Trance

Well, it seems that I feel so numb lately. I was so down and depress again. As if I am in an unexplanable trance.

A trance can be defined as a half-conscious state, seemingly between sleeping and waking, in which the ability to function voluntarily may be suspended or impeded.

It is also meant as a dazed or bewildered condition. It is an unconscious, cataleptic, or hypnotic condition. Or may be meant as to stupefy or enrapture.

I myself may be likened it to a state of complete mental absorption or deep musing wherein I am aware of my surroundings but I am not there. As if I am physically there but my mind is wandering somewhere.

Today, I felt like I'm in a deep trance. I was thinking deeply but the way I think is not very productive. I was just lying on my soft bed staring at the ceiling blankly and was listening to the lulling and blurring sound of the television.

I was just in a state of total confusion and rigid stupefaction that I don't know what was happening around me but I know I am aware of myself being there. I tried to leave the house and watched a movie to amuse myself but I couldn't even absorb the gist of the movie I am watching. It was really odd!

I was driving my car on the road without even knowing where to go. I've been driving endlessly without any direction and I just kept on driving until I got tired and my mind was reeling. I felt so void and empty inside I couldn't even explain it.

Something was bothering me lately but I don't know what it was. I was just thinking of a lot of things that I forgot what was really keeping me off guard. I just don't know how to start on everything I do. I was so vaguely confused and enormously pointless.

I think I am both psychologically and emotionally unstable. But I don't think I needed some professional help. All I feel is that I needed somebody to talk with to help me vent out what's really bothering me.

It seems I am trying to bottle up this pent-up emotions and I am taking and sucking it in, deeply thinking that I can handle this circumstances alone. I don't know how I feel, it never occured to me that I almost had to burst into tears because of all the numbness I felt inside.

So many things had cropped up inside my brain and I don't even know what to handle first. All I feel is that I am all alone carrying my own cross and nothing and nobody can help me out away from it.

I am so vulnerable that I almost broke down but I am holding it to myself because I am kind of embarrassed to bow down on my own weaknesses and fall outs. I felt I am a total loser and that the whole world had just turned its back on me.

Yes, that's how I personally feel right now. I felt so confused, pointless, numb, tired, objectiveless, and has no definite direction. I felt I am in a vulnerable trancelike condition and was exceedingly overwhelmed about the challenges of this world.

What's the point of dawdling when I couldn't even identify what else to tackle first and foremost. It is very challenging to be in such an awkward-and-mind-boggling position. Hopefully, the odds were, I will know where my directions were in the end, fingers crossed.

Life indeed is very confusing and I myself have tasted the likes of it. May be not just me but you too. Hopefully not!