Where Do I Go From Here

I woke up with a splitting headache may be from my bad cold and sleepless nights. My throat is dry and my phlegm sticks down to my throat hard to expectorate. The night was so humid which was so uncomfortable and I went to sleep late because of it.

I started to look for my iPhone and played my iPod. I was listening to my favorite band England Dan and John Ford Coley and can't help thinking about my mom. I still can't get over with my sad moments with her and as I listened to the songs my tears fell down and I started to sob and cry.

I kept playing their song "Where Do I Go From Here" and played it over and over by putting it on a replay mode and lay on my bed staring blankly on the ceiling in the four corners of my lonely room and contemplated deeply of my recent past memories with her. I can't help but to keep crying and feel down. I felt so pathetic but at least it's my only way to remember her back in my remote mind.

And so the song says, "Autumn days, Lying on a bed of leaves, Watching clouds up through the trees, You said our love was more than time, But its colder now, The trees are bare and the nights are long, I can't get warm since you've been gone, And I can't stop singing sad songs."

The chorus says, "Where do I go from here? Tell me where do I go from here, You said you'd take me through the years, So where do I go from here?"

And the last stanza says, " Lovers plans, Like falling leaves on windy days, Flutter past and then fly away, I thought I know you oh so well, And I need you now, I need to feel you in the night, I need you smiling so warm and bright, I wish my mind could let you go."

Although it was a love song but it was apt for my love to my dear mother. The first stanza depicts my longing for her motherly love. That I am helpless without her. That everything is sad when she's gone. And everything around me is empty and the nights seems long without her. And I can't stop listening to sad songs and breakdown.

The last stanza depicts our plans together. It's like passing time that elapsed and go away without coming back. And as my life feel lonely without her I still long for her bright smiles and her good spirits. I wish I could stop thinking about her but I couldn't because I really love and missed her so. I thought I knew her so well, but I think I did not. But deep inside I know how she loved me unconditionally.

The chorus is asking questions of what will happen now that she's gone. I totally believed that she'll take me through the years but she already left me alone and helpless. May be she just wanted me to be strong and grow steadfast against adversities. She knows that I can carry on my life when she's gone and she always believe in my strengths and my perseverance.

But still the question always lingered in me asking "Where Do I go from here?" after she left me in a maze of confusion. I don't know the right answer... and it's up for me to find it out. After all the sun is always shining brightly behind the dark thick clouds.