Feeling Nostalgic

I don't know why I am feeling down right now. I just got home from my clinical class with Batch 14 and I suddenly felt so tired, weak, and very exhausted.

Fatigue had deliberately consumed me lately. I just don't know why I suddenly bursted into tears so quickly without even knowing what had happened. I am so overwhelmed and tired of everything. I freaked out big time.

I just thought of my hometown. The place where I grew up and learned the rigors of life. I feel that I am back there reminiscing my memorable childhood past and my good old unforgettable memories with families and friends. It was crazy but I really cannot help it.

I remember my younger years when we used to go to the river with my best friends holding a long bamboo stick that we use as a fishing rod. Despite the scorching heat of the sun hitting out fragile skin on the middle of the day we patiently waited at the side of the river for our big catch.

Sometimes we stripped ourselves and jumped naked at the hillside, down the gorge, and sank ourselves down the deep side of the river under the bridge and emerged at the downstream. Our loud screams and laughters, our petty jokes, and our hilarious goofing at each other were always reverberating at the remotest back of my mind. This reminds me of my memorable past.

I also missed my mom who always look after me protectively like a valetudinarian. Seeing to it that I am doing fine with my studies. Making sure that I don't make any truant behavior from my schools. I myself is a rebellious kid inside but I never disappoint my mother when it comes to my studies.

I am also missing my friends and wondering where they are now. My childhood friends, who I used to grow up with, were the ones who were so close and dear to me. I spend a lot of time with them from my elementary grades and high school years. I had so much fun with them especially during my growing up years.

My college friends were the ones who really affected and effected me on how to treasure ones friendship. I had connected with them with an open mind and honest-loyal self. They were the ones who really understands me fully for who I am. I really treasured them until now.

My friends from McAllen, TX were the ones who introduced me to a living-carefree-life. They're the ones who were very supportive at me in case I am in trouble. I liked being with them because our lives were like an open book at each other but they were the ones that I totally forgotten now because of our individual choices in life. In short, we separated ways because we chose to have families or live apart at each other into different states.

My friends at work were the ones who serves as my pillar.... my foundation..... and my strength. I had only few of them whom I can really really trust. And I am very lucky to have them come into my life.

I lived solo for a long long time and I always feel lonely all the time. I can't help getting so nostalgic and emotional about my state of being. I chose my life to be like this and I have to stand for it with boldness. But sometimes it's not inevitable to get depressed and useless. Feeling life like a void and empty space.

I know I am a strong person and I know I can hurdle every trials and adversities that I will meet along the way. I know I can make it despite what the odds are. And I know that I am not alone in this struggles and journey because the Supreme Being will always guide me as well as the prayers of my love ones and friends will sustain me. And I know that whatever happens I will always triumph in my own way.... in my own time.... and in my own place.

Feeling lonely is not unusual for me. Especially like me living by myself. People has his own ups and downs. Like a seawave washing off the shore. And time will come all my emotional baggages will be washed off, too. It's just a normal human phenomenon so they say.

Going back to my past is another way of curing my loneliness. It's the panacea for getting crazy because of overwhelming situations and stresses in life, work, and the world in general. Each one of us has their own individual approaches to curtail sadness and that makes each one of us unique.

For me, I feel so relieved when I go back to my past and remember happy thoughts. Yet it never stopped me to be nostalgic and cantankerous. I think so much that I get irritable about myself and everything around me. And the more I wanted to be alone and isolated. That's my unpeevish personality and that's who I am.

So in order to sublimate all my pent up emotions I always make myself productive. Doing exercise is the best way to get rid of these inadvertent behaviors. Sometimes reading good and entertaining books will help appease it or sometimes writing meaningful features and prose will subdue me and win over my happy thoughts.

Life is just a stage and each one of us has a role to do. It always amazed me how will the script ends..... whether a comedy or a tragedy..... but the catharsis always highlighted my attention.

Life is a drama.... and it always makes me wonder how it will go about!