Realization

A few months ago after my mom's death I was so depress and not even noticing that my weight had started to balloon gradually. I have no motivation to move around aside from my tireless walking back and forth in my hospital work. I didn't even have time to go to the gym to make myself sweat.

I just wanted to work all the time. It was a drudgery but I prefer it to be like that rather than stay at my apartment and sulk in my room watching a wide array of recorded movies from my dish network stored in my digital video recording (DVR). I watched movies and at the same time gobble some junk foods containing no nutrients that even add up to my accumulating weight. It was a disgusting sight.

I continued to be like that for a few months. Having accomplished nothing. Even doing some household chores was a lazy thing to do. I just kept procrastinating and setting aside some jobs that needs to be done. I just don't want to do things that I needed to do.

It seems like the clock had stopped there and that I just wanted to go back when my mom was been alive. I've been grieving so much that I didn't know I forgot totake care of myself. I had nothing to do but sulk in my room and wasted some important times of my life doing nothing.

Even mingling with my close friends was not even productive. They've been calling me but I kept ignoring their calls and shoving them out of my life. I always deleted their messages because I don't want to hear their concerns and sympathies. I was a total loser at that time and had been regressing so much.

One time, it seems that the clock had ticked back on me. It came to me and I realized that I had lagged a lot on my daily routines. I felt that I abandoned my chances to live and that I heard some comments from other people around me that I am gaining weight. I can feel that everything that I did to shun all the good people and things around me was not beneficial. And it gave a toll on me for that long lonely months that I had isolated myself.

I came to a realization that if I wont forgive myself of what had happened to my mom and to my life I feel that I am slowly slimming my chances to live. It was a big thing of a mistake to deal with. I've realized that I really needed to be strong and accept my own repercussions. It's time to mend and heal my old wounds.

So it was time for me to pick up myself and mend all the shattered pieces that I had caused to myself. I needed to forge forward and face the challenges ahead of me, now that I am alone. I really have to do it in order to survive and live fruitfully and productively.

Firstly, I started to call on my friends and apologize for shunning them before. I also started to move around and go to the gym and do some workouts that had helped me slowly shed the accumulated weight I incurred from those dark moments that I had in my life before. I learned to be more productive, doing my chores with ease and fun, and also getting rid of procrastination although sometimes it looms around, and I cannot help it.

Now, I am more fulfilled and happy living alone. I am trying myself to be around with happy people. Trying to infuse their energy and unconditional love and good practice of a healthy lifestyle. They are just contagious and infectious and very helpful in getting rid of my isolation and depression where I am always vulnerable of all the time.

Thank God I came to such realization that my world doesn't end there when my mom passed away. It was really a struggle but I held on. I almost gave up and I was thankful for all the people around me who had loved me and gave me their untiring support and unconditional love. It was a big help for me to have them around me.

Life really has it's highs and ebbs and it's always a great challenge to have them. Sometimes we tend to give it up and we end up as a loser. But there's always some circumstances that will hit us that we needed to get up and pick up the pieces where we left off and that was an inspiring thing to do.

People have their own different approaches on how to deal with it but no matter what we do we all will achieve the same outcome. We just need to be optimistic in what we do then life would become easy for us. Unless you lose your optimism to live then life will turn you down and your efforts will be in vain. And you don't have to be pessimistic because life has a lot to offer.

I hope as I tread life along the way, no matter what will happen, I will still do the same thing to fight off my own right to live despite all the adversities and atrocities that will block my way towards achieving and fulfilling happiness.

Life is a challenge indeed. We just have to approach it with finesse and suave as to what pace we want it to be, be it slow or fast, we all come to the same point which is...... happiness and fulfillment in the end.

Cest la vie! We deliver life through our own doing and we just have to arm ourselves with the courage to face the hardships and tests that life will gave us along the way. Good luck on your journey!