Hook, Line, and Sinker

Well, it's been a while I have not blog here since I came back from Los Angeles going home to Passi to take care on my mom's wake and burial.

It's been a whirlwind of problems lately. Assuming too much responsibility as the family's breadwinner is not an easy job. I was been bombarded with a lot of task that needs a lot of decision-making. It had drained me a lot.

Instead of just sitting and resting at the corner I was been asked to decide a lot of simple and complex responsibilities which can be taken cared of by my elder siblings. I am so stressed out.

Aahh... I just want to escape and take a respite on a secret and remote place where no one can bother me. Where I can be inhibited and worry-free. It was overwhelming and too straining to the brain. I felt like being milked out to the last drop and left crinkled and dehydrated. It felt so crazy and mad everywhere.

I have a taciturn personality. And I love quiet and peace. But with the situation around me peace is unthinkable.

Small kids yelling, shouting, running, and run amok everywhere. I mean no offense, I love kids but I really expected from this short vacation to just savor the moment of quietness and rest, but it is unrealistic at this very instance.

My mom's wake added another stress on me. Facing and greeting some immediate families, relatives, friends, strangers, and visitors is a tedious task. It is quite unnerving to face people you don't know and quite embarrassing to face them with a smiling face despite of the unfamiliarity. I'm quite fazed out and not so used about such pretenses.

It's not my personality to mingle with people but I know it will be uncool if I will face them so coldly. My introvertness and insecurities were always triggered by these situations which really surfaced sometimes and I always held my cool though so that it would not be that obvious.

I don't know, I was just like this, but it seems that I really need more exposure. People sometimes misinterpreted it as a passive behavior. But still I kept and maintained my professionalism which is quite impressive despite of my passivity.

My personal relations to meet people is not that extensive. Having contained in my profession for so long meeting parents and little kids as my patients had build me confidence in establishing rapport with people.

Even my teaching job had developed me the confidence to deal with unmanageable students and it takes a lot of challenges for me to earn their trust and attention to listen to my explanations whenever I taught them new things in their student's learning phase. That I can handle, and the challenges I can deal and hurdle. It made me more open to constructive criticisms as well as destructive ones.

It's just like going to the sea and fish out for some approval and disapproval. If it's a yay... then my catch for the day will be a productive one. But if it's a nay.... then I will go home empty handed and devastated.

Criticisms really made me more susceptible and vulnerable to challenge myself to better my dealings and interactions with people. It really means hard business.

So, I have to be armed with a thick face and skin, good communication skills, the tenacity to accept positive and negative criticisms, getting rid of my pretenses, introvertness, pessimisms, and passivity, and maintaining my perseverance, patience, and cool in dealing with people of all walks of life.

It's quite a stage up there to put on a smiling and optimistic face and lending a listening ear, and I can deal with that in a short time. I am sometimes short tempered and quite inattentive. Adding to that my personality is sometimes unpredictable and erratic. But I'm always open to some new avenue to improve my communication skills and personality.

It's quite pleasing to see how I could get out of it though, and I feel so accomplished once I put on a cool personality but nevertheless I cannot always please people. There are always some who will make uncool comments and criticisms. And I know it will challenge me more to be a good listener in every situations.

I am so thankful that I can go here and blog all my experiences. This made me reflect more how I did in my previous interactions with people and that I can assess, plan, intervene, and evaluate myself and reflect on some things to make more improvements.

Making blogs made me escape from reality. It brings me to my own world of farce and extensive imagination. I feel so autistically imbued with it. My journalistic prowess always come in handy.

Scribbling my thoughts all the way made me more productive and allows me to contemplate or dawdle on things I am fond of. It made me relieved of some irateness and irksome feeling that people caused on me. My brain cells feel more active and functional. May be because I am too cerebral.

It's just like a hook, a line, and a sinker.... add to that an attractive lure.... fishing for more acceptable comments and kind approval that can improve myself and my communication skills. Love it... or hate it... I still have more room for improvements.

Everyday is a learning process to me and it is our experiences that made us who we are. I never stopped filling in my brains with new avenues to replenish it. Perfection is an ongoing process.... and we have to be flexible to achieve near perfection, for there is no such thing as a perfect thing.

We are making our own self.... and the "coup de grace" of our every effort lies on the flexibility of what we have learned and experienced everyday in life.

We always learn from our mistakes... and what we have learned from it makes us for who we are.