Liquid State

Well, it seems that life must be flowing like liquid. I just don't know how to keep my mind flowing to make a lot of entries in this blog. But it seems that the world has a lot of opportunities to offer. It's free-flowing like liquid and it's up  to us to decide what to choose.

Like me I'm always creative in what I am blogging here but there's always a time that I am running out of ideas and my mind (brain) tends to melt like a candle turning it into a liquid form which takes any form of it's container. I just can't think freely and my ideas were always off to somewhere else. It is transparent and without sense or meaning.

When I am alone my mind is always rich with different ideas and suggestions but sometimes it couldn't process any of it because of my low self-esteem and low motivation. As if I am being delivered useless because of my emotional baggages. I am not very fluid to express some of it because I feel so stressed out and tired or sometimes lazy to write it down.

Sometimes when I am so tired and fatigued I felt that I am floating in the air and aimlessly flying somewhere without a definite direction. Physically I'm there but mentally I am not present. Obviously I am more out of myself lately because of the stress that affected my daily activities and disrupts the homeostasis of my routines. It's a pathetic situation to see and witness but I felt I am crumbled into pieces and delivered helpless and alone, like I'm in a liquid state.

But sometimes I can bounce back and that's the good and benefit of it. I can be more perky sometimes and react to some stimuli around me well and sometimes I just don't mind at all because I just want to finish and perform my job as usual.

It makes me nervous sometimes if I come to work unprepared and that makes me melt on my seat or sometimes pee on my pants. I just don't know what to expect. Nervousness kills me and will make my heartbeat increase and my senses more numb thereby doing some impromptu things makes me palpitate and deliver me inadvertently helpless.

Come what may, I have to do it eventually because it was expected of me to do so. And alas, hopefully everything will come out good fluently like fluid. And how did I do that? That I do not know exactly.

All I know is I am a person who always crams and to me the cramming just keeps me going. It gives me fuel to pump up more ideas in me and it just comes out free-flowing and involuntarily. Like a defense mechanism against a threat to myself and to my systems. So I needed to protect myself against or from that threat.

Well, I know I am a very confident person (I am not boasting here) and I can always hurdle everything that comes my way. And I also know that there will be time that my body will eventually give up and make me succumb to failures so I have to be vigilant for it to happen. And for me I feel that I am not yet ready to experience that. But I know it will happen eventually.

I don't really say that I an an obnoxious person but I know how to handle myself when the extremes happen. And that's really fluid in me or shall we say innate in me. With all my experiences from childhood to where I am now, it really made a lot of impact in perfecting myself and my life thereby making me always ready to go with the flow even though how sudden or immediate the situations were. I just know how to handle myself well, in extreme situations.

And my greatest mentor for that were my parents. My father always taught me to be more persevering eventhough how tough the odds are and my mother always taught me how to be gracious and patient in times of criticisms and embarrassment. That's why I love them both.

My personality all the time ranges from quiet to loud depends on the people that surrounds me. I can be adaptable to any situations. Like water or any liquid that can transform into solid or gas. I can also equate myself to that because I am a very flexible and  open-minded person. I had experienced and met a lot of bad and good people along the way to nowhere and never do I harm or made them miserable.

I'd rather like to be a victim rather than to victimized others because I have to maintain a certain mantra wherein karma won't have to bounce back to me. And I am a person who always believe in Karma. It is always true that whatever you did to your fellows will always come back to you in some ways some other time and that really scared me off. Remember the Golden Rule: "Do unto others what you don't want others do to you."

Life always goes on. There is no perfect life as what others say. And it is always the fact. And if our love ones had to leave us (and go to another life's dimension) our life is always disrupted a little sometimes but it should bounce back to where it had left off and start again. It is always a continuous process and fluid. And we can get over it and go back to usual.

We always have to stay in our own center. And if we deviate or stretch away from that center we always have to go back to that center because that center will be the basis of what we are and our life. We have to always focus on our individual center because that center is the source of our happiness in order to make life liquid and free-flowing.

Well, I hope I had made some common ground and sensible sense here. My mind is in a very delicate liquid state now so just bear with me and my silly ideas or maybe delusional or grandiose ideas. How's that? Hahaha.