Fire Eyes

Things really are inevitable these days. If things gonna happen it will happen instantly. You'll never know, they'll just pop right away. You will be surprised at what will happen because things always shows up in an inopportune time.

Today, I woke up with a slight pain on my right eye. This is unusual but I had a feeling it's not good. I just brushed it off for a while but by the time I was washing my face off after getting up from a tiring sleep I noticed that my eyes appears red.

My.... I forgot to take off my contact lenses before I went to sleep earlier. I must have been very tired probably from my graveyard shift work last night that when I got home after I determindedly fought a two hour drive against the congested traffic of Freeway 110 from Long Beach to my house in West Hollywood I must have fell asleep on my bed instantly.

I checked both my eyes and I saw the right one was already a little red. But there was no itching or drainage or such the like. I was scheduled to work tonight and I was contemplating of calling-in-sick.

I was been battling whether to report to work or just stay at home but I decided the former and just decided to keep an eye with it. Worse comes to worse I will have to go home in the middle of the shift and treat myself if the redness aggravated.

I can't afford to call-in-sick because of the fact that I am just a few months new from this ER job and I don't have PTO hours to cover for this absence.

And also, I am afraid that I will lose my sign-on bonus opportunity if I will lack the regular maximum hours being put in for each pay period which is 72 hrs. And lastly, I don't want to use up my call-in-sick bank which is a max of five frequencies annually and a bunch of rationalizations.

I decided to take a shower and tried to clean both eyes well. It still appears not detectable yet so I'm still safe. I then changed and left the house and start to beat the nagging and congested traffic of Los Angeles going to Long Beach. It's ridiculously irritating to really drive to work everytime I'm scheduled because it took me a maximum of two hours to get to work on time.

I have to wake up three hours early to give allowances for the preparation and the traffic. I mean I am already on my second month on this job and I kind of getting used to this routine now.

I just want to avoid getting late because I also don't want to get reprimanded or suspended. Anyways, I'm allowed for ten tardiness for the whole year and so far I have none.

Hopefully when everything will be settled at the job I can find a place more nearer at the hospital in that I can't battle all these stresses everyday which is very ridiculous especially the stressful traffic. I almost didn't make it today hadn't I decided to take the side streets off Freeway 405.

When I got at the hospital the first thing I checked were my eyes. It was still not noticeable which is good. But I am trying to not making eye contact with some of my co-workers because I don't want them to notice my pink eye and I hate doing it because I don't feel really comfortable to stay away from people. I feel like an alien being looked at and a paranoid freak.

I got my assignment and got repport from the off going nurse yet my behavior was still odd. I followed my preceptor and presented to her my goals and plans and she coincided with it.

I did my assessments and transferred a patient to the floor and the night went smooth and very engaging. I did couple of procedures and interacted with my patients well. But when the time I went to the restroom to pee and check my eyes now it was so obvious that the right eye was so red and burning and itchy and blurry, etc, etc.

I immediately told my preceptor about the situation and pulled over the teamleader to the side and told her that I want to going home because I don't feel comfortable with my eyes and also don't want to spread the bacteria around the unit even though I am very meticulous with my handwashing and disinfection control. I told her that I decided to leave at 11 pm when the next round of staff comes in.

Now I felt embarrassed and can't see people around as well as focus on what I am doing. I am so paranoid and very much suspicious that people are looking at me and talking about me because of my fiery eyes. Yes, I got a pink eye and I am so conceitedly paranoid about it when in fact people are not talking about it. I don't know why I'm like that. Aaaah.

I got to admit one more patient, interviewed and assessed her, placed everything in the computer and gave report to my preceptor before clocking out then I went to eat first because I'm starving and when I came back I spoke to the night's teamleader about my decision and she agreed upon seeing that my eyes appeared very sore.

She sent me to fast track upon my request to get a presciption for the medicine and then I left the hospital.

Well, I think that was the prudent decision I made rather than staying there and start spreading the infection. I didn't risk losing my call-in-sick days and I didn't make an absence today but I got this booboo which I needed to treat because I will be coming back again tonight endangering my opportunities again.

Aaah..... why do all things always shows up unannounced? Why should they always pester someones life and make them so miserable? The answer to that question........ I don't know. Maybe there were some alternative solutions and whatever it is that's for me to find out.