Lately,my schedule was been very hectic. It seems that a lot of opportunities had been knowcking on my door and I got overwhelmed with the offers. I kind of think of it first because I know in the end my body will succumb to all the hard work I've been doing and that I myself will suffer for the consequences of my actions.
I am not getting any younger anymore and as I aged I felt that my energy and drive to work hard was been lessened. In as much as I have to save money for my scholars back home I still feel the toll in my body so I have to take it easy for now. I am overwhelmed but my thoughts were all focused to all the small kids that I promised for a bright future. I hope all my efforts will be rewarded in the end. I just wanted them to have a bright future and that's it.
Being a good "Tito" to them is my prime goal and I hope they won't abuse my kindness and goodness. I hope they are doing their part to study hard as I do my part to suffice them with their financial needs. I hope all my dreams for them will not be converted into a nightmare for I will be heavily devastated. My love for my nieces and nephews have no known bounds and I will do my very best to let them cross the other side of the river.
It fattens my heart to imagine my goals for them but the question is.... how long will it take for me to do these? how many times should I make myself succumb to being a martyr to them? I am not questioning the validity of my decisions but it seems that I am confuse of my role for them. I don't know if I am the parent here or just the financial supporter. I really don't know.... that's why I blog it here.
I may be blind of my actions and honestly I am really not sure what's my role in their life. It seems that I did this thing for them out of sympathy because they are family to me and I don't want them to experience what we experienced before going to a public school in the Philippines. I just don't want them to get astray and that I just want them to have a very bright future.
I even doesn't knwo if I could see them graduating or not. I don't know if I could even fulfill my promises to them because being sick for a time doesn't even suggest permanence. I guess my assistance was just temporary and I hope they will understand in the future that I have to take care of myself because I am sick. And I hope they will be in good hands when that time comes.
Still able to do it right now but I am in difficult situations as well. All I ask is that I hope God will let me finish all my hopes and aspirations for them and that would be a sweet success if it will happen. I cannot ask for more. So bless me God!
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