I'm kind of down lately for no apparent reason. I don't know why. It must have been that I'm very depress or maybe I just don't want to accomplish anything right now. I even called in sick last Friday because I don't feel like working especially if my mind is not working or something is bothering me. Because I know and I think it will not help me work well. I am still very weak and down. Maybe I'm just exhausted about my daily routines. My body is physically giving up. I just realized that there's an end to everything.
I think God always reminds us that at some point in our lives we have some low downs and I just had that. I tend to ignore the fact that I am human. I worked a lot and now had realized that I am very exhausted. I need a big break to just wind up I guess. My mind and body just reminds me that I cannot go on anymore if I still continue to push everything. It's telling me to slow down or else I will crash down big time. And this time I have to listen to what my body is telling me.
Lately, I noticed I was so irritable, very apprehensive, and had a lot of negative vibes. I feel so stressed and fatigued all the time. It gave a toll on me and my body just wore out of it. I realized I needed to back down and that needed to realign my priorities. I just envisaged that I am not getting any younger and that I have to make time and enjoy myself for a better me and for a better future.
My life was been about working hard ever since I came here in America. I missed those days when I am in the Philippines, where I only have few money but I am happy and contented about life. I think I really worked so hard to achieve a lot. I was very gullible about making it to the top and had not backed down ever since. It had made me think that as I climbed the ladder of success I am also not happy of my achievements and I became greedy. It made me realize that things have an end, have an omega, and have its limits.
Which made me also think and recalled what had happened to me in 2004. I got very very sick in 2004 because my immune system got depressed and I contracted a tuberculosis of the lymph nodes during that time for abusing my body and not getting enough rest. It made me realized that I gave a lot of toll and stress on my body and gradually it physically gave up. At that time I have two jobs plus I was in school as a full-time student for my Bachelor in Computer Science and Engineering.
The disease had made me stopped because of the hospitalization and I was out of job for a year and a half living in worker's compensation plus has to pay the student's loan that I had availed. At that time I was financially hard up, depressed, cannot work, weak, and helpless (let's say pathetic as well). I withdrew and spend all my savings to make ends meet and I gradually picked up myself to pieces and started from there. It was a painful realization that time that I was at my peak of success and all of a sudden I crashed down. It was a very very scary experience and life changing as well.
Now, it haunted me again. It was always a great reminder for me whenever I kept pushing myself to the limits that I have to slow down or else I will have that situation again and I don't want it anymore.
I think God has always the reason why bad things sometimes happens to us. We tend to blame God initially but we didn't realized that He gave it to us because He loves us. He just wanted to warn us to slow down. And we always have to heed to these hidden warnings that He had sent to us. I mean, I can tell it sometimes and that I have to listen to all the cues and not be clueless about it at all because in the end I will suffer from the consequences of not hedding them.
When that thing happened in 2004, I didn't realized it was. I was not blaming God at that time but I was blaming myself. I was thinking so hard that it looked like movies slowly flashing back in my mind what I did wrong and why I was punished to get sick. There I know that I made it to myself and not God. My relationship with Him was boosted tenfolds at that time and I never forgot to thank Him for reminding me that my life has it's limits. And eversince, He was always with me reminding me all the time not to overdo things.
It's weird but I am always praying before I embark on anything and He was always there for me. Now, I can fathom that things happens because we brought it to ourselves and not by chance or by God's doing. We did it to ourselves and we will realize it eventually. God always works in mysterious places, time, and space. He's our Creator anyways and He always watches us to do for the better. Have a nice day!
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