I mean it's been years that I am helping my siblings caught up with their life especialy when it comes to financial matters but it seems that they've been very dependent on me laready and that it's hard to wean them from leeching on me when it come sto their basic needs. I am so sick and tired of this situation already and I cannot enjoy my freedom because they're always seeking assistance from me forever.
It's just a pathetic way for me to vent out my frustrations here wherein I am the only one who can hear it and solve it. Yes, eventually in the end I will be the one who can find the way out of this but I am so helpless now that Ijust wanted to blog it out. Everyday in my life I never complained about helping them but it seems that they don't have the idea that I am also suffering here.
I have my own bills to pay, I have also to pay my taxes in installment because I could not afford paying it one time, I am also working my ass off almost everyday and not enjoying a days off because I have to work in order not to come up short of money by the end of the end when I am trying to pay my bills and send them money way back home. All my life I have worked so hard to have meet their needs and not my own needs. I am so tired of doing this anymore. I just wanted to enjoy my time and have a good rest but it is not possible because at the back of my mind I always think about them.
Right now, I am confused about my life. I am very troubled about the consequences of weaning them from becoming a parasite to me. I know I have to do it so as not to make them very dependent to me and still I have to weigh in their feelings and my feelings as well. I hope I can handle the situation wherein I could confront them that this has to stop and I can have the courage to face the truth that I have done it and that I am indeed free from the shackles of my siblings dependence from me.
It bleeds my heart to imagine these things but I know I don't have the courage to do it. Maybe it will happen that I will confront them but I am foreseeing that they will lie low in pestering and demanding me to help and that they will have to do it on their own finding means to suffice their basic needs and not to be dependent on me. What I am dreading most is that situation wherein they will disown me as a brother just because I stopped helping them financially.
My intention is that I will not stop sending the kids to school by paying up their individual tuition fees but I am hoping they will help me also on the other side by shouldering these kids allowances and miscellaneous fees and not just depend on me totally for everything because sending five kids to a provate school is very heavy. I mean I am not complaining but I have to keep up wih my own life, too. Correct me if I'm wrong.
The reason I wrote this blog is because I am seeking some enlightenment among my readers. I hope somebody will give me a pretty solid advice on what to do regarding my situation. I am very lost right now and I'm breaking down. I just don't know what to do. In my frustration I just grab the keyboard and started typing what my thoughts were. I'm very very lost. Please help me. I will greatly appreciate it if somebody who has a prudent advise can tell me what to do.
May my decisions were bad and someone can enlighten me what the right to to do about this situation. I seems like a simple situation but making decisons is hard. I just don't want to hurt everybody's feelings and I just wanted to polish the problem professionally and peacefully. I know in the end it will be patched up and I also damn know that in the end someone's emotions will be affceted and I greatly know that it is normal to be like that and I am ready to face the music and dance with it gracefully and end up with a standing ovation from my audience.
Now I am feeling good that I wrote my thoughts out and that I am very calm now. Thanks for spending your time reading t his nonsense and I greatly appreciate your care. In the end I am the only one who can decide what to do and thans to those wh give their precious piece of advise, if there's some. Life has to go on and at the end of the line everybody has to take their part and perform it fully well to have a good story out of it and then life woul be better.
All the world is a stage and we all have a part in it. Either we perform it well or we perform it badly it's all up to us. A story will be bland if everybody will be heroes. Life always has villains as well. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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