The Guard

The night has a world of its own. It existed when the sun is gone. Things had happened beyond the light of day. The night is my domain between six and ten.

The guardhouse is my tiny domain – it consists of a narrow wooden door, a petite glass window, a thin galvanized roof, a cold concrete floor, and the four plastered hardwood walls. It even became narrower with the things inside it – a tiny plastic table, the rugged logbook, my secondhand service revolver, and my small portable radio…… eerie loneliness, unflinching boredom, and a string of unexpected and multitude of emotions…..

Myself – and my twenty-four years of existence….. my impulsive failures, inspiring successes, and unperturbed-learned-wisdom I picked up along the way…… the unforgettable memories of the places I’ve been to…. loving and approachable friends and people I’ve met along the way, surrounds me, and come to know….. my previous and present relationships that had inspired me.

As one gets older, he grows wiser in a nurturing relationship. I’ve discovered myriad of new insights in my every passing relationship. I’ve always learned and picked-up my hard-earned lessons from it. I now know the reason why and when I stumbled, when and where I rose from the ashes, and when not to commit the same bad mistakes again.

Boiling emotions are hard to manage and control especially when one is in a challenge in a relationship. Like the relationship itself, uncontrolled emotions suddenly sprout and come alive. Then suddenly will vanish and fade away without any hint at all. Sometimes jealousy charges forward and withdraws backward. Sudden anger will erupt and then gradually die down. A loving, respectful, and loyal relationship will grow eventually. And then it will begin to slowly wither, dry up, fade out until it will be gone forever.

Yet these uncontrolled and aggressive emotions are not that difficult to handle. Each one has the freedom and autonomy to guard his involuntary emotions. We have the armaments and the facilities to fend off our growing and nagging negative feelings. Sudden burst of anger can be managed, controlled, and suppressed. Superficial jealousy can be killed and abated. A treasured relationship can be saved and nurtured so that it can breathe every moment of peace and comfort.

Man by nature is always weak. Outbursts of feelings and emotions were often overtaken by the unfolding needs to be loved….. they always grew weak and got carried away and eventually gets defeated. Each person has his own weaknesses and weaknesses are there to always test our strengths. We’ll never know the answers until we pursue them.

We do things because we want to know the truth. We only have ourselves to make the right choices. Our self praises itself for the good things we’ve done is not enough. And sometimes our self will blame itself for our failures. On the other hand our self can only guard and protect itself.