Hola! It's been a while that I haven't been blogging here. I was kind of busy lately and the demands of my teaching job had also gave a terminal toll on me, now that I am being tasked to teach the theory full time. Well, it's been doing well and I like it.
Was it really a full time job? Not anymore because my October schedule just came out yesterday and you know what happened?.... They've reduced my hours to a minimum or sometimes less than minimum instead of a full time. At first, they say I was gonna teach until the students will finish the Fundamentals of Nursing subject for Term 1 but it just shown on the schedule that had just came out that I can't do it anymore.
Enough for this bullshit! They've been using me to just cover for some people who had left or abandon his position as an instructor and now that they've found a replacement they just tossed me aside like a meaningless shit. I was extremely angry and upset like a mad dog and I am pissed off big time.
I have the gut idea first hand when they've tapped me to teach that they will sack me in the end but I set aside that preempted feelings and happily helped them. Now that every thing was been normalized and stabilized and the students had liked me, they've changed my schedule all of a sudden and I am just forgotten to evaporate into oblivion. I felt too bad about it. Now I've learned my huge lesson.
I was excited at first when they've told me that they gonna train me to be a theory instructor to develep more of my inner confidence and as well as my teaching skills. I believed them in the first place and had succumbed to their empty promises, which eventually had turned out to be sugar coated also. I've already had a feeling before that they'll gonna toss me aside but I just brushed it off because I thought they were that truthfully sincere to their words.
It all turned out that they're just trying to fill in the vacated position temporarily and had just used me for a while until they've found somebody to fill in the big gaps and then tossed me when they've found some one who is more qualified and competent to do it. (I mean I didn't say I am not capable to do it. I am also qualified to do it.) I was so furious but what can I say.... what can I do..... what should I believe.... when in the end it's their decisions anyway that prevails and counts.
Next time when they will approach me to do it again I will just passively decline upfront because I know they will just use me again. I am so down right now because I've already established a very intimate rapport with the students and also I have invested a lot of time winning their evasive trust and golden hearts and all that tiresome efforts I've invested will just go down the drain. I will surely miss them and I know they will greatly miss me too.
Well, life has no permanence on earth I think. It's always labile and flexible. I have to adapt to some changes of course but it's just hard to accept the fact that it will happen that quick and so soon. Life is a vicious cycle. It's just like a wheel that keeps spinning and spinning endlessly. Sometimes you're joyfully up and sometimes you're miserably down. And that's how I felt these things had happened lately.
I have to move on and accept the fact that they don't recognize me to teach these new students anymore (after four weeks of juggling my time, facing the nagging morning traffic, and wasting my money for the gas driving 30 miles each day)and that they've used me until they can find some replacements. It's kind of hurting me deep inside but I have learned my lessons from there. Next time there will be no more Mr. Nice Guy for them. I will just decline what they'll gonna ask me and I will just continue doing what I needed to do.
I am so pissed off right now that's why I am blogging to vent it out. I don't want to scream hysterically(although it is okay to scream) because I don't want to sound immaturely violent. I am just kind of internalizing my anger and frustrations because I am so greatly affected by it, with the fact that I was been used and taken advantage all the time. I didn't like it. My resentments were haunting me all the time.
I know I'll be okay and I know time will just give them their due punishment for what they did to me. I don't want to be selfishly vindictive and do harm to anybody or make ill wishes for them. I will just let "karma" take its toll and arouse their conscience that they took advantage of me, that is, if they have still a nagging conscience. But to me, I am very hurt about it.
Well, enough for these and I will have to move on. Life is not always at the top all the time but as well as I have to be at the bottom also sometimes. That's what I am right now. Hating it or not but I have to accept the fact that it had happened and had hurt me and it's time for me to move on now. Life is so volatile and it is unpredictable as well!
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