Remembering My Father

Yeah, sometimes I have a longing for my dad. I missed him a lot. He is my confidant when I was growing up and I always cherished the moments that I have with him when I was younger. He was my first mentor about living and surviving life as well as my cooking teacher, too.

Basically, as I grow up my dad was always there all the time. Although he was kind of passive to me sometimes I know how much he loved me. He doesn't show it to me but I know it personally. Although sometimes we have some petty issues yet we still maintained the utmost respect that we have each other. He was very complacent about my achievements but I know deep inside that he is proud of me.

I remember the first time he taught me about surviving life indirectly. We used to grow up with abundance in rice because my father grow them by himself. We own a land converted into rice paddies enough to get rice to sustain the hwole family for the whole year. Having that advantage, as a young boy I never even realized how hard it is to till the ground and grow rice because I am just used with the abundance of it in our household.

One day he caught us throwing rice in the trash and he went nuts and ballistic about it. That was the first time I saw my dad got mad and angry big time. He was psychopathically ranting at us, telling us, how hard it is to till the soil and grow rice and that time we were just throwing it in the trash without even knowing the significance and extreme importance of his hard labor. He was almost breaking up into tears during that time but he held it because he probably wanted to show us that he is in control but I know he was bleeding and crying inside. That was the first time I saw my dad broke down.

The following day, he brought me and my siblings to the farm and send all his farm laborers home with a full day fee and had us do the farm labor instead. There we realized how hard it is to work in the farm to produce rice. It was very tiring and it hurts my back because we always bend most of the time for the whole day. The scorching heat of the sun, especially during midday, was very fierce on the skin. From there, we understood how hard it is to work in the farm and we never wasted rice again. We learned how to value the labor of producing and growing it. It's no joke to work in the farm, I'm telling you.

I really appreciated my dad demandingly doing that to us. Although, his decision to punish us to work in the farm that time was kind of harsh to us but in the end it had gave us a great lesson. Although he did it indirectly, yet it had instilled in us the value of hard labor and ho wdifficult it is to survive this borrowed life. That's why I greatly admired him so much.

My family is a very close knit family. My dad and mom had loved each other and I saw how much they grow fond at each other as I grow up and I saw also how they overcame a lot of issues and obstacles between them and in their relationship. The forgiving attitude and the respect they had in each other were magnificent and amazing. It's infectious sometimes.

I've also seen my dad succumbed to drinking and abusing alcohol. I know how hard it is to support a big family. He always tried his best to feed us and send us to school which he did superbly together with my ever loving and ever caring mom. I have no qualms about them. I also saw my dad deteriorating as a dominant figure in the family and mom was always there at his side all the time, supporting and helping him in every way.

Now, I'm missing him a lot and also mom. Without my dad I never knew about the importance of surviving life. He taught me a lot of survival skills in living life to the fullest and he taught me also how to cook with determination and art. Observing him in the kitchen was fun and a good learning experience because he let us participate in preparing for the food starting from cutting, slicing, mixing, washing,etc. He is a very strict teacher actually and also a notorious perfectionist. I never knew he was very keen in details, but to me it is good, that is why I learned so much from him.

Wherever you are dad, I am missing you right now. I hope you and mom are happy together and were watching me all the time. I thank you for your very simple insights(but sometimes sounds odd to me, hehehe)about life before and thanks for always being there despite of my hardheadedness and stubborness. (I know you almost smacked me in the head one time, hahaha.)Thanks for being a dominant figure or example in my life and for guiding me to be a good and obedient son. You've done your role with utmost dedication and with plenty of unconditional love and I hope that I made you proud about my success and achievements.

Hopefully someday we will be seeing each other in another realm of life and I could not wait for that time to happen. I am always indebted to you. You have not heard me thanking you personally but I just wanted you to know that I greatly appreciated every thing you have done to me and that I have loved you so much more than I ever cared for. Rest assure that I am doing well and thanks for all your guidance and supervision. Say my hi to mom as well. Missing you both. I love you Tatay and Nanay!