The Awakening

Ever since I got home from my month long vacation my blogging was been on halt for the longest time. The stress of my work had given a toll on me and I don't have enough time to do it because I'm always tired every time I go home.

It seems that I'm always rushing everyday trying to just make the time go forward faster. I always feel that I am in a box and was been turning around there until the day is done.

My life is always full of ups and downs but to me it seems that there were more downs most of the time. I've been nice to everybody but it seems that they sometimes took advantage of my kindness and niceness. It hurts a lot but I have to accept the fact that the reality really hurts and time for me to move on by myself.

At least at work I am always busy and have no time to even think about my problems. I am so focused with my work all the time and I always make myself busy not minding the haggard flow of the time which is not even apparent to me because I feel so numb of my own apprehensions.

The fact that I was just trying to forget what my big sister had done to me I still couldn't shake off the fact that I was duped and kept foolish by her. It really hurts and that's the fact. I feel that I'll be living with that shame that my sister had caused me.

Sometimes I felt guilty for spoiling them but can I blame myself for just looking over their welfare and not being so smart enough that I am being took advantaged by my family. It really hurts but I just can't help but to give myself an ultimatum to give it an end.

Yes, I finally gave it an end and now I felt free like a bird as if I am ready to start all over again. Soaring endlessly in the infinite realm of the skies my options were unending and unlimited. I never felt this way before and now I felt so good and great.

They say it took a lot of rock to hit someone's head in order to have a credible and life-changing awakening. It really takes a lot of guts to have awakened from the long slumber of being left like a fool. And I think this holds true for me after all those countless years that I left myself getting duped by my own sister. Yes, I admit it was my fault spoiling them to the max and I felt so guilty for making them very dependent on me.

But hey I was just being nice and be a dutiful little brother. I was just portraying a responsible member of the family and my intentions were pure and truthful. My being a good person was been stained and I felt robbed of my own dignity. It hurts but I have to accept that it had happened to me of all people. I just don't want to be bitter and I just wanted to move on and that's all.

The awakening is a sweet thing that happened to me lately and I felt so blessed that God had never abandoned me despite of the fact that I was being taken advantaged. I just couldn't believed that of all the people that hurt me it is unbelievable that my sister was the culprit of my being stagnant for all these years.

Now is the time to move on and start my life anew. I just don't know where to start from here but I know eventually life would be in conformity of my thinking and goals. At least, I got out of the mess I caused in the first place and got a second chance to not repeat it again but start a new life.

My friends had advised me before to take care of myself first before taking care of others. And now it seems that these words keeps reverberating at the back of my head telling me of my ignorance and negligence to look after my own welfare.

Now it becomes more clear to me that they were all correct about it. My real mistake is that I was so blinded by own delusions to act as the family's breadwinner. And I totally forgotten and neglected about my own self agenda.

Life will be with me again and hope that this awakening will serve as the best lesson for me to be more prudent in everything I do. I have to shake off the past and forget about what happened. Life would be never the same again after this bad awakening.

Well, ultimately this awakening will be considered to be just a bad dream that I will never even consider to have it back in my sleep. I would never ever have it back again in my life because I don't want to fall and hurt badly again. Once is enough and I don't want to have it repeated. I have learned my lessons and that would be the end of it. Enough is enough!

Before my life was been stuck in the mud but now no more, now that I know the truth. Life is not that cruel at all and God has never abandoned me. Thank God for everything!