Yes, I admitted before that I am gay and I am very open about it. I've been out eversince but it seems that I am misunderstood sometimes. Life is always good with me and I am very thankful to God that everything I have were always been in order. I couldn't be more grateful about it.
Ok, I have this cute Caucasian student in my class that's always very forward to me. I always noticed that he was very charming all the time, making some good jokes, and always a cheerful person at me. I didn't really took it into some extreme connotations because to me he is just my student. I was very traditionally compose to all my students including this guy all the time. I always hold firm with my values and I always gave some distance when in comes to all of them. I have to put this gap so that respect will always be there for me. It always worked out like this all the time.
I admit that this guy was very goodlooking and very nice. He is smart and very modest. A very jolly and jocose person as well. I have no qualms about his behavior because he is just fine. Honestly, I kind of like him as a person and I have a crush on him during their orientation on their first day at school. There.... I already admitted it. However, I have to maintain this professionalism with me and I already made a vow before not to get involved with my students because I know it would be trouble.
Come yesterday, my most dreaded fear came. This guy whom I was talking had stayed behind after the class and he asked me if he can talk to me. I told him; "It's okay, what's the problem? He appears very anxious and apprehensive and he looks very uneasy. I tried to calm him down and told him that I am here to listen if he wanted to talk to me. He nodded to me and then checked around if there's still others inside the room.
When he verified there were none he kissed me on the lips very quickly. I was surprised and shocked about his behavior and pushed him at an instant and then I tried to distance from him asking him why he did that. He told me that he had liked me the moment he set foot in my room during their first day and that he is so horny. I wrinkled my forehead and told him that it was a bad move. I was appalled about what he said so I just took a deep breath and think positively on how to handle him. I talked in a soft voice asking him to sit down calmly and make sure he is relaxed.
Then I talked to him telling him that his behavior earlier was inappropriate. I convinced him that I will not tell anybody about it as long as he won't do it again. I also asked him if he has problems he can talk to me nicely and not to surprise me like the one he just did earlier. He apoligized about his behavior and told me that the reason he did that is that eversince he came to the school and saw me he liked me very much. He knows that I am openly gay and he muster his courage to be really nice with me to catch my attention. He told me that he wanted to befriend me and eventually progress to a more deeper relationship if it will work out.
I told him in all honesty that yes.... I have a crush with him the moment he set foot in my classroom. I told him that I am just being realistic as a person because I love my job and my life. I know this is a good opportunity for a good relationship but this is not the right place and the right time for that. I told him I just don't want to ruin my life and career just for it. I went to college for four grueling years in order to finish my course and I don't want to put it down the drain.
I told him there will be better time for it but as long as he remained to be my student I can't do it. I told him maybe you're just infatuated with me so maybe you just have to give time for yourself and seek or at least prove if it's really real. I am always be here and will always be single. I told him that he is still young and he can still find somebody who is much better off and more qualified for him.
After our long talk he told me that he will wait for the right time. He apologized again to me and he told me that whenever I'm ready he will come back. He do understand the complexity and difficulty of the situation that we are in now and he is determined to wait for the apt time to woe me. I shudder at that moment realizing how sincere and determined he was about his pledge and at the same time I felt so relieved that I have handled the situation well.
I really didn't expect this to happen. I just don't want him to get embarrassed so I made a pact with him not to tell the administration about his inappropriate behavior and at the same time I don't want to make it as a hoopla and have other people wag their tongues if it will erupt as a gossip. I truly understand the consequnces of my actions and I hope I made the right decisions about it. Had there be any untoward complications in the future? ...... I hope it will not blow up into a billowing smoke. Please God help me!
No comments:
Post a Comment