Preoccupations

I have so much in my mind lately. I don't know what's bothering me. My head is in chaos. Everything is in disarray. It really bothers me a lot. I am in limbo.

With my current busy schedule I couldn't come up with something nor have done anything or accomplished something. Yes, I've been moving and acting like busy but it seems that things to be done were still piling up big time.

I may say I wanted to accomplish everything in just one time but I cannot do it. I am so preoccupied about things that are not really needed to be done.

For an instance, my room needs a makeover but I couldn't even fix it because of my hectic schedules in my two jobs. The paperworks at school were still piling up. Papers needed to be checked and requirements needed to be submitted.

Albeit, my hospital job demands me more work time. I can cope up with it but I felt so pressured. I'm so stressed out but I have to face the facts. I needed to work to pay up the bills and to support my sister and niece who are still in college right now.

Now I am juggling two languages to study and each lessons demands me to do some homeworks sometimes. I barely came up with it but I can't give it up because I already paid for it in advance. I really dipped myself into hot waters. I am so confused!

My body says I needed to do this but my mind says I am already tired. The problem with me is that I am full of ideas and I tend to accomplished them yet I felt so pressured.

Maybe I needed to slowdown and enjoy life slowly. That's what I needed! I needed to organize my priorities and gradually accomplish them without even putting pressure on myself.

The problem is, I get to challenge myself yet I don't complain. I wanted to do things at the same time then boom they gave a toll on me at the end. I am pretty much subjecting myself to a breaking down point and I don't want that to happen.

Yes, I am aware that this will lead me to destruction later on but I still keep doing it. I am a very patient and stoical guy and I just don't complain even though things may have hurt me passively. I know that it's happening to me yet I still continue doing it.

Now, I felt the comeuppance of my impulsive actions and decisions. It already gave a toll on my brain and body. It gave me stress, pressure, and unhealthy manifestations.

I felt this nagging headache sometimes that even gave me a hard time to decide and think. It gave me this backpain which really killing me a lot. It made me incur some sleepless nights even though I am very very tired already. It really bothers me so much.

In just a matter of time I may be having some breakdown moments and I dread that to happen. I know it will culminate to that situation and that's a scary situation to be in. I am a manic person who wanted to punish myself may be. It gave me chills thinking about those consequences.

Aaah..... that's why this contemplations I had right now made me aware and weigh things out. I took a day off to just relax and think how to remedy my unfavorable actions. Hopefully, I could come up with one or two. Good luck to me. Hahahahaha.