Place.

After the deliberation of our lesson's exams we were set for the next part which are the megacodes. Bethanie gave each one of us pertinent situations then we have to take part roles in coding the baby dummy.

I was assigned to take care of a baby who is meconium stained and I have to do everything including oxygen set-up, correct provision of PPV, deciding when to do CPR, and performing intubation as well as giving medications through the UVC. It was a fun megacode exercise!

By around 11:30 am we were done for our renewal. Bethanie congratulated both of us for passing it then she handed us our certificates and NRP cards. I was so happy that I passed my renewal successfully. At least now I was all done with all my renewals for this year and now I can go for my France's vacation without any worries, thank God.

I left the building and drove back home to Los Angeles. Since it was lunchtime, I  decided to pass by Goodah (a Filipino restaurant) to eat lunch and celebrate my happiness and success for passing my NRP renewal. After lunch I went home and took a little nap before going for my hike at the Hollywood Hills.

I've started exercising last week with rests in between because of the soreness I felt after the hike. Today is my third day of hiking and it seems that I am no longer huffing and puffing when I go uphill and downhill unlike last week which was very apparent. It seems that the hiking was so effective to me now. I really felt so light now and no more soreness at all. I hope I can continue this now as a means of getting myself into a healthful living and lifestyle.

My goals for losing weight was eventually at hand and very evident. I hope I will have the guts to continue this and make it as a religious and continuous habit. Please pray for me my dear friends. Thank you in advance.

I decided to hike up around the hills and and it took me close to three hours hiking around the uphill and downhill of the famous Hollywood Hills. The windy and sunny weather was also cooperating to me at least. It was really a good hike today and I felt very very happy.

I went home at around 4:30 pm after the hike and I passed by Smart 'n Final after that to buy some fruits because I already ran out of apple, bananas, and grapes. I also grabbed a bag of Parisian mixed salad for my lunch tomorrow. I started to eat fruits and vegetables since I started exercising to help me achieve my goals in losing weight. Hopefully this will work good eventually.

Yeah, it was really a fun and happy day not to forget that it was a very fulfilling one because I had achieved all my goals for today with fruition. I really felt no soreness at all  after my fulfilling hike at the hills. Yay! I hope this will turn out a lot productive eventually and hopefully it will.

I am so happy and excited to see the unexpected result in a month's time. If I have my druthers, I hope when  I go to France next week I will find time to continue exercising there so as not to break the continuity of my exercise routines, if God willing. That's the spirit!

In Memoriam: Jessimae Palmares vda. Catedrilla

I just received the bad news this morning about the passing of a very good friend. She really impacted my life so much and had inspired me greatly. She is an epitome of a woman that never gave up and a fighter to the last of her days.

Jessi as what we used to call her was been diagnosed with a pancreatic cancer sometime ago (I really don't know when but I just heard the news last year). She was been fighting it with much bravado and boldness. And she keeps gathering her strength by giving comfort to everybody despite of her very fragile condition that's why she is loved by everyone.

I knew Jessi since we were in elementary grades. She went to a private school in our hometown while I go at a public school. But despite the difference of our schools I still knew her and had been occasionally greeting each other casually.

I know her better when we went on the same nursing school during college days. Even though I am ahead of her for one year yet we knew each other well especially during our clinical days. In addition her boyfriend that time, which she ended up marrying, was my family relative and my three big brother's best friend, that's why we even got closer better.

After college we separated ways and we never had any correspondence after that until I heard from my siblings that she got married with my close relative and had moved to America.

It was Spring last year that we got reconnected through Facebook again and started to chat with each other only to know that she was already been battling with pancreatic cancer. After  we got reconnected through Facebook there were no times that I don't get any inspiring messages from her on my Facebook account and wall.

She was just a sweet woman trying to comfort me with her wits and wisdom. I couldn't forget her inputs when I was still battling to choose where to do my volunteer work abroad especially in South America. And she was a lot of help to me because of her experiences before.

We also talked about life and her daily struggles in battling cancer, about her family, and I continued to inspire her most of the time not to give up. There comes some time that she was giving up because of the nagging pain that she had felt and I tried to empathize with her feelings trying be be a good listener to her.

But apparently this Sunday morning on my way to clinicals when I opened my iPhone Facebook application to check for my messages I read from Genitz's (my college classmate) entry that my dear friend Jessi already passed away may be last night or yesterday.

I was really shocked upon reading it because we were just messaging two weeks ago when I informed her that Tito Bogart had died after battling laryngeal cancer and I told her to tell Manong Noe (her dutiful husband) because my uncle was his uncle, too, from his mom's side. We were just joking that time when I relayed to her the message and she was also complaining to me that she was refusing the pain meds that was given to her.

I didn't even realized that she was already suffering that time. I thought that she was just joking to me and after that I haven't seen her Facebooking anymore nor messaging me with her inspiring words. Only to find out this morning that she was already gone.

My dear Jessi.... I just wanted you to know that you were always loved by me. You're sweet sweet smile, inspiring wits and wisdom, and boldness to face and fight the challenges of life was an inspiriation to me and to all your friends. You will always be missed by everybody who loves you and couldn't be forgotten.

No more cracking jokes for me, no more inspiring words, no more cautionary advise for me. I always treasured our times together online especially the last moments we had talked through Facebook. Truly, God has the reason why He took you away from us. At least no more pain for you to suffer but eternal peace and happiness for you to enjoy with our Maker.

Yes, the cancer might have won you over but our dear Jessi had won in the end because she is in heaven now happily beside our Creator without pain and sorrow. She is so loved by everybody and had left a legacy to us that life is just temporary and we should make the best out of it by sharing what we have to others.

I won't be saying goodbye to you right now but so long my best friend. Until we meet again in the other part of life. Hope to see you there some day when it is my time.

Rest in peace now and be assured well because your family will always be in good hands. You will be greatly missed by everybody but your legacy will always live forever in our hearts. Thank you for touching my own life with your inspiring views.

Take care now and so long again my dear friend. Thanks for everything once and for all.


P.S.

Here's the last message I got from Jessi through my Facebook account.

Between Jessi Catedrilla-Palmares and You

Anton Arnel Palmares Palomo March 29 at 1:53am

Jess, kindly tell Manong Noe that Tito Naldo died last week. I just spoke to Tita Pangga. Thanks.


Sent via Facebook Mobile Jessi Catedrilla-Palmares March 29 at 2:45pm

I know. Nanawag man si Nanay Letty diya the same day. Ahay si tito Bogart tawag ko kana...enjoy gid to tana to the last minute. Di ba nagka-throat ca, sige pa paburhot na hay te enjoy every moment gid kuno mo....last nanda kitaay ni Noe sang August pag anniversary nanday nanay. Thanks gid...waay pa takon katawag k tita Pangga. Ga-igod man ako di ka sakit ka likod ko. Nag-refuse abi ako ka pain meds last time, sa Wed next appointment ko. Mangayo dugid ako ka PRN siguro o Duragesic patch. Hopefully maresume ya chemo ko after Easter hay kanami dun daad ya pamatyag ko and besides, nag-work gid Ton. Even just after a week and a half, pag CT nag shrink gid ang mass 2.5 cm! That's a lot. I;m still keeping my hope alive! Gasanlag ya eldest ko ka small baringon hay mangapog kami! Te, thank you gid ha....sakpa gid ako sa prayers mo a.

On A Very Quiet Saturday Afternoon

It was Saturday today and I have to go to school to prepare the packet for Batch 16's orientation day tomorrow at Catered Manor in Long Beach.

I had made all the necessary work at school for about two hours then after that I have to go the my nursing registry office for my job appointment. I had bump on my bestfriend at school today. She just had her mom burried a few days ago so I have to talk to her for a while and asked her if she's okay.

After I am done preparing the packet I left the school at around 2:30 pm then I headed to Long Beach downtown, passing that green steel bridge from San Pedro, where the nursing registry office was located. I submitted the rest of my health requirements then had a urine drug screen done and have my employee ID made.

After I left the registry office I drove around the downtown area and decided to go to the Aquarium of the Pacific to see some very nice sceneries. I ended up parked at the Pierpoint landing instead. The reason I wanted to be there is to see the Queen Mary ship from the other side of the bank. I didn't even realized that the landing has a towering lighthouse on top of the hill. I love lighthouses a lot! I felt a lot at ease right now when I can see one. It's my refuge!

When I got there at the landing I didn't even know that I can see different beautiful sceneries at different sides or angles. The place was full of good sceneries to see and watch. There's the famous Queen Mary ship which is so huge like a Titanic that sank in the Arctic circle in the 1800's, the Pierpoint Landing lighthouse where I didn't even know at first, the Long Beach skylines, the boardwalk and trails at the beach, and several structures like the Sphere, the Anchor, and many more.

The view was very exhilarating, enticing, and riveting. It was very very awesome to see or watch them. There were a lot of people seen around playing in groups or alone, dating contentedly, kissing or smooching at each other so wet, laying on the grass comfortably, running fast, biking cautiously, screaming intently, people fishing at the pier with determination, etc. The place was very strategic because you can see something around and at the four corners from where I am standing. When I turn around I can see a lot of beautiful sites.

I shoot some pictures of pretty much everything. I took the picture of the landing's office, the lighthouse on different angles, the Queen Mary ship at the distance, the yachts at the shipyard, the buildings around, and the famous Parker Lighthouse restaurant and the Melodrama Theater and Comedy Club across the bay.

After touring the place I decided to drive around to eat because I was already hungry. I drove towards the Pike Mall but I ended up at the Aquarium of the Pacific. I decided to roam around first so I decided to park at the parking building which they charge me $7.00 for a parking.

I walked around and also took pictures of everything beautiful for my eyes. I even walked a little bit at the board walk and see people coming back and forth. I can also see the lighthouse and the Queen Mary ship from the boardwalk.

After a little stroll I decided to eat at the Bubba Shrimp, Co. restaurant because I was starving at that moment. I ordered a seafood bucket of steamed shrimps, crab legs, lobster claw, mussel, and clams with Jasmine rice on the side. It was a very very nice seafood restaurant and the people eating there doesn't even mind how you eat your seafoods.

After eating I decided to walk some more at the boardwalk snapping my iPhone camera for more pictures. Then after I got tired I went to the parking structure and drove back to Los Angeles home.

The traffic at North 405 was very very congested so I decided to take an alternate route through La Cienega Blvd. and making a right at Fairfax Ave. going 10 East highway. When I got at the 10 East  Freeway the traffic was even more congested. It was like a ratrace! But what can I do, that's the more convenient way for me. I eventually got home after fighting myself to get through the traffic again.

When I got home I opened my laptop right away and uploaded all the pictures that I've took to share it to my online friends. It took me several hours to upload because I forgot how to retrieve it from my iPhone so I decided to upload then individually from iPhone.

It was a very awesome Saturday off that I had. I really enjoyed it especially when I was at the landing and at the aquarium. Observing people enjoying the sceneries was really cool to watch. It got me infected!

At least I get to discover another lighthouse which is really my favorate place. It was just a coincidence but I was really happy seeing one. I had some pix collections of it and I cannot trade that collection to anybody else.

It's good that I have enjoyed my Saturday off alone. At least I have amused myself of some beautiful sceneries that are just sitting around the corner which now I know despite I've lived around the vicinity for nine long years.

Had I did n't decide to roam around the downtown Long Beach area I haven't seen all these gorgeous places I 've never seen. At least I've got to explore the allure and beauty of Long Beach. If given a chance to come back here I will probably come back here again with a special someone to enjoy the beauty of nature.

Thank you all for everything and for your continued support for this blog site. From the bottom of my heart thank you very much!

Woke Up Sore

Hello guys. It's Saturday today and I woke up so sore on this very cold Spring morning. I am so sore but it's okay because I deserve it.

I've been hiking for two days already for the first time after three years and yesterday was my rest day. I put up a one day off for a rest because I started to feel sore. I took some pain pills yesterday but when I woke up this morning I still feel sore. Probably it got shocked from too much walking.

I stretched out real good after waking up then I felt good after that. I also took a warm shower to loosen up all my muscles and make it relaxed. It really felt good. Probably I got sore because my room was very cold this morning when I woke up. All the lactic acid was kinda frozen in my muscles and got locked up. After I loosened up everything went fine and the soreness went away like magic. I felt good really!

So today, I planned to do cardio exercises today at the gym to keep my exercise habit that I just restarted this week flowing. Hopefully, this will be a veru good and healthy hobby and not a responsibility although I am still responsible for making a healthy lifestyle.

I felt so accountable in losing weight after putting so much pounds lately. I really have to blame it on myself and no one else. I kind of being lax in doing exercises for three years because I really can't stand the pain after doing them.

Just like yesterday the soreness really killed me. I felt so sleepy during my clinicals and also sore at the same time. It was really embarrassing to my students but I didn't make it so obvious for them to notice. But honestly I really struggled.

Good thing I am off today so I will just do some slight cardio today, eat lite, and study for my neonatal certification to be held on Wednesday. I have to focused studying for the whole day because I will be having another clinical tomorrow and Monday and Tuesday I will just review some of the stuff.

It's good that I have started exercising lately. I went back at my PCP's office yesterday and I picked up the lab results she did during my annual check up. My total cholesterol was slightly up but my individual HDL and LDL are within normal range. It seems that exercise will really help me lower this down. And now, there's no more looking back. Now, I have to maintain this and make it as a hobby. Just like drinking water. Hahaha.

My goal exactly for exercising regularly is to lose weight and live healthy. I hope I can discipline myself for that. And I really have to start it for myslef. I have to really do it on my own and nothing else. And that's the biggest struggle for me right now because I don't have any motivation at all. That's the biggest problem for me.

Cutting on my cravings will be a big struggle, too. I have a sweet tooth and I know it will be a huge struggle to curtail that. That means I really have to stick to my goals and have to give it up fully. I gonna miss cheescakes, mint chips ice cream, diet cokes, coffee and cream, and all the goodies. Waaaah.

Hopefully, I started on the right foot and I will be on the right way. The soreness is just another hindrance for me to really feel the rigors of acchieving a healthy lifestyle. And for sure there will be more challenges ahead. Like I said before, "No pain, no gain" and that really proves that I have to really work it out in order to achieve my very ultimate goals.

There's no easy way towards achieving your goals but everyone must go in the eye of the needle. And we have to really earn it to achieve success after all. Good luck to me!

Hike At The Hills

In as much as I wanted to get healthy I started doing some light exercises like walking. As what the researchers says walking can increase the chances of survival by about forty percent. And it's benefits really can show through increasing cardiovascular function and decreasing weight.

Yesterday, for a start I began walking and hiking at the famous Hollywood Hills. I'd hiked this famous hills before when I first moved here in Los Angeles. So yesterday I began doing it again. Walking is the only means that I can stand aside from running.

I started  parking my car at the base of the Griffith Observatory then walked myself towards the closed road going to the Hollywood sign. I decided to locate the famous sign so I trekked the concrete road towards the west side of the hills where the sign was located.

The road had zigzagged uphill and downhill making me huff and puff occasionally. It was a very exhausting hike and I was really sweating a lot. The weather was a little cool and gloomy with some occasional slight drizzle from time to time. I was geared with my hooded sweater, jogging pants, and a RayBan sunglasses.

I jogged at times and walked when I get tired. I walked and jogged a lot for about two and a half hours. My goal of reaching the sign was not realized at this time because I missed the left turn on a dirt road going to it. Instead I went straight and followed  the concrete road which I presumed ends towards going to Burbank and San Fernando Valley.

When I realized I walked for a long time and had found out that I missed the turn plus it was already getting darker and it will took me another one and a half hour in going back to my car I decided to just go back and planned to come back the next day to fulfill my goal in locating the famous Hollywood sign.

The next day after I got home from my clinicals I geared myself again with a jogging pants and hooded sweatshirt and went back to the hills with the same aim and goal as yesterday feeling confident that I can locate it because I now know where to make the right turn.

I parked my car at the same spot where I parked it a day before then started to walk on the concrete road and made a left turn on the dirt road towards the Hollywood sign. The weather was also the same as yesterday with the occasional peeking of the proud sun from the blue Los Angeles skies. It was a windy day today.

It took me two hours to reach the location. I have to turn around the highest hill in order to reach the place. Along the trek I met some people which I think had the same goal like me. I have to go uphill and downhill until I reached another concrete road with picket fences.

When I went downhill I realized that I was stowing away from the site so I decided to climb up a little plateau. When I got up the plateau there I saw the beautiful site where the famous Hollywood sign was been standing. I then grabbed my iPhone and took some pictures of it.

It was a good feeling to really have realized my goals. Although I had some hindrances yesterday but I didn't gave up my drive to reach and attain it. I even made some alternatives to make it realized.

Just like in real life, whatever goals we had we shouldn't be discouraged whenever there's some hindrances and trials along the way. We have to face everything bravely and never give up to fulfill our goals. For sure there's always some alternatives to attain what you wanted. Use up all your efforts and will in order to be successful in every undertakings that you will have.

Life is always full of ups and downs. There's always some challenges along the way. This happens to strengthen you and make you more bold in facing the realities of life. We should not give up and we should always be determined to aim for the best.

The hike at the Hollywood Hills was a little challenging but I really enjoyed it. Looking at the beautiful sceneries around and enjoying the peace and quiet of the place were among the benefits I can get from doing the hike. It's not just the exercise I can benefit from it but also the allure and the peacefulness of the place. And I liked it!

With my goals of losing weight I really have to exercise religiously so that I can get the benefits of the hiking. Hopefully, I can do this without any fuss and I surely love it despite of the pains I can get from it. From this I can really proved that there's no gain if there's no pain. And that's the lines that will always inspire me and make me determined to do exercising religiously. And this will keep reverberating in my mind everytime I get lazy from doing it or procrastinate.

I think it's high time now for me to be serious about the effect of not exercising. I know I can do it and I can hurdle all the hindrances that come my way. And yes I really can!

No Guts No Glory

Lately, I realized that my weight had ballooned to a 29.1 BMI. It was so alarming because the normal should be between 20 to 25. And I'm slightly over the normal range. Now I am high risk for a coronary artery disease, diabetes mellitus, and stroke. It's a very scary situation!

At forty going forty-one this is very very scary. At a very young age I am slightly overweight for my age. And I really need to lower my weight down as well as my BMI to at least a normal range to keep myself away from being a high risk from the diseases that I just enumerated above.

To start off, my goal number one is to exercise. Exercise will increase the body's metabolism and help degrade the calories that the body had accumulated. But it takes a lot of guts to do this. People just doesn't want to do this because it really gives a toll for the body and the results is not abruptly being seen. It needs to be done religiously to obtain good results. And for me I really don't have the motivation and patience to do it but right now I must do it.

Secondly, I must cut on my diet. So this means no soda, coffee, and sweets for me. I must eat balanced diet which comprise of the three food groups. I must drink plenty of water to flush off the waste out of my systems. What is wrong with me is that I don't have control with the food I put in my mouth. In short I have no discipline in eating and I must stop it as early  as possible. Just because I don't cook, then it's really tempting for me to eat unhealthy foods.

And thirdly, I must take enough sleep and rest. And also stay away from a lot of stressors that contributes for my lack of sleep.With my job full of stress, sleep is very very elusive and evasive. I worked graveyard shift most of the time and sometimes when I go home in the morning it's really hard to fall asleep. The most hours I could clock in to sleep is five hours and I'm happy for that. I'm always falling short in taking enough rest and sleep and I know it's really really bad for the body.

So with all these three goals I really have to put my determination, dedication, and accountability to take care of my health and at least survive longer. And I am not getting any younger anymore. It's only up to me to do it and I must start now. I think that visit with my PCP for an annual check-up had given me an awakening to really take care of myself.

I know I'm still young and had a lot to accomplish. So without taking care of myself I think all the chances and opportunities in store for me will not be claimed. So it's high time now for me to cutback on some things that really contributed for my unhealthy practices and most of them I'd love to do.

This means no more dining out, eating junk foods, getting some sweets, drinking sodas, etc. I must go out there and stretch out and also perspire. I have to get enough sleep and rest and also get rid of the stressors that contribute to my excessive eating and lack of  motivation to exercise. And most importantly I need to drink plenty of water to oxidize and hydrate my body cells.

I must push myself to the limits to attain good results and I have to start right now. Nothing else will encourage and motivate me but I must do it alone by myself. Hopefully, I can do it and I must do it. I hope I have the guts to do it alone. So I need to really work it out there. As what an old adage had said; "If there's no pain, there would be no gain." And that means I have to really sweat it out in order to gain it.

So technically, I have to really have to give it a good try and do my very best shot. And I will keep you updated what will be the result for all my efforts. Watch out you folks!

Vegas Trip 2010

I just got back yesterday from my short break from Las Vegas. Over the weekend I kind of just enjoying everything that Vegas has to offer. It was a very relaxing break though.

My intention of going there was to attend the wedding of my second cousin from Hawaii. Tita Cora had invited me since last year to come over at the wedding so that she can see me and some of our family. It was been thirty years that she haven't seen any of her relatives from my mom's side. And most of my aunts and uncles came over to have a little reunion as well. It was a fun gathering.

I remember when I was little when Tita Cora used to bribe me with coins to just come near her and give her a smack on the cheek. I was a very shy boy then and her impression of me was still the same. Hahaha. I was just kind of embarrass to shine at the wedding that's why I took it to a low profile.

But anyways, the wedding was fun at all. All my relatives and close family were there and we chit-chatted until it ends. It was nice to see a lot of my relatives there and go talk to them about everything. Now I kind of missed them.

I arrived there in Vegas Friday morning then I checked in at Circus-Circus Hotel and relaxed in my room for a little bit. Then in the afternoon I get to roam around and shopped at the Venetian Hotel and also watched the Gondolas floating on the man-made river inside the hotel while waiting for my night's show "The Phantom of the Opera."

The show was very very good. Fantastically and superbly done and very riveting. I loved everything in it. The fall of the chandelier was even spectacular. It was far beyond compare unlike the one in the DVD. All in all my rave is very outstanding and a must-see-epic-show. I would love to watch it over and over again.

My day was also full of unexpected events. I purchased a whole day ticket for the bus fare only to find out that the machine ate up all the bills I've been feeding so it prompted me to call the 1-800 number explaining my dilemma and demanding for a refund. Then I have to buy for a three day bus fare because it is cheaper rather than buying it per day.

Also, I unexpectedly bumped on one of a Passinhon I never imagined I could see in Vegas. Of all places we met each other at Vegas. It was my mom's former elementary student. I didn't even recognized her at all because she changed a lot. Good thing she approached me first. Hadn't she done that I might probably ignored her at all. She was my big sister's best friend, too. What a small world indeed!

I went back to the hotel very tired after having dinner at Grand Lux Resto in Venetian after the show. I slept the whole night unmindful of the gaiety and pomp outside the strip. It was a very tiring long day starting from my short flight from Los Angeles until my shopping spree at the Venetian and watching the opera show. I also bought a pair of Prada reading eyeglasses and a Chelsi 14K gold and Titanium bracelet.

I woke up the next day, which is a Saturday, at around 9 am. I dressed up and left the hotel going to Bellagio to watch the flower exhibit at the conservatory and the dancing fountains there at the front of the hotel. Everytime I go to Vegas I always see to it that I visited the conservatory and the Jean Philippe Pattiserie there.

The conservatory was loaded with a wide array of beautiful and colorful flowers. It was a very spectacular sight. Their theme right now is about Springtime so they showed different kinds of colorful and pretty flowers like the tulips in varying colors, wild poppies, hyacinths, bell flowers, asters, roses, and many more. They also adorned the garden with bronze sculptures of mega-ants, snails, butterflies, bumblebees, frogs, and ladybugs. It was a very good exhibit of flowers and sculptures.

After that I went back to the hotel to take a short nap and waited for the afternoon to get dress for the wedding party. I had a great day watching all the flowers and the dancing fountains at Bellagio Hotel. There's still a lot of people coming back and forth at the strip as I observed despite of the global recession. People just don't care spending so much money as long as they had fun. The gambling industry really never sleeps. Hehehe.

Sunday, was spent going to church then brunch at my favorite restarant owned by my favorite chef from The Food Network Bobby Flay. The Resto's name was Mesa Grill, an infusion of Southern cooking and American cooking. I really enjoyed my drinks and food.

I ordered a Pink Paloma Margarita as my drink, a Gala apple salad mixed with shredded baby spinach tossed in a spicy ranch dressing and spicy avocado sauce, topped with crushed pecans as my appetizer, their basket of bread with a Jalapeno, corn kernel, and sweet pepper biscuit and muffins, and a Southern spicy corn bread, and my entree which is comprised of grilled Mahi-mahi cutlets with a creamy sticky rice Risotto topped with glazed Pineapple chunks and sweet-and-spicy wine and avocado sauce. It was the best brunch I had ever have!

Then in the afternoon I get to do more shopping at the Fashion Show Mall, Forum shopping malls, and Palazzo shopping mall. I ended up window shopping instead rather than do the real shopping. I was wary about my full luggage when I get back to Los Angeles. I only bought some souvenirs for my friends from Los Angeles and tasted some good ice cream cone at the Gellato Ice Cream shop.

Night time I went down at the Circus Circus Casino and gamble a little bit at the Wheel of Fortune roulette and also played a little poker on the slot machine. Although I haven't won any money at least I've enjoyed playing with my twenty dollar bill at the penny slot machine and also sipping some of the free cocktails they offered at the gambling area. My.... it even took me longer to play the twenty dollar bill having won it back then lose it eventually.

Monday morning was all spent packing and figuring out how to fit all the things I bought and the luggage I brought. It was very mind boggling. I spent four days in Vegas but I always stashed a lot of wardrobes during this trip. And some of it I haven't even worn. It was really funny and odd. I was smiling at myself.

The trip back to Los Angeles was again short and I even forgot what airport lot I parked my car. So I asked the bus driver but he didn't even of much help at all. I totally relied on my instinct and good thing I chose the right bus after waiting for thirty to forty minutes deciding on what bus to take. I got home safe after all.

It was a very remarkable short trip to Las Vegas but it's all worth it. It's nice to see families again after some time and also escaped from the hectic hustle and bustle of the Los Angeles mainstream. It was a fun and memorable escapade and I enjoyed it so much. Thank God I am back to Los Angeles safe and sound.

In two weeks time I will embark again for another vacation. This time it is not brief at all. It would be a three week vacation to France and that I cannot wait to take part. I'm all pumped up now and pretty much excited. I don't know what to expect though. Hope all will be well granting my limited French. Hahaha. But my friend Doreen will be there to guide and fill for me.

How convenient at all and I felt lucky after all. Can't wait till that happens.

Mission Accomplished

It was a very hectic day today. I had planned out my goals earlier this morning despite of the nagging headache I got from being up so late but it ends all happily after all.

Yeah, everything that I had set out for today was been done except for the packing for the flight tomorrow. But oh well, that will be taken cared of later. Anyway I only have to stay there for four days without even doing nothing aside from roaming around and enjoying my time away from the heckles of the hectic and busy life in Los Angeles.

The line at the post office earlier was very long, considering that it was the last day for filing the income tax. People were giddily rushing through the windows at the Post Office until the last minute to drop off their tax reviews/returns. It's still be a long day until midnight so I will expect that the line will be more thicker and packed later at night time after office hours. Good thing I was just there to drop off the letter for my 403B company cash distribution form application.

I can't really understand why people waited for the last minute to send their tax returns and suffer the crowded and noisy lobby of the Post Office as well as the adrenaline rush that emanates in that building. It was really unnerving to see people seeing in their haste and looking so harrassed and distressed. It also stressed me out seeing them like that.

First off this morning I passed by the Hollywood Community Hospital to drop my application for the emergency department. Apparently the administrator was out of town so I handed the application to the secretary at the office. I will probably expect him to call me when he gets back.

Then it was lunch time when I left the hospital so I decided to grab some light lunch. I drove about a mile towards east of Sunset Blvd. then made a right to Vermont Avenue going south and stopped at Yoshinoya at the corner of Melrose and Vermont Avenue. I ordered some beef bowl and I blanketed it with some pickled red ginger, sprinkled it with flaked red pepper then ate it heartily just to fill my stomach with the hot food.

After my lunch, I headed about one fifth mile east of Melrose Avenue then made a right on Virgil Street going south passing my previous hospital which is The Shriner's Hospital for Disabled Children then continued driving about one-and-a-half-mile towards east of Wilshire Blvd. then made a right of Westlake Street and turned left on 7th Street to drop off my bills at the Post Office station there near Burlington Street.

After dropping off the payments I headed east of 8th Street passing the alley from the Post Office then continued driving about two miles towards downtown Los Angeles and headed to California Hospital Medical Center. I spotted a parking at the curbside in Hope Street and dropped some coins in the meter.

I walked towards the Human Resources after that then handed my Cash Distribution Form for my 403B application to be signed by the recruiting officer. I waited for about two minutes at the office and then the secretary came out to give me back the form signed by the officer. I was very very happy that I had accomplished one of my goal that day. All I needed to do is to fax it later then drop it off again at the Post Office.

After leaving the Human Resources I then headed south of Hope Street then made a right west of Venice Blvd. going to Wilshire area for about thre miles then made a right on Hoover Street going north towards La Fayette Park then made a right again on 7th Street going Vermont Avenue then passed by at Newberry Watch Shop in Shatto Place where my friend Bobby is working.

I went in the shop and saw my friend Bobby working at that time. I talked to him a little bit and asked him if he can change the battery of my Tag Heuer and Movado watch that I needed to wear during the wedding. He eagerly said yes then I waited for a little half an hour for him to do it.

I chatted with him a little bit after he did it then I left the shop and went home because I needed to fax the letter cash distribution form at the AIG-Valic office in Amarillo, TX then after that copy the forms and mail it to them so I left again at the apartment and drop the letter at the nearby Post Office between 3rd Street and Western Avenue.

After I dropped off the letter I passed by at my favorite Korean Bakery near the Post Office in Western Avenue called Paris Baguette and bought my favorite sandwiches like the California roll croisant sandwich and the Tuna salad sandwich. Apparently they don't have my most crave Chicken salad sandwich so I chose to try their Hotdog pizza bread which was also very delicious.

I went home after that then started to do my  laundry and while washing here I am blogging all my accomplished goals for today. Yay!

I can't really wait for my itenirary tomorrow in Las Vegas. I texted my friend Joan to meet me up at the hotel so hopefully she'll show up at there. Looking forward for my weekend getaway in Vegas!

I won't be bringing my laptop so no blogging for the whole weekend for me. Sorry! Will resume on Monday when I get back. Hope I can still remember all the happenings that will happen there. I promise to take notes then typed it down here. Bye for now!

Running Errands

Good morning! I woke up a little groggy today. I have trouble sleeping last night so I have to come up with a freestyle poem instead of just dawdling inside my room. It was a productive night. I barely had slept for six hours and I have to get up to move my car outside because it's street cleaning day and I don't want to get a ticket.

I parked my car behind my landlord's truck at the driveway and that munchkin had parked his truck in such a way that I will sandwich the other car that was parked on the lawn. Hopefully, the guy upstairs will not leave ahead of me or else I have to get up again and move my car to make way for the guy's upstairs car. Aaaah.

I have a lot of errands to do today before I leave tomorrow morning to Las Vegas for my second cousin's wedding on Saturday. I have to go to the Human Resource to have my AIG 403B withdrawal form signed before I ran out of funds while waiting for my vacation and for another job. In as much as I don't want to withdraw the money but I have to for emergency use because I will be gone for a three week vacation to France.

I mean I still have enough funds until the vacation and this withdrawal is just for a spare money. I know I will get taxed for it but I don't really have a stable job right now to maintain it. Plus the fact that my Fidelity funds was still standing somewhere. I just don't want to juggle two 403Bs and keep maintaining them both at this very unstable situation of the economy. At least the resignation had allowed me to withdraw the other one from AIG. I just don't want to risk it from that company judging with their reputation years ago.

After I will have the withdrawal form signed today I will have to fax it to them then just wait for the check to be mailed in a weeks time. Hopefully, I can find a job by the time the funds will ran out although I still have the job at the school but it's not really helping me out with regards to paying my mortgages for the two condominiums I bought in the Philippines.

Today is the last day of filing income tax. Good thing I had mailed mine the other day and not suffer the long line at the post office until midnight. I just don't want to get stressed until the last minute so I mailed mine ahead of time.

Well, I have to pay an enormous amount this year and I wasn't even prepared to pay it because the money I had stashed for that was been touched for my mom's funeral last year but although I had saved a little bit to pay half of it so I opted to just withdraw that 403B from AIG for a back-up plan and will just have to worry for the other one next year. It's just a back-up plan and if I won't touch the money then that will go for the one next year, hopefully.

It really requires a lot of deep thinking on how to juggle my money lately. I just don't want to get zeroed out and act so late then get panicked after that. It's not my forte. I just don't want to make mistakes on this one because it's not something to really set aside. I really have to prepare for it just in case.

Can't wait to unwind this weekend in Las Vegas. At least I get to watch the Phantom of the Opera and meet some close friends there. Hopefully, I got to see some of my nice and beautiful my cousins, too, at the wedding. Can't wait to see everyone!

I will missed Jennifer's birthday though but the gang will plan another get together for her when I come back next week so I hope Jennifer will not get mad at me at all for stalling her on her birthday. I will call George to let me know what's their plan for her next week and will just let me tag along.

I will also pick-up my shirts and suit that I left at the dry cleaning shop last Friday so that I can bring that and include it in my packing tonight. And also I have to do some laundry for my scrubs and bed sheets. A lot to accomplish before I leave for my weekend getaway. Good thing I am not working lately.

I also have to drop off my application form at Hollywood Community Hospital which is one of my prospect to work at. If they call me first then I will accept it. It's just the closest for me lately. I never imagined it was actually like blocks from my place. But I doubt it if they will call me, but oh well.

I still have to do my online payments for my bills and get the peace of mind and will be free of worries when I unwind this weekend in Las Vegas. At least doing some online payment, although it is not safe nowadays to do it, will save me a trip or two to the post office. Thank God for the internet!

So much to do today with only twenty four hours to go. I still feel tired and groggy from last night's being up and I have to fulfill and accomplish all these errands today or else I have to suffer the consequences of procrastinating and I don't want that to happen to me at all.

Hopefully, I can do it slowly but surely and everything will do well. Crossing my fingers and toes. Can I really cross my toes, too? Hahaha.

Freestyle Poem

I really couldn't sleep tonight and I have a lot inside my head. Sleep is not that forthcoming so I started to scribble and write an impromptu poem about what I really feel inside.

I didn't know I had come up with this inspirational poem. It really motivated me to create it although it doesn't really sound like a professional one at least I tried my best to come up with one. I am really proud of myself. Expressing what I felt is really the great inspiration I had come up with it. Yay!

       
         ~~~~ Retrospection ~~~~

As I was lying alone here on my soft bed,
I am thinking so hard and kind of worried;
Something had really bothered me lately,
Where sleep is not even evident currently.

I don’t know what to expect tomorrow,
As I am awaiting for my fate with sorrow,
I really regretted what I had done before,
That’s the past, now I have to open the door.

I have to keep a chance for opportunities,
And make amends for any possibilities;
Life has to go on and will never stop,
I must actively get out there and not mope.

It is really scary and intimidating out there;
I really felt little and embarrass further,
My confidence was even reduced a bit,
And now I felt like a coward with a fit.

Sometimes I can’t help getting paranoid,
With all that happened I felt so void;
I really missed all those that took part,
Making life close and dear to my heart.

Hopefully I can boldly come back to my past,
And make amends so that happiness will last,
Maybe I can muster the courage to face reality,
So that I can have closure and feel serenity.

Aaaah… life is really too short to fathom;
Bringing myself safely close to home.
And soul searching for some inner peace,
Had given me a chance to unwind and release.

As I close my droopy eyes to sleep tonight,
And as I gradually drift to dream and keep my flight,
I will be brought to a safe place where I can forget,
All the worries and hang-ups life can easily get.

Yeah…. what a great feeling will be honestly,
To even dream of such things good and lovely;
I am really proud of my own self in such a way,
That life was indeed not that very cruel at bay.

I hope this inspired you a lot. I didn't know I had that talent to come up with a freestyle poem. It was just a spur of the moment idea and I don't know if I made sense here. At least I had expressed my feelings, emotions, and ideas here and share it to all my avid followers.

Am I getting inspired to write this poem? I think nope...... I think I was just a little frustrated about life that's why I had come up with such idea judging with the essence of what I wrote.

Anyways, whatever I come up in this freestyle poem hope you did enjoyed it. Thank you for reading and understanding it. Now I'm blushing. Hehehe.

Weird Cravings

Had it occured to you to crave for something in the middle of the night? And if you can't get it during that time you had a feeling of impending doom that life will had to end. Hahaha. That was kind of funny and crazy but I was like that last night.

My appetite sometimes is very weird. I have some inclinations to crave for something unhealthy and sometimes I have no appetite at all and not ate for two or three consecutive days except drank plenty of water.

Living alone was so tough and home cooking for my self was very very challenging. Sometimes I just have to eat the food that I cooked once then some of it goes to the trash. It's just a waste of time and money per se. It wasn't really reasonable to do it.

Yesterday I had not ate for two days and I woke up in the middle of the night craving for doughnuts and malt shakes. I really felt that I was shaking and trembling heavily during that time and felt that the world will have to end if I cannot have those two items in front of me immediately.

And where the hell I can get those two items on the wee hours of three o'clock in the morning? I immediately got up of bed and changed my pajamas then drove all the way to Vermont Avenue and 5th Street because I remember there was a 24-hour Burger King there at the corner.

When I get to the corner of both streets I had proven myself that I was right. I drove myself into the drive thru and ordered a super size malt shake. My hands were already shaking when I was paying the guy at the window but I didn't made it obvious.

I wasn't so oblivious of the raucous laughters of the guys from the next car at the drive thru. My goal that time was to just get my malt shake and leave the vicinity.

When I got my order I grabbed it aggressively then slurped it so eagerly right away. It really tasted so delicious and I felt very very good and satisfied after that. I can taste the sweetness and creaminess of the ice cream and the malt sliding smoothly on my throat. I felt I was in cloud nine at that moment. And I also felt I was in a high trance and had felt so stoned and stoked out.

I then left the drive thru and headed north of New Hampshire Avenue towards 6th Street where the Vietnamese doughnut shop that I sometimes frequented was located. I parked at the curb near the corner street almost fifty feet from the shop and walked slowly towards it slurping with my malt shake on hand.

The store was open 24 hours and it was teeming with sleepy policemen, wide-awake truck drivers, and soporific revelers and locals who were sipping hot coffee and eating glaced doughnuts to charged them up, got them wired up, and filled their sweet tooth.

I ordered two glaced doughnuts and a couple of  apple strudels. My mouth was already watering when I was ordering the treats and had been licking my lips oftentimes to abate the salivation and drooling from my cravings but I can't help myself but to continue slurping the malt shake that I am holding on my right hand.

It was funny though because I was really really trembling now probably because of the sugar rush that the malt shake had caused within me or was it just the hypoglycemic effect of having no food for two days. Good thing I didn't passed out at that doughnut shop during that time.

When I got my doughnuts and strudels I immediately left the shop and walked  myself fast towards my car that had parked at the curb in the corner street. I immediately took out the apple strudel and hungrily devour it up to the last crumbs carefully licking all my fingers with the melted sugar that coated them. It was heaven!

I don't care how many calories I had downed that time because I felt so relieved after that. All the shaking and trembling were all gone. Thank God! Sigh.

My ultimate goal was just to quench my cravings for the malt shake and the doughnuts. That's all and nothing else. And I loved it so much!

Will To Make A Change

I was kind of thinking blogging in Tagalog right now. Tagalog is the national languange of the Philippines and Ilonggo or Kinaray-a is my dialect.

I kinda missed my roots although Tagalog is not my native tongue. I speak Ilonggo specifically Kinaray-a, a dialect from the central part of the Philippines, west of Panay island, a province called Iloilo. Although I can juggle speaking and writing in Tagalog and Kinaray-a yet I have to be wary of my wide array of readers here.

Medyo masaku gid ako subong. After nga nag-resign ako sa hospital because I got fed up with the patient's parents in the Pediatric floor, ari na naman ako nagapangalap sang bag-o ko nga specialty. Medyo nabudlayan man ako pangita pero I have to face the consequences of my actions. Medyo naga-sakit man ang buot ko nga mabalhin sang specialization ko pero I have to para may challenge man ang akon pangabuhi.

After working for so many years in Pediatrics maybe I needed a grand change. Kaya heto na ang aking pinaka-bonggang-bonggang decision. And I have to face the music, as what an old adage said. Wala na yatang atrasan to. Datapwat nag-desisyon na akong magpalit ng specialty then I have to stand for it.

Sa ngayon medyo kinukumpleto ko pa ang aking mga certifications. Ilan lang sa mga ito ang kailangan ko just in case na tawagan ako sa nursing registry na aking inap-playan noong isang linggo.

Katatapos ko lang mag-pacertify sa aking ACLS for adults then I still need to do my NRP for the babies at the end of the month. At least meron na akong PALS para sa children. So whenever the job calls for me I have the necessary papers and certifications to show. Medyo mahirap lang nga kasi I have to spare one day for the class pero enjoy naman kasi nakakapag-aral ako.

Well, everyday is a learning process at parang walang katapusang aral na yata ito. Ganun talaga siguro pag nagpapalit ng specialty. Kaya hayan, gusto kasi ng challenge kaya hayan ang aking napala. Ang arte ko kasi eh. Pero okay lang at least medyo natauhan ako at nauntog. Hindi ko alam marami pa pala akong dapat malaman.

Hindi kesyo napasubo na ako eh basta basta ko na lang iluluwa ito na para bang mainit na kanin. Hindi naman tama yata ito. I'll just have to probably face the music and the consequences of my premature decisions.

Indi man gid it mabudlay basta nakabasa lang pirme. Amo gid na ya kon may pangabuhi. We always learn alot everyday and we should never give up and stop learning. Makapoy lang galing pero mas challenging and exciting ang dating. Daw indi gawa boring. Hehehe.

I really tried to mixed all my languanges and dialects here coz I can really express it better what I really felt today. What I really need is to pour out all my pains and aches here. Daw malupok na ako nga bulkan subong pero ginapunggan ko lang. Indi man ko kahibi kay wala man ko it ihibi.

For those who continued supporting this blog just pardon me for this one. I know it really amazed you or even surprised you why I did it. Well, it's just my way of expressing myself in an emotinal way. It's just very therapetic for me right now. Sorry for the inconvenience!

My life is kinda confusing right now because of my soul searching. I harriedly forced myself to resign at my hospital job because I got fed up already after working for so many years. My life seems so void all those years although I liked that job a lot but it's just like that I just can't work well with people who doesn't even show emotional and social support in the job. As if I am working alone there. As if the people I worked with just go to work for money and not for service to the children.

I am now scouting for some hospitals right now preferably to give me fulfillment emotionally and psychologically. Hopefully, I can find one. I am always superstitious that it will come at the right time and place. I just have to search and wait for it. Although I am trying my best to go out there and look for some prospective employer to hire me and give me good answers to all my questions.

It's funny though because I am the one asking what they can offer me and not them asking me what I can offer them. I have to tell you that I am the one who's soul searching not the hospital searching for employees. I mean, may be it's high time now for me to find my satisfaction in my job.

I've been to a lot of working situations but I never been satisfied emotionally and psychologically. I don't know why? May be because I am always misunderstood all the time. Except may be for some few people whom I met and who can understand me deep within.

Daw kabug-at man nga sagi gitgit sang akon kaugalingon kon wala man lang sang naka-intiende sa akon sa obra. Daw tuod lang gid ako nga naga-obra tapos wala man lang sang naga-pansin sa akon. Daw hangag lang gid kag buang ako nga nagapakadto pabalik sa hallway tapos kon sila gani may kinahanglan sa akon amo na ina ang pagbugno nila sa akon. Pero kon ako gani gakinahanglan sang ila bulig indi ko sila mahagilap.

Ambot ah.... ngaa may mga tawo nga amo sina sa kalibutan. Hindi ko talaga lubos maisip. I just couldn't fathom why there's always people who always takes advantage of somebody and anybody else. It's very ironic to know some.

Oh well..... I always have a will to change and I have to just live up with my words. I know God will always be there and will never leave me in times of my needs and adversities. Life.... is always full of surprises and we never know what will happen next.

It's just up to us to be careful and watch out for what will come up.... and be prepared for the worse to happen. Always expect the bad to happen anytime and willfully learn from it. Good luck to me instead!

Goodbye Batch 7

After covering Batch 7 midway their 3rd term and the whole of 4th term I will sadly missed them. Their laughters, their fun, their being so loud, and most of all their friendship. It was almost five very long months that I had them and honestly I had grow fond of them.

Eventhough I am not approved of their being so loud this group has a very distinct laughter that I couldn't forget. It even go through one of my dreams. I can even hear them when I go to sleep. It was very odd but it's true.

I hope I had guided them during their learning process in the clinicals and for sure I felt that I did my best to have them witnessed a baby being delivered and also explained them what they needed to learn in Maternity and Neonatology. I even showed them how to calculate gestational age and assessed a normal and stable newborn baby.

I am also certain that each and everyone of them had witnessed a delivery and had mastered the art of passing medications and doing activity of daily living or what we usually call ADLs. Now I am very confident that they know how to compute complex medication dosages including computing pediatric dosages and percentages in mixing intravenous fluids and medications.

I also had helped and assisted them in outlining their individual case study for their school's exit case presentation and had guided them do their Powerpoint presentations. And I am very confident that they will come out victorious and successful next Sunday on April 18th during the big day for their case presentation.

I will miss Denise's enormous and contagious laughter, Daniel's cocky but confident attitude, Jorge's wittiness and excellent leadership, Betty's annoying questions and interrupting attitude although she is greatly loved by everybody especially by me, Teresa's silent personality, Aloha's unmindful and carefree attitude, Rhea's offensive and funny remarks, Jasmin's inner confidence, Sheryl P's infectious smile and giggles, Sheryll F's thought provoking quietness, Gene's questionable oddity, Xenia's smart moves and natural  intelligence, Dan's expertise and connoisseur in iPhone and other gadgets, Abbhie's unwarranted tardiness and homecooked food, and Anna's defensive and protective attitude. These students will be forever be missed by me.

Every journey has to end and it is unfortunate to have come to this very part. I know this is not the end for us but a new beginning for another challenging life. I hope everything that you've learned will stay with you forever and that you will put it into practice as you embark on your new jobs later on.

I hope they will study better for their ATI review and will successfully pass their ATI exit exams. And I will be one proud instructor if they will do it. They will not just make me happy but also will make me satisfied and fulfilled. At least all my efforts of teaching them what they needed to learn will not go in vain.

Way to go Batch 7! Thank you for your company every Sunday for the past five months. You're all will be missed by me. Good bye and good luck on your future plans and undertakings! Thanks a lot!

Resignation Letter

Here's the excerpt of my resignation letter that I submitted to my Nurse Manager last Monday. It was a very poignant letter and a very emotional one. I hope I had touched every inner points I wanted to delve and hope I said it with much gratitude and without bitterness.

And here it goes:

April 5, 2010

Ms. Patricia Britt RN, BSN
Nurse Manager
Pediatrics and Couplet Care
California Hospital Medical Center


Ma’am:

Good day!

I would like to tender my official resignation today as a Registered Nurse at the Pediatric Floor, 6th West because it seems that it is not safe for me to work there anymore because of some inevitable issues and unfortunate situations that had happened lately.

I decided to just resign effective immediately to protect my long standing professional reputation that I had built for so many years and the time I had invested working (almost seven years of good and educational experiences) in California Hospital Medical Center Pediatric Unit. I just don’t want to taint it with just a little mistake (although no one is perfect) and suffer looking for/with my other nursing opportunities after I leave this prestigious hospital I served for a long time.

I also felt that my cultural upbringing and hearing problems was always misunderstood by others as a negative factor which I admit had contributed greatly to my timid personality. Honestly, I am very embarrassed of my hearing defect and imperfection which is beyond my control. I am always wary that I will be misunderstood because of that. In addition, I perceived that my sexual orientation was also misunderstood by my co-workers, doctors, patients, and parents. This always had stressed me out because I see it difficult why other people couldn’t understand me.

I always see to it that my work in Pediatrics will always come out perfectly done because I myself is a naturally perfectionist but it seems that all my efforts are not being appreciated well. I sometimes heard some blunt comments that are not really a threat to my patient care which really irked me sometimes but oh well it’s their opinion and I take that as a lesson or constructive criticism. I couldn’t please people all the time although I made my best effort already to please them. And this made me feel not appreciated at all.

I always see to it that my patient’s safety is not always compromised and is of prime importance and that they will leave the unit happy and satisfied. I am always fulfilled hearing some good and uplifting comments from my patient’s folks and significant others and that always cheered me up in bringing the best in me and the best care out of me and giving them excellent compassionate care which is one of the main goal of the hospital. And I am always happy to be a part of this big team.

My stay in Pediatrics for almost seven years is very memorable and unforgettable. I will miss Dr. Beesley's early morning rounds, the resident doctor's constant nagging questions, Val’s cake, cookies and paperbacks, Jan’s excellent cooking treats, Ginny’s motherly figure, Ate Loida’s calm company and sisterly love, Ate Julie’s infectious laugh and motherly advice, Winnie’s vibrant personality, Rose’s and Janette’s kind understanding about my personality (they’re the ones who appreciates me a lot and also Loida), Shirley’s infectious reading habits, and everybody’s camaraderie and friendship and most of all your compassionate care, unconditional love, and touching regard for us as our Nurse Manager. (You are the best Nurse Manager I ever had.) And you are all have shaped me professionally and made me a better compassionate male nurse. I will miss you all wherever I go! I will also miss doing and typing the assignment sheets and making it tucked and neat all the time.

I hope that as I leave the unit I haven’t created any hard feelings to all my co-workers. If there is any please pardon me for doing so. I hope that they will stay truthful, lovable (of course beautiful), compassionate, and caring nurses. I always admire the good spirits that exudes in the unit and for me this is the best unit I’ve ever worked with.

My heart will be crushed to leave this facility but I have to. I think it’s time for me to make a change in my life and explore more opportunities and avenues in store for me in the very broad field of Nursing. Albeit, I really thank you so much for giving me the best experience in my entire nursing career and the opportunity to work with such a great and lovable in the Pediatric Floor and what a great team they are. I will miss each and every one of you as I leave peacefully.

Thank you very much for everything. My sincerest goodbye to each and every one of you! Mwah!


Truthfully and respectfully yours,
Antonio A. P. Palomo RN, BSN

As I embark on a new specialty (I wish to get an emergency room experience) I hope luck will be on my side. And I hope I will learn a lot from the new job that I will get. I can't wait till I will have another job and get the most experience that I need. Hopefully, everything will be all right. Please help me God!

P.S.

Here's my Nurse Manager's response about this letter.

Tony,

It has been a pleasure working with you. I regret you had to resign from your position. Feel free to call me at any time or to use me as a reference if you need me. The best of luck to you and I know you will be successful in your career.

Pat

And here's my Nurse Supervisor's response after I emailed her to give the letter to my Nurse Manager.

Tonee,

It is with great sadness that I read this letter. You will be missed greatly. I truly have enjoyed working with you. You always made me smile and laugh. I feel so badly for the situation that happened.

Please keep in touch and I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

Val

.......... at least I still could feel that there's these two people that still love me despite of my drastic decision. I hope to see them again in the future. Thank you to both of you.

Job Hunting

It's been a week now since I resigned from my hospital job. I haven't got some calls yet among the hospitals that I had applied online. I had filled-up some applications online for at least seven big hospitals all around Los Angeles and Long Beach area and until now I haven't had any responses yet.

I am still waiting patiently until I will get the call. The one in Long Beach Memorial Medical Center was my target because of the ER opportunities and experiences that was in store. My  second cousin's wife was the assistant night manager there so I am hoping that she will help me out. I called her to just follow-up my application and she said she will. I am crossing my fingers that I will get the job. All I need is just a little patience.

I felt so bored today at home so I decided to call the nursing registry that I called earlier this week telling them that I am coming to the office to submit some of my credentials for record keeping just in case there is a good opportunity for registry nurses in the Los Angeles, Orange County, and Long Beach area. I will just keep this registry job for the meantime while waiting for a better hospital to respond from my online applications.

Anyway, I had still kept my job at the school. At least I have some steady hours there and also some steady income for the moment while waiting for the very important and most awaited call. Thank God I am still tied with the school. At least my financial resources was still at the safe side.

This coming May I will embark a three week vacation to France. Finally, this long awaited vacation will be pushed through after it got postponed last year when my mom passed away. I have to voluntarily postpone it in observance of my mourning and grieving during my mom's wake. Now, it has to be done or else I will have to forfeit the ticket.

What I am wary about is that what if the hospitals will call me when I was in the middle of my vacation to France. I hope they will just call me before I will leave for vacation so that I can negotiate with them to let me go vacation first before starting for my job orientation. I hope they will understand. Hopefully, I will be going without even thinking any worries of my forthcoming job.

Hunting for jobs nowadays is very hard and tough. In as much as I don't want to leave my previous hospital job I just can't help it because I have to or else I will be dipped in hot waters or much more be in trouble. Things nowadays in any jobs are not that safe and secure eventhough how careful you are. Some people will eventually have to find ways to really put you down.

Good thing I was that strong enough to just swallow my pride or ego and quietly and peacefully exited the door. I know there are always a wide array of opportunities out there waiting for me. And for sure God will not leave me at all.

And I know I can make it and will make it even more challenging, unforgettable, and educational. Thank God I have this courage to muster what odds will be waiting for me. It takes a lot of guts to face everything. It really scares me but what can I do I have to face the odds.

Hopefully all is well and everything will be all right. I just submitted all my requirements at the nursing registry pending my physical, chest x-ray, and drug screen. Hopefully, it will be a smooth sailing opportunity for me out there.

I did this kind of registry job before. I liked it so much and it's very challenging although there is no stability and security with this type of job because you don't know if you'll get called or not. But I hope and pray that  everything will be away from harm's way.

It's tough out there but I have to face it. For sure, this will make me even stronger, confident, and more experienced. Whatever opportunities I can meet I hope I will learn from them. Life is always a challenge and we never stop to learn from our everyday endeavor.

Happy First Anniversary

Yeah! My blog site is on it's first year now and still standing strong. Although, now I seldom blog that often but I still keep it really working and existing eventhough I blogged that sporadically.

Lately, things at work were in hot waters. I have to resign with my hospital job at the Pediatric Unit because of some unfortunate situations. Oh well, it's a very long story. I remember blogging all my frustrations about that job. And I really poured out my emotions that time.

Now, it's official that I have to gave it up and look for a more challenging and rewarding job for me. It's just that I felt that my efforts of performing my job very well was not even appreciated and I tend to get criticized even with small mistakes which is beyond my control. I don't know, there's always people who always look for some loopholes to put me down.

It was just an unfortunate thing to happen to me although I am not the only one doing it. I think it's better to bury it and not be bitter. There's still more opportunities for me out there. That's why I resigned and leave peacefully rather than facing the danger of getting terminated. I hope it's the right decision for me and I hope God will be with me as I look for some good and interesting opportunities for me out there.

Ah well, so much for that unfortunate thing. Now more challenges had been waiting for me out there. Same thing with this blog site I had put in last year on Easter Day.

Yeah.... Easter had passed already and as promised God had come back to redeem us from sin. And I hope this blog site will thrive longer as I kept it updated and well maintained with some new ideas and innovations about my literary prowess and talents. I tend to improved my grammar better and had amazed myself to come up with some nice ideas sometimes odd ones and it was very uplifting to have come up some.

As I face the new challenges in looking for a new hospital job I will also face some challenges in picking up some topics and ideas on what to blog here. But mostly, my goal of writing something about life and inspirations about my daily routines will be included for sure. That's why this blog was been set-up in the first place.

It's really a very inspiring thing to do and a very challenging thing to come up with some creativity in writing various ideas and topics and I really love it. I hope you all enjoyed it, too.

Whatever the challenges maybe I am always ready to face it and learn from it and from every mistakes I made. For there is no better teacher other than our experiences and mistakes. Granting we are all responsible adults for sure we always remember our own weaknesses which even inspire us to be a more stronger person.

Life is always a challenge and we have to arm ourselves with the tenacity to face every adversaries we may meet along the way. With this we can be a more stronger person compared to before. It will shape us and mold us to be more mature and experienced in our own chosen fields of endeavors.

Kudos to my blog site..... and Happy Anniversary! May you thrive for more longer years and will post more blogs for my wide array of readers of all sorts of life. Thanks for your continued patronage and pray for me to come up for some more interesting ideas for us to enjoy.

Happy Easter everyone and more power to this blog site. Cheers and once again Happy First Year Anniversary!