Abstraction

Well, life is always on the go. I just couldn't live every day without engaging in a lot of mental absorption. I've been like a thinking pad lately, thinking about life in general and what will I expect every day as I keep struggling myself in the realm of reality.

It seems that I am still in confusion about pursuing my educational goals because there seems to be a lot of things hindering me lately. I kind of separating away myself to fulfilling my self goals because I've been thinking of a lot of people I will hurt if I will abandon my promises to them, especially my nieces and nephews I am helping to have a better educationm, because I know I am the only one who can help them live a better life because their father (my big brother) has no means of income sending them to a private school.

It bleeds my heart not to finish my masteral education but I have the responsibility to answer those kid's education. Life takes a lot of sacrifices and setting aside goals. I am very confused now and at the same time having no direction. I am really lost as to my goals and it was very draining to me. It is very impractical for me to pursue it at this moment and leave those hapless kids in confusion for their future. Plus, I am guilty to leave them aside.

It is very unrealistic right now to abandon them and I am in so much guilt doing it because I know they will be left out and confused in the vastness of life's savanna. I just have to sacrifice my ultimate dream for them for the common good. It will be understandable, justifiable, and unselfish to do it because they were just kids and I can't afford leaving them wingless in their flight for a better life.

It is just apt for me to do it because I am the one who already been to the pedestal of my dreams and ambitions although I haven't been to the acme or highest point yet but I have already set foot on the ground of opportunity yet for these kids they are still taking flight and still heading there.

I will just abstract myself rather than abstracting them from the picture. Abstraction is the act of considering something as a general quality or characteristic apart from concrete realities, specific objects, or actual instances and this holds true right now on my current dilemma.

Leaving them aside to pursue my dreams is also an abstraction which also means an impractical idea which is something visionary and unrealistic. Yes, it is very unrealistic for me to become selfish and not helping them for I know they have nothing and has no means to acquire such thing. I am supposed to help them or guide them to have a better life because their irresponsible parents does not try to be a better one.

I already gave up too much for myself and I am very helpless thinking and putting such stress in my life despite I should not be in a position to do so because in the first place it is realy not my responsibility but my kind heart had taught me to intervene because of my nice nature.

Deciding between the good and evil, I got stuck in the middle. I am just confused and have no sense of direction. I wanted to give up but my thoughts was making me guilty. It was my fault to have made them very dependent to me and now I have to face the consequences of my actions but well I have nothing to lose though because in the end they will be better of.

It just sucks though because I have to sacrifce my ultimate dreams but I know God will still be there to help me figure out the best way to unleash all this frustrations in me and I can't wait for that time to happen. Hopefully, it will happen in the near future.