Mind Games

The game had told me what I am…. and who I am. I’ve known basketball since I was a kid. By heart, I’ve known how to play the rules of the game.

It’s supposed to be a team game but I’ve never been a part of the team, neither have I played in a tournament. I never knew the reason why. Perhaps it’s how you look at the game. It’s got to do with feelings, like how life is being played.

Out there in the court, every move is being judged. You’re okay if you shoot a goal, a bad shot when you don’t make one. You’re lucky if you are awarded with a free throw or feel shitty when you’ve earned a foul.

The feeling gets heady when the ball is up in the air for seconds just before it comes down to the ground. The question is, where am I going to fall this time? Is it inside or outside the court? I have no idea at all.

What I know is, like the ball suspended long in the air, I’ve seek some answers to some questions. Where will I find myself this time? Is it inside or outside the court? Am I a part of the team? Or a one-man-player?

I’ve watched several games at the neighborhood court every time after school. I’ve observed the players’ every moves and stance – how they heckle at one another, swap jokes at each other, and even when devour their snacks.

Last Friday at the tournament, I decided to prove something to myself. I went with them, like I was a part of the team. It doesn’t matter where and how I joined them. It was enough I was with them. There were a number of them, but they acted as one, doing the same things at the same time, and rather almost at the same time. I said to myself, it was just fine to play like a one-man-team.

In every person’s life, time comes you will discover the truth about yourself. And it all depends on whether you accept it or not. This is the time when the ball bounces back on the ground from the air, and you’ll suddenly realize who you really and truly are.

Words will even get elusive when you admit to something but you’ll realize there’s not much choice to select. Even denials are out of the question. There’s no escape at all. The truth will prevail and will set you free.

I’d like to believe that player who took part with my coming out won’t deny what had happened because honestly he was very instrumental why my true self had gradually and eventually emerged. To tell you the truth, he really brought out the soul in me.

Somebody can hit me with a “Foul!” for telling you this, but this is the real truth. Actually, we each hardly differ except for the fact that he’s part of the team and I am not.