Low Motivation

I needed some motivation lately. It seems that I am lagging off again with my exercises. I haven't been exerising since Friday because I was working twenty hours for Saturday and Sunday morning and I am very tired once I got home. I don't know what happened. I wish I could keep up with my workouts.

It seems that I am very lax again. I just don't know why my motivation had waned down. I am very frustrated about the current happenings. It seems that handling and juggling two jobs on a weekend had altered the flow of my exercises. I am really out of gas everytime weekend had come by. I wish I could continue working out but working twenty hours for two days had given me some not quite a valid reason to stop going to the gym. At least I could have came back to do the cardio.

But on the otherhand I am exercising everyday starting from Monday to Thursday doing my routines then after that off for three days because I am working twenty hours for two days during the weekends. But it seems that I felt so bummed out during the weekends when I am not at the gym. I fel that I am fat during those days. I feel so disgusted about myself for letting this to happen.

I promised myself to not go back to the old ways and to not be fat anymore. Although the process is slow I hope this goals will be realized after all even though there were a lot of challenges and setbacks along the way. I am saddened about it but I know it will happen and I have to ready myself for the consequences of my lax actions. I am just ashamed of myself for not living to my promises and goals. I am very very embarrassed about it.

There is nobody who is responsible for my actions but myself alone so I have to blame myself for letting it to happen. I am just stunned for the lack of motivation lately. I wish I could stop working on the weekends so that I could focus for my exercise goals but I can't because I still hav eto save money for the rainy days.

What I will do right now is probably double my efforts on the days that I could come to the gym especially Monday until Thursdays then maybe sneak in during the weekends if there is an opportunity. Maybe that will work for me. I know I still have a long way towards living healthy and I am working out my best to live up with the expectations. I know I can do it and I hope I will. Please help me Lord.......

I thought I am a perfectionist but it seems that I am not. Oh my God, I think I am obsessed to be thin and I hope I will not resort to do it in extremes or else I will be having a great deal of problems. Lucas was not been responding to my texts so I think he is very busy lately. I wish him well as well for working so hard. God will hopefully help him fo rhis struggles. I know he has some personal issues and I wanted to help him but he is so aloof in sharing his personal struggles. I know he has a big problem right now that is why he is not responding to my calls. I really need his motivation.... he makes me going.... like the Energizer bunny. Hahaha.

Despite of my dilemma I will try my best to keep going.... I hope Lucas will just tell me what had happened to him. I am really concerned not hearing from him. But anyways, I will continuemy exercise routines and continue on my goals to lose weight. I am crossing my finers to fulfill all my objectives in the future although how far-fetche dthey were. Hahaha. So much for the nilly-nally let's get serious here.... now! Ciao guys!