Willy-nillying

Well, my week lately was full of willy-nilly schedules. It was total chaos and I am exhausted, fatigued, and overworked. These things had kept me busy all the time and had given me no more room to socialize. As if I am punishing myself. Well, I'm just probably compalining here.

I don't know if I am depress again but it seems that I just wanted myself to keep busy all the time. My tendency to diagnose myself was very impulsive because that's how I always do when I am depress. Usually, when I'm depress I always see to it that I don't have to stay at home or else I will just sulk inside my room and do nothing. So I opted to just work, work, and work to keep myself busy.

Now, all this drudgery had gave me a big toll on my body. I felt so tired and irritable at times. I am very hyperactive and bouncy all the time as if I am refusing to take a rest. I feel that I took a bunch of stimulants and it had kept me just going, going, and going. I moved and think very hard anticipating what to do next. It was just very addicting and I can't help it.

Lately, I put up about six days straight work in a week sparing only one day for off just to do my laundry. But even though I am off I haven't been accomplishing my chores and errands for that day because I just wanted to sleep and recuperate from all those tiring days I've worked. My body was so tired and exhausted to move so I usually sleep for about twelve to sixteen hours sometimes in one day, brushing off my mealtimes frequently. It was very disorganized of me.

Sometimes I clocked twenty hours of work for two consecutive days and I am very exhausted after that. But I don't care because I really loved my two jobs. I can even worked for five consecutive days of twenty hours as long as I have enough rest and sleep. It kind of dragging myself to exhaustion but I like to be busy and make myself occupied.

Working in the hospital is more straining compared to my teaching job. During peak and busy days when we admit a lot of patients it tires me right away. I was not equipped to walk back and forth on the floor so sometimes it hit me when we were bombarded with a lot of admissions. Adding to that the tons and piles of paperworks to document gave me a lot of physical and mental exhaustion. Yet, I'd like that because it keeps me busy all the time.

My work at school is the most challenging one. Eversince I started teaching I learned to juggle my time in writing and doing my lesson plans ahead of time so that I can teach with my clinical and theory classes with ease. But sometimes I don't have time to do it yet I don't know how I made it done. I still pulled it and had received good comments and praises from my students.

My teaching job had given me the confidence to handle myself in any tough and odd situations. I kinda got rid of my very timid and shy personality. I am more open to the outside world compared to when I was in my college days. I can feel now that I am eventually out of my shyness now and had broken out from my very introvert self. I feel comfortable now dealing with all sorts of people.

Truth be told, have I not been very bold and persistent to enjoy my independence may be I haven't been to where I am now. Honestly, having grown from a very protective parents and close family, I think I had a lot to do and explore if I am still under their reins right now.

My dependence to them was very intoxicating that I never made a lot of connections with many people and to my environment. These made me very introvert, ignorant, stubborn, and timid. Had I not persist to come out of my shell I don't know what had happened to me right now. It will probably be scary.

But it takes a lot of guts to have done that. And I am proud of myself having come out from my shilly-shally self and attitude. And I am glad I have made the effort to at least live my life the way I exactly wanted it to be without my parents nagging me and my family confronting me on what to do. God, I don't know what will happen if the other way around happened although I'm still thankful that they were around ever ready to be of assistance.

I am still thankful for all those blessings and strong determinations that had come along the way. And for all those trials, hardships, mistakes, and atrocities that had made and kept me strong to face the odds. Without those my life may be was so boring. That's why probably I just loved to be challenged and the more I am challenged the more I get feisty and determined to get to the top.

It's cool to have had lived this way and if given another chance I'd like to go back to the times where I got timid and get myself provoked for the better. And yeah, I will do that again until I can correct and perfect my life.