Today will be the day for my second tympanoplasty at Kaiser Medical Center in Sunset Blvd. I am kind of scared but I know I will be okay. The feeling that I have right now is just a normal reaction to an impending stress.
I've been to this situation before and I know how it is. Therefore, I can't help being anxious right now. Although, I know I will be okay but there's still some thing that's always bothers me a lot. A lot of "what ifs" and unending questions stirring up my mind.
As a nurse, being knowledgeable of my surgery entails a lot of questions in my mind but I slowly brushed them up because I know I can trust my surgeon in this just like I trusted him during my first surgery last April.
In my apprehension or I may say excitement, I asked my landlord to drop me off at 1015H in front of the ambulatory surgery building. When I was at the reception area the handsome guy sitting in front doing admissions told me that I have to be admitted at 1200H for preop because my operation schedule was slated at 1400H. I can't do otherwise but to wait or go somewhere to spend time because I can't call my landlord to go back and pick me up. And besides if I will be admitted I can't go out the building anymore.
I decided to appease my anxiety by finding a more conducive place for me to spend my time alone. I have no options but to get out of the building and find that place. I knew the area so well but because I am prohibited not to eat and drink anything prior to surgery I decided to walk along Sunset Blvd. going east and hoping to find a more nicer and quiet place for me to unwind.
At the corner street I saw a cute teenager selling fruit slices but in as much as I wanted to buy and eat one I can't because of my surgery. Across the street was a Subway deli which also tempting me to invite to go inside to buy but again I held my composure not to eat because I am prohibited. It was really killing me at that moment because my last meal was last night at eight. My stomach was been growling and complaining right now.
I continued ambling down the straight biulevard until I saw the Children's Hospital of Los Angeles along Vermont Avenue. I was thinking intently where to go and I decided to probably go inside the hospital and check it out there. I've never been inside yet so may be this will be a nice time and chance to do it.
When I went inside it seems that the security was very tight so I decided not to go inside but I spotted the small lobby near the reception area which is only having few people sitting there so I decided to probably stay there until my time is up for my preop.
At the lobby, there was a lonely grand piano playing by itself at the corner (take note, without a pianist) which was very handy for me to listen to the soothing music it was playing. May be the music was already technically programmed by the computer. It was playing Disney Music and at the moment I sat at the leathered chair near it, it was tuning Ariel's "Out Of this World" then followed by Lion King's "Circle Of life" until it goes on and on with various cool instrumental music.
I stayed there listening to the cool music and started this blog as well as spend my time while ignoring my anxiety for my impending surgery. The throngs of people lining in front of the reception area had also distracted me from thinking about my surgery.
It can't be denied that I am scared but I know God will be with me despite of my extreme apprehensions and anxiety. The lobby at the Childrens Hospital was my temporary hiding place and refuge right now to nurse my fears as well as distract myself from thinking too much.
Good thing I had the opportunity to blog right now at least it calmed me down a little bit. Whatever will happen for me later I hope everything will be all right.
Good luck to me today. Lord please guide and help me today as I entrust myself to my surgeon and the whole surgical team in fixing my damaged eardrum. I hope it will be a successful operation. Thank you so much.
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