Backing Off A Little Bit

Well, I've been noticing that I am easily provoked and get angry. I don't know why. May be it is pretty imminent that I am enetering the menopausal stage already. It seems that I get easily irritated right away. I've been to few altercations lately and I felt that it is not healthy anymore. It wasn't me anymore.

My two angry encounters involved my two bosses from both jobs and I am easily inclined to answer them back because of their unprofessional attitude towards me. I easily answered them back because I am a person who always proved to you that you are wrong if you are wrong. Instead of keeping myself silent I can't help answering them back to get their appropriate response for the attitude they're exhibiting.

I had a fight with my Administrative Officer at school because of the biased handling he does on our schedule as faculty. I wrote him a letter that he is biased and has favoritism among the faculty. I told him that he favored the new ones compared to us the senior ones. My aggressiveness to email him and telling him of his fault had backfired and he turned the situation around telling me that I am spineless and not grateful to him because he gave me a schedule at least. I was surprised at his answer so I held off my cool.

So now, I suffered the consequences of my assertiveness because he didn't schedule me for two weeks while the new ones was working back-to-back which is unfair. Well, what could I do if there are vindictive people out there. I didn't even mean ill things to him but was just citing the unfairness we got from him and then he retaliated and had made me suffer. May be he just wanted me to starve and be penniless. But it won't deter me for being honest. I'm sorry. I'm not scared of him.

Now he has problems about other instructors because some of them doesn't show up or was calling-in-sick because of the cold weather and he kept calling me at home to pick-up my times from those absences. I called and told him that no thanks, I have appointments set already (despite there was none). I balled out at the panic he felt because students will be left by themselves at the clinical site and that these students will complain to the board thereby making the school in trouble.

The second altercation was at the nursing home I am working. It was between me and the administrator. She wanted me to go to a patient's room and answer the call light in the middle of my admission. Instead of commanding me to do it she should have done it because she was there already. Her commanding authoritativeness was unprofessional. She told me in the first place to transfer beds for the admission because she did not know that the admission was an isolation. Then at the middle of the transfers she told me to go to a patient's room at the other end of the building.

I told her I will go there after the transfer but she was very insistent. I still went to do the transfer and when I was done I immediately went to the room she says. When I get there the patient wanted me to talk to her so I listened and it all came out it was a nonsense talk that had eaten up my time because of the administrator's insistence.

When I got out of the room she called me at her office abd told me that she was charging me an offense of insubordination. I blew up and shouted at her "Excuse me, can you repeat what you have just said? Do you realized what you're doing to us?" and without a face she still insist that she'll gonna write me up. "I told her go ahead make your day."

I was so furious about it which I did not held my cool. She irritated me a lot and I told her that do you know what insubodination means? I told her also that I went to finish the transfer first before answering that call. Anyway, the CNA and the charge nurse can answer it how you wanted me to answer it while I was in the middle of transfers. She just kept quiet and I left her office because I still have to do an admission that just came when I was just coming in.

I have realized that I am easily provoked lately and when I noticed I was at a right instance I easily got furious and answered the perpetrator immediately. May be I have to cool down myself and back it off a little bit because I felt the adrenaline rush when I am angry and provoked. It's not healthy for me. I know I will not settle if I am at the right side and it can cause me much if I follow my emotions.

So by backing off I hope I will be more focused and not get angry anymore. Please help me God established presence of mind and compassion to my job. Thank you Lord for everything you're given and showered me. Thank you very much!