Twist of Fate

Wow..... I can't believe it. The previous days I was been blogging about my frustrations with my orientation at my new job which made me so depressed and troubled. Now I felt all relieved and a little bit off the hook. Yay!

What had happened last night was a total miracle. I went to work yesterday driving so troubled because of the treatment to me by my primary preceptor the previous days of my orientation which is so below the waste and condescending.

I felt I was a worthless shit in front of her but I still held on and did not retaliate at her because I don't want to look unprofessional to her and to the staff around and display an attitude of dissension.

Instead I displayed a personality of calmness and humility and prayed to God that I can hold on all through out the course of my orientation. I looked like a puppy being abused and yelled at to do her bag of tricks while other people are watching and listening. It was very belittling, embarrassing, disgraceful, and degrading.

One of the core staff I was very close with had seen and heard her last night shouting at me in a condescending way so this friend of mine had spoke to her in a nice and calm manner to just be easy in orienting and dealing with me and I don't know what had happened next.

My friend had consoled and advised me to be strong and not to give up that easily. I was about to burst into tears in front of her but I held it and just gestured at her that it really hurts deep in me and that I'm exploding deep inside. She then hugged me tightly and whispered to me that she'll be there to take care of me as long as I won't give up the fight.

I told her that this is what I've like to do and I won't ever give up from where I started and she was happy and reassured to know and hear that. She then told me that she knew my flight and struggles and she will be willing to help me all the time. I thanked her sincerely after that and I was so thankful and relieved that I still had somebody to lean on in times of troubled moments.

I really believed that God had answered my fervent prayers because aside from that another incident had happened last night which I think had influenced to mellowed down my primary preceptor's attitude and approach in dealing and teaching me.

Amidst the busy night and the crazy hustle and bustle in the emergency room I didn't know that God is always working on my side. I was doing my assessment on this OB case and by the time I was putting all my necessary data and assessments on the computer my preceptor had questioned some of my charted informations.

I told her that that was the information given to me by my patient but she refused to believe me and told me in a loud voice letting all of the staff around to hear that I am not doing my assessment well as if I am very irresponsible in getting my data and that I am a dumb nurse who doesn't know what I'm doing. She was very furious at me.

I just kept quiet, stayed calm, just listened at her talking crap at me, and let her yapping and yacking until she's finished and then I just went back calmly to the room and asked the patient the same information again to clarify.

I didn't know that the patient overheard the commotion outside and she was very mad and upset at the situation. She told me that this has to stop and end. I didn't know that she was listening at how my preceptor had been treating me and she knows that I was just so mum and professional about it.

She told me that all the information I've gotten from her were the right ones. She then stand up out of the gurney and walked slowly limping outside to the station to talk to my preceptor and then all I have heard was she's already arguing with my preceptor which I don't have any idea at all what they were talking about. I was left stunned and shocked in the room.

When the patient came back to the room she told me that she works in the medical field and she had noticed that my preceptor was not treating me right so she made the move to go to the station and told her about it which I think had mellowed her out after that all through out the night.

I then thanked the patient for doing it for me and we became close at that moment. She even let me do all the procedures that was needed to be done to her including catheterizing her for a urine specimen.

And the rest of the night was been very peaceful and there were no shouting and yelling anymore. My preceptor had been talking to me in a calm way, was been smiling at me instead of being grouchy, was been patting my back at times, and was also been laughing and joking with me at times.

It was a total twist of fate and I myself was been amazed and shocked at what had happened. I don't know what I did to that OB patient and she took the initiative to help me. I didn't know what my close friend had told my preceptor which changed her approach it teaching me.

But all of these had happened in just one night which made my primary preceptor's change of heart still a big puzzle to me. It was extremely mesmerizing and I couldn't believe what I've seen, heard, and felt that time. I was so relieved and was candidly bursting with joy inside me the moment I closed my shift.

My contemplations of giving up my orientation was then been set aside and now I know everything will be all right. Although I still be on a very challenging orientation for another month at least my feeling of dread, troubled anticipation, and marked depression will be that less evident anymore because of my preceptor's change of approach in teaching me as well as her unbelievable change of heart.

It takes a good personality to provoke people to help me and I've seen it working miraculously last night. I know GOD really works in mysterious places and time and I know HE always answered all my fervent prayers last night. I know HE won't leave me there with a crushed and downtrodden heart and I know HE's always good to me all the time despite of my sins.

Thank you Lord for always being there all the time. You've brought me a lot of Hope, Light, and Encouragement in continuing my journey to work in the Emergency Room to touch other people's lives and to heal other people's infirmities. I love you with all my heart!