A Blessing Or A Curse

Well, since I resigned from my hospital job my life was been turned upside down. I don't know if my impulsive behavior to resign last April was been a blessing or a curse.

Ever since I gave up my hospital job it's really not easy to find another one maybe because of the pinch of the recession. It was been a big struggle for me but I was still lucky to keep my teaching job. At least it had helped me maintain my financial stability for a while.

In September, I got hired for an ER job and had been orienting for three months but I was been unfortunate to keep it because of some bossy and nagging people around me who made a bad impression of me and evaluated my probationary period really badly which even made me more skeptical to work in ER because of the high acuity of the patients.

I got axed from my orientation after my probationary period because of the bad and poor evaluation that was made by my preceptor. I am not bitter at her but I still believe that whatever she evaluated me will come back to her and that she will realize that she was wrong. I just can't imagine why people are very biased and condescending to me.

I never know that there are some people who were very biased about my personality maybe because I am a quiet and passive person and at the same time I am openly gay. My inhibitions and my silence were been taken as a disadvantage and I am very sad to have gotten those bad impressions.

After eight months, I am still waiting for some sweet blessings and instant miracles to come despite of my massive online applications online from different hospitals around Los Angeles county. But it seems that luck has been turning it's back from me.

I got some calls but there were no sweet promises from it yet so I opted to maintain my registry job but apparently the job was not that good either. I always called in my schedule every week but to my remote memory I was never been called back yet.

Yet I was so lucky to have kept this teaching job I have at the LVN school which at least had helped me with my financial dilemmas. I still didn't lose my hopes but I'm still a firm believer that there's still a lot in store for me as long as I am patient.

I was once inspired by this fortune cookie sayings I got from a lunch I picked up at the local Chinese restaurant which says "Don't be too hasty, prosperity will soon knock your door." This gave me an enormous inspiration to not give up the fight for finding a new job and had given me strength to stay firm and determined for it.

It was madly gruelling sometimes finding for a decent job and very frustrating as well but that's life. I think this is the comeuppance of my being picky and complaining. And I learned from my past mistakes. I greatly appreciate the importance of a second job now that my financial worries was been clouding my future.

Now I am enjoying my long absence from the hospital job watching Food Network. I learned a lot of techniques in cooking and preparing food and now I am deciding to take culinary courses. Hahaha. That's me if I have nothing to do.

Cooking is my hobby and I wanted to polish it. Hopefully, in the future I can reach my goal to enhance my culinary skills but not right now, now that I have problems when it comes to finances. Well, I have a lot in my mind right now because I have nothing to do during my off period.

I am so lazy doing my chores and my apartment is in a lot of disarray. I never knew that my problems had kept me away from doing things that I needed to do. I have a lot in my mind and I am so tired thinking about them thereby not even doing my regular household chores. In short, I am procrastinating which is one of the classic symptom of depression.

Being out of job is not good and is extremely crazy. It can be a blessing or a curse sometimes and it affects me greatly mentally, psychologically, and physically. I am a disgusting mess and a total wreck right now. I am so confused and very worried about what will happen to me in the following days, weeks, and months.

Hopefully everything will be in good hands right now and I am crossing my fingers that everything will be in order soon, now that the year will eventually end and another year will be coming in. How soon is that? That I don't know but I am a patient man and I am here patiently waiting for it.