Low Down

Well, it seems that I have faced the most lowest point in my life. A dilemma I couldn't forget or shall I say a big fiasco I was in. But nah.... I think this is just another trial that God had given me to test my faith and my self as to how I handle stress in a healthy way.

Yes.... lately my life was in a low down for weeks. I had struggled a lot in my orientation at the hospital. My preceptor was been very mean and unprofessional with me. I should have listened to my gut feelings before to opt her out but I was a fool believing that she will change. That was the biggest mistake I made. And now.... I have to suffer for the wrong decision I made.

Yesterday.... was the lowest point of my life. I wanted to cry but I couldn't cry. I was so numb and so angered at myself for letting it happen to me. There was no time to blame myself because it's already too late. They had axed me at work after my probationary period.

My preceptor had lied in her evaluation for me and manipulated my manager that I am not competent to be an ER nurse. That I am not using my intuition in assessing my patients and that I don't have any critical thinking skills.

Well, that's her opinion and she really made her power to have me fired and terminated. That was the saddest moment of my life. I did explained myself to my manager and had told her that she only heard one side of the story but it wa too late now. My explanations wasn't heard and the verdict was been served.

I remembered to calm down my self and just accept the fact that it's useless to have myself explained to them. I prayed to God that maybe this was the sign that he gave me when I asked Him to give me one. There's a lot of maybes that had been playing in my mind and it rendered me numb and thick to accept my defeat.

One of the maybes I thought was that maybe God just doesn't want me to endure and suffer more embarrassment with my preceptor, that maybe God doesn't want me to work in that extremely stressful environment, that maybe God has something big in store for me and a lot of maybes I can think of.

It really hurt..... but I have to accept the facts although it is not true. I've been to a lot of test and adversities but to me this is the most hurtful one. It was a big challenge to me yet I know a lot to learn from it.

I was stripped of my right and I let them stepped on me. It was very painful and I am angry at myself. I remember the story of Job in the Bible and I equated myself to him who was stripped of his dignity yet was still humble and did not denounce his faith with God. And God had rewarded Him enormously in the end.

I don't know what will happen to me after yesterday yet I am still hopeful that everything will be all right. I still believe that the sun will always shine behind the dark clouds and when that happens there I can see redeeming myself from embarrassment, hurt, and anger.

I won't say anything bad to my detractors for I know that someday karma will claim them for what they did to me. There's always the right time for redemption and I know God is not sleeping.

I thank God that He still loves me because He was always there for me making me strong and keeping me warmed with His Holy Spirit to not give up with my plight and journey.

I remember my mother telling me to just laugh at my low downs and think that it was just a test given to me by God. She told me that God doesn't give us trials that we could not handle and I think she is always right on this aspect. Thanks mom for giving me hopes to redeem and reclaim myself.

For sure life is always a mixture of sweet and bitter experiences which gave us intimate lessons that we could leave as a legacy when we will perish from this earth. And this experiences will always determine for what we are whether we can be strong or weak. And it holds true to me because of my foundation build up by my parents.

Never in my entire life that I gave up in every adversities I've encountered. I always been a fighter in my life and I know I can surpassed my trials in any means. That's why I always thrive on my own all the time.

Although I did not say that I can do it alone because I know I still need the support of my friends and my families in continuing my fight and my journey in the zigzagged road to a fulfilling life.

Thank you Lord for giving me strength in facing my failures and loving myself above all. Life is not that easy..... we always have to pass in the eye of a needle in order to have satisfaction, fulfillment, and success in life.