It seems like long ago that I've been home. I remembered it clearly when I went back home three years ago. It was a homecoming exclusively for the family and now may be another quiet time with my dear mother.
The last time I went home all of my immediate family went with me to the exotic island of Boracay. Known for its pristine environment, white sandy shores, and blue-green clear waters. My siblings with their families, uncles, aunts, cousins tagged along with me and made my escapades more memorable. They were saying that "The more the merrier." and it was indeed fun.
That time too, we celebrated my mom's 72nd birthday with a big party. All my immediate and distant families that I never knew of came over. My mom was been ill for a long time but I still vividly remember how she impishly managed to show a great smile and a calm attitude all throughout the event.
Her former high school buddies were also there sharing their thoughts and wishes for her birthday and at the same time recalling their experiences through that mini-reunion which is one of my little intentions for her to be happy.
Now I was quite emotional because my trip right now focused again for my dear mother. She is in a deteriorated state now and I am leaving tomorrow to see her and serve her for the entire two weeks of my mini-vacation. I hope she still remember me but I know she can't anymore because I clearly recalled the last time I went home is that she barely recognized me when I introduced myself to her. But it is okay, I will understand.
Right now, I am not excited but a little worried because this mini-trip happened at a spur of a moment. I impulsively decided to go home because of my sympathy to my mom and at the same time clear some issues with some people I needed to see. My anxiety started to build up and I am bottling-up my emotions and holding my excitement.
I am preparing my things lightly because I don't want to stress my self with carrying a lot of heavy and excess baggages because I only intend to see my mom and not to please a lot of people. I hope they will not expect a lot from me because I am going home.
The tenacity of the people there to expect more out from an overseas worker like me is so contorted. And their mentality of taking advantage to the situation irks me sometimes, but because of the economic situation in the Philippines I couldn't blame them for that, which I understand clearly, but it's just too annoying sometimes.
Instead of being excited and happy to see me landing safely there I still couldn't fathom why they have to ask for a present or pasalubong from a balikbayan. I just dunno! But it is already the culture that separates us from being so unmindful of the privacy of some balikbayans who just want to have a safe respite in their beloved homeland albeit their stay is bombarded with financial angst and family problems.
Well, as for me, I am planning this as a quiet, solo, enjoyable, private, stress-free, and safe homecoming. I hope people will not expect a lot from me when I'm there. This trip is only intended for my mom and her alone as well as a bonding time for my small nieces and nephews whom I never saw, bonded, and got close because of my far distance from them. I just want them to know that I am a good uncle and that I love them so much and so dearly. I hope people will understand.
I am hopeful, anxious, and apprehensive about this trip and just couldn't sit in one place because it is killing me right now. I couldn't even make up my mind what things to prepare and bring. It's just making me nuts and driving me crazy. I can't eat and is sleep deprived.
One more day and I will be home tucked-in safely with my immediate folks. See you guys on Tuesday and it will be happening soon. Can't wait till that happens.
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