Sensibilities

It seems that I am tired of working double now. I guess it's just normal to feel like that especially that I was been working very hard after I came back from vacation. All those times I was so exhausted. I feel that I was been cursed and that my life was been turning all over upside down.

Even though how much I tried to be happy still I am haunted by my eerie past mistakes and it had really affected me in all aspects of my life. In retrospect, I felt that the riff between me and my sister had really and greatly affected my life to a point that it had really escalated to a bad situation of my life.

Despite the fact that I have forgiven her, implyingly, I think it didn't even bear any weight at all because I couldn't be at peace at all times. It seems that I am always restless, not content, and after that gets tired easily. I guess I was been asked to pay heavily for my irascibilities and impulsiveness. Maybe it was karma indeed.

My God, what have I done to have suffered like this. It seems that I am not at peace at all. I am always erratic and couldn't think all the time. I always neglect about myself emotionally, financially, physically, and psychologically. All I have worked and earned had no bearing. And I had progressed economically still I am not a happy person.

Yeah, I am trying to fathom and discern what I am feeling right now, and yet I am blogging here, but I couldn't really think what to do and what to say. All I do now is just to follow what I wanted to do and just let myself drift to where my feet is leading me. It's all up to fate I guess.

I mean I have schedules but it seems that I am stuck to follow and abide it as long as I am always on the move and have accomplished something for that day. It's kinda monotonous but I am liking the steady rhythm of it. I am just accustomed to it and I guess I am just contented by it.

I feel that I am stagnant and that I am stuck to the hole that I solely dug up. It gets deeper and deeper and that there is no way out now. As if I'm getting buried to it at all despite of the struggles that I yielded along the way to escape from it but to no avail. I am super scared!

The sensibleness of it was very apparent and that I am feeling the vibe already. I couldn't do anything but to follow the flow, wave, or frequencies where it will lead me, so that I can know the real answer to it. But it seems that the way through is a tasky, rough, and full of vulnerability that I needed to wear in order to face the biting truth of reality.

So now I am blogging it to vent out my pent up emotions and reservations. I am really confuse as to where I lead myself but no matter what happen I will still pray and hope that every thing will be okay. Life is always tough and fall short of things but as long as it keeps going, I am just contented I guess.